I thought I knew....
Or at least I pretended to know,
Who you are.

Today, I woke up
To the sound of your mistakes
The beating and screaming
The laughing and sneering

The shock and disgust
Sends me running
Puking

But now...
Just let me in.
For the shock is over
And I’m ready to understand

Let me in.
Swallow me whole
Let me crawl
Under your skin
Never to breathe again

Let me swim
For God’s sake, let me drown
In your toxic blood
that has poisoned me for so long

And let me get lost
In the fog that crowds your mind
Never to see the light again

For I want to know
Every part of you
Even if it kills me

When the day has finally come
That I am kissed by death
Promise me one thing
As I take my last breath

Don’t let me waste away
Rotting into the earth...disgust
Burn me and set me to flames
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Spread me in the river
Where the water will always flow
Let it guide me through the land
And the world I used to know

Let my grave be the river
I promise it's for the best
Let me always be moving
for I never want to rest

And may you come back to the water
Should you ever miss me so much
Feel the river brush against your fingertips
And you will feel my touch

So you did what you did
And here we are
I am forever broken
And you seem so far

You want to heal my heart
The one you filled with hate
You want me back
But it’s far from too late

So the least you can do
Is just...this
Tell me about her
The one that you kissed

The one who gave you
Everything I could not
Is she really the reason
We always fought?

Tell me about her
What does she wear?
How does it feel
Running your fingers through her hair

Go ahead, you can tell me
How does she smile
Did she make you laugh?
Make you last for a good while?

How does it feel
Brushing her skin
Is it soft like mine
Does it hold passion within

Does she smell like flowers
Like you always said I do
Do you know her inside and out
Like I thought I knew you

Does she get excited
When a good song comes on
Do you actually sing with her
When she sings along?

Does she ever
Just want to dance
Did you actually dance with her?
Did you ever get the chance?

Does she burn holes through your eyes
When you make a dumb joke
Is her heart
One you ever would have broke?

Just one last question,
I promise its the last one I’ll ever ask you...

When you looked into her eyes,
Did you ever see me?
I’m sorry if I ever got in the way
Don’t worry now. You are free.

You may think I’m weird
For staring
Staring at the wall
The floor
Or that imaginary spot in the air

But I’m not

I’m watching something
Something so much more


A movie

A string of scenes
Of my life
Of what happened
What I wish happened
What I wish didn’t
What I dream will happen
What’s actually going to happen
What I want
What I need
What I’ll have
And what I won’t have

What I could’ve had
What I let go of
What was taken from me

What I’m left with

Left with nothing
Nothing to go for
Nothing to hold on to

I’m trying so hard
To look for something to grab
A reason to keep me hanging on

Keep me
Or I’ll should leave

Okay.

Here we go.
-
-
-
-



Yes.
I'll add them up.
Yes,
I'll check in
Every
Single
Day

Yes,
I'll force it out
When I've backed down
To get
"Back On Track"

And then
When I go too far
I'll put on
The cover ups
To hide
what's not there

So cold
So chilling
Was that room
Frigid to the bone
When exposed

So hot
So scalding
Was that water
Enough to smell burning skin
But it never seems hot enough
To burn away those memories

So dark
So confused
Shadows blended with the black
Is that cloud,
That one right there next to me,
Floating under the surface,
My burning hair
Or my blood

Every time this happens
I feel it
Right, here

Every time
What seems like a layer of warm linen
Grows over my heart

But I fear
Because the longer my heart's in there
It forgets
How to be exposed
Like before

And I fear that day
When all of this goes away
When all layers at a time
Are ripped apart
And there
Lays my exposed heart

What a shame it is
That I expect that day
But expecting the worst
Is the way