The cool chill
Of a dark depression
Blows into me
Fills me with sadness

I dream every night
Of you
I am haunted
By my loneliness

I wake up everyday
With a heart
Shattered from
My very own failures

The depression freezes me
Won't you come defrost me

Just a little?

It's cold here

I'm cold here

Where are you

My King

I need you

Your warmth is

Unbeatable.

I was okay
when you left
But when I
Discovered you
never did
my heart
Rapidly dug up
All the old
feelings and
Memories
And I was
reminded
That you
Stole my heart
I love you
You rejection
Was never yours
Yet we'll never
be
we were the
Right souls
colliding
At the
wrong time.

You try to make it okay,
Try to make me laugh,
Try to make me smile
But all you have to do is wipe away the tears.
Give me an **** hug
And put your hand in mine.
I want you,
I need your raw skin to match mine,
I have such a desire to feel your warmth,
Please come closer,
Just stay,
Just be the only person not to walk away.

Distance
Aching heart
Pleading lips
Untouched hips
Begging to just be held
In those sweet arms
I envy those who get
To see those eyes
And my favorite scar
The butterflies
Came back to me one night
And have since been fluttering
Trying to be freed
They too wish for you back
To calm their impatience
I whisper each night
To assure that I never lose faith
Because it's all I have without you
Faith to see you
That our love will once again
CLASH
With ecstacy and joy
To simply be reunited
In your arms
With those lips
Would surely cure all and any
Of my ailments.

Please don't bring it up
I don't like it when you do
I don't want you to like it
Or hate it
Or deal with it
Or stick up for it
Just shrug
The subject away
I hate it
When it comes up
Because no matter
What you say it stings.

These words will not resonate within your soul
The way they have for me all these years,
When I was born, I knew little of love,
I was a baby, practically fatherless,
I struggled as a child, because something wasn't right,
I wasn't all right, you see somewhere deep down
That little girl that was me, she knew all along what she wanted,
It was a forever, as a child she believed she wanted a forever family,
As she grew up and learned what romance and love was,
She knew she was wrong before,
The cause of my great dissatisfaction in life, was simply,
I had not met the man I was suppose to be with,
This great discovery was at the age of 8,
When I knew only of puppy love,
I grew angry that life could have failed me,
Because I knew the feeling,
The constant tugging in my chest wouldn't stop,
So when I turned 11,
I believed I had found love,
And when I lost it only a year later,
My soul collapsed in on itself,
Not because I lost the person I loved,
But because I knew it would never be the same,
I knew, I had my one chance and lost it then,
When he later returned to my life,
The love boiled in my soul,
Comforting me,
Allowing me to enjoy life for small moments,
I had something real once upon a time,
He torched it all though,
Shattered my hopes at love,
Left me feeling so empty and so full all at once,
Love is my life,
It has always been,
I started looking for a partner at 3,
Here I am 15 years later,
Still looking, my journey never ending,
For no man has yet to hold me within their souls,
As I have placed others,
I cannot be loved,
And I wonder sometimes if God cursed me
Or if it was the devil,
How can a girl have such a large capacity to love,
And never be loved,
I have wondered all my life,
Why is it so easy to leave me,
To call me amazing or beautiful,
But to never love me,
To cheat my heart,
To break my soul,
Can't anyone see,
My life is nothing without someone to love,
I was born to love,
I was born out of lust and mistake,
But in the end, it created a big hearted woman,
Love has kept my skin from tearing open,
Without it, I am nothing,
My body does not deserve to live if my soul cannot be happy,
Will I ever find the one,
Most likely not,
But I will love all the wrong ones along the way.

But what if
Maybe
Just maybe
I can never let you go

What if I still breathe
In the smell of your shirt
That I am so mad I washed

What if I miss you in bed at night
And the feeling of you hugging me
In your sleep

What if I want you forever

But simply can never have you
Because you want me to be
Your ***** little secret

You've erased me from your life
But you're still everywhere I look
In everything I hear
In everything I love in this world

No one will ever love me

Even if you only loved me in pieces
Even if you couldn't forgive me
Or trust me

I want to take back so much
Crawl out of my own skin

How can I erase the good
If it makes me smile
How can I erase the bad
If it makes me laugh to look back on

We were always crazy

Perfectly imperfect together

There will never be anyone like you

There will never be another man

Who can reach into my soul
And make me love them the way
That I loved you

You loved me even while you hated me

I want you to be happy still

Because someone here has to be
I had so much happiness with you
But you didn't want to choose me
Not with all your heart

Not like I needed you to.

My Shaking hands running through my hair at the sight of you,
Stress and pain,
My heart stops dead,
My eyes widen,
I walk away,
More like pace,
But I turn around each second,Just to catch another glimpse,
The one I waited forever to see,
That face,
Exactly the same,
Too bad your heart no longer says my name,
My heart?
It has yours written all over it,
But it's crossed out,
From all the times I tried to let go,
I still don't know If I succeeded,
I'm doubtful,
But still hopeful.

Hold me tight
Promise me
I'm your real love
And all those
Before
Were bad mistakes
Lie to me
Tell me
Your love
For them
Could never
Compare to
The love you have for me
Kiss me
And say
Your marrying me
And no other girl
Will ever
Or has ever
Heard those words
From your lips
I love you
And the past
Can be a bad
Reminder of
The lies we told
But once believed
And I honestly
Would hate
Despise
Loathe
The past
Except
I met you
Somewhere back there
Behind the girls you dated
Behind the ones who hurt you
You and I met
Once so innocent and young
And I have finally gotten you
I just never want to let go
I don't wanna be one of those girls.

Don't let me be.

Don't
Don't tell me
I'm stealing
Your heart
When years
Ago you
Stole mine
How am
I suppose
To decide
How am
I suppose
To feel
I promised
You'd always
Have a
Place in
My heart
Always have
A chance
With me
But now
I'm So Confused.

Why Does Your Heart Break
Cause Me So Much Pain.

My tears,

They
            A
                 L
                    W
                        A
                            Y
                               S

**Return

Love has consumed me
Far too long
For me to ever stop
To ever lose faith
Because in my darkest days
All I had was hope
For a future with
The one I love
Who would love me
As wildly and crazily
From day one to the very last
With every bit of his heart.

I can't help it,
My eyes don't shine bright,
I don't scream happy,
Yes I like the color black,
I think of a negative outcome for everything,
I say "I quit" before I try,
I think life is hard,
and love is harder.

But when the sun hits my eyes just right they shimmer,
I laugh daily about the silliest of things,
I own some color,
I hope for the best,
I try even when I think I'm doomed,
I live life no matter how tedious,
And I love more than any other.
I am full of contradictions,But maybe they aren't all bad.

Someone asked me "So what happens when you know everything about him and get bored?"And I told them **"It's not going to happen, I've known him 5 years and not only am I learning new things still but being re-told old things and I love it, with him there's no getting bored."

Looking back
I just
Always knew
From that moment
Our eyes met
Something
Grew
My heart learned
Love is real
It discovered
Our love is the truest of the true.

She cannot count
The number of times
She has wanted to kiss him
But simply did not out of fear

She cannot count the number of
I love you's she has kept in
Believing he would never feel the same

She cannot count
How often she thinks of his eyes
And the way he makes her smile

She cannot count
The number of times
She had hope for more

Only to be swayed by his own words

She cannot count
The number of people
Who say they are more
Because he's insisted they aren't

She can only count
On the way her heart freezes at his touch
Or the way she smiles at just a glance

She counts now, all the little actions,
That make him both a gentleman,
And a savage,
A beautiful savage.

Words
Of regret
And apologies
Can't fill the cracks
Won't heal the wounds
I'm not capable of being fixed
There is more than you see
The pain seeps to deep
And the memories
Only burn deeper scars
Problems mounted problems
Conflicts go unsolved
The walls I've built
Out of cement and bricks
Are in ruins
The strength I had
Is depleting
And all the hope I had
For healing
Slowly Fades Away.

This undesired love,
It lives for you,
Though I've grown to hate it,
I hate how our memories still roam my mind,
Making my heart still ache,
I don't want to want you,
But my heart still whispers your name while I sleep,
Still your face sends a nervous apocalypse running through my body,
But now I see my love for you has made me crazed,
And I might have been over excited,
And now you ignore me,
Ignore our history,
Ignore those sweet words you wrote to me only 2 months ago,
What happened?
You use to call me,
You would tell me you love me,
You use to hug me for minutes at a time,
The only days we kissed,
It rained,
So I'm sorry if my love has been driving you crazy,
I know I come on a little strong,
But even if you never want me like you use to,
Can at least have my best friend back?
Can't I say "Hi"
Please let me back in,
Because I'm falling to pieces all over again.

I hope this *****
Is talking to herself
Because I wanna punch
Her in the ******* face
Or at least cuss her out.

I don't know what I'd do
If I didn't wake up
And discover you
Waiting for me
Don't know what I'd do
If I didn't have you
To hold me
You see it might be sad
But my love
Makes my world revolve around you.

Its so cloudy here,
Because my sunshine,
He died last night,
Or rather he killed the
Connection we shared
So we are severed
Forever it seems
And I will die alone
Just as suspected
Die miserably
Alone.

From the land of the
Dead did I emerge
Wounds and scars
My way of life
Tragic love stories
Whispered in my ear each night
Making it so hard to fight

I was born from
Tears and prayers unanswered
I am from a mystical darkness
That always seems to loom

I am the Mighty Queen
Of complicated lives
Of broken hearts
And lost words
The monster in me
Was born the night
I came to life
(In the momement I first knew love)
And it promised never to leave
On the day I learned heart-break
Here I lie now
A creation of evil
Fighting to be good
To be anything but
What the world has tried
To make me.

I get scared
When your sad
I fear like you sometimes do
I think
You wanna take your ring back
Or that your leaving me again
I think maybe
This is the end to our story
And this anxiety
Fills me
And aches inside
Cross my heart
And aim my gun shaped hand
Right at it and shoot
Hoping it'll end the pain but
With you it stays
And tears fill my eyes and I hope
I hope
I pray
I need this
Not to be goodbye.

It was all one beautiful
Heartbreaking lie
You drop me like
I am nothing
After saying
How much I mean
Your cruel
Lovers are suppose
To help each other
Not abandon them
Their forbidden words
Can't stop us forever
So what happens when you're free
What happens if the evil doesn't rise
And what if it does
Will you come for me.

In a life where we've been abandoned
In a world where less paternal instinct seems to exist
In a place where love is claimed by liars


We have experienced loneliness
A empty pain no other family member can replace
Liars have claimed to love us
Then betray us

Yet we remain
Always at the brink of suicide


We have found each other now
Promised to grow up to be parents who are there
Sworn to one another we love;always have and will

Here we are stronger than ever
No longer in pain
No longer alone
Or broken
Here we've claimed
Perseverance
We have shown what can happen
As long as
You NEVER give up.

Your asking me
To change
My base
Your asking me
To believe in
Something I don't
And it breaks my
Scarred heart
To think this
Can destroy us.

This time around,
I didn't get a goodbye kiss
Or that long meaningful stare

This time I got
Dirt in my eyes

I've been harmed
My eyes (the gateway to the soul)

Oh how they burn
For my mind misses
Looking at you

Feeling you close
And you looking at me
The way I look at you

With love and admiration

With a sense of desire

Now I am left

With memories that I claw
To hold onto

And just as before
I throw out all other knowledge

To hold onto more of the days
That I spent in your comforting arms

This time it's more unfair than ever

And I beg for you to somehow

Be able to just stay

My love reaches

Such a grand intensity
And I can never let go
I open my eyes despite the pain

Wiping away the tears

And I reach out to you now

Hoping maybe

You'll respond

With more than simplicity

But show me you love me
Tell me how you saw me all those days

All that time we made love

Make me smile again

Don't go without giving me
Something to hold onto

Some faith
Some hope

Don't go without
Telling me you love me

Because I want to replay that instance
Everyday until we can be reunited.