Where ever you are, I need you right now. I need you to find me already. I'm sitting here in a puddle of my own tears, and I could use a hug and kiss. You would know just what to do. You would break out a science fiction movie or series and sit me down with some nuts and berries. You would let me lay on your shoulder and look up at you with amazement. I don't know where you are but I believe in you. I believe you exist, and that you belong here with me, I think I need you more than words can say. My heart has so much love to give and no one wants it, no one will love me baby, so where are you to change that. You'll sing the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack, and love my cats, you'll play board games, and video games, and make sure to let me win every once in a while because you don't want me to get mad at you. You will let me teach you card games, and you'll kiss me passionately, we will always make love, and we'll always solve fights together. You will always let me be the little spoon, and play with your beard or your Adam's apple. You'll always tell me you love me. I know you're out there, and I miss you right now. You will never comment on my lifestyle choices and if you must you will refer to me only as fluffy. On my bad days, you'll hold me and let me cry into you, and I'll let you do the same on your bad days. We will both be a little crazy. You will be willing to go to my favorite towns as mini vacations. You will believe in marriage, and want to be a father one day, just as I hope to be a mother one day. You will always understand why I like superman more than batman, and you will never make fun of my belief of bigfoot or aliens. You will smile at me and I will smile back. Baby, I know you're out there, and I will find you. I love you already.

I won't apologize
For standing my ground
For the first time all these years
I will say I'm sorry I expected more
That I assumed you would
Actually fight for me
We were suppose to marry
And we were suppose to hold
Little spence or serenity
Suppose to argue over
Santa and the tooth fairy
Somehow we lost it all
All that's left is the duffle bag
In what was our room
In the end
I missed you
Because you had checked out
6 months prior to leaving
Slowly we died
Our dreams melted away
And I stood in the puddle of it
You stopped calling me beautiful
Started insulting the way I dressed
You stopped kissing me
And got angry when I asked
You stopped making love
And wondered why I cried
You stared at the television
As you thrusted into me
Emotionaless
Did you love me then?
Do you now?
Because even though
I hate what happened
What we became
I still remember
The day we ditched school
With no money
And explored
And I was freezing
So you offered me your leather jacket
That was always too small for me
I remember kissing in snow
Rain
And sunshine
I remember the way you wanted me
The hunger in your eyes all consuming
I remember the way
You held me
The way you laughed
And dreamed of fatherhood
I remember us in love
And I wonder
How could something
We fought so long for
Suddenly not work
How could you hold me
That night
Only to wake up
And leave me
How could you leave me
When all my life
I have asked for you to stay.

Some people go looking for death,
Some wish death upon themselves,
For what I believe to be incoherent reasons,
I know what it is like in that dark place,
But The light shines through eventually,
You just need patience,
Death will come for you,
One day it will find you
When your hair is gray
and you've gone senile,
Death will find it's way to you one day,
Some way.
Until death creeps up to get you,
Live life,
Don't worry about the bad,
One day,
If you try hard enough,
It'll get better.

I showed the pictures
Of the last sweet thing you did
You didn't remember

I still have them
They remind me
Why I kept holding on

One day
I hope I have the courage
To delete them

The way you deleted us.

The demon in me
It feeds on
******* rituals
*******
****** day-dreams
It searches
For prey
Finds
Sappy men
Who can't aquire
Someone their age
The demon pounces and recieves
It flaunts it's
Power
It's pride in the
Wrongness
And when
The real me
Returns
She is
A little
Less alive
And a little
More evil.

I was born to
Forever be with you*

Because unlike you
I very highly believe in destiny

I truly do believe all my mistakes
All the ****** up things that have happened to me

Was a part of destiny
My mistakes led me back to you

Again and again
It wasn't that we had met and weren't

Meant to be
it was simply that the time was off

I was vulnerable
I was weak

You were stronger
You were still to young for the love I held in my heart

So I believe in destiny
I believe that each moment of torture

Was carefully planned
So that one amazing day

We'd be reunited
And the fates

Made it so that we lasted forever
Mistakes and all

We had grown finally
More mature

We had learned what true love could be
Destiny knew and we followed its path

As soul mates typically do
Now our past is behind us and our future awaits.

I'm sure you'll enjoy watching me fall to pieces ,
to see my tears, You'll gladly indulge in my pain,
you tore my apart my heart,
You left me a carcus with only emotions left in me,
only tears to be cried and blood to be shed,
Your so happy with yourself,
Your stupid smirk that grows on your face once you see me at my weakest,
your a heartless being and you destroyed me!

I will be

The zebra

You can be

The lion

And I'll

Let you devour me.

I blocked myself
From viewing your face
Because I knew
The heartache of
Looking into eyes
That no longer cared
No longer mattered
I already knew
What it was like
To look into the past.

Your right
I haven't changed
A old part of me will
Always remain
Because we can't change
All at once
But all that remains
Is a bit of sorrow
And it now washes over me
As I notice how badly I believe
You need to change
I can't handle life
Not with you around
I need an escape
With this invasion
It's as though I'm grasping for air
And the atmosphere has none left for me to breathe
I am not the girl who fell each time her heart broke
I survive even if it's just barely
I haven't changed in the sense
That even when I say I give up
I never actually do
I'm the same in the sense that
I love him like I always have
And I will always be prepared to fight for him  in my life
I'm different not unchanged
Not someone else completely
Just different.

The major problem with him

Is quite simple

**He's not you.

You looked at me
Like you loved me
Like I was special
Held my hand tight
Made love to me
Hugged me
Told me how
Important
Those hugs were
How they made you
Feel good
You adventured
Somewhere new with me
You kissed my neck
And told me
That you loved me
You were here
With me,
Mine
Just yesterday
And today your gone
Leaving me
And it feels like my heart
Is bleeding
And as though its cut open
You were everything yesterday
And everything today
But I wasnt anything
Not today
Maybe not yesterday either.

Apart
A few minutes
Feels like hours
Hours like days
The day
Just one
Feels like months
Oh how our nine months apart
Felt like nine years
I simply cannot go on
The distance feels like
A never ending weight
You,Despite your efforts
Are the light that brightens my day
I need you
For I fear the life of darkness
I've lived it for too long
I can't return
So darling will you
Come be with me
Just stay here
I can't lose you.
I just can't.

Even the princesses got divorced,
They just never showed it.

You told me
You didn't believe in divorce

Then what is this?

The dictionary says divorce
Also means separation, disunion,

That is what you made us
You separated the remaining pieces

Of our love
You broke our union
The one of dreams

You divorced me

For I am no longer in your life

And that was your choice

Maybe you believe in divorce after all.

I want you
In bed
With me
Right ******* now!!

You broke me
I came begging for you back

You broke me
I came begging for you back

Over and over again
The cycle never ending

We had a solid year
Without shattering

So that final blow
When you packed your stuff
And broke my heart

Ended it all
All the years I spent on my knees
Begging for you to love me

It stopped
I had fallen out of love

Stopped believing you were my soul mate
Because the metal rope
That bound you to me
Had finally been severed

I gathered my broken bits
And told myself

I don't need a man
Who cheats because he doesn't trust me
I don't need a man who gave up on kisses
Gave up on making love
Gave up on respecting my choices

And maybe starting over is hard
And maybe I won't find another man

Who looks at me the same way you use to
Or that kisses me like you use to
Or that even calls me beautiful the way you use to do

Maybe I'll be alone

But that's better than being with a man
Who can't truly love me
Than being with a man who chooses to leave
Chooses to break me

Maybe I won't always be happy

But I'll be strong
I am a woman
And I will be strong.

I was born an unhappy girl

In an unhappy existence

And when we came together

When you're eyes met mine for the very first time

I knew of happiness

And suddenly it was swiped away

And I fell

And I cracked

I lost everything

I messed up as a young girl

Because that's what I was

An unhappy girl

Who had life dangle

All her hopes and dreams

Before snatching them away

So when I saw your eyes for the second time

I had already fallen all over again

And I say again because you were right

I couldn't love you that time apart

Because I couldn't love me

Because you can't love a person

When you spend days wishing for death

So when I fell in love with you

For the second time

I was scared

Terrified of you leaving

And even though you left again

I will not break like I once did

Because your still out there

In the distance

And a girl with a dream

Is a fighter

A girl who dreams of a boy

With brown eyes that sparkle just for her

So as you inch away I'll inch closer

Because let me tell you

Past present and future

We have something infinitely strong

And completely undeniable

I still believe God paired us

Because a God with mercy and love

Blessed me with a heart

Able to love you until the end of time

And I do not believe He squanders love

So I won't either.

Never give up forever

For something

Someone

Who in your heart

Is only a temporary factor

In your life.

I've been thinking about him

"My father "

And I hate it
I hate how much
I was like him
How we both lived
Our double lives
Our kleptomania
Similar
Our sins
Nearly the same
I never once had a
Meaningful conversation with that man
And yet I had unknowingly become him
I had become the enemy
My father
The one person
I wanted nothing to do with
He'd never show interest
In his girl
my brothers
they don't even know how lucky they are
To be blind
To have him their whole childhood
I always wanted a father
But it took at least ten years
To realize that the father I wanted wasn't him
The father I wanted did not exist
He still remains a dream
I was in my biological fathers footsteps
Following him blindly
and it took his suffering
his true identity to be revealed for me to understand
that we're not right and this part of me
No matter how little
Says we both have the same genetics that
make us uncontrollable
Its not our faults
it something in our Dna
the blood we share
I, despite my dislike and lack of love for him
Still want him
Want us to have a legitimate reason for our wrongs
He's not my dad and he never will be
But we share blood
I cannot deny that fact
No matter how little I like it.

I will love you forever
I will always cherish
Our memories
And every moment
We spent together
When we made love
It was so I could show you
That my love was more
Than three simple words
But a million actions
You can give up
Tell me you never wanna see me
But I will always want to see you
Because seeing you
Awakens a part of my soul
And makes me feel more
Alive than ever
So go ahead sweetie
Break me more
And cut all ties
You practically did already
But know this
You can always come back
Because your wife
Your dream girl
Your honeybun
Will always be here
Always for you
Because I will love you
Forever.

Kiss away the scars
Hug away the tears
And just be mine
Don't go
Come close
Tell me
You love me
You can't go
Stay near
You warm everything
I was a cold heart
And with you
I can feel
I'm me
I can smile
And laugh
I feel complete
In your presence
So please
Don't Go.

When our eyes meet
                                    My hate ignites deep inside
You still talk ****
                                     Like we just fought yesterday,not 5 months ago
But I don't see hate
                                       Not in those eyes
But it's there
                         I know it is
But why
                    Why do you still bother with your talk and your **** hate
Give up
                     You don't want me
I let it go
                   Our friendship truly died
Whatever
                          It's your loss
Just let me rest
                             Because I'm done with your
*********

I don't love you anymore
And after nine years
That feels remarkable

I don't love you
Just the memories

It took me so much time
But it's so freeing
Letting go
Is peaceful.

To me,
The craziest thing about life is how
You can spend all these years with someone
Have all these memories
Have all these plans about marriage
About children and promises of a forever type of love
And one day it's gone
Because **** got too hard
Because someone bailed and couldn't deal
Because they don't want to fight for any of it

The worst people are the ones who make the plans
And then cancel after getting you excited about them.

I'm too happy with you
To bleed
To ruin it all
For a blade
I miss the sting
Miss the relief desperatly
And though it's been months
I fight it each day
But I'm too happy
Too in love to bleed.

Every other man
Who tries will fail
Because they cannot
Love me with all their hearts
The way you loved me with only
One fourth of yours
They cannot kiss me
Like I am supplying oxygen
And the need me to breathe
They cannot make my heart
Do back flips on good days
And clench on bad days
They cannot comapre
And that scares me.

This love



It's so much more


Than you'll ever understand


He and I



We're more than teenagers in love




Together we are one completed soul




Together



We are happy



What kind of person





Would tear real love apart?

This Is It
The one place
I'm free
Here I can
Breathe
I can remember
And yet let
It go through me
Reminding myself
It's the past
And here lies
Beauty
A serenity
The back and forth
Motions of the water
The sweetness
It supplies
And the safety
It Ensures.

I need you
I need your hug
To comfort me
To calm me
I'd love to be close to you
I'd love to cuddle and smile again
I miss you so much my dear
I miss your warmth
This distance leaves me aching
This distance is so hard
But in the end I love you
And in the end your worth it.