today i woke up feeling superly enraged
again, numerous of problems that i have to face
faking smiles, making strong words, so people would trust
today i woke up wishing i wasn't here, in this house
i don't know maybe somewhere else, not with this family
yelled at, cursed upon, always told me i'm lazy as fuck
little do they know what i wonder at night
when i'm alone in bed, staring at the ceiling
or even during the day, basically anywhere,
"am i lazy? nah, i get things done, how am i lazy?"
little do they know how thoughts swarm my head
right after what they do and or what they say,
"i need to calm myself, what should i do?"
and then grabbing a laptop or a paper to write
you know, if i was lazy i wouldn't be grabbing anything cause i would just cry or yell at people but then again i'm not as calm as what personality tests describe me: "just like water"
yeah, you mean, "easily wrecked and one touch finishes all"
today i woke up feeling superly energized
energized to work, to do things, positively,
and then it instantly drains me, like sugar rush,
last but not least, energized to kill, who? myself
– billiondays