To be
Loved
For the first time
Is like
Jumping
Off a swing
When your so
High up
Your scared
But you know
It'll be worth it
And so
You jump
And feel
Joy
And butterflies
And you just want
To keep feeling this way
And as long
As the love goes on
You can
You **Do.

I would never see you again
I let the thought fill me
Walking away
I thought of us
And I tried
Just to remember
The look in your eyes
The sound of your voice
The curve of you
The lips that were mine
The hand I once held
I captured everything
And then I decided
This truly was
Good-bye
Even if I wish
It was still a hello.

Hated for loving
When all I was supposed to do
Was care in secrecy
Hated for caring
When they wanted me to love
Hated for speaking
When silence was the only thing
To escape my lips
Rude and cruel boys
You surely are
What miscommunication
Because in that love
There was care
In my care there was
A small love
In my words of silence
Only goodness was expressed
Yet I am without you three
The one who wanted
Friendship
Lost it
The one who wanted
Love
Couldn't achieve it
And the one who wanted
Silence of his desires
Never got me.

I hear only my own cries...
As I remember your lies...
My heart slowly dies...
My eyes red with pain,
My heart that was just slain,
The one you claimed was plain,
I will not restrain myself,
I will put my heart away on a shelf,
I will let it get dusty and old,
until it can be re-sold,
It's your fault,
You refused to halt,
You broke open the vault,That happened to hold my heart,
I tried to stop it from the start,
But you started to take my heart part by part,
Now I have to restart,my life,
and keep away from that tempting knife,
You broke me,
and I awoke,with a heart soaked in blood,
You joked,and it provoked me...And now look where I am,
Remembering not just you but all of them.
Now my heart can't pretend,It can't face the end.
My heart has nothing left to defend.
So as I lie here,yes I'll cry,eventually I will die,You can't console me don't try,
Your the one who stole my heart whole and lead my soul straight into a deep dark hole...

Your kiss
Heals all wounds
It swallows my tears
And captures my attention

In your arms
I'm desperate
To have you as close I can
Because each moment wrapped in you I feel safe

A touch
Your touch
Like sweet hummingbirds
In slow motion and with each flutter
Of their wings your amazed
Breathless from its pure beauty
Shocked by how much joy can
Come from something like this

Wrapped
And surrounded
By the love and attention
You give and that I should be grateful for
The love
The sweetness of your hugs
And kisses and even your touch
That I am grateful for
It all takes me
and in there
In that pit of perfection
I find my love for you.

To me,
The craziest thing about life is how
You can spend all these years with someone
Have all these memories
Have all these plans about marriage
About children and promises of a forever type of love
And one day it's gone
Because **** got too hard
Because someone bailed and couldn't deal
Because they don't want to fight for any of it

The worst people are the ones who make the plans
And then cancel after getting you excited about them.

I hope you find who you are
Who and what you want to be in life
I hope, no matter how it hurts me
That you find the true great love of your life
I hope shes godly and pure
I hope shes straight and makes you happy
I hope see loves you as much as i have
I hope she sees you the way i always did
And i hope you live happily ever after.

Kindness given
Positive reinforcement
And I'm the creepy one

Oh what a typical day
In the life of me.

Still as I wait for your memories to fade...I find myself spending days thinking of you.I hate it...I wish it gone I wish I never met you...But then I wouldn't have felt love.I wouldn't have felt your sweet kiss Or calming hug.I would have never discovered that someone could mean as much as you mean to me...



Memories don't die but sometimes they fade...

All those years we were together
All those times you thrusted into me

You were always wanting more
Wanting anyone and everyone else

You stopped appreciating me

I was just there because I was

Attainable

Always attainable

And you felt like you owed me

Like somehow

Giving it to me every night

Would make up for the fact

That you couldn't stay faithful

Or that it would seem like you loved me

Like somehow being there

Would erase all the bad things

They didn't though

They still linger in my past

Where you now reside

And I'm not going back.

She finally found her anger
Buried deep beneath
A flawed love
She finally saw you
When another man
Showed her
Just how beautiful she was
And she wondered why
You could never
Make her feel as confident
As he makes her feel now
She wonders why you
Stayed for so long
When you were only loving
Her a little bit
He isn't even in love with her
And he looks at her
Like his whole world
Is displayed before him
He does not consume her body
But instead indulges
Takes every inch to cherish
To touch her everywhere
Even in places she hates
So she knows
Even the stretch marks
Are beautiful
Because she truly is
Inside and out
She is beautiful
And somewhere along the way
You stopped realizing that.

I just
Wish
I could
Escape
From
All
These
Ignorant
Voices
Escape
From
Their
Hat­red
And stupidity.

I know shes "fragile"
But she doesn't know
How to be honest
How to be real
I hate her in silence
And I don't care
The lies will be her end
Her demise
She needs to get away
I see her and she's smiling
Flirting
Claiming to be broken
And if that *****
Knew better she'd cut it out
Because I know what it's like
To hurt
To ache
To be broken inside and out
And I think she needs to learn
Because this girl
Is a player of the worst kind.

Love me
Love me
Love me

Please
Please

Your the one
The one

You are my soul mate
My soul mate
I need you to see that

I hope you love me
Truly love me
*Please love me

In my empty room


Someone tried to get my attention






                                                                               *Pssssss

The warmth you give off circulates the room,
It covers me in satisfaction
And that's just what you do,
You satisfy,
The simplest of touches sending me soaring,
Truly you are the master of love,
But truly the master of my heart.

Your essence fills me and I don't want it to go,
I need you to be close,
I need you because you supply me with goodness,
I go to you for warmth and protection,
You keep me happy and feeling good.

I won't let go,
Not now,
And maybe if I hope hard enough dreams with come true,
Maybe then I would have you,
Maybe then you would love me,
Just once,
If only for a moment.

Endless nights,
Remembering each torturous moment,
I remember when I loved each one,
That was before you tore my world apart
Repeatedly,
Was it fun?
While you sat and planned on the destruction of my heart
I sat and thought of our memories,
Meeting you I automatically knew how I'd love you,
You didn't care no matter how much I warned you,
I guess I needed the warning,
You were my best friend,
Now you're the lucky ******* who got to forget while sat and suffered remembering every moment,
You hugged me and for so long it made me scream,
Each part of me exhilarated while my hairs stood on edge,
Those memories once made me smile,
Once made me heart warm but now it only makes me ache
The first time we kissed
The rain drizzled around us,
I remember so clearly jumping back,
But what I remember even more is you moving closer to kiss me again,
You walked away soon after that day,
I remember how you called me a while after that,
Telling me you loved me,
What's changed?
Because this heart still feels the same,
You forgot?
I'll remind you,
You stopped loving me?
Then maybe you never did,
I'm still the girl you loved,
Your still the boy I loved,
So why ignore me,
Why run?
Your confusing me,
I'm regretting meeting you,
Even more I'm regretting loving you,
If I could I would take it back,
If only I could...

It isn't that you make me stronger.How could you your so far away.It is the memories of you that keep me strong.I tried putting my heart back together and the only thing that held it together was our memories.Even if some of our memories broke me others made me stronger.So with the memories of our kiss,of our hugs and our laughter with the memories of how our friendship became love I put my heart back together again.

My hate
For you
So strong
Can't even
Bare to
Look into
Your demonic
Eyes that
Once enticed
Me
My hatred
So deep
I cannot
Let go
Nor forget
I hate
What you've
Called me
Hate that
I was
To be
Ignored for
The care
And friendship
That I
Had stupidly
Offered
You are a
monster
A beast
In a wonderful
Disguise
But I can finally
See the real you
Beneath it all.

With you
I am stronger
I like myself more
I feel alive in your arms
And when your happy
A wildfire of joy bursts
Within my very chest
Time with you
Pieces me back together
I was told that princes
Don't rescue
Princesses
And yet you rescued me
And deemed me worthy to be something
So much more than a damsel in distress
All those people who doubted we'd be together
Were so wonderfully wrong
Because here and now we prove
That love at first sight exists
And that teenage love
Can be the truest and happiest of everlasting loves
You and I were meant to be
Like Romeo and Juliet
Our love is overwhelming
And we have our obstacles
But unlike that tragic couple
We won't die
Not until our time
And we won't let anyone
Interfer with what we want most
Each other.

I lay in my bed...
My mind wanders about...
Then I begin to imagine it all...
Him laying on me kissing me...
Slowly kissing down my body...
As he reaches my ******* I don't know what to do...
I smile and say his name for the pure joy has overridden my brain....
He continues down my body kissing every speck...
And when he and I are making sweet love....
We say only each others names...
Panting with such passion...
Our glorious moments they have to end...
and when they do...
I find my self lying in my bed alone and I realize it was just a amazing dream....

How can I describe your hugs?
So tight,
Your body pressed so close to mine,
It's intoxicating,
So exhilarating,
Each moment leaving my body more tantalized,
I dream of the possibilities
In the seconds when your hugging me tight,
I want one thing more than anything,
Your Kiss,
My heart begs for you to bestow those lips upon mine,
I'm needy,
And all I need is you,
I feel like there is so much more to you,
Your eyes tell me so many stories my ears have yet to hear,
So many untold stories between you and I,
Still My lips quiver for you,
And my body grows limp at your every touch,
But still I want you more,
And I want all of you

I've searched,
I've tried so hard to find him,
My soul-mate.
I think I found him and I think I let him leave.
I've made a mistake I cannot believe.
My soul-mate is out there,
Somewhere in the abyss,
One day I'll find him,
I'll know by his kiss.

Those dark brown eyes continually told me lies,
Those dark brown eyes only said good-byes,
Those dark brown eyes told me stories of our common glories,
Those dark brown eyes sighed when my heart died...

Today I decided
I want to commit suicide
Today I realized
I need to die.

Lying awake night after night,
So many thoughts being processed,
I tend to my desires,
Thinking of all the possibilities and all the outcomes,
They seem to end in a disaster,
Ha,
Just like everything in my life,
My aching heart tries putting in a word or two,
I just remind it what happened the last time I listened to it,
It got broken,
And so I try to focus in on the thoughts,
Each one making no sense,
Yet complete sense,
The bad thoughts mix in so well with the good ones,
So everything in me is all jumbled up,
And I lie there for hours trying to figure it out,
Figure out the things that make me happy,
And I realize it's all the things that make me sad,
The Love I want always perishes,
The load of responsibilities that is sometimes my escape only grows,
My Friends all fade and leave me alone,
My Life grows dimmer,
And piece by piece I see myself loosing everything,
And I know happiness is only temporary,
But that temporary time has yet to come,
And before I sleep I ask,
Will It Ever?

Some guys are players,
Some guys have girl after girl all at their disposal,
Some guys only want ***,
Some guys are heart-breakers,
Some guys are only talented at using girls,
Some guys only look at girls if they are *****,
Some guys are jerks,
But still I have hope because I've meant some guys,
Some guys that are artistic,
Some guys that are funny,
That only want friendship at first,
I've meant some guys that make you laugh at nothing,
That make you smile with just a look,
That makes your heart ache each time there away,
Guys that don't want to use you,
I've meant guys that you can fall for in an instance,
There out there,
As long as you don't give up on them,
They will still exist.

You would hug me and I would scream,Your arms wrapped around me felt like a dream with a romantic theme,but my heart began to gleam,was it all a scheme that's how it seems.Still as a part of me let's go,I need you to know,although I fell for you long ago,A part of my heart still is yours you know how it soars when your near,it was always that,that kept me in fear but the ending was clear,You wouldn't be mine forever,no matter if I wished forever and ever...

I Vowed Never Again To Love,
Love had broken me down far too much and I could no longer bare the consiquences of it all,
But then one day I saw you and everything began to change,
Our eyes met and it was from that moment I knew something would come from us,
There was a rumbling in my heart and I couldn't control it another moment,
You rescued me from tears and from cuts,
You gave me comfort and I ravished in every moment with you,
My smiles were worn proudly and all because of you,
My joy was endless as long as I was in your pressence,
I slowly found myself thinking about you every moment I could,
As time passed you were even in my dreams,
It seemed I had fallen in love and to this very moment I curse myself for it,
I'm in love with you and what we are  merely consists of laughter and jokes and a bare minimum friendship,
Your have me under your spell,
My heart is trapped,
My heart is yours and you may do with it what wish,
Your my love,Your my everything and without you I would fall to endless pieces,
Please darling love stay close and don't go,
Please darling you know I love you so.

I love how you never loved me
I love how you pretended to

I hate how my heart broke
When I saw shirts that said Daddy's little girl
Because I knew I never would be

I get confused when I think about
How you acted like you cared
How I cried and you hugged me
A real fatherly hug for the first time
And how weeks later when I left
You didn't even say a word
Didn't fight to keep me
Because you didn't want me

I guess I can say
I lived just fine without you
But everyone wants two parents
I was left with one
And she did amazing
But whenever I go and visit my brothers
I envy them
I want to scream
Because they have their mom
And the person who was suppose to my dad

I call you Carlos because that's who you are
Not dad or daddy
And when I refer to you I say my father Carlos
And try not to sound emotionally involved
You and I have never been close
But I still have made similar mistakes
And look undeniably like yours
And each day I curse my genes

I wish I could say I love you
But I know so little
And you've made life harder on me
So all I can say is
Your chromosomes make up half of me
And I think you gave me all the crazy genes
And I cant hate you for that
But certainly can't love you for that either.

Maybe I'm being
Overly zealous
But sometimes
When you kiss
Me in the street
We're cheered on
Faces of disbelief
For our sudden
Battle of tongues
Been told it's okay
Rock on
As though
This its normal
Sure some people
Wonder
What the ****
Or get a room
But we're always
Cheered by another
And maybe they know
How good we are together
Perhaps they see
That you and I
Aren't just young lovers
But eternal ones as well.

I love you
I love you
Never forget me
Never forget me
And how
I love you
I love you
More than anyone
Ever could
Or ever will
*I love you

It's almost always

Easier to go down

Something

Than to go up

**Almost Always.

I'll walk into the dark abyss,
Truly there is nothing I'll miss,
Expect maybe your kiss,
The one I never had,
That thought makes me kinda sad,
Your everything I want,
But all you do is taunt me,
Your name,it haunts me,
But as I walk into the darkness with you on my mind,
I'll know there is no better adventure to find,
Because the greatest adventure I'll ever know is being with your kind heart,
The one I liked from the start...

Your embrace
Was as warm
And refreshing
As a child's
"Comfort" blanket
I held you close
With such fear
That one day
I'd lose you
I loved you
Your smell
Your look
Your touch
You made it all better
Wiped away the tears
And simply put a smile
Right where I thought one would never go
On my face.

Oh ragged breath
you betray me
Let him know
How good he is
At the things he does.

Oh gentle moan
You let him know
I want more.

Oh fingers
You grip in such
desire and lust
You try to roam him
Try to explain your
Ultimate needs

Oh dear body
You want him
And you have
For quite some time
So do it
Take him.

I'm scared,
this crush,
it makes me smile as little more each day,
and I'm scared you'll never like a girl like me,
but honestly I'm feeling some mixed signals,
But all I'm sure about is that when you smile at me I melt,
I melt at the sight of your amazing lips that I crave to kiss,
and I melt at those amazing dimples that always keep me so entertained,
This crush keeps me exhilarated,
This crush keeps me on edge,
I love every moment we laugh together,
And better yet,
I'm Starting To Love This Crush...

Day One Of Two:
I'm crying
Cringing in disgust
For this is me
My horrible weakness
Me in all my broken glory
I have it all
Yet I'm so incomplete
I'm a missing piece
That will never find where it fits
I'm a lone star in the dark sky
I whisper to myself
I tell myself how horrible and worthless I am
How I'm a nothing and always will be.

Day Two Of Two:
I'm floating on air
A miniaturized sun shining bright
I think there's nothing to fear
I have it all
I'm free and ready to fly
Fearless and free
No weight or sorrow lying on me
Smiling at nothing
Just living
Questioning nothing
And just trying to be me.

Notes:
Yeah I'm crazy
Those days
I was experiencing
Something no one believes I have
No one listens to my pleas
No one listens to my horror
They ignore my evidence
Ignore me.