I woke up dreaming of you, as I've done a million times the last 14 years. I had given you another chance in my dreams, a chance to love me, and as always, you leave me. Even in my dreams my heart breaks. I don't know why I still dream about you or even think of you. Firsts mean a lot I guess. I have someone who loves me so unconditionally, in the way that I loved you. I remember that love, so deep I'd do anything just to keep you. I often wonder how you're doing now, if you've finally settled, and if you've found a love that makes you as crazy as I was for you. Passion really hypnotized me, I needed you endlessly and now I know I was filling myself with you to block out all the bad stuff that had happened. Even though that pain still exists from what others have done I've finally balanced out. But sometimes I still think about you, about the way it felt when you touched me. That was always the most exciting part. I'm going to sleep again soon, as one does, and I'm just hoping as pleasant as it is to see your face, that I don't dream of you.

I miss you
I feel your absence
My body is a empty shell without you
And I suppose it no longer matters
That my body arches in my bed
Imagining you and I tangled in the sheets
My heart shattered by your abscence
My world missing its life
Wishing you were back
Needing you
Crying in my bed
Seeing how lonely life truly is
So now who will kiss me
And walk me home
And make me proud of who I am
Who will look at me with passion
And tickle me to make sure I'm okay
I miss your eyes
And staring into them
And running my hand over your scar
For who will kiss my boo boos
And cuddle with me when I'm sad or sick
Who will I give my play-doh hearts to
Who do I turn to now that your gone
Because no one can compare to you
No one is made for me like you.

It hurts without you
And your right
We haven't
Spent time together
And I miss you
It's felt like forever
Since you last looked at me
With desire
And I miss that too
But what hurts most
Is I feel like you don't trust me
Like you down-graded me to *****
Because your friends weren't in my shoes
And I hate that
I hate that we've let other people in our minds
Because that's destroyed us too much in the past
To let it destroy all we've worked for now
I've been so indescribably upset
And every time we solve our sorrows together
Something else interferes with us
And it seems like we never win
But I never give up
And I won't now
I'm the type of person who hates change
And that means I try not to
So when I say I love you
I say it with my soul
I say it with every bit of me
And I mean it forever and always
I don't let go because I never give up
Won't you please just be happy with me.

Happiness baby
Remember that

Laughing
And tickling
Making love
And being adventurous
Always pushing the envelope
And falling even more madly in love
Remember baby
How I'd give my play-doh hearts
And you'd smile knowing it was somehow
Another piece of me
Remember holding my hand
And pushing my fingers down
And me biting on your finger after
And you licking mine
Remember your hugs
Tight without warning
And remember
The way I bit your neck
And you'd kiss mine
And I'd laugh because your stubble
It tickled me
And remember our dreams baby
Finishing school
Working and me going to college
Sharing a little apartment happily
Because we get to fall asleep in each others arms
And remember our marriage
And our dreams of having a child
And raising them
And how you taught me
That if I have your child
Your blood will be in me
Won't you just remember all the things that make
Us happy
Because that's what we were
And I just want that back baby
I love you
Always and forever
And I'd never hurt you intentionally
So please believe me
Believe my tears and just remember
That together we can be happy
Please let us be happy again.

So wont you come back
Wont you be mine
Where have you been
Your eyes are dazed
And you seem miles away
You gave me a sad look
As though you didn't want to
But I need you
I miss you
My heart must heal
And together we must
Accomplish this obstacle
And get our happy ending
Wont you have faith
And keep holding on like I do
Please darling come back to me
You've stayed but you seem so distant
I need you
For my heart
Will forever be yours.

I still dream of you sometimes

It's a weird feeling

Waking up with your face imprinted in my head

It's not the you that you've become

But the you I knew when we were young

Young and dancing around the love that would come to grow and die

It's weird to feel a love that has gone and to know it'll never come back.

I don't
Miss
Those
People
Who'd
Put you
Or myself
Down
But
At least
Now
I can
Prove them
Wrong.

I cannot wait until
You and I
Can wake up
With bed head.

Can't wait until we
Can have dinner
Together.

Can't wait to
Argue about chores
And who does what.

I can't wait to
Fall asleep in our bed
The one we make love in
And call you my husband.

What
Do You
Call
A Man
Who
Goes After
A Teenager?

I wonder sometimes about those lost words

Written on stray pages that just seemed to vanish

Floating away into nothingness

With more heart and memory than I can contain in just this keyboard

The pen is mightier

The pen is more honest

And now maybe those words

Written in sloppy haste

Can bring someone else peace.

Perfect Strangers in the street,
Admiring the other with passionate eyes.

I like to look
At the pictures of us
So I can see
Your smiling face
So that I can see
Us
Together
I like seeing those
Pictures because
When your away
I still get to see you
I can still see how amazing
You look
And remind myself
Your heart is even
More amazing
I love looking at those pictures
Because I remember
I was happy and giggling
When you took them
I love those pictures
Because they're the
Very beginning
Of our history as a couple.

Go Ahead
Do It,
I DARE YOU.*



I want you to

Your kiss
Heals all wounds
It swallows my tears
And captures my attention

In your arms
I'm desperate
To have you as close I can
Because each moment wrapped in you I feel safe

A touch
Your touch
Like sweet hummingbirds
In slow motion and with each flutter
Of their wings your amazed
Breathless from its pure beauty
Shocked by how much joy can
Come from something like this

Wrapped
And surrounded
By the love and attention
You give and that I should be grateful for
The love
The sweetness of your hugs
And kisses and even your touch
That I am grateful for
It all takes me
and in there
In that pit of perfection
I find my love for you.

I wonder what others see when they look at you
Anytime my eyes meet yours
I feel the pitter patter of my heart
My lips burst into a smile
I can't stop it in time
You tell me to stop staring
But how can I stop staring at perfection
And I know no one is perfect
I know in the past you've hurt me
But when I look into those eyes
It all melts away
And my heart is home
I am home
You are perfect to me
Even though you're crazy
Even though you're complicated
Even if you are not mine
I can't stop staring
Because I can't accept how lucky
I got the day you walked into my life
I love you inside and out
Always and forever
Nothing and no one has been able to change it.

You're buying my ring
Planning this future
But I'm scared

Scared of being loved
I've never felt this before

No one has ever looked at me

The way you always look at me

You make my whole world right

I spent years
YEARS

Thinking this was impossible

I was in darkness so long

And then you came along
And you changed it all

You're everything I
Always hoped for.

I broke your
Heart today
Smashed it
Hard onto
The cement
And watched
As it broke
Into pieces
My relief
Was grand
And that was it
That was goodbye.

For good this time.

I want you
I need you baby
I can't pretend
That I'm okay anymore
Please help me
I love you so much
Sweetie it hurts
Please come kiss it better
Sweetie I'm trying
But I can't see the darkness
So how will I know
How will I know baby
Please I need you here
Tell me what to do
And I'll listen
I just don't want to hurt

I almost don't
Want the year
To end because
In the end
I got what I wanted
A new beginning
Might bring
A old ending.

I'm afarid
To run
Away
Because
I'm afraid
You won't
Chase me.

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I loved you

If you wake up wanting me
Please know I could not stay

Falling in love with you was a blessing and curse
You are the sweetest thing I have ever known
And I am eternally thankful

But I could not stay
And face you
Knowing that you did not love me

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I miss you
And I hope you miss me

Please know
I loved you the moment we met.

I have noticed
That whenever
I'm his and he's mine
There is a feeling
Of joy and completion
I can't help but
Miss him the moments
We spend apart
Always thinking
Of his amazing
Everything
And cant help but
Want to tell the
Whole world
How happy he makes me.

Each time you
Ask me
What if this was a dream?
I ache to be closer
Because it's like a warning sign
That I'm gonna wake up soon
It's as though your saying goodbye in those words
And I inch closer
Trying to reassure myself that
You are real
Your kisses
Your touch
Your love
Hell even your presence
It's hard to imagine just waking up
To find all this was a dream
A magically heart breaking one
I swear if I wake up
From some medically induced coma
And discover none of this was real
My life would end
Because my heart
Would have to reason to keep pumping.

I witnessed death young
Dealt with a non-caring father
I held on tight to those who were friends
I watched them fade away and leave me
I fell in love young
With my best friend
And this love was an infatuation
When he too left me I broke
Scars now almost invisible
Constant urge to renew them
A never ending desire for love
For a permanent stay
For a moment of peace
I wish the darkness away
But with the memories come aching
Reflections on the things I wasn't good enough to keep
Memories of the mistakes
The innocence stolen
The hospital visits
The therapy
The unsaid truths
I see what's wrong
But nothing I do will fix it
I have to survive with these marks
These never ending moments of reflections
The memories of my failures
All the reasons no one will ever stay
The reasons no one could ever love me.

I think the reason

I've always loved poetry

Is because every poet

All these people

They go through things too

They've been hurt

Just like me

And I know even YOU

Have been hurt

I mean hasn't everyone

I think we just take it harder

We don't brush away the pain

Or hide it

We cry

And we write

And we hurt

And I think our words

Help us let some of it go

Our words set ourselves free

I've been writing since I was ten

And I've never looked back

I love poetry

And I love my fellow poets

Because even if we aren't receiving love

In our realities

We are here

Where our words

Come from the heart

And no one is jugded

Our poetry is our utopia

And we'll never forget that.

There comes a point
When you have to pick up
Your heavy disheveled body
And say enough is enough

When you have to walk away
Because staying is too hard
Because breaking yourself
Is slightly easier than being broken

There comes a point
When hope stabs you
And when it fails you

When you realize this
Know that you are strong

Know that you'll be okay
Know that your body won't always be
So **** heavy.

They say love can be poison,
I'd die for it.

I have to say good-bye,
I have to let go,
It hurts more and more the longer I hold on,
But the want over powers me,
I am suffocating in a pool of desires,
I can only try to drag myself out,
But I have a hard time letting go,
I need to break this spell,
I need to stop loving you,
My desires have me abandoning ship,
They have me on edge and I'm ready to fall,
I have to say good-bye,
Farewell,
See ya later,
Or not.

Don't go
Please don't leave me
Not again
Baby I love you
Doesn't that count for something
I'll change
Just stay
You mean to much
I need you
Wait for me
Stay here and close
It'll hurt to much
I can't say good-bye
I can't let go
My heart won't heal
I'll never love again