when i look back to when i was a little girl
with starry eyes i watched the glitter world
but now as i am in my twenties
with knowledge of dollars and rupees
wonder i where that dreamy hope went
wondering why to this place was i sent?

it all made sense back then but now is a mess
all i have gained is experience with stress
heartbreak isn't the worst that could happen
but it's unbearable when it occurs often

friends and family seem to be something i fancy
because now all i have is an acquaintance agency
with every hour my thoughts get deeper but i become hollow
this adulthood is nothing but a bitter pill i swallow

wake up, work to eat and sleep
with episodes of anxiety on repeat
i hate the person i am today
broken, escapist and lost away
with a pathetic past and futile future
i am waiting for a permanent closure

i have wasted so much time on people to whom i had never really mattered
and this realisation has me sobful and shattered
nobody loves you, but just what good you can do
in this planet full of people, all you have is you

so why let anyone in?
if they all leave after they've been

i wish i could go back because i can't go forward
i know it sounds like i am a coward
but honestly, i am just tired of trying
being strong and giving has me crying
i have no love left inside
everybody to me has always lied

what did i ever do to you, ask you i

it hasn't been long since i last wrote
yet inking real poetry seems ages away,
when words flew without any implore
and i could free my feelings everyday

now everything remains stuck inside
deep within my head it all hides

and i feel ~ asphyxiated
indulged and incinerated
without a way out i sit in solace
my independence lost in space

what more does my life has now
was my past better somehow?
i miss people from long ago
but i guess that letting them go
was the rightest of right thing
yet feel i like an angel with a broken wing
incomplete and tired
differently wired
hauntingly beautiful and dauntigly dead
i am forever lost in my head

what am i doing with my life, i have no clue
every minute i feel pink, black and blue
no innocence left in view
i feel ugly covered in painful hues

I want to write something that will stay even when I no longer do,
Trying to portray my life covered in fictional hues.

I want an out yet wish to stay chained to my comfort zone,
I wonder if in this body I have a single confident bone?

So that I could step out and be
.F  .  R  .   E  .  E.

Of my mind that imprisons my soul,
Making me believe living my life is a goal.

I long to be happy without feeling guilty
I wish to dance to my heart out for eternity;
But all I do is think about it all
Too afraid to love myself because of my fear of fall.

Will I ever be able to carve my name somewhere-
Where
It shall always stay
Even when I will have faded away?

"Not Marble Nor The Gilded Monuments" spikes my anxiety
Thinking,
Will my afterlife shall be forgotten by entirety?

The thoughts about my future are seeping out of my sutures...where will go to what will I be?
-are all thoughts by a mere nobody who fears staying an unworthy nobody.

it is
the
mind
of a
stationary
body
that
wanders
the
most

it's funny how stupid i can actually be
thinking that people feel as deeply as me
the thought of losing someone i care about
makes me anxious, i cry and shout

my love shall never be returned
and thus, i shall stay silent and stern
for i never mattered and neither will i
from the first hello to last goodbye

it will only ever be me- alone
how insignificant i am, life has shown
but it is because of my nature i suppose
people have done nothing wrong, of course

i give too much that nothing is ever left
i spare people even when they should be charged for theft

guess it will always be this way
since my unfortunate birth to my decay
i shall be forgotten without any delay
for i can't be like other girls, even for a day