Here i am 16 and smoking a cigarette
Here i am not addicted but reliant
Here i am smoking because there is nothing else to do
I cut bit that doesnt last
Smoking seems to last longer but still it hurts
The pain is real
But so is this cigarette
Newport platinums or l&m menthol 100s
My mom doesnt know but doesnt she
How else do you explain whole cigarettes dissapearing
Does she think she think she smokes that much
How about lighters dissapearing just misplacing them

I used to be the girl who lost her self in her surroundings
Who felt safe walking through a drug infested city
Who had no fear
Who threw ice coffees at her friends when she got upset
Who cried when there was no one there to hold her
I used to love being surrounded by people

That was me two years ago

I am the girl who has no self esteem
Who feels safe with no one and no where
Who doesnt love herself
Who is mega emotional
Who has been in a hospital
Who cries all the time
I am the girl who tries to isolate her self from everyone and everthing

You left me in 2015
You were found in your apartment
you funeral was sunny
From then i hated sunny days
I was 13
You left me to cry
You left us all with out a brother, a father, a grandfather
You left me to comfort mom and grandma
You left jamal in his on greif to comfort his mom and sister
You left us with no hand to hold
No smile to hold on to
I sense you around me but you arent truely there
Grampy we all miss you im going to be 17 soon and i need you but your gone

I cant cope
Ive lost all hope
I feel like a dope
You will say nope
But all i can see is the rope

Green is nature its naive
Its hides they the dullness of the world
It cries sometimes too
It yells in good company
With hurtles down from the sky
Nature is a person
And she is very expressive

You hit me i cry
But you never give me a reason why

Kenney its the name i get from him
Kenney could be a first name but its from him
Kenney no one knows how much it hurts when they say Ms.Kenney
Kenney its a never ending remind of the man who hurt me
Its a neverending reminder of him

I walk in darkness
I crawl through spring

the pain is worse when your words come out
the words hurt my soul with untold amount

If we are all shining stars im fading away
If we are all tears im drying up
If we are all dresses im the one in the back of the closet never worn

Is anyone questioning why they breathe
Or speak
Or react
Is anyone else wondering why they try when they could just die