I miss him
Almost as much
As I miss smiling

I miss him
I need his hug
His friendship

I miss him
Because honestly
No matter how bad he hurts me
I will always love him.

I want honesty
Brutal
And never ending

No more
No it's nothing's
No more
Forget it's
No more
Hiding
No more
Secrets.

You know me inside and out
You know all my hints
And my twitches
When I have something
Locked up inside me
Begging to scream
You know me so well
And I love it
I love that you know
All my quirks
And can still look at me
And say
Your beautiful, I love you.

My mother asked me
Why do you always take him back?
I said
Because I've faced facts, I love him, always will.
She questioned
Why?
I answered
*I don't have an answer exactly. He's crazy, some days he drives me nuts, but more often than not, when I look at him, I see my future, I see every dream I have ever had coming true. So yes, I forgive him, maybe too much, but I love him because sometimes the best love is one where nothing makes any sense.

It doesn't matter
Nothing ever will
If I'm ******
I don't know how
And the truth is
I wish i could
Fix it
Because I'd do anything
But I'm alone
And prayer is all I have
Because every moment
Is like I'm on my knees
Begging for safety
Begging God to guide me away
Because being here is too much
You didn't love me
Baby you loved that
I loved you
I'm doomed
And like you said
Nothing here can save me
I will die
And go
And I will be alone
They will take me
Because they found the best way
To make me weak
To take you away

Maybe
Somewhere deep
Within my eroded
Soul
I believe
I am
Beautiful.

I feel like
We've finally
Fallen into place
There isn't a single part
Of us I hate
We
Yes, Us
We're doing just fine.


Who said young love doesn't last?

Laced in fear
Lightly coated
With general
Desire
So desperate
For you to stay
Yet even more
So for you
To be with me
Always.

I think
The best part
Of seeing you
Leave
And now
Come back
To me
Is that I
Got to fall
In love
All over again.

I have to realize
We've changed
And the only one
He truly loves
Is the girl
I use to be.

I don't dream anymore
I've lost all inspiration
And it all started with
How badly I miss you.

I know how bad
I miss you, I miss
You body, mind
And soul and I
Miss so much
And the aching
Never leaves me.

You used me
I was your crutch
Whenever you felt weak
You used me
And I savored
Being leaned on
Now all that remains
Is ash in my lap
Where you use to lay
The blood boils in
Utter hope that I give in
Give into the pain
But if one thing
Being your crutch taught me
It was that sometimes
You have to rebel
Even if you feel like your losing
You have to tell yourself
There's a chance
No matter how little

I just thought
When i asked you
What you wanted
You'd chose US
Rather than me and you
I thought when i said
Its too hard to let go
You'd say
So dont
I thought everything
Was okay after that phone call
At 2 in the morning
But i guess i was in denial too.

He asked
For forever
And that's
what I'll
give him

The music
It swelled all
The pain I buried
In my heart
And it rose
And spilled over
With the rawness
Of my love
And the foam
Of agony
Began to help me
Feel more determined
As this emotion
Of pain spilled out
I was never more sure

That your worth
All the battles that
Are yet to come
And so many more.

I'm gonna be honest
I can't write about
You leaving me
Because
Then it truly
Becomes real
And your here now
I'm not hurting
Not yet.

You always said
I was yellow
And you were black
And that you'd
Envelope me
In your world
And I wish
You would
So that we'd be close.

My mom told me
That God promotes love
And I rather believe her
Than you
Because the God I know
Wouldn't abandon
Wouldn't give up
Not on any of his children
So I believe in God
But I believe
He wanted us
To be together
Not torn apart
And utterly
Destroyed.

Your the boy
Who stole my heart
Tore it apart
And left me here
With only fear
I'm broken
I'm not whole
I used to believe
You had a soul
Now here I am
Searching for another way
To rid these thoughts of you
For all the days
I don't want to hurt
But I do
Mainly because
My heart still loves you.

I have this
Never ending feeling
Not even You
Want this
To Last.

When you don't want the love that's in your heart

Because you know it's not in theirs

Or better yet when you know what's in your heart

And all you want is for the same love to be in theirs.

I do not regret loving you

Despite the end
Despite all the tears

I loved you

And that was beautiful

Those moments
Were worth every bit of this pain.