Know here
And now
I love you
With all that
I am
And ever have been
I hope you see
That you mean
Everything to me.

Winters with you were never so cold
Your presence brought an unspeakable warmth
And now I hide under covers wishing your body was there
I miss that warmth
I miss going out in Winter
I miss standing in the middle of the sidewalk and letting the cold air
Just hit us full on because you couldn't resist kissing me
I miss that
I miss Winter...

Never
Don't
Let your
Walls collapse
Don't let
Your heart
Lie freely
On the ground
Because
If a billion
People miss it
One person
Will
Get it
They'll stomp it
And then
All that will
Remain
Are shattered
Pieces
That will
No longer
Fit.

You scare me
No, you terrify me

With every touch
With every word
With every smile
Or heartfelt care
I am terrified
More and more

Because don't you know
Loving is terrifying
Because heartbreak
Is the scariest thing
That I have ever known

Because it brings more darkness
Than a starless night

More darkness than
When you shut your eyes tight

You see you terrify me
Because you are everything
I have hoped for.

You asked me
To be yours
After we talk
Caught up
Made out
And I said yes
With such
Limited emotion
Because I
Couldn't say no
Not to you
Not to that kiss
No one has ever
Kissed me like that
It had been so long
Since I felt its sweetness
For I never had a kiss
Like that except the days before
You left me.

Curiosity
Is not
Always
A good thing
And Appreciation
Is more important
Than you think.

I want
To explain
As much as I can
About everything
Everyone
But there resides
An ache
Knowing it'll
Break more of me
As well as set me free
As for him
I fear he and I
Will never be the same
For how can a man
Look at his bride
And know her past
Was full
Of whorish
Memories
That still
Make her life seem
Worthless.

Sometimes I close my eyes
And watch our memories
I have my hands on your chest
Smiling with a heart
That was never more content
Than in that instance
And you laugh at me
And you just lean in to kiss me
I watch that girl, me
Know without a doubt
That your her forever
Her lover
Her mate
Her future husband
And as I watch them
I realize how willing
I am to fight for that back
And as long as you never give up
I promise I won't either
I watch them laughing
Crying, making love,
Napping and eating
And suddenly I see
His eyes
Looking at her
And all his love
And all of hers
All the shared energies
Flows freely and peacefully between
Oh how wonderful it is
To almost feel it again.

Sometimes I wonder if you see our memories like I do
Flashing by in your mind
Every smile and kiss and tear
All those years
All those precious moments

Sometimes I wonder exactly at which point in those memories
You decided you did not love me anymore

Sometimes I wonder if you knew I loved you
With every single bit of my soul
When you had me sleep in your arms


Sometimes I wonder
If you maybe loved me
If maybe you felt like we belonged together the whole time
Or was it just me?

I wonder if you knew just how many tears
And how much pain I have felt since I met you

I wonder if you know
How hard I tried not to love you
But it's engraved in me
And nothing and no one can etch it away
Not even you hurting me for the umpteenth time

I wonder if you miss me
Because I miss you every morning
And I miss you every night
And **** it I miss you every moment in between

I wonder if you care at all
Or if you've just passed me off as the crazy girl
But f* man I feel like I was just in your bed
And now someone is in my **** spot
And yes that is my spot
Because I can guarantee they don't rub your back
Or let you be the little spoon
Or play with your hair the way you love

I wonder so much
But it'll never be answered
I am just a dumb girl
Who fell in love with a crazy boy
And now we're all grown up
Living these separate lives
And I just can't see myself being happy that way.

I don't know what's worse

Losing a friend

Or losing someone you had feelings for

I do know

It's hard when they're the same person

And everything you thought you knew about them no longer seems true.

That's just it

Sometimes

I wish I saw

With your eyes

So maybe I could understand

The beauty you see on me.

I was born an unhappy girl

In an unhappy existence

And when we came together

When you're eyes met mine for the very first time

I knew of happiness

And suddenly it was swiped away

And I fell

And I cracked

I lost everything

I messed up as a young girl

Because that's what I was

An unhappy girl

Who had life dangle

All her hopes and dreams

Before snatching them away

So when I saw your eyes for the second time

I had already fallen all over again

And I say again because you were right

I couldn't love you that time apart

Because I couldn't love me

Because you can't love a person

When you spend days wishing for death

So when I fell in love with you

For the second time

I was scared

Terrified of you leaving

And even though you left again

I will not break like I once did

Because your still out there

In the distance

And a girl with a dream

Is a fighter

A girl who dreams of a boy

With brown eyes that sparkle just for her

So as you inch away I'll inch closer

Because let me tell you

Past present and future

We have something infinitely strong

And completely undeniable

I still believe God paired us

Because a God with mercy and love

Blessed me with a heart

Able to love you until the end of time

And I do not believe He squanders love

So I won't either.

I Just Hope
That Our
Passion
Never Dies


Not Ever.

We're no longer the people we use to be
We have to move on
And leave those shadows
In our past
Sure stories are fun to tell
But they make you long
For what you no longer can have
They make you wish things
You don't really mean to wish
Don't get stuck in the past
Because life won't wait for you.

Last night
I dreamt that
Our child
Was in my belly
A month or two old
But growing
And I had never
Felt so complete
Never have I felt so whole
With the beating of that
Little heart in me
Never have I taken
Such comfort
In what should have been
Shocking
Or absurd
But I did
Because
That child is not just
Mine
But yours as well
And I know you'll be
An amazing father
I loved that child
I would love any child of mine
But it'd make me happier
If that child can be yours.

Your the only man
I could ever see a future with

The only one I can see
Myself marrying

I always imagined having a child
And it would always be our baby

I dreamed of us and our marriage
My dress and your unhappily worn suit

We'd live together so happily
Sharing that bed
And you'd no longer fake sleep

I'd call you husband and you'd call me wife

We'd raise that child together
Teach him right from wrong

We'd die together
Or one after the other
And our souls would see


Exactly what I always suspected
That we were meant to be

That we have been bonded since the
Very beginning
And that's why we haven't given up

That's why no matter what
We'd return to each others arms


You get blinded sometimes
I do too
And as lovers
It's our jobs to help the other see

There's something here SO
Worth fighting for

So baby don't let go
*Let our dreams come true.

She got lost
She thought she was loved
But really he was her master
Well now
She can slide on a skirt
Put in her fake plugs
Smack on a temporary tattoo
And go out and buy another dream catcher
And guess what?
No one will tell her she looks
"Easy"
"Like a poser"
"Like a ******"
No one will tell her believing in dreams catchers
Are silly and evil
She will slide on that **** skirt and smile
Because she is free
She will go out
And she'll tell a better man
That she finally feels free
That she can finally be
Herself.

Don't tell me you miss me
When you're lonely

Tell me when you're
With friends or busy

Tell me when I least expect it

Tell me all the words you know
I want to hear
But only when you mean them.

I must sound problematic
Because I keep missing you when your here
Yet I keep wanting you when your not.

As always I am
Healed with passion
With love
With an undeniable
Connection between our souls
So that in the end
Everything
Is better than okay
And we can live out
Our lives
Together
Just as we planned.

I need you
Now
It hurts
And the
Tears sting.

It's you
And only you
That I feel
Comfortable
Enough
To be me
Weaknesses shown
And healed in your eyes
So with you
I can finally find strength
And that is only one
Of the million reasons
Why I love you.

We're old enough to know we want each other forever but young enough for dreams and aspirations to come true and together I believe everything we want and everything we dream is possible.

Its a reflex now,
When my shirt twists in
My bed and exposes my stomach,
That i rub my hands over it
And think of them
Our old dreams
Of innocent children
In which we love
Its a bad habit
To imagine holding them
In my arms
And when reality comes back
I hold in tears
For though they were never real
They once were to me
And now they're dead
Along with all my dreams.

I watched as you strode up my street
The sun rising with you
The sun always rising and falling
With you
And I smiled
And I ran down stairs
To once again be in your arms.

Stretch mark
To stretch mark
From every hill and valley
From every blemish
That sparkle of love
Never faded from your eyes
In the worst light
And in the best
You still saw a woman
Whom you loved
And because of this love
Saw her as beautiful
Despite her flaws
And her thoughts
Of your undeniable attraction
You saw her bare inside and out
And believed she was beautiful
Because she was more than
Just a lover or friend
She was everything you wanted
And so she loved you too
Not because you loved her
Or because you thought of her as beautiful
But because you were honest
Because your soul
Was as beautiful
As you saw her to be
Because even as you frowned
Seeing you made her smile
And in turn she'd cheer you up
She loved you for all you did
Every moment you cared
And every moment she cared back
She loved the way you matched her
In every way humanly possible
She loved you the way you loved her
Always and forever
For you shared a love that was meant to be
A love that would go on beyond all.

There was a girl
And she remembered
The boy who first
Captured her heart
He left her
Broke Her
But she never gave up
Her waiting was endless
Until the chance arose
For her to love another
So while this girl
Had a broken heart
She decided to give up
And let go
Of the pain
But as she fell in love again
She once again saw
That she could never attain him
Nor the love she
Loved first
And then her shredded heart
Stood between the past love
Who broke her
And the current one
Who just didn't care enough
And this girl
Didn't know which hurt worse.

Looking into your eyes
I know that this is
Suppose to be
Forever
Yet there's
Our battles
But no couple
Is perfect
And we're still young
We'll figure it out
And ignore that feeling
I use to have
Because your it
The stop sign
For love has found me
And I no longer need to search.

I have questions for you

What do you gain
  When you talk about me
  What makes all the lies
  Worth it for you
  Why do you STILL
Make up vicious lies
  When it's been so long
  Since you meant something
  Or since I *wanted to mean
  Something, anything
  Tell me why?
  Why?

The storm
Raging
And brutal
Has finally
Ended
And now
All I have
To do
Is dry
Off
And hope
The sun
Shines
Through.