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Påłpëbŕå Jul 10
how did you do it, create a life from death
while bleeding out, how could you give your breath
to save someone as despicable as me
because showing me any mercy is blasphemy
how could you look at my scarred soul
that is black with enormous holes
weeping day in and day out, begging to be gone
how do you bear with someone who should've never been born?
your gentle touch, you pretty smile, your eyes so warm to all my vile
how could you still stay when i pushed you so bad
doesn't this tire you, make you miserable and sad?
because it makes me want to hide and let you go
knowing fully well that i don’t deserve your friendship, for i am your foe
yet you caress my thorns and hold me close
making me better, helping me get over these woes
does it make selfish to want to keep you in my life a little bit longer
praying to whatever power there exists to make me stronger
for the day when you finally give up on me and leave
abandoning me in the grave of my deepest griefs
Påłpëbŕå Jul 10
you're too bright for me to even look at you
a whole another being, a different view
you've had your set of troubles know i this
yet there isn't an experience that you ever miss
diligent can't define you and neither can consistent
because you're nothing short of a superhuman who's persistent
you're a god in my eyes and i’m a mere peasant
a full moon to my half-*** crescent
i have looked at you and got burned to my bones
danced to your tunes and sung you overtones
hated you once but have loved you always
yet here i am writing about you on days
when i should be focusing on my litttle universe
but i can’t really ever escape your orbit, something i shall always curse
Påłpëbŕå May 29
i always thought those books that i read
in lover's conflicts and wars they dealt
meant something beyond these images in my head
meant more than mere novels, something the poets felt
but oh boy, was i terribly wrong
i made my own suffering prolong,
i ain't the "forever" material or ****,
simply a means to an end is what fits,
i will never be nobody's moon or stars
because i am adorned with scars
given by life, it's people and it's maker
all through these 22 years of being a waker
rejected, dejected and an outcast at it's best
i ain't special but simply different from the rest
a fool i have been all along, believing it was my superpower
oh good lord, i was simpy never on anybody radar
the unlikable, unwanted and unlovable soul
who had no poise, passion or a gritty goal
i have been loitering in delusion, hallucinating the impossible
all the while i have done nothing but been an imbecile
i maybe good but never great
in the world of curves, a definite straight
being humble was my only shot at becoming better
but in the end, it got me to this point where i am typing this letter by letter
all i am is a wishful thinker who lives in the world of imagination
a dull, boring kid trapped in an adult's body and adaptation
a stupid girl who is the easiest of all
an ugly-hearted, too trusting of a call
i am pathetic, the dumbest being to ever grace this planet
as useless and replaceable as the middle of a magnet
Påłpëbŕå May 22
maybe my pull isn't that strong
because you seem to deviate, always
from the path we've walked on for so long
that it's been a lifetime and not mere days
are my body and soul not enough?
or are the times too tough?
that you choose the easier option
and leave me without any caution
for i have been here for you, always
but maybe you don't want me anyways
so i wish you luck and so much more
and hope we can still be okay, like before
i don't have it in me to fight, i am tired
and maybe a bit too differently wired
for the likes of you and everybody else
but this time it ain't my fault i can tell
and it's for the better, i can feel it
because we're those pieces of a puzzle that will never fit
i feel better, relieved and not on the verge of crying myself to death
i am not enough, i got that clear
Påłpëbŕå Apr 30
Stood I staring at the building I once called- "My school"
With a heart so pure, I was too easy to befool.
All these years went by and yet the memories stayed,
Every night I cried, for the horrors to desipate- I prayed.

Yet every detail of that 'incident' clung to my bones like Ivy,
Making me curse myself for harbouring all the naivety.

Often wondered I- "Did I bring this upon myself?
Or maybe if I'd yelled a little louder that day, someone would've finally helped?
Was it my outgoing nature that made them think that I "wanted it"
Or was it the fact that I liked one of them is what "lured" him in?
In places where I didn't want to be touched or pried,
They took and took until I was destroyed and dead eyed;
Bleeding from every pore, torn from the inside,
I laid on the cold floor waiting for someone to stride,
And stop the two demons who's faces I still have registered in my brain,
The two humans who lost their humanity with evil flowing in their veins.

But nothing happened and no knight in shining armour came,
I was left there with my battered body and shattered soul, in vain.
It was only after hours of darkness that saw I some light,
That made me squint because it was too bright.
I got up- burning and tripped in the pool of my own blood,
That ripped a scream out of my lungs and made tears flood.
I rose again and again until I finally limped my way out,
Leaving behind the ashes of my former self- covered in a shroud.

I decided that I won't be a victim of what happened to me,
Rather believed that justice will be served and they shall see,
How I chose to not succumb to death and thus, had a rebirth,
And like the Phoenix- I came, I saw, I conquered my dearth.

So today, standing in front of the structure that housed my fears for so long, I ponder-
"What didn't **** me, has definitely made me stronger"
But I'm not a mere survivor who went on with her life like before,
Rather, I'm a warrior who slayed her fears and settled the score;
Suffering is my nectar, the energy source on which I run,
- A product of pain, an Angel, even though a fallen one.

So what if an example was set at the cost of me losing my innocence,
It made thousands of people stand up against the grave offence;
Striving each day to make this place safer for the entire human race,
And this, dear reader, will be enough for me to finally rest my case.
you remind of fresh forests and setting of the sun
and maybe that's why, realised i
the moment i laid eyes on you, you're my only one
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