Not so long ago
I wandered through a forest
Thinking to myself what it'd be like to be loved
Until a tall, tanned boy
With empty black eyes
Approached me
and in the most seductive tone he asked
"Why don't you come with me?"
I hadn't had company in some time,
so
I followed him
He made my heart feel lighter
And my sorrow not so deep
My only folly was loving him too much,
when he hadn't an ounce of love in his soul
So, he left me
And I was alone

Not so long ago,
I wandered through a now lonely forest,
Full of memories of my mystery boy who had broken my heart
He'd taken my sunshine
He left me nothing but darkness
and emptiness in my heart
It hurt to laugh
It hurt to breathe
It hurt to live
and I couldn't escape it.

That is, until
a strange little boy with eyes bluer than the ocean
approached me and said in the sweetest tone
"take my hand, I'll guide you and take you to the sunshine"
So I grasped his rough hand,
and we wandered in the dark
Time had passed
And he made my laugh flow more
He provided me comfort
But still something was missing

Not so long ago,
I grew tired of the blue eyed boy
he was far too angry
and especially overbearing
he loved me too much.
and I didn't love him enough.
So I broke this boys heart,
Leaving him alone
His reacted with anger,
Spitting venom into my veins
leaving me lifeless

Not so long ago
A sweet little angel,
who was so very familiar
wandered over to me,
and he didn't say a word.
I looked at his eyes,
dark yet welcoming
and an enticing smile upon his angelic face.
He took my hand and helped me up
he ****** up the venom from my body
he kissed all of my wounds
he didn't save me from this forest,
but he joined me and kept me company
he painted the forest with vibrant colors
and filled it with the sound of his laughter
He made me a home out of this forest,
so I made him a home in my heart

i'm patiently waiting for the first breath
of lukewarm air to my swollen lungs
that heave to the sound of crickets chirping
and fire burning
i'm abandoning my frozen corpse
that lays here in purgatory
to let in a light
that pumps clean blood and fresh air
so that i'm no longer forced
to breathe for a life that i don't want to live

maybe wherever you are
there is greener grass
and brighter skies
that compliment your crooked smile
and tired eyes
and i'd like to think
that you are every star in the sky
but not even the sun
could compare to your light
that everyone could see
only when it was too late
talking to the angels
seems more romantic
knowing that I could be talking to you

i smile, sometimes
when I see that everyone I care about is black and white
not because we are sad
although we are
but because we all share
a love for the absence of color
because we see things differently
with a different light, a different vibrancy
my whole life I've searched for another
black and white personality
never thinking that i'd end up
with people quite like you

you and i could run through a forest
scream at the mountains and breathe in serenity
we could hold the sun in our hearts
the stars in our mind and the moon in our soul
I know where your mind is wandering
i'm already there--
Hell's gates are open and heaven's already gone
i'm begging you, god forgive me
i'm not ready to move on

It wasn't just losing the love of my life
it's losing half of my heart
and it's losing my mind
it's losing my best friend
it's losing myself

Please be here when I wake up
because if you aren't
I'd really rather
not wake up at all.

Being alive doesn't seem right
I knew that for a while
but now, it's becoming clear
something was off
and I now realize
that I'm not supposed to be here.
The whole point of life is happiness
and I can't have that without him
or without hope
of self-worth
so there's no reason
that I should suffer through
restless nights and fights inside of my head
over whether I should stay or go
and it's killing me
not being able to tell him

There is always a first,
a first we admire,
a first we never let go of,
a first we try to let go of.

A first kiss,
creating the sensation only one man could,
releasing the butterflies,
roaming freely.

A first love,
showing your heart its true potential,
creating a path for all that is to come,
building the barriers to later be torn down.

A first cigarette,
the feeling of freedom,
your world becoming calm,
the first rush only to lead to the next.

A first cut,
the sense of pain yet recovery,
a mean of freedom from what is held inside,
the newest escape yet the last resort.

There is always a first,
every first has its end,
the end is only where we can truly begin...