A kiss
Such a small gesture
Lips touching each other
tender
and fierce
melting together
and teeth clashing

Such a small gesture
So much meaning

Good morning
and Goodbye

I love you
and I'm sorry

Full of longing
and fear

Rendering words
unnecessary

A kiss
Just a moment in time
With so much meaning.

I don't want to hurt you!

That's what you come up with,
Like a line from a bad movie.

Do you realize,
That these words hurt me so much more
Than anything else ever could?

I look up into your eyes,
I can feel the tears rising to my throat.

Keep up the facade!
Do not give yourself away!

Slightly I punch you on the arm,
Thanks for telling me!
A voice says.
So much like my own,
But coming from a distant place
Outside my head.

So, we're cool?

You ask, smiling that wicked smile.
I just don't want to hurt you.

The words dig into my skin,
Through muscle, flesh and bone
Til they they reach my heart.

We're cool.*
I can hear the distant voice.
A smile steels onto my face.

Too often have I heard these empty words.

You hug me goodnight.
I breath in slowly.
The voice breaks a little.
There's no need for you to worry.

Tonight I will cry myself to sleep
my heart
Engraved with the words just exchanged
Will harden a little more.

Til one day,
Someone, without empty words,
Comes along.

Are you a couple?

We smile at each other,
mischief twinkling in your eyes.

We get asked that a lot.

No*
we answer in unison.

Raised eyebrows
Incredulous glances.

Everyone is sure,
one day they will catch us.
In Flagranti.
Holding hands
exchanging kisses.

We shudder at the thought.
But we let them
think their own thoughts
spin their own reality.

It'd be too much work,
explaining
How I am not what you want
and you are not what I want

So we spend every waking minute together
seeking comfort
in the loneliness of the other.

Because
I love you

I hold it together
because
Tears and fights
won't do any good.

I'll stand behind you
because
at least someone
needs to have your back.

I believe in you
because
you are strong,
you will make it through.

I won't give up
because
this friendship
is worth fighting for

I'll never leave you
because
despite all doubts
you still need me

I need you, too
because
you are my first thought in the morning
and the last at night

Because
I love you

The beginning of a crush,
Is always something magical.
Compliments whispered,
questions asked,
the painful waiting for a sign of life.

Small flirts, with eyes and gestures.
Uncontrollable giggles when you start
to realize the fuzzy feeling in your tummy.
Awkward moments on the first date.
And both do not know what the outcome will be.
Endless possibilities.
From spontaneous adventure
to romantic relationship
to broken hearts
and much, much more.

Being with you
is pure bliss,
When your laughter fills the room
When your hair catches the sunlight
When you casually touch my arm
- mid-conversation

Being with you
is slow torture,
When your ignorance suffocates me
When you try my endless patience
When you take and take and take
- every single piece of me

Being with you
is an adventure,
When you spontaneously take me out
When you startle me with your flirting
When you reveal your vulnerable side
- to me and me only

Being with you
is plenty of drama,
When you are stubborn like a child
When you fall into accusing silence
When you treat me like air
- necessary and always given

Being with you
is like a day in wonderland
When you share your deepest thoughts
When your attention is all on me
When you paint our future
- with bright words and shining eyes

Being with you
is heart-breaking
When you cry after him
When you keep chasing dreams
When you're being hurt
- over and over again


Being with you is all I desire
- and what I can never have

They ask me where you're at
Whenever you're not by my side.
Like one is not whole without the other.

They know my next step
Whenever you make up your mind.
Like our thoughts run the same frequency.

They look at us with curious eyes
Whenever we finish each others sentences.
Like we were born twins, one of a kind.

But I don't care what "they" think
Because whenever I'm with you
You are, like, the centre of my world

Those few minutes of early dawn
when the first rays of sunshine
are just about to reach the horizon

and the sky and the sea
merge
in one pastel coloured sheet,

As if floating through a cloud
of cotton candy,

Muffled sounds
of the ocean
lapping against the hull

and the seagulls' silent flight,

Those few minutes of early dawn
before the world's madness begins anew

They are my favourite.

She didn't suffer
from post-trauma

There was no tremors
no shocks in her life.

The shadows that haunted her dreams
were her very own.
Eating away at her soul
Every day a little more.

And she felt shaken
for knowing that so many
were suffering through
so much worse.

Her demons were self-made.
Keeping her awake at night.
Laughing at that deep sadness
that infiltrated her heart.

While she loved all things bright and beautiful.
The world inside her head
was a darker place.

That tender soul
suffered

"I'm okay"
She'd say
When someone noticed
the shadows flitting across her face

She wasn't ready to share her demons.
Not when others needed strength instead.

The distance is painful,

The waiting
For a sign of life
For an answer to the calls,
Is tearing bits and pieces from me.
Until there is nothing left.

The regret
For that last kiss not given
For those words unspoken,
Is holding me to the ground.
Pressing the air from my chest.

The uncertainty
Of our next meeting
Of our future together,
Is freezing the blood in my veins
Making it impossible to move.

And while I replay conversations
In my head
And dream about days we might spend
together.
And while I re read your letters
For the hundredth time
And paint our future
In bright, vibrant colours,

The distance is painful,
A constant voice in the back of my head,
An endless torture,
Draining the life from me.

Tell me,
Why would anyone put themselves through that?

I'm not a part of my stories.
My life is not a fairytale
And you're not my knight
In shining armour.

But I've always been a dreamer
My days were coloured
by magic and love

Lonely hours spent in a world
Shaped by my own will,
Where I could grow wings
And take you with me
To where the cherries bloom.

The day my imagination ceased
To take me away for hours on end
And the voice in my head started yelling
"Nothing of this is real
Or will ever come true"
- that's when I started growing up

I do realize that,
I won't be walking into the sunset
Never to shed a tear again.
There's no happy ending
No eternal bliss.

Nevertheless I'm still a dreamer
- dancing in the rain
And the ray of sunlight gives me hope,
that one day
I'll be destined to find the rainbow.

Sitting here on the rooftops,
I watch the sun set over the city.
A single, fiery red ball
Staining the surrounding clouds a bright pink.

The wind, herald of the upcoming storm,
keeps playing with strands of my hair
which hangs over my shoulders like a veil
heavy, warm, protecting.

And I give myself up to the daydreams.
The distant rattling of the train
paints the image of you sitting in it
just on your way to see me.

I can almost feel your warm touch on my shoulder
and hear the reproval in your voice
telling me, I must be crazy
to sit in the cold like that.

My eyes closed, I'd start explaining,
how beautiful the world seems upon dusk.
How the blue hour makes all the colours burst.
How the clear air seems to fill every cell of your body.

I'd breath in your sweet, well-known scent
as you sit down next to me on the roof,
I'd put my arms around you
to keep you warm while you huddle closer.

No need to tell just how much I missed you
or how months can turn into years.
Together, with a mix of melancholy and ease
we wait for the close of the day.

Then I open my eyes to the pitch black,
shivering for the want of your touch
and the comfort of your presence.
Once again sobered by the incipient rain.

Sometimes
Every now and again

My heart
       reaches out
             To touch yours

             And it will take all my willpower
        To withdraw
Those tender strings
And keep them locked inside

Sealed by a ring
        And the promise
           To do better next time.

I’m falling,
Face first.

For your wicked smile,
Your silly jokes,
And inappropriate remarks at the dinner table.

For your gentle fingers,
Your slender limbs,
Which hold me throughout the night.

For your soft brown eyes,
Your easy chattiness,
And the way you frown in your sleep.

For your perfectly-styled hair,
Your love of beautiful things,
And how you make me feel like the center of your attention.

I’m falling for you,*
And from here it only goes down.

Good Evening, Moon!
here we are again
just the two of us
or so it seems.
- How are you, my friend?

How was your evening, Moon?
how many sleepless children,
how many doting couples,
how many broken hearts,
- have you seen tonight?

Are you happy, Moon?
with your given task,
when you look down upon us.
Or do you wish to be somewhere else?
- I would understand!

How do you bear it, Moon?
all those people,
relying on you
blaming you
confiding in you.
- Will you tell me the way?

How do you do it, Moon?
Keeping yourself together,
steadily moving forward,
never looking back.
- I don't seem to get it!

Will you be there, Moon?
for me to talk to,
to share my secret wishes
and the cruel pain?
- I thank you for it!

Everytime
I get myself into this
I fall apart.

Everytime 
I find out that 
they are not the one for me,
My insides are turnt upside down.

Everytime
I'm being told
"I'm sorry, but there's someone else"
A little piece of me dies.

But I keep going.
I keep getting myself into this.
Feeling the excitement. 
Feeling the pain.
Until one day,
Someone comes along 
To put the pieces back together.

Or until there's nothing left.

I don't want to know.
‎
How many women have been in your bed.
Or how many mistakes you've made.

I don't want to hear.

That you are a disaster waiting to happen
And how you will end up hurting me.

Because in the end we all have our pasts.
We've all made our mistakes.

I'm trying hard.

Not to turn this into more than it is
Not to overthink.

I really don't want to care.
But I feel like I should.

Once again
lost
confused
terrified
by my very own feelings

Unable to put into words
the thoughts spinning in my mind
everytime you turn your head
to look at me

So
soft
pure
fragile
the feel of your skin

I know the tremble
my fingertips cause on your body
so close but still
so far away

This
anger
jealousy
despair
felt all the time

whenever his name
lights up on your phone
and no matter how many times he hurts you
you'll return


Unconditional
love
loyalty
devotion
tear me apart

because I know
I cannot shield you from him
and you are too precious
to be broken.

Life lessons I learned from friends, who've spent almost 90 years upon this planet

Stay creative. Let your phantasy carry you.
Laugh often. And if life throws itself at you, smile at it.
Never lose faith. Not in yourself and not in the force that drives you.
Keep your friends and family close. They will stand by you in times of peril.
Be kind. To nature, to the people around you and to yourself.
Live humbly. Only take what you need and then share half of it.
Try something new. And if everyone tells you, that you'll fail, show them what you're capable of.
And if you fall, no matter how often, get back up, shake off the dust and carry on! Because your life is a big adventure and you are here to enjoy it!

Once I read this quote
about how quiet people
have the loudest minds.

Now,
and only now
do I know what was meant by this.

I sit there while you talk.
Just sit and listen.
A little nod, a silent sound
of consent.
That's all you'll see from me.

Because I'm not a talker.
I'm the one who listens.
Attentively. Tireless.
An open ear
for everyone's problems
musings, thoughts.

And I don't complain
or give advice
I don't argue
or deny

I will just sit there
subtly smiling,
gathering my thoughts
inside my mind

And you are grateful
for that someone
who listens and cares
without judging

But ask me once
on my view, my experience
I will start slowly,
trying to hold back
on all the things unsaid.
tiptoeing around
so as not to drown you

And finally it will overthrow
my discipline
and words, letters, stories
start flowing out my mouth
passing the barriers that
have so long retained them.

And I'm afraid it might easily
crush you
because there's so much within me
that wants to be said
and so very few people ever taken the time
to listen.

She knew it was wrong,

The moment she put her head to rest
on his shoulder,

She knew it was wrong,

When he started kissing her
In a quiet corner,

She knew it was wrong,

As soon as she climbed into his bed
That drunken night,

She knew it was wrong,

To return to his arms
Day after day,

She knew it was wrong,

When she still kept texting him
After saying goodbye,

She knew it was wrong,

To hurt that girl so cruelly
Whom she never even had met,

She knew it was wrong!

But how could something so wrong
Just feel so right?

I shouldn't, she said.
       *And neither should I, he replied.

We are not good people, she said.
        No, he replied,
                 *but we are happy.

You're my stress relief
In busy times
When everything
And everyone
Tumbles over one another

I take a moment.
Step towards the railing,

Feel my hair flowing
In the less than gentle breeze
Feel the continous rise of waves
Below my feet
Feel the low setting sun
Warming my face
Feel the sea salt on the rail
Underneath my fingertips

And I breathe.

If I'm falling
              For you
Will you be there
              To catch me

Or will you stand there
              Aloof
Watching me shatter
      I  n  t  o      pi e  c  e  s

Quick and still
Restless heart
Unsteady pace

Unable to decide
Which rhythm to follow
Which beat to pick

Back and forth
Restless mind
Swirling thoughts

Unable to tell
Which direction to guide
Between dream and reality

So shh...
Sooth the restless heart
Remind it that there is love
All around us

Quieten the restless mind
Take the dreams and
Turn them to reality

There's a sadness in your heart
- buried underneath fond memories -
                     Breaking free
                  At random times,
While your dazzling smile
Is trying to keep the darkness at bay.

Well beneath my sarcasm
My hatred for the world

There is a different story waiting
Waiting to be told

For I am made of poetry
Of sunsets
And the moon

Of summer rain
And chocolate smell
And nights that end too soon

It's hidden well
It's out of sight
It's on you to find the key

For my fragile little world,
My dear,
Is not for everyone, you see?

So.
What do you do?

When you feel like you can't go on like this
anymore?
When it all just becomes a little too much
to handle?
But when you still think that this cannot be
the end?

What do you do?

When your world is shattered into pieces
in an instant?
When every smile reaches your eyes but never
your heart?
But when you cannot give up just
yet?

Because there are those people
who love you
who rely on you
whom you should be there for.

Because there is this one person
who makes you laugh
who enjoys your presence
whom you can trust with your life.

What do you do?

When this one person,
who means everything to you
whom you love from the bottom of your heart,
just does not get it?

What do you do?

I just want someone
To love me as I am.
She said.

Denying that, when her wish came true,
She ran away.

I just need someone
To hold me tight.
She said.

Forgetting that the last one who brought her down the stars,
Had his heart broken.

I just want someone-
She said.

Yes, I say,
But not anyone.

Sometimes
You don't want
To be the strong one
The one that holds it all
Together

Strong, fierce and beautiful
Your every day mantra

And you are, darling.
There is no doubt.

But sometimes
You just want
To be held
And be told that everything
Will be okay

That you don't have
To conquer the world
All by yourself

That showing weakness
Can be strength

And I wish you were here
On this grey, windy day

I can almost feel
Your head on my chest
As we lie intertwined
Between tangled sheets

And together we watch
As the rain comes rolling in

I play with your hair
Splayed across your back
And plant silent kisses
Upon your brow

And together we watch
As lightning strikes the sea

We stay still
Our lives put on hold
Our hearts beating as one
On this melancholic day

And with your eyes locked on mine
We listen
To the distant rumbling of thunder

Oh how I wish you were here.

The trees are rushing by
as we're headed towards the setting sun
- full speed, next stop: Horizon!

A smell in the air
- I'd be able to pick it out anywhere -
of moonflower and lavender,
a hint of citrus
soft, soothing and a spark
of adventure

Images are flashing by
like the landscape beyond the glass
my mind is a blur
my eyes fixed on the fiery sun
- fighting for her place among the clouds

A voice is singing
about regret and lost chances
sad and full of sorrow

Memories are popping up
from the foggy mind:

Words that should have made their way to the lips
- and those better left unsaid

There's faces of lost love
- and those that should have been caressed
instead of being turned away

As I look upon the lake outside
Its waters still as a mirror
- reflecting the dusky sky -
despite our passing speed
I cannot help but wonder
whether all my decisions were
- in the end -
the right ones
leading me to all those wondrous places.

I don't regret a single thing
Because the train is only moving forward
and there's none scheduled
for the past.

And in these moments you get a short glimpse of what life is about.
Inbetween that "not-yet-tipsy"
and the "not-sober-anymore" feeling 

Enjoying watching others enjoying themselves 

The music is not loud enough to drown out the noise in your head but too loud to keep a conversation going with your neighbour. 

You know none of this is forever.

And that you mean it when you say, I don't care what the past was like or what the future will be.
‎
You're there in this moment
Smiling subtly to yourself 

Because you are‎
And everyone around you *is‎

I fall in love easily
That's what you tell me.

And you are right
- to some extent
I will fall for you easily

It might be the dreamer in me
Head in the clouds
I spin my own reality
From colourful threads.

It might be the romantic in me
Looking for things beautiful
And loveable
In each and everyone

I will follow your lead
And hungrily pick up
The crumbs of attention
You leave for me.

And yet
I don't fall in love easily

It might be the little girl in me
Shy and insecure,
Disappointed by Life
And looking for protection

It might be the realist in me
Taking time to build up trust
For the past is not easily forgotten
And the future uncertain.

So you see,
No matter how much
I cling to you now.

Until you can show me
Love and affection,
Trust and protection.

I will leave to seek it elsewhere
Cause my heart is a sacred place
And I don't give it away
Easily.