​I thought I was dreaming
When my mother told me he was outside waiting
I was extremely happy to see him
It was expected, but I never thought that it would come true

He was the same as before
He was everything and so much more
Still mesmerized by how he looks at me with those brown eyes
Still mesmerized by how well he still gets me by surprise

I should have listened more
I should have let him explain
But I just talked about myself and my pain
I listened not to understand but reply

I wanted to hurt him
So I threw sharp words at him
The more I realized how much I love him
At the end of the day, I never even said "I miss him"

When I saw him
All I wanted to do was hug him
I forgot that he was the one who made me realize
that I'm capable of being hurt, that I'm not a robot, that I'm vulnerable and that I could die.

All I ever did was write poems he would not even read
Pour my heart out in letters that I couldn't even speak
Words that I so long for him to hear
This love that just won't disappear

and there he was walking again
and there I was trying to be strong again
I guess, I'll never have a second chance at this romance
If only I could turn back time, I would grab the chance

All the questions he answered
All the questions he never answered
Please, come back to me, Oh, dear
All I want is for you to be near

If I get another chance
one more kiss, one more embrace
I'll gladly trace the outline of his face
All I want to do is just to be with him

My ego was up at that time
I wasted the time
What could have happened
If what I did was the opposite of what I chimed.

If I could take it back, I would have listened more.
I knew that this day will come.
I was really happy to see you.
I was really happy to talk to you.
I was really happy that you visited me.
I was really happy, and sad.
I was hopeful but skeptical.
I was really afraid.
I was happy to talk to you.
I was happy to see you.
I, for a second, wanted you back.
I, for a second, so hoped that you'd want me back.
I was so afraid.
I couldn't even breathe.
It took me years to get over you.
I wish I could take back all the words that I said to you.
I didn't even say sorry.
I was happy.
I thought of how well you treated me.
Again, I was afraid.

August 22 2017
13:23

and I feel hopeful that he'll come back
and I feel lonely that I said the wrong things back
and I feel the same feelings I felt for him before
and I saw him fading right in front of me just like before

I should have asked him how he felt when she saw me, again.
I should have asked all the questions I have in my mind.
I should have asked how he felt at that moment, rather talk about myself.
I should have never talked so much, I might have hurt him again.

I was okay, then you went knocking on my door
I remembered how you were adored.
I couldn't even admit how much I loved you
I couldn't even admit how your treatment was the best.

I felt like crying, I held back the tears many times
I should have hugged you, instead of giving you a high five
I felt that you were just there to see how I am doing
You didn't even want to get back with me

I know that you don't feel anything for me anymore
You didn't even find a way to contact me
You were just there... sought my company because you are lonely
I still feel that you didn't love me

I feel hurt, again.
For the words that didn't come out right
For all the words I didn't mean to say
I hope that you memory will fade, again.

I don't want to remember you
You can't give me the love I want so much from you
It hurts me so bad
I thought I've moved on, but I guess, I haven't.

I remember when we were just starting
You would see me in numerous evenings
We would stay in front of our house talking
You would sometimes be guitar playing

I want to meet the world
Travel it without holding bars
I want to be free of fear
Walk without worrying of a single tear

I want to be in places I've never been
For once, I want to think that I can win
I want to get rid of my sense of responsibility
To just be out there embracing uncertainty

I know that life should be fun
and I feel depressed and tired, sometimes
Caressed by anxiety
I guess, it's my destiny

I feel so old but unaccomplished
I feel so tired for everything in my life feels unfinished
I feel cold and lonely
Those two things that are clear in my destiny

I, sometimes, want to be someone else
Just to get rid of the routinary
I wish to feel nothing
I hope to have something else that is soothing

What else do I need to do?
What else is there for me?
Many things I want to do
Always hindered by so many dues

I want to go outside
Meet new people
Be in places where no one knows me
Just, maybe, for once, I could be me

I want to be playful
I want to be free
I want to be out of responsibilities
Life is tiring, and the world is domineering

What do I need to do to fulfill it?
I feel nothing, but loneliness.
When was the last time I felt happy?
My life has been nothing, but lonely.

Will I die just like this?
Everything that life has to offer is missed.
Every chance I get is nothing more than a regret
Every chance I take is nothing by hardships and consequences

I should be happy that I'm not in the shoes of someone else
But my version of loneliness is this
I don't want to care so much of the world anymore
I, for once, want to walk with no purpose

My life has always been with a goal
I get frustrated because everything has been so hard to achieve
I get so tired of living with a purpose
Why do I care so much of everything that surrounds me?

If I have a choice, I want to be careless
Leave everything and everyone in my life helpless
Tactless of all the people around me
Maybe, that's the reason, why I feel stressed and left out.

I tried to stay away from it since I arrived here
The headache, sleepiness, and weakness I tried to endure
I took vitamin C, and ibuprofen
But the throbbing pain in my head was making me insane
I downed instant coffee in the morning
The subtle pain spots in my head kept changing
In the hopes of making the pain diminish
Tons of water, I finished
I even blamed my swollen sinuses for everything
Thought of allergies as the culprit
"No way!", I said... "Enough!", I said.
I self talked controlling the urge to buy a cup
I know how accumulated cups can bring my wallet, a hiccup
I had to succumb... this cup of coffee is awesome.

He said that he would go after her.
Guess what? He didn't go after her.
He said that he would find her.
Guess what? He didn't find her.

All he did was blabber
The girl didn't bother
The girl wanted him to do the opposite
Guess, he didn't do anything magnificent

He said that he would never talk ****
He said that he really liked her
Well, all he did was just write on the sheet
Guess, all he told her was just, yes... a blabber

A month has passed.
Didn't even know if he even crossed her path
No news, no message, no email, no call
Just nothing, if she would recall