He was my everything...
Our memories consisted of so many things.
Some bad,Some good
I remember when we met I felt so sure I'd love him and I was right.
I remember all the things that let to that event.
Our snowball fights.
Walking beside each other.
Laughing together.
Staring at each other.
I remember when he found out I loved him.
I feared he'd leave me.
Then when he stayed I only loved him more.
I remember the first time we spent apart.
I was destroyed.
I barely recovered even to this day.
Now he is gone for good it seems and It hurts each day he's away.
I think of bringing myself pain again.
I think of how much life has changed since he left and not for the best.
I miss his hugs.
I miss his kisses.
I miss him saying he loved me.
I miss him.Being by my side and making everything feel like it's going to be alright...

I am the evil that will rot your brain,
The false sense of comfort,
The strange shadow that follow in your tracks,
I am the water trying to drown you,
The carbon monoxide trying to suffocate you,
I am the heart beating within your chest,
I am guilty,
I am everywhere and nowhere,
But I Am Nothing.

I am from the shimmer in your eyes
From the desire in your soul
I am made up of our love
Held together by every breath-taking moment
I am from that kiss
That always makes me smile
I was never truly alive
Not until the day I met you
Before that day
I was a drone
Never living life as I should
Nothing mattered before you
I was hopelessly lost
And when you found me
I knew where I was heading
I knew what I wanted life to be
So I am from your laughter
That fills my heart
I am from your hugs
That wrap me in a warm embrace
I am from your breath
And your heartbeat
I am from our undying love
That will go on until the end of time.

Someone asked if I miss you
I said no

Then cried my eyes out

Because I do miss you

Because even when we were crashing

Crashing down like

Falling stars

You would hold me

And tell me

Even though

You were leaving me

You loved me

Because somehow

You were always able

To break my heart

And kiss it better all at once.

I am from a land where darkness is the ruler,
where evil thoughts roam,
I am from cuts that have become scars,
I am from a place where broken hearts are a must,
where broken hearts never heal,
I am from open coffins,
Filled with purple lifeless bodies,
I am from tears that are always being shed,
I am from abandoned memories,
With love to spare and no one to claim it,
I am from warm hugs that fade away,
I am from perfect kisses,that end in you walking away,
I am from hope that seems so pointless,
I am from trying that constantly fails,
I am from an imaginary valley where you are mine,
Where smiles are always real and light always shines,
I am from imperfections where nothing is right,
I am from my own planet,
I've claimed Venus as mine,
I am from Aphrodite,
Her daughter at heart,
I am from my own dreamland,
where memories are always reflected,
the memories of how I became,
Became Me.

Just when I feel
Okay
I ***** up
Don't even
Realize my massive mistake
And only when
I'm on my knees
Crying for forgiveness
And understanding
Do I see my fault
Yet
It's the cycle of me
Because I don't allow
Myself joy
I allow only
Agony and misery
Confusion and
Terrible behavior tendencies
Due to my ways
I'll never
Smile
And know
That I'll
Always feel that happiness
Because it gets taken away
By
Myself.

I believe your love is real
Not because you say it is
But because your here now
When everything is weak
When things are horrid
And collapsing
There you are to whisk me away
I'm always safer in your embrace
I believe you love me
Because sometimes
You look at me
Like I'm someone
Like I'm special
Or like I mean something
Sometimes you look at me
Like our whole life together
Is flashing before your eyes
And whenever you come back to reality
You smile
Kiss me
And admit
*I love you.

I fade into the dark
And I don't know how to see
When all of a sudden
Your bright face appears
And I trip
Falling down
And I find you
Catching me
Saving me
You wrap me in you
Your warmth
Filling me with new light
And suddenly I'm awoken
And I see how beautiful the world can be
As long as I have you with me.

I can't pretend
We finally reached our end
I won't pretend
I'm unable to call you a friend
I can't forget
All the good things you made me regret
I won't threat
Though my hate is a unpaid debt
I can't say goodbye
Somehow refuse to see past your lie
I won't try
Just leave you with a whimpering cry
I can't think of you
No longer love you too
I won't call you mine
It's finally our time.

I can already feel
The blood rising
To the surface
Of my skin

I can already
Feel that old ache
The pain
The loneliness

I can already
Feel what it'll be like
Without you again.

I cried in the rain with hopes you'd stay...
I cried in the rain wishing you'd make the pain go away...
I cried in the rain and knew you'd be my soul-mate...
I cried in the rain knowing you'd be the only one to love me....
I cried in the rain wishing you'd always be mine...
I cried in the rain when you left me...
I cried in the rain when all the good thoughts went away...
I cried in the rain when I lost the thing that made me whole...YOU...

You,
Me,
Together?
I demand more,
****** me,
Make me yours,
Take control,
Don't let me go,
Don't walk away,
Just stay,
Just keep your smile so I can keep mine,
Never forget our tender moments,
Never regret our time

I won't.

I don't care anymore
I don't care about the past
Yours or mine
I just want you
At the end of my life
I will still want you
I don't want the past
To keep me from being happy
Not anymore
You were,
No, you are my soul-mate
I don't care what anyone says
I don't care
Because all I know
Is I love and miss you.

My time
With you
Is precious
And no
Matter how
We spend it
I'll always
Be happy
And content
Because no matter
What we're doing
I'm with the one I love.

I don't even care,
My heart doesn't carry a spare,
What do I care if you break it you just wanted to take it,
You can't fake it,it's your fault you wanted to take it,
this isn't fair but you don't care.

I use to think in forms of poetry
Think of rhymes
Perfect lines
And what other poets might like
But being a poet
Is not about trying
Its about letting
The truth emerge
Letting everyone see the real you
Through the magic of words


*Set yourself free

I thought there was movement
That something was finally
Moving foward
But in the end i see
We remain in the same place
Our feet concrete
Immovable
But I'd do it all again
I'd pour my heart out again
Just for those three words.

I Try To Make It Better,
Try to clear my mind,
Say It's okay,
Try not to worry,
But thoughts creep in,
They suffocate me.

I'm So Alone,
Friends begin to hate me,
I've been selfish and immature,
Or maybe they've been uncaring and inattentive.

My Love Life Is Terrible,
My first love hates me,
The ones I want don't want me,
I guess I'm not good enough.

Home And School,
Chores,
Homework,
Basically my life,
So time consuming.

My Scars Mock Me,
They want to be refreshed,
I barely hold on,
I want to just cut here and there,
But I'm trying to be strong.

I Want To Let Go,
I don't wanna care,
I don't wanna care about a thing,
I just wanna breathe.

I Don't Wanna To Think,
I Don't Wanna The Stress To Bother Me,
I Don't Wanna Care How They Feel,
I Don't Wanna Love,
Because I Know Love Leads To Heart Break,
I Don't Wanna Live,
But I Don't Wanna Die,
Just Sent Me To Limbo,
Just Send Me To A Place Where I Don't Have To Give A ****,
Send Me To A Place Where I'm Not Prone To Give A ****.

As children,
Some Girls Dream of being a princess,
I would dream of being a Vet,
Some girls would dream of living in a castle,
I would dream of living in a House,
Some girls dream of being a mommy,
I would dream of being a wife,
As children some boys would dream of saving people from fires,
As a child I would dream of saving animals from illness,
As children some boys played video games,
I would dream of making the video games,
As children some boys dream of a care-free life,
I would dream of a carefully planned,happy life,with every detailed just how I wanted,
As a child,I was unlike any other,
I fit in better with adults than the other kids,
I was a dreamer an my hopes were always high,
I'm glad to see that hasn't changed.

I envy the beauty in others but I know inside,where there soul lies,Is not beauty but a monster staring straight at me

I fear falling in love because I fear the broken heart,
I fear the broken heart because I fear the pain,
And I fear the pain because I'm unsure if it'll ever fade

I feel you
Like you were somehow
Embedded into my ribs
Your name echoing around inside of me

Are you reading this?
I feel you
I always have I've just tried so hard not to

Why us my love?
Why did God give us this great love
If we always fell apart?

Parts of my brokenness still believe
I silence her in unspeakable ways

But she goes to sleep in tears because of it
I feel you
I wish it was real.

I wish you
Were here
To cuddle
Close to
So I can
Smile
As I
Look
Into your
Amazing eyes.

I was so
Filled
With sweet
Ignorance
Because
If I did not
Ignore
Then I'd
Feel
And
If I'd
Feel
I'd realize
You weren't
Here
And
If I felt
I would'
Only feel
Empty
With you
Not here.

If life were a fairy tale you'd be my prince charming and I'd be your damsel in distress.
If life were a fairy tale you'd rescue me and we'd fall madly in love.
If life were a fairy tale there would be birds singing and animals cleaning.
If life were a fairy tale our wedding would accustom a whole village.
If life were a fairy tale my heart would never be broken.
If life were a fairy tale our love would never die.
If life were a fairy tale we'd have a happily ever after.
But...your not prince charming,you have not fallen madly in love with me birds do not sing and animals do not clean,we won't have a wedding or invite the village,my heart will be broken,our love can't die because it never began and we won't have a happily ever after.....

Today I Kinda needed a friend
But instead I'll be yours
And give some advice


Be happy
Smile
Let me
Hug you
Because in the end
It all be okay
Never give up hope
Never stop fighting
And just keep looking towards the future
Keep looking toward the light
In the end everything will work out.

There are moments
Without him
When I doubt
When I fear
And writhe in agony
For his absence almost feels
Permanent
But I go to him
Each time I see him
Cuddle closely
And try not to let go
My closeness is
Reassurance
That he's still here
He hasn't left me
(Yet)
He loves me
I need him
I find my strength
In his arms
My joy
With his lips
And my survival
With his heart.

I took her hand
Looked her in the eyes
And whispered
"It's you"
She looked ay me
Came close
Ran her hand through
My hair
And kissed me
And it was the
Best kiss of my life
In that moment
I knew
She'd always be mine
And I'd always be hers.

I am
In love
So ridiculously
That I want
With so much of myself
That it aches
At the slightest sign of failure
It swells
Each time
I see a child now
Because years from now
I want to have his
I feel like his love slave
The only whipping
Is that from his thrashing tongue
I'm intoxicated
By his body
His heart mind and soul
The grand perfection he is to me
I'm treated like a queen
Whenever I feel down
There he is
To fix all my ailments
I am so passionately
In love
And I hope to be for the rest of my life.

You
Whether
You become
My husband
The father
Of my unborn
Child
Or Whether
We part
And our
Hearts become
Shattered
We will
Always be
Friends.

Tick Tock*

The clock ticks on by but I'm running,
Running out of time.
Love was started and I watch it ending.
Why does all die in time?

I try to let all go as planned,
To let fate take it's palce,
But I need things to change,
Even more I need to escape,
I pry at the clock,
It freezes,
And for a moment I can let go,
I can forget and in a moment I am free,
No longer trapped by time,
No longer trapped by the horrible fate that would've come if time didn't freeze.

Will you
Accept me
As I am
Or let
The future
We dream of
Fall apart.

Then I wanna go back to him
To the days he actually loved me
To the taste of his mouth on mine
To the man who I dreamed of
More nights than I can remember
To the one who held me
Made me stop cutting
Who once upon a time
Called me beauitful
Called me his paragon
Called me his future wife.

It felt like I gave you everything...
I gave you my heart to love with,
I gave you my smiles and laughter,
I gave you my arms so we could hug,
I gave you my lips so we could kiss,
But I never got the thing I wanted most,
YOUR HEART...

I'm still thinking about you,
Obviously still writing about you,
But why?!
You broke my heart,
You told me you loved me,
Now your saying it was all a lie,
Your saying it all meant nothing,
But your wrong,
I thought it was real,
That's how you made it feel,
It meant everything to me,
Kissing you in the rain those days meant everything,
Our daily hugs meant everything,
Our laughs and smiles meant everything,
Our friendship meant everything,
And now I can't have you,
I can't have you as a friend or anything more,
Because you won't allow it anymore,
But why?!
Did others tell you to do this,
Because only weeks ago you told me you cared,
You said we could be friends,
And now all I'm hearing from you is ignorance,
You tell the world you never loved me,
You won't even look or speak to me,
What did I do wrong?
I still don't know,
We haven't spoke anytime recently so what could I have said
Or done to make you do this?
Why do you always haunt my every waking moment,
and destroy the moments of joy I actually have...

Today I
Craved the
Feeling
Of both your
Stubble and your
Tongue
Running down my neck
Because
I love the way
It gives me chills.

I'm still trying
To forget
All those days
Without you
Where I waited
All that time
I spent broken
Drowning in tears
Because I lost
You
The one
I knew was the one
I remember those
Restless nights
Where I fell into
A painful sleep
Invaded by memories
It all used to ache
Because I couldn't help but
Remember
That the day you left
We looked back
And looked at each other
And now it seems
That was the goodbye
I always wanted
It just took me a long time to realize
You did say goodbye
You said it when you turned back
To look at me
Before you left
Into this dark world.

I feel more
Like the old me  right now
Wanting to scream
Begging for you
Missing you
Feeling so
Desperate
I need you
I can't stand
For this altered
Version of me
She's even weaker
Than I am with you
I need you
I miss you
I feel worthless
And empty.

Joshua, I'm gonna live my life. I'm gonna save and make a life for myself. I'm gonna travel to Canada and maybe down south and find a man with a accent that makes me smile every time he calls me beautiful. I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna learn to forgive myself for them. I'm gonna accept that I will always love you. But more than that I will accept that you will​ never love me back. I will accept the heartbreak and the pain because it's in the past now. And yes I will cry myself to sleep sometimes and I know I'll be lonely sometimes but I will learn to love myself. I will learn to smile more. I will learn to trust again. I want to be happy. I want to live my life even on the days I say I want to die. I will accept what does or does not happen and I will be happy with whatever life gives me. I'm always going to forgive but I will never forget. I hope you're happy. I hope you get to smile every day for the rest of your life. I hope you find a love as strong as the one I feel for you. I hope you get everything you want from life. I hope one day you see just how amazing you are even if you're not always perfect you were perfect to me. And you'll be perfect for the girl you end up with. Live your life the way you want Joshua. Never let anyone or anything hold you back from what you want. I've done that for too long and I won't anymore. Thank you. Thank you for being my first kiss. My first love. My first lover. My friend. Thank you for showing me true happiness even if it showed me true pain too. Thank you for being you, crazy, amazing you. Maybe in another life you could have chosen me. Maybe. A girl can always dream.