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309 · Feb 2013
A Happy Ending?
I never

Believed in

Forever

But maybe

He'll prove me

Wrong.
309 · Jan 2013
I Believe You
I believe your love is real
Not because you say it is
But because your here now
When everything is weak
When things are horrid
And collapsing
There you are to whisk me away
I'm always safer in your embrace
I believe you love me
Because sometimes
You look at me
Like I'm someone
Like I'm special
Or like I mean something
Sometimes you look at me
Like our whole life together
Is flashing before your eyes
And whenever you come back to reality
You smile
Kiss me
And admit
*I love you.
309 · May 2016
Lone struggles
She was beautiful in her desire to be free, in her hope for love; she was beautiful more in words than her apperance could ever say.
Most days she feels like a failure, caught in the trap of depression and over thinking.
She cried in the car but as she got closer to home wiped away the tears.
She would only be so weak alone, her mother could never know who she was because she wouldn't understand.
She ignored her problems for the millionth time that month, hoping she wouldn't have to wake up the next morning and have to face it.

She has always been a big girl, never finding the motivation to change.
Food makes her happy and brings her closer to the end.
She can't cry with a mouth full.
He soul shakes, feeling so unstable, she cannot steady her mind.
She wants happiness so bad but finds more  pain at every turn.
Her past builds in her gut and her only hope for a future dies more each day.
She will never be the wife and mother she dreams of.
She will be the ashes that grow in the roots of saplings.
She is the lost girl, the gone girl, she is nothing and she is something and all she wants is an escape into the abyss.
Found this in a notebook still insanely valid today.
Hidden in silence
Unseen by listeners
Blending into this
Hellish home
Escape is not found
Only survival
Hanging on by a thread
you sewed into me
And the thread
Is breaking
I'm no longer
Safe or invisible
And this
Existence
May be the end of me
308 · Jan 2013
Ashes Of Me
Break me into pieces
And pour me over you
As if you've won
And your showing me
How victorious you truly are.
308 · Jul 2012
If I'd Feel
I was so
Filled
With sweet
Ignorance
Because
If I did not
Ignore
Then I'd
Feel
And
If I'd
Feel
I'd realize
You weren't
Here
And
If I felt
I would'
Only feel
Empty
With you
Not here.
308 · Apr 2014
Age
Age
No matter how old I am
I will always be too young
To know anything
Never mind *everything.
I'm not sure if this makes sense
308 · Apr 2012
Lost Not Forgotten.(10w)
You are the lost toy I could never find again
308 · Sep 2015
And then some
God gave me a heart
So huge,
Because he knew
That you needed all the love
I could offer.
308 · Sep 2021
Temptation
Go

Go

Go

It's all I keep telling myself to think

But really what I'm thinking is

Do it

Say it

Do anything

Break me again

I dare you.
308 · Mar 2014
Ultimately
People keep telling me
To just move on
To let you go
That i have to make you
Choose now or never

But what i choose
Is to let you decide
If you want
Retribution
Revenge
To make things fair
I'll give you time
And be your friend
Letting the ache go on
Because i just want your happiness
Because if being with someone else
Makes you happy then I'll try
To be happy for you
I'll let you move on even
If im stuck in the quicksand
I'll let my starved skin
Feel the blood boil
With need for the sting
As long as your happy
Nothing else matters
Not even me.
307 · Apr 2014
Fake Smile Real Frown (10w)
It hurts
To even smile
In pictures
It's too fake.
I tried to take a picture with a smile
And all I could do was frown and give this weird fake smile. Agh it hurt.
307 · Feb 2013
Moments of Weak Crimson
Momentarily pain slips in
And a strength that grew in me
Crumbled and I wondered
*Why do these things always happen?
307 · May 2014
Only You
Just to hug you
To kiss those lips
To see that scar
To see those sparkling eyes

Could make me
Feel whole again.
All my mind plays is the song "baby come back you can blame it all on me"
307 · May 2013
Lasting Love
My dear it's that smile
That brightens my day
It gives me hope
It gives me such faith
That you and I really will
Last Forever.
I'm lost

Here

I'm lost

In this cold

Winter wonderland

I'm lost

With this family of mine

I'm so lost

Without you.
306 · May 2013
I love you though.
The scariest part about loving you used to be
That you wouldn't love me
Now it's that I'll lose you
Because sometimes
I think you do deserve
  Better
306 · Jan 2013
I Will Always
I will always
Fight to keep you
Because I know
What its like
To lose you.

I will always
Love you
Because I know
The ache
Of pretending I don't.  

I will always
Need you
Because I know
The agony of feeling
Weak without you.

I will always
Choose you
Because I know
That you
Chose me to.

I will always
Be here for you
Because I know
How lonely life can be.
306 · Sep 2012
Forever Is Never
You and I
We'll never be
You were my dream
My creation
And yet
Even you
Cannot and
Do not love
Me
I had hope
For our future
For an eternal
Unity
But nothing
In life
Is forever
Not even
us.
306 · May 2014
Strength
The wind blowing
My heart spilling
Hoping you too
Find more comfort
In the wind than sun
Missing you watch me
As I let mother nature
Blow through me
Or fall upon me
So blissfully
Like teardrops
From heaven.
305 · Nov 2015
10W No Logic In Lust
The more I have you
The more I want you.
305 · Nov 2012
Final Stop
You told me
You're leaving me
Again

Was I supposed to smile
And pretend it was okay

The pain of life
Without you

My Beloved
Has been unbearable
And I'm expected to do it once more

I'm expected to
Squander my time
Until your supposed return

I am sworn not to stray
You are sworn to that
And to love me

To try to keep us alive
So long as I stay true to you

But maybe our rollercoaster of love
Isn't at just another fall
Maybe it's just
Reached the end
And has nowhere else to go
The only option
Is to start all over


I'm not sure if the passengers are safe
They were almost destroyed last time.
305 · Feb 2013
Tears
I love you so much
I cry

I cry because
I care

I miss you too
And I cry

Because I
Love you with such intensity

And those tears aren't
Always of sorrow

Sometimes it's
Because the love I feel

Sometimes overwhelms me
Sometimes I cry

Because you
Just make me so happy.
305 · Jan 2013
I Wish I Felt It
Is it wrong
That this death
Makes no impact
Is it wrong
That the only pain
I feel
Is that of my
Guiltless conscience.
Grandmother dying of bone cancer I feel...this way and my poor mother is broken in pieces about it.
305 · Jan 2013
Eh, Purpose.
Needing you
Waiting for you
The distance
Only temporary
No matter how agonizing
We'll reach the day
When time together
Is endless
Or at least
More available
We'll get there
One day
We will
Because that's
How it's suppose to be.
****** poem I wrote in a rush
304 · Jun 2013
Day No. 2
I don't like this
Life without you
Is unbearable
I miss you
I need you
I wish you were here
To hold me
To make love to me
To just be close to me
Because I love you.

So much.
304 · Jan 2022
Forbidden Desires
I am starving
And you are an apple just out of reach

I know each bite would be juicy and sweet

I am cold
And you are the furry blanket I left behind

I know if I had you I would be warm

I am unsatisfied

You would bring me the most satisfaction.
Always wanting what I can't have. Just day dreams.
303 · Mar 2017
Terrible twos
My heart feels like
A two year old having a tantrum

It's screaming
Love me!

Love me!

**Why won't you love me?!
Hate The Hate With More Hate
The Cycle Never Ends.
303 · Jul 2013
Five Hours Of Doom
I'm melting
Your not here
This place is becoming hell
And I cannot escape.
303 · Sep 2012
Master At This Game.
My heart
It tickles
It seems to grow
Each moment
That you smile
Each second we're close
Oh darling
If you don't go
My heart may explode
You fill me
With this joy
And I simply
Cannot escape
This maze
Of fear and joy
For I fear the joy
And don't  know
Which to turn to
Because I love you
You make me so happy
Oh but darling
I don't deserve you
Oh how your absence scares me.
302 · Mar 2014
Wantings
I want you
To take me
Here and now
I want to see
Your glorious
Face and feel
Those perfectly
Proportioned lips
Kiss mine
I want to feel them
Slip away down my neck
And make my skin rise
I want to laugh
That warm comfortable
Laugh where you kiss me
Just for my happiness
Fierce and passionate
Uncontrolled and all powerful
So I slip into it
Wanting more
Hands that roam
Passions that say
Anywhere is okay to be wild
I want you to reclaim my body
To take it and do what you please
And so I can do the same with yours
So we can weld together
Our immense love
And make it into action
After action
Of endless thrusts
And whispered
I love you's
All I want
Is you
I miss you! <3
302 · Mar 2016
Knight Knight
I'm sorry I'm out of words
All I have left are these emotions
That I can no longer fathom verbally

Just feel them internally
They rip at my soul everyday

The pain starts in my chest
And surges through my arms

I love
And I hate
And I envy
I lust
I hope
I break

I cannot make this sound beautiful
Because it is the mess that it is
I am a mess
Not just physically
But mentally and emotionally

I no longer have a knight to save me
I have to be my own knight
And figure out how the hell I'm suppose to save myself.
302 · Jun 2022
Anyway, Maybe
I've never given anything away as much as I have my body

Grin and bare it

Maybe if I make noise it'll be over faster

Maybe if I close my eyes hard enough I'll fall asleep

Maybe I can convince myself I want this.

Maybe is never enough.
302 · Sep 2012
They All Go
I wanted you
With every beat
And thump of my heart
I loved you
Maybe I still do
My chest jumps
And aches
As it sees you
I wince in agony
Every time I look into your eyes
And I see a boy who changed
I can still see the one I loved
Peeking through
If only he'd stay.
I always wished on stars
While some wished for golden bars
I wished for love
Someone who'd make my heart skip when thought of
While they got bars of gold
I remain without someone to hold
I'm wondering if my stars died
Wondering if anyone has tried
I'm sick of being let down
Sick and tired of my frown
I need to find a heart
Just one who won't tear mine apart
Still no one wants me to love and hold
It's hard to believe the world has become so cold
But because they have I grow alone and old.
301 · Jul 2012
I Never Can Forget
I still remember
Because I was taught
Never to forget
I know the images
Will never fade
The days I loved you
Everything you were
All the time I spent
Crying because you left
The eternity I will spend
In search
For a forever
To complete
The never ending
Gaping hole
In my chest
That my
First love
Left there.
301 · Nov 2015
Timing 10W
Will you ever be ready
To stop breaking
My heart.
301 · Apr 2016
Never Forget Love
Pain
Is always loving you
Even though you've left me.
301 · Nov 2015
Mud and Other Drugs
I covered my brokenness
In some mud
Because they say it helps heal

I am *****
And I am gritty

But no
I am not broken

I have buried the pieces
In the mud

I have yelled for them to heal

And they did not listen

Until a gentle stranger came along

And whispered to them

Heal because you are beautiful

And I was whole again

I was me

And I thanked the stranger

For he saved me.
300 · Oct 2013
Hold Love
We've all loved
And it's whether we grasped it
And held it close
Or forever let it fade
That determines the life we end up having.
300 · Mar 2014
Crazy Old Bag
Its so cloudy here,
Because my sunshine,
He died last night,
Or rather he killed the
Connection we shared
So we are severed
Forever it seems
And I will die alone
Just as suspected
Die miserably
Alone.
With maybe a few cats to comfort me
300 · Mar 2013
Randomness Is My Game
Hear me as I Roar
See me as I Soar
Feel me as I hit the Floor.
300 · Feb 2014
Stitches
We've been stitched
Right back together
I'm just waiting for
The wound to heal.
300 · Apr 2014
Muah
I cried
Remembering
So many
Of our moments
Together
But not because
It hurt to miss you
(Though it does )
But because
I was so happy
And so thankful
For every moment
That I did get
In your arms.
I thought about Warren. Our last day. Our card games and adventures. I thought of that first time you said you loved me and how you kissed me and held me.
299 · Sep 2012
Kiss And Lie
You kiss me
My forehead
My nose
My cheek
My neck
And lips
Whisper
"I love you"
Ask me if
I love you
No emotions
Pass through me
Just pleasant
Happiness
In your arms
So I know
The truth
I love another
So no
I don't love you
I just love being with you
So knowing your
Words
Are just to please me
Pleases me.
299 · Aug 2012
Pain In No Love.
I've been told
For love to exist
Pain must as well
But what if the pain
Comes from
Them
Not loving
You
At All.
299 · Jan 2013
Insanely In Love
Finally**
                     I've found
Someone
                     Crazy enough
To love me
                               The way I love them.
298 · Nov 2013
I miss you
I broke down today
And I don't know if I should smile
Because I didn't cut myself
Or cry some more
Because it's been so long
Since I broke down.
298 · Nov 2015
Barren Ice Rink
When you tell yourself
You will fall in love
Is when you fall the hardest

I hit the dry pavement with a smack
We were at the ice rink at fifteen
And you said those three words
With a heart full of fear
I said them back

I was so right to be afraid

It's starting all over
And I'm gonna run
But sometimes
Running hurts
Just as much as that **** pavement.
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