Head to the body
Swallow hot toddy

A dash of narcissism

To make the throat burn
Make my insides churn

A dollop of ego

And I'm getting drunk
On your self-absorbed funk

All mixed in hot

I do it recreationally
Unconnected emotionally

We pretend we care for one another

Speaking to another,
Leaves a feeling of absence.
Of things wanted to be said.

I got called gray today.
I realized how right he was.
If only someone would splash

*Some color onto me

Weary brittle bone
Shuffling feet
To the beat
Of the dial tone

Smoke sticks
Full of cancer
Ride in enhancers
Of death for kicks

Tantalize our skin
With jewels and lust
Always a must
Going again & again

Testing ourselves
Wanting stories
Can get gory
Tearing books from their shelves

*I''ll never stop

I can't stay away from here,
I don't know why,
But I was kidding myself,
When I begin to freak out
I isolate,
It's a reflex I've always had,
And it can get really lonely,
I question myself,
I loathe myself
I debate my abilities,
Tear back & forth,
Between destroying my work,
Deleting my pages,
Burning my canvases,
Tossing away,
Everything,
So I don't have to look,
At the ****,
That I've made,
So no one has to,
I want to end my life,
But that's just too silly,
I'm not that silly,
My mind gets vacant,
And I grow cold,
I don't get close,
I want to welcome,
Arms that are open to me
I'm trying guys,
Stick with me.

I think I'm going to recede for a little while. I promise I'll be back, I can't stay away from you lovely lot, but I just need a little time to sit in my own head, more than usual I suppose. I miss you guys already & I can't wait to come back. Just right now, in my life, I need to sort of separate myself from everything else & try to figure out what's going on inside of me. No inner crisis, don't worry. Just, I think sometimes it's good to be alone. And I haven't done that in a while. I hope you all create wonderful splendid things for me to smile at once I'm ready to come back. So, I'll be back, but, for now, adieu.
        Love,
             Amara Pendergraft

Tepid times, as the grass,
Covered in little, tiny
Dew drops, sways in
The hot wind of
The orange summer sky
I run my red tinted fingers
On your sticky warm face
In the almost dead
Vegetation
I close my eyes
Feeling the heat coat me
As your hand
Slips from mine
For you were just a
*Mirage

My agressor had my face
Ran my fingers
On my cheeks
But I was weak
My swollen eyes
Absorbed how
And I fled
I began running
I never stopped
I haven't stopped
I don't blame the world
And it doesn't blame me
I don't run from it
I run from what I've seen
Of myself
The one in the mirror
I guess I like running
The burning feeling
You get in your sides
Makes me feel alive
Even though I'm a lie
The one in the mirror
Knows & watches
And I know it's true
That I am in fact,
A lie
But the one,
In the mirror
Is the one that
Faces it