I think of you
Your smiling face
And the feelings
That inhabited me
In your presence
It was as though
You re-lit a candle in me
That burned out years before
It warmed me
And lit me up
I never wanted it to end
But when I thought it did
I realized it was a trick candle
And thoughts of you
Kept it lit
My fire won't burn out
Because no matter how hard you blow
The fire remains.

I am inferior
For in your eyes
I am simply sin
No matter how I beg
For forgiveness
I am a monster
Am I not?
For did you not agree
With the cruelty he dealt
The accusations
Of being nothing but a
Young lustful *****
Is that what your calling me?
I thought you loved me
And yet I have spent all day crying
My heart begging to be torn out
And my hands anxious for the blade
My mind shattered
As memories of us replay in my mind
Our hugs and kisses
Our cuddles and care
The proposal which you took back
That which shattered my dreams
And I fear he was right in calling me
Nothing
For I believe God is punishing me
I have sinned and prayed for forgiveness
And I am repayed with only this agony
I cannot cry for I have run out of tears
My world distraught by the power
He holds over you and I
To disrupt our present
With the past
That which I have begged forgiveness
My voice
It goes unheard
And the pain undying
If you were here to look me in eyes
Would you let me break inside as I am now?
Would you watch me crumble?
Or hold me and love me?
Haven't you always preached
Letting go of the past
Haven't you preached forgiveness
For I am broken now
And I will not yell
And I may continue to cry
But still I will not give up
Our battle is too hard
But we've fought to long
To give up now
So I remain
With this aching
For I too love you
And I too forgive
For love is forgiveness
Love is compromise and acceptance
And I accept you
And I trust you
And sometimes I wish that was returned
But I see no matter how faithful I am it will not
I have sinned so
I will not be trusted
And I'm always gonna be
Border-line accpeted
But love goes on
So I will stay
And be yours
And offer you my heart
And let you cherish or hurt it
For my love is powerful
And it will not quit
For true love
Does not sway or diminish
Only grow with each twisted fight.

You always said
I was yellow
And you were black
And that you'd
Envelope me
In your world
And I wish
You would
So that we'd be close.

As children the nights are filled with dreams filled to capacity,
As children we play with our toys,
As children we fall and scrap our knees,
As children we have no responsibilities,
As children we feel free,
As we grow dreams fade,
Our toys turn into work,
Our scrapped knees become broken hearts
Our lives piled high with responsibilities,
Our freedom is lost,
And that's when we become a grown-up

You look at me
When no one else sees
But when your
"Friends"
Are around
You make
Those annoying
***** noises
Like nothing exsisted
Like we never
Smiled
Or laughed together
Like we didn't flirt
Or have something
Your ashamed
Everything got ******* up
And that's okay
Because I know you
Almost asked me out once
I know
You use to want me
It's okay
I found someone
Not ashamed.

Break me into pieces
And pour me over you
As if you've won
And your showing me
How victorious you truly are.

Despite our past
And our good-bye
My mind needs you
A part of me misses you too
While the rest of me
Aches
And itches
To escape
The area
You posses
It fears you
Needs to forget
I'm stuck here
Between
A need
And a hate
An urge
And a pain
And I know
I'll Never Decide

He asked
For forever
And that's
what I'll
give him

I wish
Someone would
Ask me
What happened
In my life
I wish I could
Tell them
So that they'd
Understand it
I wish
It was easier
To remember.

Still your
Kiss feels like
No others
It makes
My whole
Body warm
I melt into you
My body
Trembles
As your lips
Are pressed against
Mine
My body
Whispers
"I want more,
Give me more"
I submiss
Getting deeper
Into the motions
And farther
And farther
Away from
The real
World that's
Still going
On around us.

Used up
Again
And again
So I push away
From the only kiss
To make me weak
Because I fear
The love has dissipated
And all that remains
Is carnal lust.

My mind is at war with my heart I listen to both sides...Both make valid points but which do I listen to...Their voices are too loud to know who is saying what...
My mind is at war with my heart...I wonder the outcome...I wonder who will be victorious...Maybe no one...Maybe someone...But in the end...something is going to change....Something will be altered and all I can do Is let it happen...

My mother said
It's not a real proposal
Unless he gets down on one knee
I rolled my eyes
And thought
**All that matters
Is that the look in his eyes
When he asks
And seeing
It's not fear but hope
And believing
You see joy instead of sorrow
Trying to look past his eyes
And looking into that beautiful soul
And if your lucky
Seeing how much he loves you.

Death caught her young,
While a tumor grew in her head it felt as though one was growing in my heart,
A mere child let in eternal peril!
Her inevitable end brought my never ending damnation,
How dare the supposed god end a life before it began,
At only seven barely knowing the true horrors,
I watched as the life perished in her eyes,
As she became incapable of self-care I became incapable of tears,
Even in her demise I could not cry,
I was as cold as her purple lifeless body,
Her casket open while people in black shed tears,
As only a child I could not comprehend the hurt
But now I carry it with me everywhere,
A I watched her body put into the ground that pain the one I was uncapable of then now fills me,
Each visitation a constant reminder of the dear child lost,
I lost a friend,A mother lost her daughter and some just lost hope,
There became pain in my world once death entered
And though I could not shed tears for my beloved friend then I do now,
Because now I see all that I lost and all that could've been oh so different.

There he was
Awakening her soul
A soul that had taken
Hit after hit
That had been so damaged
She couldn't believe
The way it lurched forward for him
She touched her face
Just to make sure her smile was real
And to her surprise it was
Was he real
Oh his touch was
Where had this man been
All those lonely nights
Her dreams she figured
And somehow once again
She has found hope
Hope in a forever
Oh she feared he'd leave
Like everyone before him
But she needed those smiles
So she held on
And maybe
Just maybe
She's found her forever.

You were a addiction
A need
It seems if thoughts of you weren't flowing through me I wasn't alive
You were the pain and the joy
The bittersweet taste that lived in me
An obsession came with my love
I was in fact infatuated
I was consumed in your everything
Your name
Your memories
Hell I loved you
But it was so much more
You were the air I breathed
You were the oxygen I needed but I didn't want
I craved death and while your memories did that
They also kept me alive
Time has passed my darling and old words still ache
Broken promises still urge tears
But you are now a ending chapter
Your a part in my story but babe your not the whole **** thing
Not anymore

I am so alone

The trees are devouring me

I will be one with the wind

I do not wish to disturb

I only wished to love.

Rejoice

In the sweet

Reunion,

Oh how

I missed you.

I think some days
Are meant to be bad

To make you completely fall apart

I think there is an eternal struggle
Humans must get through

To fight the bad day
Or to give in

Today I'm doing both.

I Hate the type of dreams
Where I'm once again
Degraded to a worthless *****
While all I'm doing in reality
is staying faithful to you.

The worst parts aren't
Even how I took it numb
And for absolutely worthless things
But then trying to tell myself
It'd all be okay
I didn't have to tell you
I'd forever hold in that ache
Because I couldn't lose you

Yet I know I could not keep
My tears away
When I were to meet those eyes
All evil commited would come undone
Then you'd see just how bad
Your dream girl can be.

Oh wait I get it now.


I was always beautiful
Just not beautiful enough

I was always amazing
Just not amazing enough

I was always a good lover
Just not good enough

I was just enough
For you to hold onto

To hug and make love to

To love
Just not that way.

Whisk me away
Leave behind
The twisted thoughts
Of fear
We'll escape
To the land
Of sweet redemption
Be freed from the chains
That viciously hold us down
Nightmares impossible
For we're anywhere
But in the depths of evil
Together
We will prevail
Hope is not yet lost.

The very word
Strikes me to my core
So many definitions
Of what makes a person
Beautiful
And yet
When you look at me
You need not think
Only speak the word
And that's how I feel loved
On darker days
With that word
That makes me feel special
And happy
With a simple word
That contains as many
Syllables as my first name
You wrap me into your arms
And complete me with your love
And I actually believe you
When you say it
Because that sparkle
In those sweet eyes
Tell me
You truly believe I am.

Death I savored the thought,
It would pass my mind constantly,
Death had consumed my life,
I wished for it,
I wanted to die as I slept,
But I knew this was a wish not likely to become reality,
So I contemplated how I would die,
At my age
It would have to be forced,
So my mind wandered
Eventually I came across the simplest answer,
Pills,
Wouldn't that be painless?
Death was my savior,
I thought it would bring me peace,
But what if it brought me more hell than Life did?
So I sat there,
On my bed,
The bottle in my hand,
Crying,
Knowing I'd have to stick this life out,
Just wishing there was something to make it easier,
To make it fade,
And it was that day,
I picked up my first blade

I have been called beautiful
By a couple of people
But they just make me laugh
Because they don't know me
Because their not you
Whose seen my stretch marks
And seen the scars
Who knows all my secrets
They dont know
Who I am
Because its only when I'm with you
That the real me comes to life
So they don't see something beautiful
They see unkown territory that
They attempt to uncover
But never will
Because their not you
So when they say I'm beautiful
I simply laugh
But when you say it
I'm silent
Because I take each syllable in
Analyzing that beautiful has
As many syllables as my first name
And that your looking at me
With that spark of raw passion
With the intensity of what you conceive
The truth to be
So maybe I'm beautiful
But only to you.

I stared into the mirror last night
And I cried
But this time I cried not because
I disliked what I saw
But instead because of what you
Always saw in me
Because no matter how I looked
You found beauty in me
Even when I
Was simply a crumpled mess
You'd hold my hand with pride
And tell me I was beautiful
So thats why I cried
Because your words
Made me feel loved
Even if everything's changed
Those words
Meant everything
You mean everything.