I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry my waist is wide,
I'm sorry My hair is naturally curly and messy,
I'm sorry That my eyes are brown as mud,
I'm sorry I don't like the same styles as everyone else,
I'm sorry that my favorite Color is black,not pink,
I'm sorry I am taller than most my age,
I'm sorry my cheeks are chubby and rosy,
I'm sorry my laugh isn't as beautiful as some,
I'm sorry my smile doesn't spread like an infectious disease,going from person to person,
I'm sorry I'm not perfect and I could never be,
If you can't accept that please walk away before you scar what's left of my dignity.

I'm the girl that loves reading,
Reading science fiction romance novels,
Just so she can dream of it being her,

I'm the girl who loves with everything she is,
But is so scared of love because she has not just been broken,
But Absolutely destroyed.

I'm the girl who always looks at her scars to remind herself
That times have been worse,
And to just stay strong.

I'm the girl who won't speak unless spoken to,
The shy one,
The girl in dark colors and black eye-liner.

I'm the girl that guys are ashamed to be seen with,
I'm the girl they don't want their friends to know they like,
The ugly duckling everywhere she goes.

I'm the girl with a past,
A past she can't let go of,
I'm the girl who wants happiness,
But every time she has it,Loses it.

I'm that girl not worth wasting your time on,
That girl that is unlovable
By anyone except her family,
and that I know is forced,
I'm that girl who no one see's for the right reasons,
Only the bad ones.

Let me see
Your internal
Wounds
So I may
Heal them
As you
Are healing mine.

Someone says your name
And I cringe

Like poison dripping from my ears and piercing my chest

The memories I've tried to bury deep within myself

So deep they almost touch all the trauma I've blocked out

I passively say
I hate that name

And resume my task

But for a few moments
I have to fight off the flashbacks

The replay of every moment I spent loving you

I fight back my feelings of angst knowing the man I sleep with now

Just doesn't give my heart quite the same ping you did

But I find solace in the saying that every love is different and I hold onto that when I crawl home to him and I'm greeted with an embrace.

I guess in some way the bad memories were worth the good ones...But sometimes I wish them all away...They hurt...Because now there just memories...Part of a past life...A former you....A life so altered from the one you've grown acquainted with....Memories don't die but they sometimes fade...All in time...Maybe our memories will fade...Maybe...If I'm lucky...I guess in a way all of the pain was worth the pleasure....Even if in the end I am unhappy I'll have those precious moments...The ones we shared and in the end it won't matter how we've changed....Because we'll still be ourselves...even through the painful memories.....

Your somewhere out there in the abyss even in the darkness I can tell by your kiss...I can't help but reminisce,of our memories so sweet,how quickly you once made my heart beat...With you I was complete...with you there was no deceit...Now without you I'm incomplete...Hidden in my own discreet ways...You left me in a haze...Leaving me alone for more than just mere days...</3

I loved you
And this aching
Won't fade
My heart misses you
The smiles you brought
The joy that swelled in me
Because of you
I know what it is
To be happy
In the presence of a friend
Even if you love 'em
And know it can't progress
I know it'd be easy
To hate you
But my heart can't forget
The warmth
Your smile gave
The comfort
You gave with just a look
You worried for me
And looking back
I wish I could have
Saved you
Like you saved me.

I'm stuck in this cycle
And no matter how well it ends
The bad comes back
Cascading around me
As though I was never happy
And I fight so hard
To hold on
But I'm toppled over
And everything
It just builds up and
I break
Little by little
And I fear that
All that will be left
Are the shards of me.

I still remember
Because I was taught
Never to forget
I know the images
Will never fade
The days I loved you
Everything you were
All the time I spent
Crying because you left
The eternity I will spend
In search
For a forever
To complete
The never ending
Gaping hole
In my chest
That my
First love
Left there.

My anticipation
Is quite
Exciting
Yet frightful
For
You never
Truly know
What the future holds.

I never Imagined...Someone loving me besides him...
I never imagined...I'd love anyone besides him...
I never imagined....I could be happy with any other guy...
I never imagined how much my heart would fight.
I never imagined... my heart wanting another guy while loving him...
I never imagined... blushing as this new person explains he loves me...
I never imagined...Letting him go...But maybe it's a sign that it's time...

When your hand
Goes up and down
My back
Every touch
Every instant
Is A release
Tension and stress
Dissipate
And all I can
Feel is you
And all I wanna do
Is give you a hug
So you know
The effect you have on me.

My heads spinning and this is only the beginning
My hearts breaking and my hands are shaking
My insanity in the making...The monster within waking
My world is quaking...Life is falling around,I feel like I was drowned,
Smothered in my own tears,It started with simple fears,so as my make-up smears My hope disappears...and again I'm singled out,With a desire to shout all about my doubt...

Often I'm insecure
Because I will never measure up
To your idea of perfection
I will never be perfect
I worry I'm not enough
That I never will be
But to me, you always will be
And I don't know how to make myself enough  
I just hope you see that no matter what
I will always love you
I hope you see my efforts
I hope you realize
For me
Time doesn't change what's in my heart.

Your negativity
Always triumphs
Over my barely
Surviving positivity
And yet never
Will it wash away
My never ending love
For hand in hand
We will either smile
Or cry in sadness together
If you go down
I go down too
And if you can smile
Then baby I'll float away
With utter laughter.

You
Asked me
To be yours
Forever
And with
A flutter
In my heart
And a smile
On my face


I said yes.

I can't
Sleep
Tonight
So I
Wish
You were
Here
Because
You never
Seem to
Sleep
And it'd
Be nice
To try
To sleep
With you.

My intense desire
Was the thing
That once broke me
And now
It keeps
Safely with you.

I'll tell you the truth
Love hasn't played
A part in my life
Because honestly
It's always been
My life
I've always searched
Always wanted it
My childhood
Filled with false ideals
Of whom I love
And when I gave up
It found me
In the form
Of him
And I'll admit
The beginning of
Those first four years
That I knew
This magical person
Who had first stolen my heart
Was NOT
Easy
But here I am 5 years later
And hoping
That I spend my life with him
Not many believe in
Love at first sight
Teenage love lasting
Or even the IDEA of soul-mates
But in my heart
I know their real
They exist
They Last
Okay
I might seem insane
In saying love
Has controlled my life for
Years and years
But it's true
Because it's all I've wanted
Haven't you ever seen a romance movie
And just though
"AW I want that too"
I have
I've wanted love since the
Very first day I can remember
And It came to me
In the form of him.

Her whole life all she wanted was love,
That day she met him,
Her wildest dreams came true,
Little did she know that her worst nightmares would soon too,
They had been together a while,
They had a fight like any other couple,
Over something stupid and petty,
he screams at her threatening to hit her
She thinks he's kidding and screams"DO IT I DARE YOU"
smack
In that instance her world came crumbling down,
The smack was like a ripple effect leading to her heart and breaking into millions of pieces,
She should have left him that day,
But he groveled and she gave in,
Eventually forgiving him each time,
But each time it broke her a little more,
Killed a little part of her soul,
She had to become a hermit,
Hiding from her once friends and family,
It went on for so long,
Then one day he lost control,
She ended up in the hospital,
And finally he went to prison for some time,
But she will never be the same,
Never be the same bright and hopeful person,
He broke a part of her she will never get back.

In the night I am cold and alone,Lying awake in my bed wishing your warm body was next to mine to keep me company...

I don't know what's worse

Losing a friend

Or losing someone you had feelings for

I do know

It's hard when they're the same person

And everything you thought you knew about them no longer seems true.

I cannot allow
The past to interfer
With this present state of bliss
I cannot allow the memories crash
Into me
I cannot allow your eyes to pierce my soul
I will not let you infect me
You hate me
I hate you
But each time you look at me
And you do
I burst inside
Trying to figure out what to say
Fighting not to look back your way
I'm struggling because your smile
Or the memory of it
Invades me
Almost warms me
I have to go on
Battaling the memories
Because I can't let my heart
Feel anything for you
I refuse to risk all I have
All I've achieved
For a boy who
Already gave up on me.

Your everywhere I look,
The essence you give off it's been with me since the day you left,
And now It's like your the invisible man,
I hear you calling my name,
But I turn to look and your nowhere in site,
I think my heart is making me go insane,
Life without you how can it be real,
How have I possibly survived this cruel world without you,
I need you,
Need you in my life,
So my sanity may return,
So I can feel whole again.

You tell me you love me what lies such deceit in your eyes all of your sweet lies will end in a heart breaking good-bye...

I saw you
Everything clashed
My glass walls
Shattered
And instantly
All our memories
Came back
I couldn't ignore
The knot in me
The monster wanting freedom
I felt myself holding in
The scream
I could feel my heart twisting
Turning in agony
Because in those eyes
I saw all I had
All I lost
And all that brought me
To destruction.

In your eyes what am I...
In your eyes am I a monster?
In your eyes am I a beautiful woman?
In your eyes am I a nuisance?
In your eyes what am I...
Am I smart?
Am I funny?
In your eyes do see the woman you could love forever?
In your eyes do you see someone to love or someone to hate?
In your eyes what am I?

And this giant wave hit her
The epiphany she avoided
For so long

She wasn't happy
She was numb

She can't remember
The last time she felt loved

Can't recall the feeling of being held

Can't remember the last time
She still had a dream to pursue

It hit her like a Tsunami
Washing her away

She was the broken

She has been for a long time.

Even on my worst days
I don't regret you
Or us
Because I know
If I still had a chance
To change how things happened
I would
Just so I could try one more time
To be with you.

I love you
I do not say this lightly

I do not mean
As a friend

I mean I'm in love with you
With every little bit

But I distance myself
Because loving you

Loving you the way I do
Is gonna leave me broken

Because while you love me
While you care

You are not in love with me
You do not care for my heart

I'm in love with you
Your eyes gleam

Your smile stings my soul
I need you in every way

I want you in every way
Do not underestimate this

I am in love with you

That is the truth.

I was in the shower
Just thinking about
How I failed
At living life
And I broke down
Not because of my failure
But because I saw my freckle
And I remembered
I remembered
How you'd kiss my freckle,
The one on my cheek
With a shimmer in your eyes
That I thought was love
And how you'd say
I love that freckle
I remembered how
I'd rejoice in finding your freckles
I remember too much
I remember too vivid
You are in everything I touch
And I break in every instance
Because my love binds me
And in remembering
I fold into myself
Losing everything
But my hope
Which corrodes me.

You lie to us both
Saying that someone can
Replace everything
Replace the engagement
And the love,
The passion,
The utter flame of love
We weld from the depths
Of God's grace
He is not you
But a solution
Because though
I may never love
At least i am distracted
When he's around
At least for a moment
He can make me smile
And forget the ache
But you have to know
I cant love him
I cant love anyone
Because i still love you.

You put up your battle shield
Pretended nothing hurt
But I could see the pain in your eyes
Why'd you bother getting high for me?
Did I sever something I thought did not exist?
Our war is a unsettled love
And even when we keep apart
They see
Some pair us
Because they see
The way I look at you
And the way you look at me
A deep pain we avoid
We could have been something
Should have been everything
Would have been perfect
But you were silent of your hearts yearning
And I was too afraid
And I ran
Now all we seem to be are strangers
But we know
The world knows
Even the imbeciles of this Earth can see it
Our eyes scream love and heart break
Even if we speak of hate and ignorance.

I must sound problematic
Because I keep missing you when your here
Yet I keep wanting you when your not.

The truth of it is
That she still cries in the shower
Remembering you

She will love you
Forever and always
As she had always promised

She loved you throughout
So much pain

She loved you after lies
After cheating
After leaving

She loved you as infinitely as the stars

She misses you everyday too
But you're gone now

You stopped being the man she needed
And she stopped being the woman you wanted.

Don't stay
If its because
You pity me
Or because
I'm partially
Your creation
Don't stay
Because you
Feel like
You wanna fix me
Or because
You feel bad
About
How my life changed
Because of you
Stay with me
Only if you love me.

I was the Prey and you were the Predator,
You could catch me in an instance,
But you sat patiently coaxing me,
Tricking me into your trap,
You pounced and instantly trapped me,
I had nowhere to go,
I couldn't escape,
A part of me wanted to stay,
But then I was scared and only wished for death,
You took your first taste of me,
Instant intoxication,
You seemed to love the taste of me,
So you continue to devour me whole,
Ripping my heart out was your favorite part,
You did it so pleasurably,
You did not care for the cries I let out,
You just went on,
Wounding me,
And tearing me into shreds.
Until there was nothing left of me,
Until I didn't even exist.

I think of you each moment I breath, I think of you every time you leave,
I think of you when I cry, I think of you when I lie, I think of you
when I'm alone, I try to postpone the tears, Because I know it leads to
fears, I think of you each night, Despite the pain you ignite, I see you
in my dreams, It's you in which my heart screams for, Your someone I
can never ignore...Your all I live for...♥