August: Poems

808 · Nov 2012

August Nov 2012

Feeling singled out by them
Not allowed to celebrate Christmas with them
Not allowed to say bless you to them
Living alone when the 'rapture' takes them
Sleeping in on Sunday morning without them
Them
them
them
them
What about me?

My parents refuse to accept my lack of religion.

© Amara Pendergraft 2012

803 · Jan 2013

The Sidewalk Never Ends, But You Do

August Jan 2013

The Sidewalk Never Ends, But You Do

You can emphasize
The lies
You can hide the codes
In your lymph nodes
Yet fables are sticky as tar
You're running but you won't get far
Lungs beaten by cheating breaths
Drenched in slimy tales, never quenched
It'll only get harder as you start to stumble
And eventually, tumble
All the things said, they'll fill up your chest
Eyes will go cloudy, unable to digest,
Brought to knees, hands on the ground
They found you, lies your heart has been wound around
Chest torn open for all to see
And in the middle, I think, somewhere, there was
Me

803 · Apr 2014

I Have A Problem, But So Do You.

August Apr 2014

I Have A Problem, But So Do You.

I don't stand idle very long.
If you disappear, you'll be gone.
Yet if I vanish, wait for me.
When I come back, you'll see,
It'll be like I never left at all.

I should practice what I preach.
It's different for me when I leave.
For you it is an ends to a mean.
Wired deep inside your physiology.

I go away to keep that sanity.

Amara Pendergraft 2014

I don't know how relatable this is, but I also don't really care.

799 · Dec 2012

This Next Friday 12-21-12

August Dec 2012

This Next Friday 12-21-12

Wearing a Darth Vader sweater,
Surrounded by people I don't really know.
She bought me a Pink Floyd shot glass,
An early Christmas present.
Told me to bring it with me this Friday,
Said it would come in use.
She said, let's do this & I said okay.
She said there isn't anything like
Inhaling smokey fumes that release
Dopamine, I hope I'll be happy
I hope that this makes me happy again
It's been a while since I've been happy
While doing such shenanigans.
And I know after all the metal & the smoke
& the bonfire & the liquor, & the people
Oh how I love it all,
But after it's all over, that night
I just want someone to call me on
The 21st & have one of those,
Phone conversations that last for hours
To hear a human voice while ****** up,
I'd like to be ****** up, but anchored,
To the person on the other end.
The person on the other "end of the world".
Is it going to be the end of the world?
I'd like to die talking to someone
Who will call me on the 21st?

799 · Jan 2013

A Queer Thought

August Jan 2013

A Queer Thought

Sitting in class, looking around,
I feel a little man climbing up my face by hair.
He has on tiny sharp shoes
And they dig into my skin
I wince as he clambers up my cheek
He rests only for a moment
Thinking.
He gets fistfuls of my eyelashes
Tugs & tugs & tugs
I feel the weight of him &
My eye closes gratefully
He moves to the other
Making a mirror action
And it's all gone from there
Now he dances in my dream
He might have climbed
Into my ear while I wasn’t looking

792 · Jun 2013

The Last Week

August Jun 2013

The Last Week

I don't know where I'm going.
                             are you drifting from me?

And I know where I would like to be.
                                                   the tide is coming in..

So, this is how it ends.
                      and now the water is at your feet.

Is this what drowning is like?
                                     the ocean is in your eyes, no turning back now..

I'll stand at the shore.
                     *but you are already floatimg away.

792 · Dec 2012

We Use Irons for Doorstops

August Dec 2012

We Use Irons for Doorstops

I want to be sitting on a couch
In a wooden house
Wrapped up in a wool blanket
Watching you as you get up
Feeling the shift of the weight
Watch your pale heels walk
Against the hard wood floor
Your muddled reflection
Shines on the scratches
You disappear behind
The red kitchen walls
And the bangs & noises
That you make,
Make me close my eyes
The aroma of coffee fills the air
And it's winter here
I open my eyes again
I can see a doe in our back yard
Licking the salt stone on the porch
I'm glad we live near the forrest
I'm glad we moved away from the city
You are able to write your songs, now
I close my eyes again
Lean my head back against the cold leather
Breathe in the crisp air
This is a world I share with another
It's ours
Then I hear your footsteps
And your lips are on mine
You are fragrant & cool
You taste like you just licked the spoon
That you stir into your coffee
Which you always do
I'm glad that I know you
And that you know me too

778 · Mar 2014

Secret Garden

August Mar 2014

Secret Garden

Little cunning foxes jumping over bushes,
              slaughtering the sheep I have been counting in my sleep.

I hand-pick plump raspberries while I watch the foxes
              rip out their throats, all of our lips stained red & ******.

My hazy sepia toned dream shimmers as I sit in the grass,
              sipping on a glass of arsenic laced strawberry lemonade.

The cool sun hugs my skin and my collarbones
              that jut and cut my finger as I brush a hair off my shoulder.

I look down at the pin ***** absentmindedly and glance
              at my foxes as their black eyes gaze upon me wildly.

Magenta stained muzzles set in stone as they begin to roam
              surrounding the circumference of my skirt, snapping their jaws.

Ebony teeth tearing me like cloth, jerking my body like
              a frail little rag doll dancing with these fiendish, lovely beasts.

They leave me quietly, bones picked nearly clean, waiting now
               for flowers to bloom in my hollow chest and my empty eyes.

Amara Pendergraft 2014

“People never like me and I never like people,’ she thought. ‘And I never can talk as the other children could. They were always talking and laughing and making noises.”

767 · Jan 2013

Paranoid Panaroma

August Jan 2013

Paranoid Panaroma

She stared at her wall
Filled up with photos
Of friends & family
Their faces marked out
With black marker
So she couldn't see the
Smiles that she believed
Were only made for her
Benefit

767 · Aug 2014

Nova

August Aug 2014

Nova

The white pages, they taunt me
Haunt me
Empty canvas stripped of colour
Somehow duller
And I'm dimmer too for that
A fading glimmer
Each line shakes as I run away
Disappearing yesterdays
The heat hardens my fingertips
Faucets drip
Grasping at thin red strings
My aching heart
Cannot sing

Amara Pendergraft 2014

765 · Feb 2013

Contemporary Pretensions

August Feb 2013

Contemporary Pretensions

Panoramic view finder
The coin slides in
Everything is a reminder
Over-magnified again
Thumb print faces
Blurred by my unsteady hands
Leaving shadowy traces
Heart pressing on ribs as it expands

765 · Jan 2013

Loosely Loved

August Jan 2013

Loosely Loved

I wiped it off my sleeve
So you couldn't see it
I watered down the words
So that you couldn't read it
You mean much more to me
Than you even know
And it would be wrong of me
To let you see the things I have to show

So I let you go
And you'll never know

758 · Dec 2012

Ist es zu spät?

August Dec 2012

Ist es zu spät?

In my efforts
to surpress
all of the
bad things,
I accidentally
suppressed
the rest too.

I am such an unloving person.

© Amara Pendergraft 2012

758 · Jan 2013

Alt Ctrl Del

August Jan 2013

Alt Ctrl Del

You,
With your copy & pasted
Smile.
You aren't fooling me,
Virus.

A semi-silly concept. Wouldn't it be great if it was that easy to get rid of a bad person.

© Amara Pendergraft 2013

749 · Dec 2012

Jukebox the Ghost

August Dec 2012

Jukebox the Ghost

"I don't want anymore heartbreak,
I'm tired of the sound it makes."

749 · May 2013

Dazzzzzeeeee

August May 2013

Dazzzzzeeeee

The teenager side,
and the adult side
of me,
clash,
oh so very,
*un-casually.

747 · Feb 2013

Bottomless Bucket

August Feb 2013

Bottomless Bucket

Like water you fill my consciousness,
Flooding the entirety that is my thoughts.
And when it drains, it feels so dry.
Let it not drain. Let it rain & rain & rain.

733 · Nov 2014

Hello, Again

August Nov 2014

Hello, Again

My heart and soul are collapsible
My personality just a vessel
Hollow and dense

So fill me up
Till my veins are over flowing
And I'll dance alone in the darkness

Amara Pendergraft 2014

729 · Oct 2012

These days.

August Oct 2012

These days.

Every thing on here is untouchable
I want something tangible
A real book
Rustling pages
Sliding roughly on my fingertips
That's tangible.

724 · Feb 2013

Riptide (10W)

August Feb 2013

Riptide (10W)

All the water in the world couldn't drown my sorrows.

721 · Nov 2012

Could Go For a Hug

August Nov 2012

Could Go For a Hug

I
just
need
a
hug
that
lasts
forever
and
ever
and
ever.
Warmness
that
soaks
through
one
body
to
another.

718 · Dec 2012

Sitting on the Porch in Winter, thinking.

August Dec 2012

Sitting on the Porch in Winter, thinking.

Sometimes,
I feel the urge
To fall in love again.
Then, I think,
better not.

717 · Dec 2012

I click it from time to time.

August Dec 2012

I click it from time to time.

The song
'Little Bag of Hair'
By the Mystery Jets
It's the only song,
On a playlist
That reads,
Forbidden.

716 · Jan 2013

Turning Filters

August Jan 2013

Turning Filters

A good way to start a new year
Is on a last cigarette

711 · Nov 2012

Infuser Loveliness

August Nov 2012

Infuser Loveliness

Savory tendrils of steam waft out like hands,
Pulling my face inches & inches closer to the brim.
The pressure of the top & the bottom eyelid closing
Lips curling into a small smile, pulling at the cheeks
The aroma twisting around tongue and teeth and brain
Slight tilt back of head, the cold porcelain on your fingers
Gripped a little tighter, tip with anticipation
Don't dive in, just let a little slide down
Warmth throughout your body

My morning cup of tea.

© Amara Pendergraft 2012

707 · Oct 2012

Untitled

August Oct 2012

Untitled

She has tossed you into the ocean.
A trinket.
To sink to the bottom.
To set in the sand for forever.
You shimmer in the sun.
Even though you are so low.
She sailed away.
Looking for a message in a bottle.
I'll dive down deep.
I don't mind the lack of air.
It's worth it for what is down there.
I'll dig my toes deep into the sand.
And plant myself.
I'll sway like seaweed.
And I'll pull you close.
To the motion of the water.
Salt will take over our hearts.
And the blueness of the the water,
Will fill our eyes.

706 · Dec 2012

Grant Park

August Dec 2012

Grant Park

You are very tall, almost too tall.
My neck strains to see your face.
I squint my eyes and ponder
Why there is a bench now in your place.

I look around to find you, where are you?
Sitting on the bench I wonder,
Why was I looking up at you, why didn't I walk?
What was the reason for my blunder?

What was it about your overcast shadow
That made me want to stay
I look around again, to find you
I'm not fond of the games you play

I stand up and put my hands in my coat pocket
And I run a quick hand through my hair
I feel long wiry arms encircling me
Now suddenly you are there.

A bench to a man, and a man to a bench
How are you doing this and why?
I rest my face against your chest
Then you whisper a goodbye

And I'm alone in the cold with a vast
Expanse of snow as far as I can see
Nothing but a bench to sit on
I have a feeling you won't be coming back to
Me

703 · Dec 2012

Living Colour

August Dec 2012

Living Colour

You are the epitome
Of a cult of personality
To pull the ink out of
A calligraphy pen
And make it shape
Into your face,
Now that would be,
An honour.

701 · Oct 2012

Aged With Grace.

August Oct 2012

Aged With Grace.

Times been tough on you
Oooohhhh I know it
I can tell
The milky stains
In your eyes
They know too
They know more
Than I do
The air picks
Apart your skin
The spots on
Your bird bone
Hands tell more
Than a thousand
Words ever could
The color ******
Out of your hair,
Lost altogether
The pigments are forgotten.
Beauty.

695 · Nov 2012

Transcending

August Nov 2012

Transcending

Shaking away the noose
Shrugging away my blues
All I feel now is used

I feel it in my bones
Way down deep inside me
The marrow and muscle
It aches, once forgotten
Now brought to surface

689 · Mar 2014

Theodore Roethke

August Mar 2014

Theodore Roethke

The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

I would just like to share with my extremely amazing community of writers and dreamers one of my inspirations and my favorite poets of all time. Please enjoy.

682 · Feb 2013

Untitled

August Feb 2013

Untitled

I can't stay away from here,
I don't know why,
But I was kidding myself,
When I begin to freak out
I isolate,
It's a reflex I've always had,
And it can get really lonely,
I question myself,
I loathe myself
I debate my abilities,
Tear back & forth,
Between destroying my work,
Deleting my pages,
Burning my canvases,
Tossing away,
Everything,
So I don't have to look,
At the ****,
That I've made,
So no one has to,
I want to end my life,
But that's just too silly,
I'm not that silly,
My mind gets vacant,
And I grow cold,
I don't get close,
I want to welcome,
Arms that are open to me
I'm trying guys,
Stick with me.

680 · Aug 2014

Disappearences

August Aug 2014

Disappearences

When I've left home &

the only thing left of me is holes

where all my pictures used to be

don't bother with pretending

like you care enough to be calling

Amara Pendergraft 2014

675 · Mar 2013

Motorcar Dream Machine

August Mar 2013

Motorcar Dream Machine

Don't be a stranger in my bed.
You already filled the vacancy in my head
But I share this place with me alone
You can't get inside, but it's yours to hold

664 · Nov 2012

I Got Drunk on Whiskey, I did, I did, I did

August Nov 2012

I Got Drunk on Whiskey, I did, I did, I did

Teddy Roosevelt would be proud of how you held your head
Higher than the food as you spilled out all your cares onto it
And your companion whisked it away, what a lovely one she is
You clambered up the highest mountain to get to a waterfall
That cleansed away all of you mistakes and you went to sleep
With the awful whiskey taste still in your mouth and a vow
To never again

659 · Oct 2012

Don't be frank, Frank.

August Oct 2012

Don't be frank, Frank.

Can you not walk around without your jaw perched that way?
Can you not accept that what you think doesn't affect what you say?
Hey
Hey
And as much as she'd like to lay down with you
The bed is so literal it's nearly nonexistent, it's true
Hey
Hey
You'll loose her before you've found her

656 · Nov 2012

Lovely lovely lords

August Nov 2012

Lovely lovely lords

Teasing each other
Tangible outbursts
Curling wrists
Open up the medicine cabinet
Under water
Distilled happiness
Living together
Is harder than it used to be

647 · Oct 2012

Tonight

August Oct 2012

Tonight

To be candid.
Serendipitous?
No.
Tonight,
Is a late night
It's a sad night.
I'm sad,
I'm increasingly so
I'm devastatingly so.
And no one knows,
I can't say
I wouldn't say.
The things that make this happen,
It's just me
This has always been me.
Late nights with only words,
They toss and turn
And I toss and turn with them.

643 · Feb 2013

Recreational Reflection

August Feb 2013

Recreational Reflection

My agressor had my face
Ran my fingers
On my cheeks
But I was weak
My swollen eyes
Absorbed how
And I fled
I began running
I never stopped
I haven't stopped
I don't blame the world
And it doesn't blame me
I don't run from it
I run from what I've seen
Of myself
The one in the mirror
I guess I like running
The burning feeling
You get in your sides
Makes me feel alive
Even though I'm a lie
The one in the mirror
Knows & watches
And I know it's true
That I am in fact,
A lie
But the one,
In the mirror
Is the one that
Faces it

642 · Feb 2013

Dying of Death

August Feb 2013

Dying of Death

Got a new job,
           Telemarketing
                     Ring...Ring...

"Hello,
         I was wondering
                  If you were interested
                                     In purchasing
                                                **Some quietus today?"

637 · Nov 2012

Lack-Luster

August Nov 2012

Lack-Luster

I can see the buildings wrapped in cellophane
And the people crammed in their freezers
We are living in a pre-packaged world

Everything used to be planted and tended
And people grew out of ground like ivy

632 · Oct 2012

Red Moscato and Cigarettes

August Oct 2012

Red Moscato and Cigarettes

A swig here
An intake there
All it takes
Is one more
Thought
To consume
My mind
And envelop
My heart

632 · Oct 2012

Figment.

August Oct 2012

Figment.

I’m going to shake the sheets
I’ll take you under my wings
I’ll kiss you oh so deeply
You are so lovely
You are so lonely
You are only
A figment

627 · Jan 2013

Forgetting My Life

August Jan 2013

Forgetting My Life

As today passes
I feel a few months back
Where the days
They begin to unravel
And I know I won't
Be able to recall them
When I wake up
Tomorrow

624 · Dec 2012

Instant Infatuation

August Dec 2012

Instant Infatuation

Don't write me a song
I know you hope that
This will last long
But I told you
From the start, I did,
That I wasn't looking for anything
But another friend

621 · Jan 2013

1/16/13

August Jan 2013

1/16/13

Riddled with anxieties
I don't want to live
But I don't want to die
Please just let me lay in bed
I don't want to get out of the sheets
Can't I just lay there?
Can't I just be left alone?
What am I?

615 · Dec 2012

Thoughts #2

August Dec 2012

Thoughts #2

I feel like we don't have to know everything. It's okay to just stop existing, to just go into the ground. I think that sometimes, people can't even accept that maybe, just maybe, your mind isn't the greatest thing in the universe, and that it can't just stop 'being'. We don't know everything, and the sooner you stop looking for the answer to everything, I feel like we'll be a lot happier. I mean, you don't have to be a christian to have christian principles. You just have to know whats good for us, and what's bad for us, and act on that.
And you have to think about the fact that you go into the ground, and you slowly turn into dirt, and then that goes into plants, and you are in the plants. Than an animal eats the plants, and it goes into the animal, and you go into the animal, then a human eats that animal, and you go into that human, and then they die, and we are all just part of this huge circle. And if that doesn't make you feel wonderful, than I don't know what will. I've just been thinking about a lot.

615 · Oct 2012

Lion's Teeth

August Oct 2012

Lion's Teeth

Carry away
Carry away
Say
Say
Okay
You need a pick me up
Take this bottle of-
It doesn't matter
It'll turn you into a beautiful thing
Then your problems will be
Carried away
Carried away
Say
Say
Okay
You're a beautiful thing
I'd like to say-
It doesn't matter
I've already lost you
You've already been
Carried away
Carried away
Say
Say
Okay
...

611 · Oct 2012

Untitled #1.

August Oct 2012

Untitled #1.

He let her go among the wreck.
Loosening the ribbon around her neck.
She danced around the burnt down towers.
Turning ash and rubble into flowers.
She sang a song, a catching tune.
Her lovely scent drove away the corpses’ fumes.

602 · Dec 2012

The one in the Chariot, who is he?

August Dec 2012

The one in the Chariot, who is he?

Swing low,
Sweet chariot
Swoop my heart
Into your arms
And warm
It up enough
To start it
Beating again