Her curly hair, sarcastic smile, happy eyes show no hint of sadness
Don't let that fool you
She cuts
she doesn't understand she's perfect
Just like the girl that is always laughing, and smiling
She seems so bright
She is self conscious
The two tall girls who are popular and beautiful one says she's fat the other not beautiful
But they are all gorgeous
Their only flaws are that they think they have flaws
They are perfect
They all cut
But they just don't see that I am jealous
I wish I was any of them
They are so flawless
Yet they don't see it
They should see my envy

Salt
Tears flowing down my cheeks
You have no right
To pull us in
To this web of painful tears
They sting
I try and hold them back
Yet they fall
I do have right
I do have opinions
In vain you try to make me conform
I will not
You have no right
The voice in my head echoes
You are pointless
It says
You dragged us in to this war
Well I am fighting
I will not hold back
I didn't want this
I wanted peace
Yet the insults fly
And the sting returns
In my head a new voice appears
Apologize
It whispers
You'll lose them
You know you will
They don't need you
If you disappear they wouldn't notice
You are nothing
A waste of space
You ARE stupid
You ARE useless
A tear falls
No
I won't apologize
I love them
I need them but I know
I deserve more than what I get
I know they might leave me
Is that a risk I will take?
So tired of this
So tired of everything
Lying on my back staring at the white ceiling
Insomnia
Again
Looking in the mirror two pills in my hand
Hopefully I can fade now
Sink into the earth
I will not apoligize for being treated badly
But I will apoligize for creating this
You say it's nothing
You say it's meaningless drama
It matters to me

Is jealousy the green eyed monster? 
Or is it something closer
An arrow pierced my heart to leave me breathless
Crumpled in pain 
Boneless 
He leaves me in his wake
If only he could see that when he smiles I die
When he frowns I die 
Any move he makes I die 
The pain of constant love 
Keeps me paralysed 
The numbness of my secrecy 
Keeps me strong
The excruciating friendship we have
Keeps me by his side 
It's better than being without him 
Or is it
Is he worth the pain he causes?
Is a smile worth another frown?
Is the light worth the darkness?
I don't want to know the answer 
A blessing 
A curse 
My angel
My demon 
My freedom 
My death 
I love him
He is my Cupid 
My green eyed monster

That lingering scent of death in the air
The smell of decay
Where is the carcass?
Is it an animal?
A human?
No it is just me
For I myself is just as corrupted as a foul smelling comatose creature
Forgive me for being simply
Me

Your green eyes sparkle under the moon
A smile on your lips
We talk for hours
It's never over
Summer then
Winter now
I wish you were still here

The sun on our skin
The laugh on your lips
I punched your arm
You grabbed my wrist and didn't let go
I pulled away
I wish I didn't
I wish you were still here

A smile to me across the crowd
The dimples on your cheeks
The way you said Im beautiful when I said I wasn't
The way you hugged me close before you left
The frown on your face then you  had to leave me
I had never felt a sadness as bad as then
I pray to god you'll come back

After all these months
I still think of you every day
And hope for your return
I still love you
Please come back
Please never leave
I wish you were still here

The first year you were always there
You still are
The second year you let me brake your stuff
I don't usually do that anymore
The third year you let me hide in closets and jump on your back
Now apparently that's not acceptable in our society
The fourth year you sent me to preschool and I begged you not to go
Now I encourage you to go
The fifth year I went to kindergarten and I got stung by a bee
You still make me feel better
The sixth year I wore a red dress and colored my arms at Christmas
You Sparked my creativity
My seventh year I thought I was goth you were the one that talked me out of it
I've never been more thankful that you did
My eighth year you scared me with stardust and comforted me
Now I know I won't drown on land
My ninth year you taught me how to ride a bike
And dad made me bike into a car but you said he was stupid for letting me bike down that cursed mountain
My tenth year you taught me how to use lipstick
Now that I think about it I over used it
My eleventh year you supported my hatred of jazz
And helped me face Jesnel
My twelfth year we kicked some yak *** together
It was fun
My thirteenth year isnt over yet but when it is I assume we'll have just as many laughs
Even though I may be lazy,idiotic, and weird sometimes even mean
I still love you
I always will

I see my purple bags 
From all my sleepless night of standing at the sink hands full of the medicine I hope will dull the pain
I see the rolls that make me cry slumped in front of the mirror unable to move for fear of looking up at myself 

I know soon it will be over soon this hell hole will stop burning with the constant pain
That finally I will go back to my three month heaven of friends that are so close to family 
The wind in my hair 
Ocean spraying 
I know it is Closer than it feels 
Each moment ticking forth 
Is a moment closer 
To peace 

January
March 
April
May 
June

a simple five months 
Can feel like a lifetime
Almost infinity

You lie
Like the fallen snow
Slumped against the garage door
Flakes drifting
Sticking to my lashes
Melting down my face
The black tears of makeup running
I'm fake
Unreal
I cover myself with color
Afraid to show I'm not dumb
Not naieve
I am not innocent
If people look past my blonde Facade
They could actually see me
Not my mirror image
The giggle
The signature giggle
My trademark
Is fake
The three claps are real
If I revealed the real me would people know
Would they care
Would they notice
What if
If I
Am I
Fake as a barbie

I wander
Faces fade as soon as I pass
A shadow
A faint memory of the girl with the frown
The unanswered question
Who is she
No one knows
Places blur together forming a cloud in my head
No place to call home
The road
The only constant thing in my life
Every turn I make leads to another mistake
Are there any paths
To lead me in the right direction
No it's always my choice
Even the desision to be free was my choice
No guidelines just the empty Page
Can i form my own Pattern
Do I fit any where
Lone
Can I call anywhere home if I fit nowhere

****** light
straining through a mess of clouds
barely alive
awake without energy
sunlight fading to darkness
as my life fades to death
I die
left broken on the rusty floor
killed by the struggle of the day
as morning light burns bright again
I rise a phoenix
triumphant
new
or am I an elusion
to be tomorrow
a great gift
of life its self
to carry on
if i were tomorrow

What is a name?
A label that defines a person
Describes them flawlessly
Yet it also confines them
Puts them in a box
Live up to your name

A name serves an important purpose
To call you
To haunt you
Because names stick forever
Like glue

They follow you like a dog
You own the name?
Or does the name own you
Don't let a word define you
Drag you down with it

I'm not enough for you?
Well I try my hardest
I starve
I cry
And yet you always want more
Do you want my soul as well?
My mind?
My happiness?
My heart?
Well take my soul
I don't need it
My mind?
Ha I've already lost it
My happiness
I've had none since I met you
My heart…
It's already yours but u threw it away
Insults
Threats
Well who cares anymore
You pushed me into this depression
You laughed at my pain
Well this is over
I refuse your torture
There is one thing You will never get …
Love
Never

I am not who I say I am
My name
My face
All a illusion
Am I even real?
I'm sorry for my lies
To someone close
Someone close to who I used to love
So afraid you think I am a fake
Maybe
Can I really say if I am true
It's impossible to say
I'm sorry for my lies
I can't tell you the truth
But I am done
Forgive
My
Lies

Hey guys,
Thanks so much
I wanted to tell you that I got chosen as a finalist for my library's poetry contest
But most of all my sister Elizabeth has decided to quit poetry, if you have ever read or liked any of her poetry could you message her or tell her some how because she is really talented but she thinks that because she wasn't chosen that she isnt could you help show her that she does have talent

One for the lies
Two for the pain
Three for the hell of it
Four to stay sane
Five to stay grounded
Six so you're alive
Seven for all your hate
Eight for relief
Nine so you feel real
Ten as a last resort
And another because you can

Words ringing in
                    My
                       Head
                          Trying
                                 To
                            Sleep
                     Focused
More on imagining

What life would be,
Be          Like          If
I           Wasn't      Here
I           Imagine      It'd

      Be so much more
    Lovely
Innocent
     Perfect
         Even
        Without My vile

Flawed self poisoning
It's       Magic            All
The      Trouble         I've
Caused  gone,        Erased
From      Our            History

-----I am afraid of pain
             Yet it              Is
          What   I          Crave
          Most     Why      Did
        Fate           Choose me
  To be so
   Afraid
Of life

------This has had to be said
-------For a while now, Her
Beauty                            So
Close                             To
Perfection                  Why
    Can't                        She
     Get That I  just want

-------To be like her she thinks
I joke when I say she's amazing
She               Cuts                 But
She                Is                      Far
Too           Perfect.                 To
Waste.         Her.                   Blood

I love her, she is my best friend
This proves that even the most
Beautiful        Cant             Realize
That.                 They.             Are
Loved,                That.               I
Love.                   Her,            Andre

They're better?
Yes
I know I shouldn't care
But I do
I started this ****
And now they succeed
While I am alone
I am alone
I always have been
I always will be
So whatever
I'm done with this ****