5 ft. 8, 100 lbs
caramel skin, hazel eyes
size 6, back length hair
size b breast, size 5 feet
pearly white teeth
100% perfect 0% human

wait can that be right
is that really what I see
yes that's what I see
but it's not me, wouldn't you agree
No? well its true
because this is what I should see
and you should too

5 ft. 6, 190 lbs
walnut colored skin, dark brown eyes
size 9, shoulder length hair
size d breast, size 7 feet
nearly white teeth
100% human, 0% perfect

Now that's about right
that's what I should see
and you to, but you don't
and that's simply because
its not what you want to see

you want me to be
something that I'm not
but  I can't do that
you want me to be her
and her and her
you don't want me to be me

but I'm sorry because
me is all I can be
but I know why that's
not what you see

that's not what you see
because you've never looked
and you've never looked
because you know
that it won't be your reflection looking back
but it'll be me because I'm a mini you
you're my reflection
and my reflection is you

what do you know about me
nothing at all really
what do you think you know
you think you know
that I lie, steal, and cheat
but what you don't know
is that whenever I look at you
I think of a million ways to commit suicide
because you think you know
but you really don't
you don't know how
when you look at me
you basically **** me
you **** my pride
and hurt my mind
you steal my joy and dent my stride
you want me to be like everyone else
but I can't
because I'm me
I try to please but I can't
because you don't see
you don't see
exactly what you're doing to me
you're making me miserable
but no matter what I do
It's never enough
but that's only because
you judge me by my outside
thinking but not really
knowing the truth
I'm pure gold inside
but because of the rest
and what they've done
you figure
I can do no right
only wrong
so you hurt me thinking
that if you do me
then I can't do you
but that's not true
and since you've never given me a chance
you'll always only know
what you think you know
instead of...
The Real Me!!

If I were a number
and I got to choose
I would choose ten
simply because
one without the other
is incomplete
you would be the one
because without me
you aren't whole
I would be the zero
because without you
I am nothing

I stared out the window
at the grey shroud
lapping against the glass
I didn't know what time it was
or how long I had been on the couch
I'd been held captive by the sharpness of tongues
that slit my veins with loathing and tainted blood
blood tainted with hatred... my blood
you're a worthless pathetic *****
I drank away from the disdain that haunted my soul
but I couldn't escape
escape the relentless barrage of maliciousness
no matter how hard I tried to shut them out
their voices were all I could hear now
the scars may have healed and the bruises faded
but the claws of hate and rejection dug deep within my flesh
and never let go
every spiteful sentiment struck
with more force than the most violent of blows
each degrading remark and estimation of worthless
broke me in half
you aren't important
there'd been a time
when I almost convinced myself
that my accomplishments and determination
would silence their malice
but I'd given up
I couldn't say the exact moment that it happened
perhaps it was the second that...
or maybe it was before then
but now, in my isolation, the whispers found me
you don't care about anyone other than yourself
I stared out into the distance
beckoned by the roaring of the waves
the only sound loud enough to mask
what were now sickening screams
I walked on
through the clouds that swept against my skin
you took him from me
I stood at the waters edge
enraptured by the fury rushing to shore
the rolling wave cresting before crashing in on itself
in a maddening tumble
sweeping under my feet
pulling me into the shifting sand
the rippling surface seduced with its curling fingers
tempting me
you should never have been born
I took a step
and began walking toward the grey horizon
that seamlessly melded with the dark water
my chin quivered as the tears washed over my face
turbulent waves pushed me back toward the shore
going farther and father out to sea
letting the water overtake me
all I had to do was breathe
and I would be gone...

What would you say
if I told you
that I found you rather attractive?

Would you look at me
laugh and say
of course
why wouldn't you

What would you say
if I said that you
light up my world

Would you laugh and say
that's nice kid
now run along

What would you say
if I said
I think of you day and night

would you say
that I'm a creep
and yell get away

what would you say
if I said
that you give me reason to smile

would you say
that's good to know
now who are you exactly

what would you say
if I said that
I wanna be with you

would you laugh
and say highly unlikely
and high-five the boys

what would you say
if I told you
that I think I'm in love with you

would you sigh and say
it'll never happen

What would you say?

Self-esteem to me
was always important
I was told to keep myself up
and believe in myself
to do the impossible
that's how I always climbed
that ladder to success
knowing in my heart
that I was the best
but on step 50
my life took a loop
as I stepped to the forbidden side
known as the ladder of doom
to me you were awesome
**** and then some
but I soon realized
that hanging with you
was slowly taking me
down to step one
I began to hold my head down
and started to carry myself
in a way that even you couldn't love
but I realized that life
it aint no crystal stair
and that's when I once again started to believe
so I picked my head up and tried again
starting with the one strand of hair
so on I climbed
knowing that I was great
and once again
I believed in myself
and now I'm at the top
of my ladder of self-esteem

I often sit and wonder
what made you go
was it my hair
the way I laughed, the way I joked

I often sit and think
why did our relationship sink
was it my weight, my skin
how I act, how I drink

I often sit and pray
that you would come back
and with me is where
you'd forever want to stay

I often sit and cry
how did our everlasting flame
just somehow up and die

I often sit and stare
was it because of me
not being worthy to give you a son
to become your heir

I often sit and wonder
why didn't you stay
because ever since you left
my life has been
and forever will be
a rainy day