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pale moonlight Sep 2013
i understand struggle
and i understand recovery is hard
but what i didn't understand
is why
you didn't recover
until you had to
until you were f o r c e d
and she is such
a beautiful reason
for you to be alive
but ****
did you not see what you did
your tainted lies
clouding my view on everything
and now i am changed
as a result of poverty
second hand addiction
and narcotics
pale moonlight Sep 2013
i fell in love
as you woke up
breathing a little harder than normal
and i fell in love
as you saw me and smiled
calmer now
and wrapped your arm around me

it's 3a.m. and i just fell in love with you again
pale moonlight Sep 2013
you came over me like the waves
small ones, then bigger ones
until i was entirely consumed.
pale moonlight Sep 2013
i would love to think
that i'd have made it through this
with my heart and my wrists
still together, still sealed
but i think it's a little late for thinking.
pale moonlight Sep 2013
i don't believe anymore
that "it gets better"
because i have been living
yet not alive
and i still believe
that if i wasn't so tired
all
the
time
i'd **** myself
and finally feel ******* relieved.
pale moonlight Sep 2013
i am in love with all of this
i am in love with the sadness
and the shortness of breath
and the panicking
and i am in love with the cuts
and burns
all in little straight lines
down my arms
legs
hips
i am in love
with the way i can swallow a meal
and bring it up an hour later
and the way i can take a painkiller
(or thirty-five)
and keep them down
and not be sure
whether i'm high off of pills
or off of my own sadness in the air.

i do not know what love is.
pale moonlight Sep 2013
would you believe me
if i spoke to you
in a sleepless haze
about the demons
that were coming for me?
because i cannot speak to anyone,
no professional or familiar.
they do not believe
in the way that i do,
and they don't feel the night
like you do.

what is going on in my head?
i can't breathe this morning
but i am full of life tomorrow.
i feel my brain collapse into itself
as i collapse into the floor
and into my own blood and tears.
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