The house seems cosy without me
Fire crackling
Cups clinking
Laughter filling the room
There is a place on the couch
My place
But no one will notice
It was mine
—
Outside
The world glitters green and gold
Noise and joy echoing through the streets
And I am nowhere in it
Not in the crowd
Not in the cheers
Not even in the after
—
Instead
I am elsewhere
Always elsewhere
Running drills and laps
As if effort could earn
A place I was already denied
—
When I return
It will be over
Not the day
But the feeling
They will be louder
Stories already told
Jokes already laughed
The warmth will be used up
Spent
As if I was never meant
To have any
—
My sister will be there
Soft and happy
Salt on her fingers
Chocolate on her breath
Belonging
Without trying
—
And I will stand
In the doorway
With the cold still on me
Dripping from the rain
And the tears
A guest
In the house
That is supposed to be mine
—
No one will miss me
No one will comfort me
No one will care
That I was gone