I need you too
When your away
I crave you most
The undeniable urge
To lie my head
On your chest like
I once did on
That bus ride home
I miss you even now
I wish you were here
So I could fold my body
Into yours
Or lace our fingers
So that we are just a
Little closer
I wish I could fall
Asleep beside your
Beating heart warming mine
I Want you
To let me just be yours
Happily and forever.

Tomorrow
Marks another
Lost day
Because I was
No good
Tomorrow
Marks another
Agonizing
Day of misery
Because you were
Suppose to be here
Mouthing I love yous
As you kissed and held
My hand
And I was suppose to
Pretend I was more
And cry looking into
Your wonderful eyes
Tomorrow was
Gonna be a day
For us to be close
And to cherish this
One day
That we got
And now
All it'll be
Is another day
We missed
Because of me.

I don't want to love you
But my heart doesn't understand

I can't have you
The love we once had is gone

When I look in your eyes I almost feel it but then you turn it off without a second thought

I however cannot turn off my emotions or my love

And I hate myself for the weight of my love

And I hate myself for being jealous over what's probably nothing

You're not mine
I cannot get jealous

I need to find someone who loves me but I just can't seem to find anyone but you that I can love

My heart is stupid
My mind is screaming
But I'll still turn up in your bed
Still dream of another life
One where maybe
All my dreams come true.

Sometimes I hear a voice inside or me

Echoing that I need more

And I silence it

Because I am loved for the first time ever

I hear it trying to escape me

I feel it telling me to do bad things

Be reckless

No, be free

But I silence every urge

This is what I want

This is what I need

Let me be cradled by love

Let me melt into oblivion and forget any sinful though that ever passed through my mind.

Let me be satisfied with all the I have.

I do not want to be greedy.

I caught myself
From saying your name
And the realization
That your name still lingers
On my lips
Only reminded me
Of the flame you
Use to leave upon them
With your amazing kiss
And how no other
Can ever compare to that.

Death has me in it's grasp
It's the ol' ball and chain
His bony fingers hold my ankle
I drag him along
He holds on
So close
So enraged
Waiting ever so paitiently
He knows I'm weak
And I'm on edge each day
he is my predator
And I his truest prey
He wants to feed on my soul
And even though I'm weak
Even though I sometimes lie awake
Asking for death to come and take me in my sleep
My heart urges me to live
Even though I'm not strong
Even though I don't want to live very long
I want life
Each day I fight my own fight
And though I do win
The battle never ends
And one day
Death will take me
One day
I will Lose.

You were her emotional abuser
Stringing along her hopes and dreams
To shatter them every so often
You made her feel ugly
You made her feel unworthy
She was addicted to you
Addicted to the pain you fed her
Until one day
She woke up and you broke her again
And inside she snapped
She had enough
She couldn't let you go on
Telling her you were her king
When you treated her like a measly two
She let go
In one heartbreaking swoop
She tore every bit of herself apart
Just to stop loving you
Hoping
Maybe there is a man out there
Willing to treat her like the queen she is.

I'm bad at falling asleep
It takes me hours
But last night
When smiles relit our faces
And we fought through it all
United as always
I climbed into my bed
Cozy as can be
And before I fell asleep
I felt your arms wrapped around my waist
And I smiled knowing that one day
It won't be my mind dreaming
And wishing
But reality
A blissfully eternal reality.

I'm the ghost

Filled with memories

Unable to let go or forget

Trapped between Earth and hell

A pain I can't let go of

A ache that doesn't stop

I'm the invisible

The ugly one you walk by

I'm no one

A left behind memory

A figment of your imagination

I'll vanish in time

Perish not soon enough

I'm the nothing to your everything

The dark to your light

I'm the nothing you left behind

My world shattered
The diamonds that cascaded my life
Broke and fell around me
Shimmering in horror
For I have nothing left
And i try so hard now
To sweep up the glass
And put something, anything together
I try to make something out of nothing
But the ashes of the lost dreams
That now seem so hopeless
I fight for strength
When the aching is constant
And I'll move on and pretend
That nothing broke
That there never was
A sparkling world that has fallen apart
I'll put away some shards
Hoping one day everything will
Return to its former glory
But even my hope feels
Bitter and useless
I am no longer who i was years ago
Nor just last night
I'm the girl standing on the mound
Of all her failures
Searching for something good
Something solid and everlasting
And finding nothing
Ploping down in the mound of broken moments
That we never got to have
And all the ones we did
I'm the girl who is nothing
But the glass you step on outside
Or the dirt sweeping up in the wind.

A broken heart that does not heal
A girl permanently painted in tears
All that remains are the broken pieces
Left overs of someone that wasn't good enough
A memory in your life
One that shall fade
And to her a memory that will always ache
Abandoned by you
By hope and by everyone
Darkness consuming her in your absence
You don't really care
Even though you once made tears dry
You are now the cause
It's your lack of love
Your lack of care
Your lack of being there

I never gave up on you
I refused to give up on us
We created memories
and I loved making them
Even if now I hate remembering them

I never gave up on you
Even when my broken heart knew
You had already given up on me.

Temporarily giving up on love,
More like giving up on loving you,
Look at these scars all over my body,
They weren't there before I met you,
Now look at me,
Weak and lonely,
I just want to love and be loved,
But In this world,
For a girl like me,
It's never gonna happen,
So many liars,
So many cheaters,
So many scared of commitment,
So many people in this world,
And I guarantee not one was made for me.

Seeing you
Feeling any
Inch of your presence
Has always moved me
So here I am
Feeling you around me
Our history
Floating memories
That never dissipate
And I cry
As I always do
When I feel you this close
I cry and I smile
For all the wonderfulness
You gave me
Thank you
For every moment.

I miss everything we were the glorified memories each moment i spent in your embrace,every moment i stared at your face,the kiss you placed upon my lips all of our memories keep my heart racing...

There's a gnawing in my chest
Whenever we argue
This immense pressure
Like at any moment the fragile pieces of my soul might just shatter
And this feeling stays after the argument
Picking at my every flaw
Waiting for me to bleed
Because tears just weren't good enough
This pressure is only alleviated when I smile again
But who will do that for me?

I pray a lot
And I know He listens
Because I have
More strength
Than I thought I could have
Because more often than not
My prayers come true
Because when I beg for death
God tells me to fight harder
And suddenly I'm swept away
In some courageous feat
Because even when I wanna give up
He won't let me

You were
My salvation on Earth
And God my salvation in heaven
I had room in my heart
To love both
Yes, Him more
For He is all powerful
And all knowing
But you were the
Closest second
Known to man.

Do you remember
When you confessed
About the strange woman
Do you remember
How you cried and begged
For my forgiveness
Thats how I feel
Every single day
Guilty shameful
Sorry and regretful
Do you remember that feeling
Like your heart was broken
Because you hurt me
Thats what its like now
I'm broken because
My past can't be erased
And I hurt you
And I feel that shame
That heartache
Everyday
I feel like
My mistakes
Shouldn't hold us back
But its all they do
They bubble to the top
Of your unforgetting mind
And can't be washed away
Or stirred in
For the time we were together
I buried those painful memories
Because I had something new
Something real and wonderful
And now you released the memories
Like they werent three years ago
But just last week
And I stew in my shame
And I wonder
Why it feels like this
Because I was faithful
And yet that fact is so insignificant
Im sorry for my sins
Im sorry that i was lonely
And nothing and wanted
To be wanted
Im sorry I laid there instead of fought
Im sorry they never asked me
If its what I wanted
And just took
But you should know something
I made a promise to God
That I would never again
Lay there and take what I didn't want
That I'd try to be stronger
And I've kept that promise
And I plan to for the rest of my life
I told God I was sorry
And that im not who i use to be
And that I was thankful
Because I changed only when you saved me
And he started answering my prayers again
Because the reason I didnt believe in him
Once upon a time
Wasnt because I doubted him
But because I fear He saw me
And ignored me by not bringing you back
Because at first I prayed for you
And then I stopped
Because I lost faith not in Him but myself
I degraded myself into nothing
And I feared that He couldnt help
Or wouldn't after what I did
So I turned my back
And I've asked for forgiveness
And He gives it every time i breathe
And He gave me forgiveness
And showed me He was there
Because He gave me what I wanted all
Those lonely years
He gave me time with you
And I know that this wont change anything
Because nothing will
You want fairness
Even if it ruins everything
Your willing to feel that shame
Willing to commit that sin
With a soul you dont love
To take revenge
On what God forgave me for
To take revenge on a girl
That has long since been dead
And I understand
I really do
But that doesnt mean
It doesn't **** me inside
Not because what your gonna do
But because what your gonna feel
Your gonna feel that shame that I do
Every time you think about it
Or whenever its brought up
And I just dont want you to be unhappier
Because you thought it could fix things
Because I dont think thats how it'll be fixed
I think WE need to work on it
Remind each other that
We have so much together
Too many memories and dreams to just ****
I think we can fix things
Not with other people
But with each other
And with God.

I told you

Go

It's okay

I understand

This problem

Has no solution

You said it yourself

I'm ****** up

So its okay

Go

But **** me on your way out

For my heart will surely break

And I'll lose my will to fight

Go

But know I will always

Love you.

I woke up
And wanted to say
Good morning baby
But I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
In the middle of a class
I wanted to text you
I love you sweetie
But I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
I came home and
I wanted to see the words
Hi honey I'm home
But your gone now
And you don't care
I waited for
Honey bun
And I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
And so I fade
Into the aching
Into the prayers
I fade into my hope
*Goodbye my love

There used to be
A softness to your voice
A sweet smell to you
There was a feeling
Between love and desire
That once lived between
The space we occupied
Our stares began cute
Smiling without realizing
There used to be
A feeling you gave me
It made my heart jump
And leap
Twist and turn
With such passion
I never wanted to break
What was growing
But everything changed
And now
Your frustration is clear
Or is it a cold cut mocking
I put myself on the line
Admitted my desires
And you cowered away
Like the little boy you are
Your eyes connect with mine
And I feel the connection
Breaking
I feel the discomfort radiating
Off the both of us
And it collides
And it creates
What we have become
Are we enemies
Strangers
I'm unsure
I'll just be glad
When I get to say
All love has gone
And a aggrivation
Has grown in the place
I'm sorry it had to end this way
I'm sorry I have to let go
And forget all the good
Because you so obviously have
And you let the bad overcome it
Now this is done
And we
Have Gone Our Own Ways.

I
Just
Feel
So
Alone
I
Just
Feel
So
Worthless

I've caused you
So much pain
Because of me
They laugh
Bother you
Insult us
Tears stream
Down our faces
And the ache
Internalizes
I wonder some times
If your life
Would've been better
Without me in it.

Good-bye
my hushboy
Good-bye
sweetness
Good-bye
to being treated like a toy
Good-bye
to failed tries
Good-bye
my dimple faced boy
I hope some will bring you joy
or the happiness
you once brought me
it's sad we can never be
but in the end all I want
is for you to be happy.

Here I am
The one left behind
Left by a unwanting father
Left by friends
Left by all those whom I've cared for
Loved ones included
And now in my darkest place
You leave me too
Off to a new place
Leaving behind the girl who loves you
Tears cannot even comprehend my pain
You walking out of my life
It means I don't get my chance
It means another person hurts me
Once again I'm alone
You've left me now and there is no turning back
This is good-bye my love.