I
put
the
past
behind
me
and
I
make
sure
not
to
turn
around
because
the past
may hold
a pain
you let go of
but looking back
Might
make it seem
New again.

I feel like venom
Like somehow
I poison every relationship

Either they were built
On my poison

Or I made it emerge

Either they use me
Or I leave them

Out of brokenness
Will come more brokenness.

I love those
Incapable of loving me back

I love them enough
For the both of us

I love in a way
They too
Believe they love me

But time passes
And things grow weary
And one day we both wake up

Hearts ripped out
And tears streaming down our faces

And we say goodbye
Because we were never meant
To say hello

But the world thought
We both deserved
To feel happy

Even if it ends
Even if the pain never fades

You remember the love
As real or imaginary as it was

And you're happy
For the time you got

And though you miss them

All you can do
Is hope they find real love
And that you do too.

"Oh me? I'm the best at loving all the right people at all the wrong times."

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky
I will have a kiss on new years

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky
I will have someone
To wish me a happy new year

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky,
I will wake up on January first,
In the arms of a man who loves me

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky,
The fireworks will not remind me
Of the fire in my soul,
That goes unloved

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky,
I will know of a love,
That will last every year.

My ribs are cracking
Stabbing into me
As all the pain oozes out

My body is failing me
My soul is faltering
I am dying

I am in a war with myself
That those around me
Are too blinded to see

I will not be rescued this time

The question at hand is

Will I be strong enough to rescue myself?

I remember the first time
I showed you my stomach
And I was so scared
And when I first saw your bare ***
And you were so shy
I remember the first time I ate in front of you
And that I was so anxious
And I remember the first time
We slept in the same bed
And the time we ditched school
And played cards at the mall
I remember so many firsts
Like when we kissed
Or made love
I remember too much
And far too little.

Sometimes we're in a rush

In a rush to find love again
To be loved right this time around

Sometimes we're in such a rush
We fail to realize that rushing
Will only get us false love
False happiness

It is in our patience
When we are most rewarded

I am patient now
Awaiting fresh kisses
And sweet I love you's
As I drift to sleep.

A stranger fell in love with me

He knew me two days before professing it

His commitment is unwavering

He has a sweet voice

I could love this stranger

I could want him

Do I love him back?

Truth is
I never
Want you
To leave me
But I know
That sometimes
We have to be apart

I'm just so comfortable
With your arms around me.

I almost don't
Want the year
To end because
In the end
I got what I wanted
A new beginning
Might bring
A old ending.

You told me
You didn't believe in divorce

Then what is this?

The dictionary says divorce
Also means separation, disunion,

That is what you made us
You separated the remaining pieces

Of our love
You broke our union
The one of dreams

You divorced me

For I am no longer in your life

And that was your choice

Maybe you believe in divorce after all.

Now more than ever
I'm scared
That being me
Just won't be
Enough
To make him
Stay.

I'll smile
And feel my heart
Be freed
As I sign
My name
My new name
For that first time.

Oh baby don't tell me goodbye
Because I saw It in your eyes
I know you love me
and I know I love you
And if its by Gods will you will see the light You will see how meant to be we are
And He will protect us
When all seems to fall
And He will save us when
We have nothing left at all
And we will get through
Because our love is true
And baby you cant give up our fight
You gotta see the light
We will make it through I believe in us
The way I believe in you
Baby you have to see the light
You have to see how right we are together You have to see that when we're apart Nothing is okay and that together
We can be among Gods fleet
You have to see that there's strength in Numbers and our numbers two
Because there's me and then there's you
Oh baby I need you to see the light
I need you to see that with God by our side Everything's gonna be alright so just give me another shot and
I'll prove to you that I'm worth it
So just give me another chance and I'll never let you down
Baby this is all that I am and all that I'll be And baby I love you
And I know you love me
So let us join hands and let us be free
Lets worry not because He will save us Because we'll be alright as long as He's on our side so baby see the light
And take my hands and we'll be alright and I hope baby dear
I won't just have to wish
To see you in my dreams tonight.

Finally I lost you
I knew it'd happen
Because in my life
Nothing good ever stays
Nothing ever lasts
I wish you'd love me
But I knew all day
It would end this way
And a blade would find my skin
Because without you I'm fin.

He goes missing
When I'm finally
Found.

No one will ever
Love me

I do not say that
In a negative way
Just in the sense
That it is something
That I have come to accept

No one will love my words
My heart
My soul
My body
The way I smile
Or the way that I laugh
They will not love
The curls of my bedhead
Or the way I sing off note
Or my love of every little odd thing
No one will love my secrets
My baggage
My past
No one will accept me
As I am
They will not hold my hand
With pride
Or kiss me for the world to see
Because no one
No one
Will ever love me.

We've imprinted on one another
Making it impossible to move further
The twisted regret seeps in my soul
Regret for who I am
The ache of my empty life
Of my unhappy and lonely soul
The truth that emerged from
The utter darkness
That soul mates
Do no exist
For what then is it
That chains us
Why can neither of us walk away
Why is this love so strong
As to survive the years
Why has this love been blind
And perfectly sighted
Please explain what you are to me
If not the soul mine aches for
Are you an imposter
Are you simply not the one
Or is the harsh reality
That they do not exist
Because if they don't
What was it i was searching for
All those years before you came along
My bloodied heart heals only by you
And yet little healing has come
And I await
Knowing that in the end
You were right
But so was i
Because despite
How you belittle my faith in soul mates
I believe
But i fear now for us
Because deep inside
You do not accept me
And you've hurt me
And i dont feel the warmth anymore
Its as though those words severed us
Cut the link i once felt that told me
Soul mates were real
So now I'm clueless whats real
And whats not
Im a lost girl
Begging for safety.

I don't
Miss
Those
People
Who'd
Put you
Or myself
Down
But
At least
Now
I can
Prove them
Wrong.

I don't tell anyone
But I still miss you
Out of no where
I wish you were holding me
I miss you
More than my broken heart
Can ever fathom
I miss you
But you are gone
We are done
You have left me.

Never doubt

Because my

Love

For you

Will always

Be true.

She realized she anchored people
Made them feel like staying was a trap
So when they got away
She realized that she was her own anchor
Always trapping herself
Always saying nothing would work
Because lack of faith is what shatters
She realized being an anchor
Was too much weight even for her
So she cut the chains
And she threw herself overboard
So she would never hold herself back
Never again.

I prayed
I wished
I dreamed
I hoped
That you'd
Come back

It didn't happen

I stopped
My praying
Wishing
Dreaming
And hoping

And there you we're


I prayed
Wished
Dreamed
Hoped
That you'd be mine again

And it seemed like you hated me

I stopped
Praying
Wishing
Dreaming
Hoping

And you became mine again.