You became the very thing
That drove your mother to madness

I’m afraid to speak ever again
for the words lining my tongue
are no longer sweet and polite
I rage with hatred
I sob with regret
and these bones they crumble
under the weight of my past
You will not find forgiveness
In this shell of a body
the essence of me lazily occupies
You will not find any remnants
of the sun that shined in my smile
My feet, they are so heavy,
crushing saplings of hope
before they have a chance to sprout
I leave chaos in my wake
and my tears have frozen in the winter wind
permanently remaining on my face
no longer able to hold the emotions within.

it’s my birthday and I’m 17 again
red dripping down my wrists
thighs aching from my biggest masterpiece
throat raw from leftovers and forgotten promises
no one remembers
no one ever remembers

I am my fathers daughter
the same way some boys are
cut from the same cloth
malignant entitled *******
stunted from ever becoming
men capable of so much more
As I wait for news of your death
the flint in my eyes
mirrors my fathers
when he begged me to **** myself
understand the way I understand
I am my fathers daughter
a life must be paid

a seed from a bouquet of forget me nots
the smell of tangerines waft in the air
a round full stomach, I think of
the baby that should have been there
instead the tissues drip red and black
towels underneath and heartbeats falling flat
I knew even if I made a deal with the devil
to try and secure your life it would be to no avail
but why oh why did it have to come to this
my hands my arms an empty abyss