I wander
Faces fade as soon as I pass
A shadow
A faint memory of the girl with the frown
The unanswered question
Who is she
No one knows
Places blur together forming a cloud in my head
No place to call home
The road
The only constant thing in my life
Every turn I make leads to another mistake
Are there any paths
To lead me in the right direction
No it's always my choice
Even the desision to be free was my choice
No guidelines just the empty Page
Can i form my own Pattern
Do I fit any where
Lone
Can I call anywhere home if I fit nowhere

You lie
Like the fallen snow
Slumped against the garage door
Flakes drifting
Sticking to my lashes
Melting down my face
The black tears of makeup running
I'm fake
Unreal
I cover myself with color
Afraid to show I'm not dumb
Not naieve
I am not innocent
If people look past my blonde Facade
They could actually see me
Not my mirror image
The giggle
The signature giggle
My trademark
Is fake
The three claps are real
If I revealed the real me would people know
Would they care
Would they notice
What if
If I
Am I
Fake as a barbie

I see my purple bags 
From all my sleepless night of standing at the sink hands full of the medicine I hope will dull the pain
I see the rolls that make me cry slumped in front of the mirror unable to move for fear of looking up at myself 

I know soon it will be over soon this hell hole will stop burning with the constant pain
That finally I will go back to my three month heaven of friends that are so close to family 
The wind in my hair 
Ocean spraying 
I know it is Closer than it feels 
Each moment ticking forth 
Is a moment closer 
To peace 

January
March 
April
May 
June

a simple five months 
Can feel like a lifetime
Almost infinity

------This has had to be said
-------For a while now, Her
Beauty                            So
Close                             To
Perfection                  Why
    Can't                        She
     Get That I  just want

-------To be like her she thinks
I joke when I say she's amazing
She               Cuts                 But
She                Is                      Far
Too           Perfect.                 To
Waste.         Her.                   Blood

I love her, she is my best friend
This proves that even the most
Beautiful        Cant             Realize
That.                 They.             Are
Loved,                That.               I
Love.                   Her,            Andre

Words ringing in
                    My
                       Head
                          Trying
                                 To
                            Sleep
                     Focused
More on imagining

What life would be,
Be          Like          If
I           Wasn't      Here
I           Imagine      It'd

      Be so much more
    Lovely
Innocent
     Perfect
         Even
        Without My vile

Flawed self poisoning
It's       Magic            All
The      Trouble         I've
Caused  gone,        Erased
From      Our            History

-----I am afraid of pain
             Yet it              Is
          What   I          Crave
          Most     Why      Did
        Fate           Choose me
  To be so
   Afraid
Of life

The first year you were always there
You still are
The second year you let me brake your stuff
I don't usually do that anymore
The third year you let me hide in closets and jump on your back
Now apparently that's not acceptable in our society
The fourth year you sent me to preschool and I begged you not to go
Now I encourage you to go
The fifth year I went to kindergarten and I got stung by a bee
You still make me feel better
The sixth year I wore a red dress and colored my arms at Christmas
You Sparked my creativity
My seventh year I thought I was goth you were the one that talked me out of it
I've never been more thankful that you did
My eighth year you scared me with stardust and comforted me
Now I know I won't drown on land
My ninth year you taught me how to ride a bike
And dad made me bike into a car but you said he was stupid for letting me bike down that cursed mountain
My tenth year you taught me how to use lipstick
Now that I think about it I over used it
My eleventh year you supported my hatred of jazz
And helped me face Jesnel
My twelfth year we kicked some yak *** together
It was fun
My thirteenth year isnt over yet but when it is I assume we'll have just as many laughs
Even though I may be lazy,idiotic, and weird sometimes even mean
I still love you
I always will

Your green eyes sparkle under the moon
A smile on your lips
We talk for hours
It's never over
Summer then
Winter now
I wish you were still here

The sun on our skin
The laugh on your lips
I punched your arm
You grabbed my wrist and didn't let go
I pulled away
I wish I didn't
I wish you were still here

A smile to me across the crowd
The dimples on your cheeks
The way you said Im beautiful when I said I wasn't
The way you hugged me close before you left
The frown on your face then you  had to leave me
I had never felt a sadness as bad as then
I pray to god you'll come back

After all these months
I still think of you every day
And hope for your return
I still love you
Please come back
Please never leave
I wish you were still here