I need you
I need your hug
To comfort me
To calm me
I'd love to be close to you
I'd love to cuddle and smile again
I miss you so much my dear
I miss your warmth
This distance leaves me aching
This distance is so hard
But in the end I love you
And in the end your worth it.

That day
When I kissed you
Surprisingly
And fast
I think I was
Fighting to
Catch up
To all that I lost
Those two years
That you were gone
And I think that kiss
Told me I loved you again
And that I could never stop
And that I never did
I think that action
Taken by me
Sealed myself
In a wonderful fate
With you.

Sometimes it flows through me,
Sometimes it is just stuck.

I miss you

I whispered into
My empty room
Hoping it'd find you

My heart churned heavily
Imagining us together
Bathing in the glory
Of our indescribable love


Wishing you could
Just run
And find me
So we can be saved
Together
Drenched in blessed water

Oh how my mind dreams

We make a beautiful couple sweetie
And despite everything
We'd make a breathtaking child

Raised in His love
And ours

We are two souls
Tethered together

And we will *always
Find a way
To come back
To each other

I have faith
And so
I whisper
I love you future husband

Knowing your heart
Has gladly accepted the name.

I was never skinny
And I think that killed my mother
I was never happy
And I think that killed my mother
I was always different
And I think that killed my mother
I always straightened my curls
And I think that killed my mother
I like black
And I think that killed my mother
I hate my glasses
And I think that killed my mother
I was broken  and no one comforted me
And I think that killed my mother
I was smart and became dumb
And I think that killed my mother
She bore me and she judges everything I do
And that kills me.

It Only Matters Who You Love Not Who You Like.

Joshua, I'm gonna live my life. I'm gonna save and make a life for myself. I'm gonna travel to Canada and maybe down south and find a man with a accent that makes me smile every time he calls me beautiful. I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna learn to forgive myself for them. I'm gonna accept that I will always love you. But more than that I will accept that you will​ never love me back. I will accept the heartbreak and the pain because it's in the past now. And yes I will cry myself to sleep sometimes and I know I'll be lonely sometimes but I will learn to love myself. I will learn to smile more. I will learn to trust again. I want to be happy. I want to live my life even on the days I say I want to die. I will accept what does or does not happen and I will be happy with whatever life gives me. I'm always going to forgive but I will never forget. I hope you're happy. I hope you get to smile every day for the rest of your life. I hope you find a love as strong as the one I feel for you. I hope you get everything you want from life. I hope one day you see just how amazing you are even if you're not always perfect you were perfect to me. And you'll be perfect for the girl you end up with. Live your life the way you want Joshua. Never let anyone or anything hold you back from what you want. I've done that for too long and I won't anymore. Thank you. Thank you for being my first kiss. My first love. My first lover. My friend. Thank you for showing me true happiness even if it showed me true pain too. Thank you for being you, crazy, amazing you. Maybe in another life you could have chosen me. Maybe. A girl can always dream.

I may be young but I know
That this love,
It will go on,
Unwarranted
Unwanted
Incapable of fading
And so it was
That at the age of sixteen,
I was determined to die
In love with you,
And because of it
I would die miserably
And horribly alone.

Dear knife,
It's been three years since I've held you
And felt you on my skin
But please know
I'm still thinking of you
Of the bittersweet feeling
Of holding you
Feeling you slice into me
It's been a long time now
But I still want to pull you out
Of your neatly kempt drawer
And have you just one more time.

I was a foolish girl
To once believe you'd stay

I was silly
To believe it when you said
" I will marry you one day"

Here lie my remains
Such a broken soul without you

Without you my soul
No longer feels complete
My life is shattering

All stability lost
I'm circling the end
For there is no life if there is no you

You beg that I stay
Keep loving you
You promise to.come.back
To marry me one day
But I don't know if its a chance
Such a foolish
Such a silly girl
Can take again.

I wish I could
Forget you
So we'd truly be strangers
So our eyes wouldn't meet
And we wouldn't have to
Purposely
Avoid eye contact
Or try to
I wish I could
Erase that wasted time
So I wouldn't
Have to know you exist
I wish I could get rid
Of all the memories
So the ache of knowing
Who you were
And who you are
Has changed
I just want to forget you.

He wants me
But I don't want him,
I want you,
I want love
I want your eyes
And your heart
Your comfort
And I probably
Messed up
Too much
For the millionth time
Because I mess up a lot
And my chances look bad
But in the end
God will save us
And maybe
If we meet in heaven
All will be resolved
And I can have another chance.

There are moments
In the abyss of life
That you just want
To give up and quit it all

When it feels like
Nothing will ever work
Not for us

These moments come
Sporadically
Without realizing it
They emerge to sink your heart

You feel weak
But you hold on
Because
****** you're a dreamer
You're a hoper

And though it hurts
And although it looks bad

You hold on
Because you hope one day

You'll never have to feel that way again.

The demon emerges
I fear its
Fury
For it controls me
Makes my
Mistakes
Changes the good
Makes me weak
I become nothing
I am only a
Pawn
In it's masterful game
I start to
Fade
And
The demon
Begins to
Rule
This body

Don't
Don't
Have ***
With me
Please
Oh please
Just
Make
Love
To me
Love me
Please
Make love
To me
For the
Rest of my life.

"The thing that caught me
Were her beautiful hazel brown eyes,
But I would never tell her that."

I'm cutting
The chains
And setting
Myself free
I'm sick
Of being
A caged
Beast.

It's when I think of you
That old scars
Feel like fresh wounds
It's when I'm reminded
How I loved you then
And hate you now
That I break
Because I know
I'm burying the love
With false hate
I'm blocking out
The memories
That make me smile
Because they also leave me
With a aching
And this collision of emotions
Has me on edge
And I'm ready to go over it.

Suddenly
She takes back everything
She would let him hurt her
Every way possible
If she could get just one
Just one
Moment of love and affection
The pain he gave was always easier
Than the pain a life without him gave
And his love was the sweetest
Nectar she had ever known
And now she will never taste
The bittersweet flavor she had loved
So **** much.

I want
To solve
All the
Issues
All the
Babble
That are
Lies
I want
To erase
Every ounce
Of hate
So
I may purify
Too
I want
To cling
To the good
And if I cannot
Change the bad
I'd like
To flee from it.

Never give up forever

For something

Someone

Who in your heart

Is only a temporary factor

In your life.

Sometimes when I wanna cry,
all I can do is let out a sigh,
Sometimes when I wanna scream,
all I can I do is dream,
Sometimes when I wanna die,
all I can do is go on and try,
Sometimes when I wanna quit
all I can do is push myself further bit by bit.

For so many
Christmases
And birthdays
And star filled nights
I asked for you
Blew out my candles
Wishing for you
Wished on stars
And even prayed
For you
To come back
To be mine
Forever
And always.

How can I fix wounds
That are so fresh
That open every time
You tell me I'm your everything
Every time you tell me you love me
You hate him
Because in your mind
He stole me away
And maybe he did
But I never planned it
I thought I was falling in love with you
So I ran
But he got in my way
And because of it
He unleashed an older love
That can never completely die.

Last time
As I cried
I told God
As long as your soul
Is safe and sound
That it'll be okay
That I just wanted happiness
For you and your family
And by dropping me
You answered my prayers
And I suppose I should be happy
Knowing your safe
And I am
But it hurts to be without you
Aches with every moment
But I appreciate and love God
For he keeps you safe
For he comforts you for me

It's been five days
Since I have hugged you
And kissed you
And felt you close
It's been three days
Since being demoted
And a mere one
Since the fire
Of rage slowly
Faded
It has been
So hard
But for you
All the pain
In this cruel world
Cannot change my love.

Why
Does it feel like
I'm setting myself up again
Waiting for you
To log on
So we can talk
About how we're friends
How you have a girl
That you love
So we can explain
How well we understand each other
And how this friendship means
Everything
Why does it feel like
We're back in middle school
Smiling
And enjoying ourselves
Knowing
This is the end of our relations
Because after all
We're Just Friends.

When you
Were with her
It was my final draw
I had reason for hate
My anger grew
Pain ached in my chest
And I ignored it
Because caring about
You and her
Would've been
Admitting I still cared.


*Now I know I did

Seeing you
Feeling any
Inch of your presence
Has always moved me
So here I am
Feeling you around me
Our history
Floating memories
That never dissipate
And I cry
As I always do
When I feel you this close
I cry and I smile
For all the wonderfulness
You gave me
Thank you
For every moment.

I feel so useless
Feel like life has evaporated because
Someone left me out to long
I feel as though the shadows move
They watch me
Follow my steps in wait
I may be collapsing but
There resides a last bit of strength
And I don't give up
Not easily.

I

F
    A
          L
                L

Like a leaf

Floating from

A colored tree in autumn

Straight into his arms

No matter what
I look into your eyes with love,
Throughout fights
Throughout our pleasures
And throughout the rest of our lives
I will always look at you with love
And these words
They can never express
All that I feel for you,
As we lay together,
And the silence fills the air,
I am at peace
Not because the lack of sound brings peace
But because you
Are there
Because within that empty sound
There are hearts beating,
Beating for one another
Filled to the brim with love,
With strength to endure,
A power to last eternity.