Your asking me
To change
My base
Your asking me
To believe in
Something I don't
And it breaks my
Scarred heart
To think this
Can destroy us.

The major problem with him

Is quite simple

**He's not you.

I had the choice
Between
The boy I thought
I would love forever
Or the boy
Who
Made my happy
I chose happiness
Because
If there is no
Joy
Then there is
No Real Love.

Wiped clean the slate of mistakes

Starting anew

A wisp of wonderous change

Being yours

Is what I do best.

We think we can fix them

We think that the broken parts of them are puzzle pieces we can just reassemble

But in the end all we do

Is love every broken piece of them

So much so that we start to crumble too

So much so that now we need to be fixed too

Now we're both broken

And no one can repair it.

I miss you
Every day
And every night
I write your
Name on my hand
And hope somehow
You can be here
Holding me tight
Kissing my forehead
I love you now
And forever on baby.

I'm sorry we can't make love

I'm even more sorry

That I will

Make you need to.

It doesn't matter
Nothing ever will
If I'm ******
I don't know how
And the truth is
I wish i could
Fix it
Because I'd do anything
But I'm alone
And prayer is all I have
Because every moment
Is like I'm on my knees
Begging for safety
Begging God to guide me away
Because being here is too much
You didn't love me
Baby you loved that
I loved you
I'm doomed
And like you said
Nothing here can save me
I will die
And go
And I will be alone
They will take me
Because they found the best way
To make me weak
To take you away

My mother asked me
Why do you always take him back?
I said
Because I've faced facts, I love him, always will.
She questioned
Why?
I answered
*I don't have an answer exactly. He's crazy, some days he drives me nuts, but more often than not, when I look at him, I see my future, I see every dream I have ever had coming true. So yes, I forgive him, maybe too much, but I love him because sometimes the best love is one where nothing makes any sense.

Maybe
Somewhere deep
Within my eroded
Soul
I believe
I am
Beautiful.

I want honesty
Brutal
And never ending

No more
No it's nothing's
No more
Forget it's
No more
Hiding
No more
Secrets.

I broke down
And I cried so hard
And I prayed
And I told God
That I'm doing
This for me now
I'm gonna read
The Bible
I'm gonna pray
And I will
Find a way
To get to Heaven
I told God
That I love him
And that I love you
And that I'm hurting
And that I want your happiness
Though I wish it was with me
I cried harder
At the admittance
Of my Christianity
Then when my heart
Was smashed
And maybe you were right
And I was wrong
But I asked God for help
And I have faith
He will save me
That I can save me
And that I will see you
Even if its in heaven
Our hearts
Our souls
Will meet again.

You know me inside and out
You know all my hints
And my twitches
When I have something
Locked up inside me
Begging to scream
You know me so well
And I love it
I love that you know
All my quirks
And can still look at me
And say
Your beautiful, I love you.

Will you
Accept me
As I am
Or let
The future
We dream of
Fall apart.

Laced in fear
Lightly coated
With general
Desire
So desperate
For you to stay
Yet even more
So for you
To be with me
Always.

To all the girls and women who have been brave enough to face their trauma and come forward and report

I admire you so much
You are SO strong

All four times it's happened to me

I laid there like a deer in the headlights

Like a possum playing dead

Waiting for it to end
So I could walk away in tears

And hopefully never see them again

To bury my trauma so deep no one can ever find it

And there you are in court

Locking them up and throwing away the key

I wish I did that

I'm so sorry I didn't

I'm always afraid that I'll run into them

Afraid they did it again

Afraid of remembering

But every time I cry it seeps out

Because no matter how hard I try to bury it

It's a part of me

A part of the story line that cannot be erased

I just need to keep reading and hope the ending it happier.

I need something
To grasp
So will you
Come
And tuck me into
My bed tonight?

I feel like
We've finally
Fallen into place
There isn't a single part
Of us I hate
We
Yes, Us
We're doing just fine.


Who said young love doesn't last?

When you don't want the love that's in your heart

Because you know it's not in theirs

Or better yet when you know what's in your heart

And all you want is for the same love to be in theirs.

You always said
I was yellow
And you were black
And that you'd
Envelope me
In your world
And I wish
You would
So that we'd be close.

I have to realize
We've changed
And the only one
He truly loves
Is the girl
I use to be.

You used me
I was your crutch
Whenever you felt weak
You used me
And I savored
Being leaned on
Now all that remains
Is ash in my lap
Where you use to lay
The blood boils in
Utter hope that I give in
Give into the pain
But if one thing
Being your crutch taught me
It was that sometimes
You have to rebel
Even if you feel like your losing
You have to tell yourself
There's a chance
No matter how little

I watched
A short video
And it
Made me
Want to
Go to
Heaven
It made me
See that
You were
Right
In thowing me
In the ocean
So maybe now
I should
Just read
The Bible
And pray
Because
Even if you
Ignore me
God won't.

Whether I admit it or not
My heart is still a bit broken
And somehow with those pieces
Of a first love long lost
I have adventured
And begun the new story
Of me and another
Who whether realizing it or not
Has started to piece me back together
I may not be quite whole
But I'm much less broken without you.

I think
The best part
Of seeing you
Leave
And now
Come back
To me
Is that I
Got to fall
In love
All over again.