I'm losing in this war
You see each day I realize
My best friend
Is becoming
My enemies
Best friend
And less mine
And each day
I realize
That the next day
I'll be sitting all alone.

I use to dream
Of laying down
In the middle
Of a gymnasium

Maybe because if it were
Empty I wouldn't hate it
As much as I normally did

Maybe because the emptiness
Soothed the fire within me

Maybe because that empty room
Symbolized everything

My love that seemed so vast

My barely contained sanity

The walls were my cage

My emotional world boxed in

Maybe I dreamed of laying there in the middle
Because I was so sick of being too invisible
And all too visible at once

Maybe because the silence
Would silence my mind

Maybe I found contentment
With the freedom of such
A large room

Or maybe
I just liked the idea
Of lying in the middle
Of a gymnasium.

I use to think in forms of poetry
Think of rhymes
Perfect lines
And what other poets might like
But being a poet
Is not about trying
Its about letting
The truth emerge
Letting everyone see the real you
Through the magic of words


*Set yourself free

Let me cry into you
With no questions
Just hold me
Kiss me
Let me stay yours
I need you
Now
More than ever before.

Hold me
Like you do so well
Rub my back
And kiss my forehead
Be mine always
For you are the only one
The only one
Who makes my heart
Jump and skip
You are the only one
Whom I have ever
Truly loved
Or truly wanted
You are my past
My present
And my future
You are my
Soul mate.

We all have our bad days,

I just need a hug.

Trust that I

Have been faithful

Believe that I

Want this love to last

Have hope

That our future

Will be as amazing as we imagine it to be.

I think some days
Are meant to be bad

To make you completely fall apart

I think there is an eternal struggle
Humans must get through

To fight the bad day
Or to give in

Today I'm doing both.

I get scared
When your sad
I fear like you sometimes do
I think
You wanna take your ring back
Or that your leaving me again
I think maybe
This is the end to our story
And this anxiety
Fills me
And aches inside
Cross my heart
And aim my gun shaped hand
Right at it and shoot
Hoping it'll end the pain but
With you it stays
And tears fill my eyes and I hope
I hope
I pray
I need this
Not to be goodbye.

Growing up
I was taught
Marriage came first

Growing up
I saw this almost never happened

Growing up
My friends had kids

Growing up
I was told I might never

Growing up
Right this moment

Growing up
Means wiping the tears away and trying anyway

Growing up
Means finding the patience

Growing up
I believed everything I wanted was possible

Growing up
I learned that's not true

Growing up
I learned dreams change
And so do possibilities

Just keep growing

I feel you
Like you were somehow
Embedded into my ribs
Your name echoing around inside of me

Are you reading this?
I feel you
I always have I've just tried so hard not to

Why us my love?
Why did God give us this great love
If we always fell apart?

Parts of my brokenness still believe
I silence her in unspeakable ways

But she goes to sleep in tears because of it
I feel you
I wish it was real.

Hey baby,
It's me again
I know you don't read these anymore
And that I ****** up
Way too much since I lost you
But I really miss you
You somehow kept me from
Falling apart
And that's all I'm doing now
I'm failing all my dreams
No more you
No more school
I doubt I'll have a child
I'm losing this fight baby
And I miss you
And I will love you no matter what
No matter how many years pass
Or how many other people we're with
I really love you
You made bad days better
I really miss you sweetie
I miss you like crazy
And all the time
And I can't stop
Only stop myself from
Interfering in the life you've built
I hope to see you again one day
Passing on the street
Or at some store
I hope we can be friends one day
But for now
I'll just pray
And hope
And wish
Just like I use to
And maybe I'll get lucky again
And it'll work.

Of course
I'd like to
Be freed
From the curse
Of memories
That bombard me
I'd like to be honest
About my pain
And my mistakes
That ultimately created
This outcasts soul
But I cannot tell
For my life would
Quickly become ruins before it gets well
But I've asked for His forgivness
And that is all I can do.

I thought you loved me
For who I am
Not who I was
Or who you wanted me to be
I thought you'd always be here
I thought this time was different
And that you wouldn't hurt me
I thought this was forever
But in an instance you can take it all back
And in a instance we can be broken
And I fear it
For you are all I have
You are my reason for living
So now where do I go for comfort
Because you agreee with the cruelty of him
And I've been begging for forgiveness and yet
It has not come
And I prayed to God
And yet He seemed not hear me
I am nothingness
I am a monster
Made from love and destroyed by it
I was once happy
And that was in your arms
When you were not blinded
Who am I
I am nothing
For what have I ever been
Without your comfort.

I realize that

At every new

Adventure

Or experience

I smile

Just a little wider

And I know

It's because

He's  experiencing

It all

**With me.

Waiting for
The sweet
Moment in which
You are in my arms
Close and
Within every grasp
Waiting for the moment
You are within my reach
And all I have to do
Is put out my hand for yours.

Go Ahead
Do It,
I DARE YOU.*



I want you to

I want you
Indescribably
With a passion
That is yet to be known,
You see
I want you
Now and forever
For you
Are the light
That brightens each day
And if you are ever down
I'd like to make you smile
Or try my best to
Because that's what you do for me
You make me
So amazingly
Insanely
And completely
Happy.

I can't help but fear
One day you may not be near
Maybe our love isn't meant to be
Not for you cause it is for me
It is your love
It brightens me and the sky above
I've never desired someone like I desire you
I wish you could love me too
Can't you look me in the eye
See that I not once spoke a lie
My want and love has been true
It's all been for you.

I thought about
How we used to make love
Entangled in the magical
Sweat our love created

I thought of us
Cuddled up
Watching a movie

I thought of our picnic
By the water

I thought of all
Of your proposals

I thought of the days
We spent together
Happiness in our hearts

Our only fear being torn apart
And once done
The walls of love
Crumbling our stability

But brick by brick
We built it up

For our love
Could never be crushed

I thought of
Our strength
And our endurance

I thought of the future
That we wanted
And that I desperately desired

My wary soul
So tired from fighting
Wanted peace
And found another battle

But hand in hand
From city to city
State to state
Our love reaches through

And in the end
I believe we will find rest
We will find comfort

So today I thought of you
And all we've been through

Today I thought of
Our love and how special it is
And how I don't want to let go
Or ever love another

Today I thought of your arms
And how all I want
Is to return to them safely.

I don't really have friends

Because I'm choosy

I'm told I'm weird and crazy

But I rather have fun alone

Than be judged by people

You see the type of people who I call friends

Aren't so judgmental of the extraordinary

I may not have many friends

But I like to think those spots are reserved

For some very special people.

Inside
I feel
An
Ache
And
I
Wish
It'd
Leave

My soul
Always itching
To be closer

To you
My love

For our souls
Were mated
By the hand
Of God himself

Yes even He
Has time for two
Young lovers

He was so kind
To bring us together
And ensure
That our souls
Finally entwine.

I looked in the
Mirror
And saw
How hideous
I am
and I
Questioned
How he bares
To look at me
Each day.

I fade into the dark
And I don't know how to see
When all of a sudden
Your bright face appears
And I trip
Falling down
And I find you
Catching me
Saving me
You wrap me in you
Your warmth
Filling me with new light
And suddenly I'm awoken
And I see how beautiful the world can be
As long as I have you with me.

I woke up
And wanted to say
Good morning baby
But I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
In the middle of a class
I wanted to text you
I love you sweetie
But I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
I came home and
I wanted to see the words
Hi honey I'm home
But your gone now
And you don't care
I waited for
Honey bun
And I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
And so I fade
Into the aching
Into the prayers
I fade into my hope
*Goodbye my love

I've dreamed
Of our marriage
I've dreamed
Of our son
And how
He'd look
So much
Like you
I've seen us
Together
So happy
And while
Those were
Only dreams
I have a feeling
I have hope
That one day
All my dreams
Will come true.

I Don't Miss You
I promise
But the memories
They creep up on me
Invade my dreams
Every time
I look to the sky
I think of you
And me
All that was
All the possibilities
The ones you took away
The ones I too sabotaged
I can't forget it though
Images of our lips colliding
Or me wrapped  in your arms
They stick with me
Make me wince
Make me ache
And I know I don't love you
And I know I don't miss you
But the first love hurts the most
When it ends in complete disaster.

In the end
I know it'll be
Just more chaos
Because making things
Fair
Leaves how I feel
Unfair
Because
Trying to catch up
To me is wrong
Because
In order to catch up
You need someone
Who will pull you there
Do all the work while you
Just pretend and lie there
You'll need someone
Who turns you off
More than you knew possible
And someone who only wants you
Because you're an easy target
So when you choose your three
And they choose you
I hope you dont endure the emotional
Trauma i felt
I hope you think of me
And I hope you know
Whether its 3 or 300
My love will help me forgive you.

I need you
Because I love you
But I need you because
Your touch is the one
Of a lovers
Your love is that of one too
I need you because
The future I see
Is only made up of you and me
And of course baby spencer
Or serenity
I need you
Now
Forever.