I feel like her
That mutant girl
Who was
Intoxicated
By everything
That involved
The very essence of you
You see
I wake up
With an aching
Missing you
Hoping to see you
Hear your voice
See your words
Oh how I
Would give anything
For some sign of
Your existence
I go through my day
Bored and hopeful
Searching for you
Hoping that every
Phone call is yours
Or every noise outside is
You calling me to be by your side
I fall asleep
Wishing
I could be lulled
By your voice
Whispering
Good-night
Or something
Sweeter
Like an I love you
I feel like her
That monster that
Drove you away
And I'm afraid if I
Let on how badly
I need you
Or how scary things are
That you'll feel pressured
To stay
Which will
Make you want
To go away
I'm afraid of who I was
I can't handle this mutant girl
She's needy
Most when there
Is no one to help
And she falls apart
Pull one string too hard
And her whole structure
May collapse
I don't want to seem
Obsessive
I'm fine, I swear
*I swear

You were like the ocean
And depending on the season

Your waves would be hot or cold

Did you love me today and crash into me with warmth

Or did you resent me today and crash cold insults into my soul

You were the ocean

And I was the sun

Bonded but never meant to be.

My therapist once told me
Take deep breaths,
It sends more oxygen to the brain
And releases more chemicals to make you feel better.

I always tried to follow the advice but
Breath after breath never solved a thing
It was when I held in the oxygen and
Closed my eyes I felt better.

Oh His name was Joshua...
The simple task of writing his name is hard....
Oh Joshua he had more value then I had realized...
He had left me...
Time and time again...
I tried so hard to hold on....
To make everything right....
I swore we were meant to be....
I still believe....
Our memories were in to large of quantity to let go...
Oh yes....
There were bad memories.....
But oh yes....
There were good ones as well...
The bad all came pouring down one after another....
He had left...
He returned....
Leaving me more confused then ever....
I don't think he knew that I had cried everyday without him....
So I thought he'd leave me again so....
I cut...
Putting cuts where only I could see....
Then when he left again just as I suspected...
They got  deeper and they got visible...
Oh but don't get me wrong...
Somewhere between the cuts and the tears...
We shared some beautiful moments...
How he'd stare at me...
How he'd make me laugh for no good reason....
How he made it seem like he wasn't in his own pain...
How he hid his scars...His pain....
How he'd hug me....
How we had kissed and both feeling what I believe to be the feeling...
Of Soul-Mates....
We shared our laughter...
We shared the pain....
We shared love...
Though I always thought of his love to be lies...
There were times I believed....
There were days I had cried....
There were days he wish he had....
But in the end Joshua Is gone and I remain here alone...
Still thinking of him even after all this time....

The world was full once
Endless possibilities
I breathed in the hope
And exhaled sucess
The world was my oyster
Holding a unclaimed pearl
But the moment I turn away
And let someone interfer
I return to find my oyster
Cracked open
And containing nothing
The world suddenly got dark
Sucess became only dreams
And they would go unfufilled
The world showed me the truth
There Is Darkness Within Everything.

I've been

Abandoned here

Left to fend for myself

I've been left

I'm now a formation of nothingness

I'm used goods

I'm weak and broken

No one wants me

Not even me

I'm hated by many

And I hate them in return

But it doesn't change that I hate myself most of all

I'm a worthless nothing

I'm just a girl

That grew up to be

A shadow

Of it's true inhabitor

I'm just a human

Who feels the pain

Like a million tons of brick on her chest

Because each breathe I take

Is another moment I'm reluctantly alive

But look at the bright side

Each breathe I take gets me a little closer

To My Ultimate  Demise.

Oh ragged breath
you betray me
Let him know
How good he is
At the things he does.

Oh gentle moan
You let him know
I want more.

Oh fingers
You grip in such
desire and lust
You try to roam him
Try to explain your
Ultimate needs

Oh dear body
You want him
And you have
For quite some time
So do it
Take him.

I feel forgotten
And unacknowledged
I can hear the blade
Silently calling my name
And I whisper back
*Soon my friend.

I Just Hope
That Our
Passion
Never Dies


Not Ever.

You
Were
Life
Altering
But
I
Don't
Regret
One
Moment
Of
Agony
Because
It
Brought
Me
Back
To
You
My
True
Love
We
Were
Mea­nt
To
Meet
And
Be
Forever
Changed.

Once upon a time
I was beautiful
I was your paragon
Once upon a time
You saw passed my flaws

Now in the aftermath of what
Was suppose to be our happy ending
I see myself as less than
All the sweet caressing words
That once made my heart
Aflame with joy
Now I see the ugliness
And the complete imperfection
Of who I am
And yet it does not help
The words come back
Nothing I ever do or say
Or feel
Will ever let me get a single of those
Sweet words back.

Though I am not
And despite the fact
That I may never be
My heart swells
With such joy
Each time you call me
Your wife.

And though we're not
Making love now
And though were far too young
I smile every time
You admit to thinking
About our child
Because no matter
The doubt the world has
Nor us
We always seem to see
A future
Together.

I used to ask
God
For love
And when he
sent it
He sent it in the
Form of you
My angel.

Loving you was once precious and the light it gave once let me bask in the glow,
Now I realize how you've destroyed all the possible sucess I could've acheived,
You are not an angel like I once claimed you were,
Now in my eyes you are only one of Satans spawns,
You try to repair it all but you only make it worse,
You think I don't know the truth,
Like I'm some sort of ****** fool?!
I know better than to play by your rules,
This time when you try to "fix things"
I'll say "***** YOU" and walk away,
And when I go don't expect me to come back,
Not for you,
Hell no.

I need a hug
And not just any hug

One of those tight
Concerned hugs
That say
It will be okay

One of those hugs
That make you feel
Like you can let all the tears
Just fall.

We think we can fix them

We think that the broken parts of them are puzzle pieces we can just reassemble

But in the end all we do

Is love every broken piece of them

So much so that we start to crumble too

So much so that now we need to be fixed too

Now we're both broken

And no one can repair it.

My favorite place is on that street,right above the Highway,
Where the cars pass,
I might have no clue where they are going,
But in that instance As I watch those cars racing by,
I smile and let out a silent chuckle,
My mind is at peace,
Maybe it's the wind blowing in my face,
But I think it's the uncertainty of where life will take me,
I think it is the uncertainty that makes me so happy,
Because in that instance,
the bad is gone and all I think of,
Are The Possibilities,
The moments in the future that I hope leads me to happiness,
Those cars hold people,
I have no Idea where they are going,
In life or in that car,
And I guarantee they have their own little adventure to embark on,
As Do I,
And There On That Street Above The Highway There Are So Many Possibilities,
Just Waiting for me or anybody to just take action

Indulging in thoughts
The ******* feeling
Filling me
Sending me into oblivion
Panting and moaning
As I think of us
Our hot bodies colliding
Your emerged in me
Devouring anything you can
And I lavish in this
The feeling
Of our bodies entwined
And as we finish
I know this will never end
Our Love Is Eternal.

Wrapped in you
Light kisses
The tv
Playing rock
In the back
You smile
I laugh
My heart
Swells
And inside
I cry
Because this
Only makes me
Want you more
Not just now
Not just
For a few years
But Forever
Because I love you
Too much to Ever
Let you go.

Every time
I look back
Its hard
To believe
We made it here
We made it this far
And now were
Together
Now we know
Our love
Was always
Meant to be.

I remember our life
The one that started
When you walked
Up to me and asked
Me to be a part of
Your life
And I eventually
Accepted
I think about all
The time I spent
Loving you
Being in your arms
All our laughs and smiles
Each breathtaking kiss
I then begin to wonder
About our future together
The wedding certificate
Sharing a bed
A home
My life entwining with yours
And our child
A beautiful sign of
Our undying love
This little baby
That is made of part you and part me
Raising this child with you
Growing old together
And dying so happily
And still so in love.

Bliss does not compare
Joy not strong enough
To express the feeling
That grows in me when
I find you
And have you
Wrap your cozy arms around me

A smile on my face can never be as wide
As the one I wear proudly on my heart

Your gentle kiss
The sweet words
An amazing symphony
Ringing in my ears
I play it over and over
Just to keep my happiness
Happy


In your arms
It seems
Everything is
Better
Everything with you
Is perfect.

My life
Not inhabited
By you
Is a lonely
Desperate thing
My survival
Forced
My pain
Intense
My waiting
Never-ending
My hope
Never dying
My love
Forever alive
The time
Spent away
Helped us
Reach clarity
Helped us
Part
To once again
Reunite
The distance
Was far
But now
We're here
Close.

Together.

Endless nights,
Remembering each torturous moment,
I remember when I loved each one,
That was before you tore my world apart
Repeatedly,
Was it fun?
While you sat and planned on the destruction of my heart
I sat and thought of our memories,
Meeting you I automatically knew how I'd love you,
You didn't care no matter how much I warned you,
I guess I needed the warning,
You were my best friend,
Now you're the lucky ******* who got to forget while sat and suffered remembering every moment,
You hugged me and for so long it made me scream,
Each part of me exhilarated while my hairs stood on edge,
Those memories once made me smile,
Once made me heart warm but now it only makes me ache
The first time we kissed
The rain drizzled around us,
I remember so clearly jumping back,
But what I remember even more is you moving closer to kiss me again,
You walked away soon after that day,
I remember how you called me a while after that,
Telling me you loved me,
What's changed?
Because this heart still feels the same,
You forgot?
I'll remind you,
You stopped loving me?
Then maybe you never did,
I'm still the girl you loved,
Your still the boy I loved,
So why ignore me,
Why run?
Your confusing me,
I'm regretting meeting you,
Even more I'm regretting loving you,
If I could I would take it back,
If only I could...

Why
Does it feel like
I'm setting myself up again
Waiting for you
To log on
So we can talk
About how we're friends
How you have a girl
That you love
So we can explain
How well we understand each other
And how this friendship means
Everything
Why does it feel like
We're back in middle school
Smiling
And enjoying ourselves
Knowing
This is the end of our relations
Because after all
We're Just Friends.

I'm sorry
I was born
To never be perfect
I live an outcasts life
Enjoying it in some moments
Hating it in others
I was created
Never to conform
To love the color black
And be like no other
I am sorry
I'm human
And show weakness
And flaws
I just hope one day
Someone will accept me.

Love makes you do
Crazy things
****** up things
Love makes you lie
Love keeps you in fear
Love can break you
Chew you up and spit you out
Love can destroy lives
But love can also create them
Love can make you feel vulnerable
Which isn't always bad
Love makes you more honest
At least with yourself
Love keeps you safe
Love can heal your wounds
And help the scars fade
Love is something
Insane
Love is all a person needs
To get by.

The demon emerges
I fear its
Fury
For it controls me
Makes my
Mistakes
Changes the good
Makes me weak
I become nothing
I am only a
Pawn
In it's masterful game
I start to
Fade
And
The demon
Begins to
Rule
This body

It Only Matters Who You Love Not Who You Like.

All those years we were together
All those times you thrusted into me

You were always wanting more
Wanting anyone and everyone else

You stopped appreciating me

I was just there because I was

Attainable

Always attainable

And you felt like you owed me

Like somehow

Giving it to me every night

Would make up for the fact

That you couldn't stay faithful

Or that it would seem like you loved me

Like somehow being there

Would erase all the bad things

They didn't though

They still linger in my past

Where you now reside

And I'm not going back.

Everything is better with you
Movies are more intresting
Music has meaning
And even my tears
Are just a little sweeter

With you,
Life feels good,
It feels like I'm living

I love you
Maybe I always have
Or maybe I just
Keep falling in love with you
Over and over again

Either way it is the most
Painfully beautiful feeling.

I've been told
For love to exist
Pain must as well
But what if the pain
Comes from
Them
Not loving
You
At All.

Pain Was Easy,It Was Letting Go That Was Hard.