i don't want to feel

anything for anyone

so that i can heal

and be fooled by none

caring makes me weak

so i want to be bleak

again

angered by my pain

insane

in chains

for letting myself free

shattered my broken soul

painting my heart as black as coal

so now i know

what these emotions cost

making me feel oh so low

such that

no love in me is left to be lost

for every moment

that passed me by

nothing's permanent

neither you nor i

like the sun i set for you

but you being earth-want the moon

so i rise again without a cue

  burning for you alone too soon

but it is what it is

isn't it?

death is life's sweetest kiss

one day i'll run out of words

for you and your shy sky

and stop wondering why

-every truth was once a lie?

you know i like you, but you don't
for this i shouldn't blame you & i won't
i have never liked someone enough
to give up being tough
but you changed this for me
made me feel what it means to be free
i have opened up my heart here
letting go of all my fears
waiting for a single sign
that one acknowledgement line
but nothing comes through
i know i am making this difficult for you
i should take what's left of my pride and leave
i would if i could, me should you believe

i don't know what's stopping me
but i just can't give up without a fight
but doing this on repeat
is diminishing my already dull light
before you i used to pride myself
how i don't let guys affect my life
never wanted to be with anyone
because of my own emotional rife
yet here i am vulnerable and weak
in your eyes maybe i'm a freak
but i am grateful for going through this
learning what it means to miss
someone i never had
now has the power to make me sad

i have spoken too much, haven't i
but how can i withdraw without a try
you hurt me and you don't even know
i am simply reaping what i'd sown

it's funny isn't it

how i lose my wits

whenever i see you

in shades of pink and blue

i can't dare to look your way

what if you have something to say

hours and hours i spend

dreading the day this will end

i admire you so much

that typing this is making me blush

how can seeing you close by

make me oh so happily high

it's not easy you know
to be brave and show
how i feel about your existence
and shape my thoughts into sentences
thoughts.......
how was your day
wondering if you're okay
what new did you learn
am i any of your concern
and all this thinking
is making me type this
to tell you that
it's you who i miss
i don't know what to do
stop or keep writing for you

but we both know the answer, don't we
i am oh so stupid and silly
i will keep writing for you
until i'm specifically asked not to

there are a thousand words
i want to say to you
but none will ever be heard
just in my poems be viewed

when's your birthday
what do you like to play
where would you like to go
you like things fast or slow
your favourite color's black
what's this one thing you lack
what makes you tick
what makes you sick
best day you ever had
when was the last time you were sad
what's your greatest fear
do you get "laughter tears"
movies you watch
whiskey or scotch
the songs you sing
what's your thing
worst memory you made
all your dull-bright shades

you're beautiful
just the way you are
your happy smile
and your hidden scars

i wish i could love like the sun
so selflessly wholesome
for someone could i passionately burn
expecting nothing in return
but i ain't no saint
i am pretty selfish
because i do wish
for you to look at me too
i know it isn't fair
thus i won't further share
but that one glimpse of yours
made my day for sure
i know i shouldn't trouble you
but only if i knew
how to go back in time
and stop myself from calling you mine