Paige

Paige Apr 2015

There's nothing like smoking
a blunt on the drive home.
It's fun to share,
but even better to have to
yourself.
Just the road,
music and it.

Oh yeah,
there's that moment of happiness
today.

Paige Apr 2015

Trust

I don't know when
it got this bad.
Or why I ever let it.
It came without asking.
But I am really worried.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Today I wondered what it
would be like if I just lost
my fingers.
Relief, probably.

I bit down on my fingers
the whole drive home,
and wouldn't let them free.
I don't trust them.

#trichotillomania

Paige Apr 2015

Time

How come it's always
time to wake up,
go to work.
Pay bills,
fix the car,
and do laundry.
It's never time to
go to bed,
clock out,
smoke a cigarette,
light a joint.

There is never enough time
for the things you enjoy.

Paige Apr 2015

Uncomfortable

My anxiety has been in
charge of my thoughts
since before I went to bed
last night.
I hardly got any sleep,
I just want to be with him,
I don't want to go to work,
I have a friend's baby's birthday
party to go to later,
but I don't want to go alone.
I wish he would go with me,
although I know that's unlikely.
I've been pulling out my bangs
like crazy,
and I'm afraid I'm going to
lose the rest of what I have left.
If that happens..
I don't know what I'll do.

Paige Apr 2015

hair

I got a compliment
on my hair today.
I'm not telling you because
I'm conceited.
I'm telling you because it
means a lot to me,
considering what I've been
through.
I will never see my hair
as perfect,
but it helps to know that
it's not a complete disaster.

#trichotillomania

Paige Apr 2015

Discovering

Happy spots are rare to find,
but when you do,
claim them as your own.

Paige Mar 2015

Magnetic force

I understand that you
may not care or simply just
don't know about
this thing that plagues
me every day.

This uncontrollable addiction
to pull out my hair.

I heard something the other day
that describes it all perfectly.
The anxiety isn't in my head,
it's in my hands.

They are magnets.

I am afraid of what might happen.
What I could do.

#trichotillomania