I hadn't had nightmares since I was 10
And the most important thing in my life
The one thing I feared losing most was
My mother
I remember those nightmares
About losing her in the mall
And that a monster would take her away
And somewhere along the line I grew up
And my nightmares faded
And I dreamed peacefully
I met you though
And fell in love
And when you left
Life was a nightmare
And dreaming had become an escape
Only even there I wasn't free
You'd show up and fade away
Leaving me
And then you came back
And even though your mine
Your now the one thing I most fear losing
Because I'm all grown up now
And I love my mother dearly
But you
Life without you
Was like a life in darkness
A hole of never ending despair
And last night I had a nightmare for the first time
In five years about you
About you ending this
And faking your death
And coming back
And breaking my heart
Twice as bad
And I remember crying
And yelling at you
How could you do that to me
I loved you
I made mistakes
But was sorry
And my heart meant nothing
And I was stuck looking at you
Breaking completely with each moment
And when I awoke
I needed you so bad
And I don't know where you are
All I know is your not here
And that nightmare is making me cry
And I don't want you to leave me
I love you too much to say goodbye.

It's almost 4 A.M.
And I'm in this bed alone
Having an imaginary fight
With you that I know
I will never have the courage
To actually say

And I'm crying as I list
Just how much I miss the little things

And I'm wishing
That my love for you
Could die

But it won't

No matter how much time passed

You're a permanent resident in my heart

I'm breaking from everything

Every bit of love I've ever felt
Was because of you
And I will never love again

Every time I feel close
I think of you
And I know

I know no love
Will ever compare to the first

My first kiss
My first lover
My first fianceé
My first roommate

My first heart break
And every heart break after

And still I would go to you
Fall for you
Fall to you

I will always be yours.

Our bed
One we'll
Share in the future
Where I rest my eyes
And you occasionally do too
Where the stains
Of our passion
Appear
Where our child
Shall be made
The bed they'll
Crawl into after having
A nightmare
The bed we grow older in
Each night trusting it
To be gentle
With our bodies
That are growing frail
Our bed
Where we'll leave this world
Our bed where many
Laughs
And moans
And secrets will be told
Our bed
The one to carry us through
Our journey of life.

I loved you.You were everything to me.You were my world.You left me broken.You always fixed it.I am not broken because you did any wrong.But because I can no longer be beside you.No longer feel your voice.No longer feel your hug or kiss.No longer feel the love you entrusted me with.I am broken because I don't have you.
I wish you were here.But your there.where that is I have yet to learn.But I know that place where you live is lucky to just be near your soul.And all I hope Is that you are happy enough for the both of us.

I may be young but I know
That this love,
It will go on,
Unwarranted
Unwanted
Incapable of fading
And so it was
That at the age of sixteen,
I was determined to die
In love with you,
And because of it
I would die miserably
And horribly alone.

I lie my head
Atop your words
And fall into a sweet sleep
For your words find their way
Into my soul
They barrel their way into my mind
And play over and over
Filling me with sweetness
Your words lull me to sleep
As they bring joy to my dreams.

As they bring you to my dreams.

No one ever understood me...Or you...we seemed to stand out like a wild fire...We had to rely on each other...Our friendship was everything I held dear...And when I fell in love with you I thought it'd all come to an end...But it didn't...Because you were different...That's what I loved most...You've been gone so long now...and still as I lie awake at night thoughts of you continue to consume my mind...Our memories...All our good times and the bad ones....And suddenly I find myself craving your presence...But it's been so long now I fear you'll never return to me...So all I can do Is dream...Dream of you and I together like we once were....

I do not regret loving you

Despite the end
Despite all the tears

I loved you

And that was beautiful

Those moments
Were worth every bit of this pain.

With you in my life
My smile is so genuine
They never understand why
We go to and fro
And always end up
Together
But i try to explain
Because to me it's quite simple

You're my sun in the cold
And my wind when I'm hot
When I look at you
I think of the northern lights
And I can almost
See them dancing
In your eyes when you look at me
My heart is aflame
With passion
With words that my lips
Never fathom

You will always be my weakness
And my strength in life
And I hope we never part ways
I hope this love is as eternal
As it seems to me
I believe your it
Your the only one
I want to spend the
Rest of my life with

You will always be my sunshine
Even on the cloudiest days
You will aways be my king and I shall
Eternally be your queen
We are a love unlike any other

Nothing in the world
Can change the connection we have,
The way my heart still
Skips,jumps and tingles
Nothing will ever change
The fact that I love you.

Today
I'll admit
That my pride
Was swept aside
For a moment
As I read my
Old thoughts of you
The tears nearly
Spilling over
I thought about you
How we lost a friendship
In its first stages
I thought about your dimples
And how I almost
Miss you
But we cannot fix these wounds
And forever we lost
Something
A something that
For you meant so little
You and your shameful shame
Yes hushboy this is about you
And how you changed
All for the worse
At least this time when I fell
I finally had someone to catch me
So thank you
For helping me give
Someone else a chance
I guess even a hatred
Can bring something loving
And good into someones life
Hate helps us find comfort in
The arms of our true loved ones.

This year marks the fifth year that I've known you. I've loved you for four and a half years now. We met out of instinct and pure luck. You walked up to me that day and just randomly asked me to be your friend. I instantly felt my heart jump when you spoke. I tried to tell you what I already knew. That I'd love you and I'd never stop but you already made up both our minds. We became best friends. I can't even remember how it happened, it all went down so fast. The next thing I knew we walked together. I remember that I did it on purpose. I walked the longest way home so that I could spend more time with you. We were so young and all these emotions erupted. I fell. I was denying my feelings for days and on New Years when I looked outside the window and saw those fireworks I had my first daydream of kissing someone. Of kissing you. It was then I knew that I was so madly in love with you. I couldn't keep it hidden. Everyone knew. You knew. You teased me. Two or three times you asked me out and just passed it off as a joke. I didn't give up. You asked for real though. But you changed your mind. Not too long after you dated my friend. Courtesy of me. I wanted you to be happy. I thought she would do that for you. I loved you so much that I let you have what I thought you wanted. Her. It lasted under a month. It's my fault it ended. Or that's how it's always felt. Then we dated for a month. Without a hug, without a kiss and then one day it ended. You ended it. I remember being angry and absolutely devastated. You watched as I tore all the love poems I had written. I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I always tried to erase everything.  We never did stop being friends though. You told me you were going away that summer. I thought you meant forever. That summer was absolute hell. I remember sitting on my couch staring at the sky just crying. Just hurting. Wishing you'd come back for me. I cut for the first time. I don't know how it came to mind but I know I picked up that blade and I scratched and scratched at my shoulder until it stung. When we got back I thought I would survive. Move on with my life and put all my love away. Then you walked into the room. I cried. It was the first time I cried because I was happy. I had you and that's what I needed. We stayed friends but it didn't matter as long as you were there. I ached for you. Ached to say you were mine and that you loved me but it was too soon. We were too young. I was so nervous that first time you hugged me, I screamed. It use to tickle my heart. It made me smile though. Ear to ear. I did that every time until that day that you asked me out again. I ran to hug you screaming that I loved you. I couldn't stop giggling. I was so happy. I was yours again. I had a chance. Two days after that we kissed. I jumped back when I felt your tongue. It was our first kiss, ever. It was drizzling and when I jumped back you moved in and just kissed me and it was perfect. It was a dream come true. We kissed again once again a few days after. When we left you looked back at me and I looked back at you and I smiled. You didn't. I didn't see you again for a year. I heard from you once. You told me you loved me for the first time ever. You had forgiven my mistakes. You wanted me still and I still needed you. That call it came again and again and one day you just stopped. You had faded from my life again. I was in so much pain. I cut so much when you were away. When I saw you again. I couldn't do it anymore. I buried my feelings and tried to hate you. Your eyes still pierced me. I missed you but I wasn't be hurt anymore. You dated my friend. It hurt so bad. I just pretended. I threw out all the stuff from the years that I had known you. The outfit from our kiss. The hundreds and hundreds of poems. I threw away everything. I wanted to go. To run. I felt so alone. Nothing could make it go away. Then you and her ended and my soul felt such relief. I talked to a few months later. You kept apologizing.  We talked again. I laughed and I smiled. We talked about our miserable relationships. Then one day we were just both single and you told me your feelings were coming back. I got scared. I tried to change the subject. We met though. One day. It had been the first I had seen you without hate, without pain, with hope. With happy memories flooding back I met you. We talked awkwardly and then I kissed you. You were so confused and surprised. Then you kissed me. You asked me out. Here are. You proposing three months later. Us making love. Me, falling in love all over again and letting it happen. Letting myself become vulnerable for you because I always knew. It was always you. If we changed we changed together no matter the distance. If we broke we broke together. Our differences make things fun and controversial. It gives us a future to look towards. You and I want the same things. Each other. Marriage. Maybe a child. Happiness together. We have been through so much in our time together. Everything happened the way it did so we'd end up together the way we were suppose to be. I love you. I always will.

They always told me
To just let you go

But how?

How can I let kisses,
Hugs, love making,
Smiles, laughter,
Late night snacks,
Your eyes,
Happiness,
Just go?

Why do they expect me to
Somehow let go of the goodness
Just because some days weren't perfect?

I do not believe in perfection
But **** it,
I believed in us,
Bad days or good,
I believed in us.

Nothing in my life is alright,
I still cry at night,
I'm scared with such fright,
This doesn't feel right...Lying here without you tonight

She broke her own heart
By loving him

But truth is

She regrets nothing.

We are nothing and everything.

I want to be in your arms
Having you hold me tight
As we say how we've missed each other
You'll kiss me for the second time
Not understanding how rare it is
For me to enjoy a kiss
Not understanding it's how I first knew
I had fallen in love with you
My dear friend with benefits
Whom I call baby cakes and honey bear
Who calls me princess and babe
Who shares I love you's and means them
As just as friends when I mean more
Who makes me call it love making
Who I believe and trust
You touch everywhere
Even the stretch marks
You want to see all of it
You call me beautiful and say how happy
That I always make you
We make love fast
And it is wondrous
My legs tremble
You love that they do
You ask if I'm okay
I'm timid and just nod furiously
You laugh and call me amazing
Telling me how tight I was
And I hold in tears
Because you're the only one to say it
We text after we part
Letting it all unfold
All the things we didn't do but wanted to
Repeating how amazing making love is
I smile and wish you knew how I felt
Wishing I could call you mine
But instead we talk about other suitors
And you tell me to be careful
You're so cautious and always worry
And I love it
You don't think I'm weird or crazy
Even though everyone else always has
You say I'm flawless and cute
You say I'm perfect
And I say you're perfect too
We are nothing and something
We are floating between
And I might love it.

I had the choice
Between
The boy I thought
I would love forever
Or the boy
Who
Made my happy
I chose happiness
Because
If there is no
Joy
Then there is
No Real Love.

A growing want
The thoughts
Racing on by
Can't steer clear
Thinking
Of you
The possibilities
We could share
Kisses
Hugs
Love
I want you
My need fuels me
Just to feel
Your warm body
Lying next to me
And know
It's not gonna go
Maybe this
Isn't love
But it is as
Close as I can get.

My heart has no spare,
But no longer do you care,
I still remember the way you'd stare,
Your glare,
Bright like the sun,
You were just trying to make me feel like number one,
But our love is done,
Now your heart begins to ignore
All that we stood for,
After all your lies,
After all my cries,
We're out of tries,
I guess we're not meant to be,
Now we're only you and me,
No longer a we,
No longer sharing history,
And it seems no matter how hard I dream,
No matter my schemes,
You and I weren't meant to be.

God
Has yet to
Teach me
His words
Or whether they be true
God as a child was
Not real
But I grew to need him
While alone in this cruel life
Yet he has not spoken to me
Only answered
Prayer after prayer
And for that I am thankful
But how am I to know
The kind of life he wants me to lead
If he does not allow
My soul to believe
The possible lies of his disciples
How am I suppose to make sure
I'm on the right track
When I already feel as though
I'm falling off before it begins.

It's not that I hate you
It's I hate the way it all played out

I hate that I felt used
I hate that I had felt hope

I hate that you ruined everyone else for me

I hate that I can't love someone that same way I loved you

Like the world was gonna crash down around me without your kiss

I hate that you still make me rethink every choice I make

Is it morally sound
Is it logical
Will I regret it right after

You did so much damage
Even during the parts you weren't even in my life

The emptiness of not having you then made me do so many bad things

The absolute dread of the day to day without you use to drive me crazy

That's one thing that's improved
I  know how to live without you

I know how to miss you and not love you

I know how to hate you and not hate you all at once

You're the start to my story
Even if it was already in the middle

She decided
She would always be alone
Not because she wanted to be
But simply
Because circumstance

She was granted eternal freedom
Eternal loneliness

She said she would be strong

But each night she held her pillow
Just a little tighter
And let just one more tear
Hit it than the previous night.

Two years ago you and I shared our first kiss,
We were young,
we were shy and even fumbled a bit,
Laughter burned the air
followed by the aroma of flowers,
Though none existed I smelled them,
Not even your kiss could block out the smell,
but maybe it was you that smelled to good,
It could be why I never wanted the kiss to end,
I had loved you a long time then and even longer now,
Your kiss trapped,
It grabbed me and I grabbed back,
I never wanted to let go,
The rain slowed into a drizzle but I did not care,
I was too focused on those lips that for moments entertained mine,
I had never before that day experinced a feeling so sincere,
The love could be read in the way you kissed,
You cannot say otherwise because that day when we kissed sparks didn't just fly they SOARED.

I hear his voice in my ear but when I turn around he's nowhere to be found.I feel his hand entwined with mine but when I look down his hand is nowhere to be found.I feel my hands running through his hair but how can that be if he is nowhere to be found.I feel him,His essence all around me but yet he is simply Nowhere to be found...

Leave me now
Or
Leave me never
For the aching will
Only grow
And agony
Only multiply

It's you
And only you
That I feel
Comfortable
Enough
To be me
Weaknesses shown
And healed in your eyes
So with you
I can finally find strength
And that is only one
Of the million reasons
Why I love you.