Love oh Love

honeymoons along the coastal shore

first anniversary fights, I won I Love you more

I can finally stop.
I can stop hoping,
giggling,
wishing,
thinking,
and dreaming
about a sure to be nightmare.
**but it's all over now

oh Olivia you look beautiful today
well thats what they say
when my hair is curled or done a certain way
not when its natural or messy
oh how I love your outfit
thats what they claim
when my shirt and pants are uncomfortable
or my shoes pinch my toes
i just wanna be you*
Woah
yeah ok
be the girl who has such low self esteem
that smiles and laughs every day but
cries so hard she screams
who can be afraid of herself and who she truly is
all because she's afraid everyone will leave
if she's anything less

hi. hello.
I'm doing somewhere between overly happy
(to the point I'm smiling like an idiot)
and utterly disappointed
(in you and myself)
you are indeed overwhelmingly beautiful
or handsome if you please
I can't find my feelings for you or myself
too bad that that's all I really need.

I’m drowning my sorrows
     and stealing tomorrows.
Now why should that be a crime?
     if a tomorrow is borrowed, it’s a waste                    
            of my time.

Is it not crazy
how one, tiny baby
can change your life
in such a big way?

Let our love for the Lord become greater!
Let our hope arise!!!
Let our faith be ever so true!
Let our questions grow!
Let our thirst for the Word be an unquenchable one!

Let our hope arise!!
Let our love be strong!

when it rains, darling it pours
my broken spirit is a lot like yours.
broken pieces casting a shadow so bleak
and a tattered heart that’s become too weak.

but remember the Sun, when we can hide for a while.
a time of rest, a time to smile.

I've tried to rid you of my heart, my thoughts, my life.
Erased,
but there's no magic left in my pencil because of too many other mistakes.

I actually cannot stress
exactly how much I'd love to be
the blue flowers on my dress.

Made of lace so pretty,
perfect every one.
With flows of plenty
spirits falling undone.

its weird that you continue
to give my heart and stomach
butterflies after all of these years
of getting to know you.

autumn is blowing kisses
on summer’s dying wind.

I had a dream featuring one unknown to me
     one look and that's all it took
his eyes had me drowning in an endless, beautiful sea

I remember that toxic dream in vivid color
     he asked me something in that café that I will always remember
"May I do the honor?"

Before my knowledge was struck, like a match lighted few too many times
     he took my face in his hands
and our senses flowed like endless rhymes

I savored the kiss in which was my first
     but it just so happens that when I would wake
my lonely heart would burst
*and still it aches

There's a plum
in the crease of my arm
where precious crimson flow was taken away.

Stolen from my vessel
in an attempt, in vain, to learn
but it was just a simple ***** in the skin.

And it created a plum.

I’ve always acted like a five year old.
I’ll pout when things go wrong,
I’ll shy away when you begin to say
that something will take too long.
I’ll hide under my covers, up to my head
I’ll hide in the blankets of my soft bed.
I’ll hide from all of the monsters:
anxiety, depression too
I’ll hide away from those mean old things,
and instead I’ll think of you.
I’ll dream a dream, or I think I might
a closed-eye movie to pass the night.
I’ve never been a fan of the dark,
never a fan of fright.
I’ve always loved the day time,
rather than that of night,
until you came to feel my young head with beauty, love, and light.

no
I'm not tired because of sleep deprivation
but a different type of tired
a type of tired that doesn't make my eyes
close
but the kind that makes them "water" or even
r o l l

most people that cause me to be in this tired state
really don't know what they're doing because it's who they are.
*They are simple fools.

"When I was a kid.."
"You're still a kid"

Then tell me
how is it fair that you expect me to act like the adult you say I'm not?

"Listen,
I'm sorry for trying to be myself
for trying to please you
or asking for some help.
I apologize for ever wanting to try
but I still tried to be who you wanted
it makes me cry and cry.
Do you know how it feels to never be loved?
Wait no of course not.
You've always put yourself above."
**p.s. all I've ever wanted was love and approval too
but soon I'll be happy
I'm officially through

I haven't particularly
been active,
and for that I apologize.
But soon I must write,
as fast as education
can make me wise.

Literally just go away
My power is out
I'm cold
Bye

hello
if you're reading this,
im afraid you're reading a chapter
of.. well... me.
today he tried at least
he did
a compliment, or was it?
he looked for a reaction.
but can't I refuse?
a week of long nights
talking to a dear friend
whose name will not appear
trying to prevent the cuts on her skin
cant she refuse?
little things slowly weighing on my mind
every day I wish I were actually the
joyous person I make it out I am.
I'm afraid not
and this realization is something I can't refuse.

my sides are carefully caressed,
and my hair is played with in the most random of ways.
the wind spoke to me today, through the tree leaves, and for a second I stopped.
The wind and her flirtatious ways reminded me of you. And I smiled.

I'm tired of hiding behind a wall,
holding my head high,
not letting my chin fall.

I'm sick of putting on a show,
making them smile and laugh,
maybe one day they'll know.

Head held high,
and thoughts held low,
maybe I'll cry, maybe you'll know.

I dreamed a dream so pretty
But it was about self pity
I was all alone
In a land so far away
Right beside an ocean bay
On this little lonely island
The colors exquisite
But there was no one there to live it
So alone I set
And there I wept

lost in the gray mountains, a beautiful blanket abyss, I reminded you that quote, “hey we haven’t yet kissed”

it took a few smiles and giggles too, before you guided my lips, gently, to you.

it was everything perfect, funny, and true.
that’s when I learned that I only want to kiss you.

for a life so beautiful, a love so sweet, I sure can’t wait for our lips to again meet.

Too cold. For April.
But we took a walk because we’re just young and in love, starving for time together.

The ice and snow beat us in the face, clinging to our eyelashes, interrupting our smiles with spits and sputters.

It was cold, too cold. But we held each other close, a fire between our hearts.

Then we went to the gazebo where we simply spoke beautiful words to one another, just us. Our arms were wrapped around one another, clinging like we would never hold each other again.

I told you something, admitted even. It hit me hard, I almost cried. That’s when you spoke sweetly to me, hugged me slightly tighter, and kissed me ever so gently.

but I remember the pinky promise.

I was so excited to taste you,
and I loved and cherished everything while it lasted,
but now that it’s over,
I hate the aftertaste.

What am I to do when something makes you yell
     making you seem mad?
How am I to feel when you say "it's ok"
     making your mood hard to tell?
Should I be sorry for something I may not have done?
     *this everyday confusion keeps going on  and on...

I'm only typing this

because the sound of the keyboard

is soothing to me.

no
you most certainly can not
you can not calm this storm
you my dearest can indeed
calm yourself
after that, i do promise
the storm will pass

For the first time in a long time,
it feels and looks like Christmas.

Last year, I gifted my heart to you.
This year, you still have it and refuse to give it away,
it's your most prized possession.

And I think that this year,
because you've given me everything I could ever want,
will be the best Christmas I've ever had.

I honestly feel like being dead.

A death, like sleep.
Clouds!! to rest my wary head.

Yes, myself I want to ****,
none of you want to hear that, but still.

A halo and white
not for me.
Reds of fire and passion,
what you like to see.

Watch my horns and smile as they grow.
I’m not the angel they used to know.

Rags to riches is what they say
but they always forget to mention
that the true treasure
is amongst the rags from the beginning

Wonderland is full of madness,
       That's perfect because I am too.

Wonderland is uncertain,
       That's fine because I am too.

To get to wonderland you must fall down a dark hole,
        That's okay I often do.

To be the ruler of wonderland they say you have to be as mad as a hatter,
                           Luckily, I am.