I don't want to hurt you!
That's what you come up with,
Like a line from a bad movie.
Do you realize,
That these words hurt me so much more
Than anything else ever could?
I look up into your eyes,
I can feel the tears rising to my throat.
Keep up the facade!
Do not give yourself away!
Slightly I punch you on the arm,
Thanks for telling me!
A voice says.
So much like my own,
But coming from a distant place
Outside my head.
So, we're cool?
You ask, smiling that wicked smile.
I just don't want to hurt you.
The words dig into my skin,
Through muscle, flesh and bone
Til they they reach my heart.
We're cool.*
I can hear the distant voice.
A smile steels onto my face.
Too often have I heard these empty words.
You hug me goodnight.
I breath in slowly.
The voice breaks a little.
There's no need for you to worry.
Tonight I will cry myself to sleep
my heart
Engraved with the words just exchanged
Will harden a little more.
Til one day,
Someone, without empty words,
Comes along.
An evening summed up - it's amazing how much better one feels after writing it down.