I wish I could wake up and
feel happy.
I'm so tired of the same old thing.
Wake up, go to work,
get off work,
go to sleep.
Repeat.
Where's the adventure,
the fun.
Why don't I live every moment,
in a state of who cares,
this will be over soon.
I think I'm going to do mushrooms
tonight after work.
Maybe I need this right now.
Maybe that's why he gave them
to me.
Or maybe he loves me.
Why does every passing minute
feel like some sort of sentence and
I'm just waiting for it to be over.
I have to get a new job.
I have to find happiness while
I'm still young,
or someday I'll be 52 and
everything that I used to
think was magic,
will be gone.

The only reason I'm able
to stand watching golf
is because I have a glass
of wine between my legs.
I've thought about turning on
the radio,
but that requires getting up.
Today,
he told me he got me something.
A late birthday present.
I wish I could type in a smile.
I have people in my life
that care about me for the first
time in a long time.
Maybe my twenties won't be so
bad after all.

I'm going to try to be an adult.
I'm going to try to not freak out.
I'm going to try to be smart.
I'm going to try to not miss my mom so much.
I'm going to do this because I can.

I decided to
take
the last few minutes of
sunlight
that was left from this beautiful
day,
and stick it in my
pocket
for ones that aren't so
good.