So many words,
All in dedication to you,
To what you meant to me,
I'm sorry I keep writing for you,
Now I see,
You never really loved me,
Maybe our kisses in the rain,
Our daily hugs,
And every second we spent as friends or more,
Really meant nothing,
I thought they were special,
But to you they are only distant memories,
Meaningless Ones at that,
I regret meeting you,
You only brought me pain,
You only gave me an illusion
You made me believe it was real,
But that whole time
you were lying.

I need you
To build me up
Because with everything
Thats going on
I feel like I may fall.

My dreams
Are dark now
Without you
Darkness consumes
Darkness devours.

I have so much to say
The emotions overwhelm me
But once again
They seem
Stuck.

If by chance you see a smile
There is a dead girl in me,
If by chance you see tears or a frown
There is a girl fighting to live.

My body aches
Aches for intimacy
Aches for motherhood
Aches for change

I need a new beginning.

When I was younger
I'd look in the mirror
And just stare
See myself
My awful reflection
And tears would form
I always tried to look away
Just in time
But sometimes
There simply isn't enough time
I remember my mind would race
Race with all it's might to insult me
And yet I do not quite remember the day
That it all changed
But I do know why
You
Somehow
Someday
Without my knowledge you
Changed it
Maybe it was the fact that each day
You'd call me beautiful
Maybe it was because I finally felt loved
Or maybe
It was because I finally had happiness
Back in my life
I looked into that same mirror
And I stared
But instead of crying
I laughed
Made funny faces
Played with my hair
I thought of you
Saw your eyes gleaming back at me
And somehow
It was as though the mirror had become you
You were watching me
And I smiled
And I felt free
Everything changed with you
And for once in my life
It was  change that helped me
Rather than hurt me.

I always want the wrong people
Always want someone who doesn't want me
How do I constantly do this
Why am I never the one to be loved

How do I change everything about myself because I feel it's my only choice.

I realized today
That after years
Of writing poems
About you
Nothing I ever wrote
Or said could compare
To my love, my feelings,
Or your true magnificence.

I get lost in the chaos
That is your perfection.

I wish you were as chemically addicted to me like I once was to you.



Just so you could see how much strength it took to walk away and stay away.

My child
So vivid
Our child
So precious
We'll watch
As you grow
And ensure
Your safety
And happiness.

More days than not
I feel your heartbreaking regret
That you stayed here.

She's got this thing called external beauty that you can't see past

And I mean **** you're not wrong, you can bounce a quarter off that ***

But I tell you, inside the beautiful exterior is a
B I T C H

A big one at that

To have something that everyone has had or has seen is no prize

To have someone purely because they look good is so silly

You want a trophy?

Buy one.

You want a prize

Earn it.

I'm tired of hearing
You're beautiful

Of hearing
I love you

With no intention
Of meaning it
Forever.

On
Christmas
Morning
After I
Tear open
All the
Gifts
I'll be
Thinking
That you
Were
The best
Gift
I have.

What do you do

When a man loves you

With his entire soul

And you

You just don't think you can

But you want to

You want to out of ease

You want to so that he'll be happy

You want to love him

The way he loves you

Because you know

Exactly what it's like to not be loved back

I remember
How you use to say
You would live
In the school
We use to make love in
And how the bright side
Was that we could see each other
And we'd be close
I remember your aspirations
Of us one day somehow
Living together
Sharing a bed
As husband and wife
Surviving because we had each other

I still dream that one day
You'll be my husband baby.

I've been trying to learn
How to not hate myself.


How do I unlearn everything I've taught myself?

How do I take back my tears?

How do I take back slicing into my own skin in hopes I'd die?

How do I erase the self doubt and fear?

How do I let go of all the years I didn't feel like enough?

How do I wash away the sin?


I want to cleanse my soul

Show me how.

The truth is
Without you
I feel so alone
So I cling to anyone
Who's willing
To be a leech
Until you return
Is my life all day
I just hope you see
I love you so much
That I miss you most
When your away
My body heart and soul
Try to replace you
but I just need to look into your eyes
To be close
With them
I hug
And poke
And tug
And laugh strangely
Because
They're not you
They do not complete me
Like you do.

Let me be
Honest
Because
That's hard
For me,
I LOVE
That you call
And message
And write poems
For or about me
I love that your
There because
When your not
I'm always thinking
Of you
Always missing you
Craving everything
That you are
My flesh misses yours
My beating heart
Searching for yours
And at the slightest
Glimpse my chest beats
So hard and rapidly
I Miss You
When your gone
So no
You don't seem obsessive
Maybe I do for saying this
But I wanted you to know
I love how close we are
I love that we depend
On each other
Because we support each other
You wanted me
To be clingier
And I hope
That you see
I try
Not because
You asked
But because
I LOVE
Being Close To You.

Do you ever have that feeling

Where something is lurking in the shadows

And it's not a person

But an event

Like some time soon

Everything around you is just going to

Explode

And there's nothing you can do to stop it

Just wait and watch.

Are my eyes cloudy
Or is it simply
That the world around me
Is clouded.

You
My love
Are the sun
To every cloudy day
You clear my soul
Wash my heart and
You dry it alongside yours.

The truth is
I love you
Cold hearted or not
Because beneath it all
You will always be
The man I love.

I wonder
If spilled blood
Could show
How sincere
My words are.