Clouds cover the sky,
Rain pours down harder than I've ever seen,
I laugh,
Then I realize your not there,
You left me here,
I break a little more,
My heart has grown sore,
You don't care,
My love gave you a scare,
So you ran off and never looked back,
And eventually my whole world turned black,
I hid and I ran,
Life was one thing I couldn't stand,
My life was everything I hated,
I missed the days our love was clearly stated,
So until then I stayed alone,
Until I could go home,
Home to your heart the one I loved from the start.

Surrounded by better things,
Unable to touch,
Their happiness sitting there,
Mocking me,
I try to brighten my own world,
But the darkness always comes,
How can I make it fade?
My future seems bleak,
My heart is broken,
And I am alone,
No one loves me,
No one loves a complicated girl,
Especially one that likes black,
And actually has a brain,
Or at least that's how it seems,
I'm caving in,
I have my friends,
But they seem so distant even when their near,
I'm weak,
And I'm scared,
Thoughts flow in,
Bad ones mainly,
Ones about blood,
I miss it,
I miss the feeling of the cut healing,
But I've been strong for a while,
Am I ready to ruin it again?
Probably,
Darkness constantly envelops me,
And I'm just trying to break free.

You know what I find ironic?
The way you always left me
Dumped me
And still wanted me to be there
And when I did it once
Compared to your dozens
You abandoned me

I find it ironic that you didn't want
To be like your father
Who left you
Who hurt you
But you became him

And that's why you were always angry

You couldn't forgive me
Because you hadn't forgiven yourself

I find it ironic that you said you loved me
As you left me

That you made promises
And broke them all
Always fearing I'd break mine

I find you ironic

Your scar
Your eyes
Your very essence

I had loved you so completely
And love had blinded me to the flaws

Love blinded me from the irony

You must not have loved me
Because you poked and prodded
Every single one

Still I miss the irony
I miss your confusion

I miss your arms
Your scars
You

I see now

And I still don't care

I still forgive you

And yes

I do love you.

As close as I
Am never feels
As close as I can get
I want to cuddle
Into you
And pour out
My soul
Like I always do
I want to cry
So happily
As I think about
Our marriage
And
Our child
Our life
Our eternity.

Seeing you
Feeling any
Inch of your presence
Has always moved me
So here I am
Feeling you around me
Our history
Floating memories
That never dissipate
And I cry
As I always do
When I feel you this close
I cry and I smile
For all the wonderfulness
You gave me
Thank you
For every moment.

Pain Was Easy,It Was Letting Go That Was Hard.

Apart
A few minutes
Feels like hours
Hours like days
The day
Just one
Feels like months
Oh how our nine months apart
Felt like nine years
I simply cannot go on
The distance feels like
A never ending weight
You,Despite your efforts
Are the light that brightens my day
I need you
For I fear the life of darkness
I've lived it for too long
I can't return
So darling will you
Come be with me
Just stay here
I can't lose you.
I just can't.

This isn't easy
But life simply isn't
But I fight
And I try
And I wish
That it counted
More than it does
But still
I venture on
Trying
Being as
Happy as I can
Even if
Often i'm not
And dreaming
Because who
Am I without
Hope

It's easier to sleep
With your words
Floating in my mind

It's easier to smile
Thinking of you
Your face
Your scar

It's easier to feel worthy
With you
With your love
And compliments

It's easier to live life
Knowing I'm yours

It's easier with every breath I take
Because I know
You'll be with me for most of them


My darling you and I
Have found a love
That will last a lifetime.

He always tried to save me
Called himself my protector
He tried to purify me

It took me a long time
To realize he tried to fix me
Because he couldn't deal
With fixing himself

He could not be his own protector
He could not save himself
And for that he blamed me
For that he carved his name
Inside of my chest.

Walking In Hopes Low And Head High,
You won't be there,
You told me months ago you were leaving and never coming back,
That tore my world apart,
I hurt everyday since,
But Still I try to stay strong,
I tried to hide my agony with a smile,
But what was the point no one would notice anyway.

I Sit And Wait For Former Friends To Join Me,
Then I see you,
My heart felt as though it just exploded from joy,
Your smile,
Your essence,
It made my tears all worth while.

You Sat Across From Me,
I covered my mouth to hide the smile,
But it was so obvious,
And before I knew it I was crying again,
Only this time I was crying because I was happy,
I cried because I got back what I thought I had lost,
I got you,
My heart was full ,
My world felt complete once more,
And happiness seemed worldwide,
Even If For Only A Day.

If I could
I'd spend every moment
With you
In your arms or
In silence
But sometimes
I have to remind myself
I have you forever
They only have you now.

My sorrow
And apology
Rings true
My tears
Heavy but
Genuine
My love
More real
More honest
Than anything
I've ever known
Or have ever felt
Believe me
When I say
I want nothing
More than
To spend
The rest of my life
With you
Growing old
Creating an
Amazing story.

Wrapped in you
Light kisses
The tv
Playing rock
In the back
You smile
I laugh
My heart
Swells
And inside
I cry
Because this
Only makes me
Want you more
Not just now
Not just
For a few years
But Forever
Because I love you
Too much to Ever
Let you go.

Betrayal barrels
Down the halls
And AGAIN
I fall,
Defeated.

We
Pass by
And
We avoid
All eye contact
Hate lives
In one another
A hate
For each other
But I believe
Our eyes
If they meet
Will show
Weakness
And we'll
Realize
All that we lost

I won't conform to your ways,
I'm not straight,
I will stand tall and defend myself,
You may not understand,
But at least I know who I am,
And don't you worry your pretty little head,
I won't come onto you,
I know if you fear my kind,
I know if your uncomfortable,
But you have to accept us,
Our population is growing,
And now we can marry in some states,
Be parents,
And we can love,
And on the occasion we are not accepted
You'll see we're stronger than you,
Because of who we are we're put through hell,
But at least we can still live and still go to heaven,
At Least We're Strong And Ourselves.

My child
Future
Far future
Visits my dreams
Showing me
How absolutely
Ecstatic I will be
To be a mother
Because
I've always wanted to be.

This is it
I'm playing all my cards
Showing you myself
In all of it's weak glory
Here I am
On my knees
Telling you
I Love You
Admitting all I denied
I'll walk away
Pretend I don't care
That you don't love me
I will try not to care
Knowing I'm not good enough
But if you catch me alone
My eyes
Will be bleeding endless tears
My heart torn
And my body now hallow
Because pain
Burned me to deep
To deep this time.

I can't even return to my sanctuary
Because it reeks of memories of us.

I am a lost puppy
Searching for a forever home
Only to find abusive owners

I am my own disease
It's always been that way
My happiness depends on others

To be loved
To love
Is the only way
I could ever really smile

I have this incessant need
To be someone's

To be held by a man
With a glimmer in his eyes

To feel beautiful

No matter how long I am alone
Whether a day or a year

The loneliness sinks in and eats at me

Without someone to be mine I sit and wallow
The racing thoughts increasing by day
The urge for a blade
The pain
The desire to give up
To give in

I lose hope when I am alone
Hope for a future

I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know how to fight this

I just wish I knew how to be happy
Without needing someone else

But that will never be me

Never.

I'm going
To trust him
Even if
I didn't know
I'm not
Gonna care
About that
Because
I trust him.



I'm not that type of girl.



I don't get jealous.



I don't get angry over those type of things.



Nope,Not at all...

That day
When I kissed you
Surprisingly
And fast
I think I was
Fighting to
Catch up
To all that I lost
Those two years
That you were gone
And I think that kiss
Told me I loved you again
And that I could never stop
And that I never did
I think that action
Taken by me
Sealed myself
In a wonderful fate
With you.

I've been drifting
Losing myself
These past years
I seem to be missing
More and more of myself
A new feeling grows
And it's hard to describe
Perhaps it's anger
Fear
Hope or
Sorrow
It whispers to me each night
"Your wrong"
Ah, we've figured it out
My impurities
It keeps me on the cliff
I'm a slipping hand
Try to hold on
But if no one pulls
I'm gonna fall
And I can't go
Not until I say
What's inside.
Whatever that is.

The very word
Strikes me to my core
So many definitions
Of what makes a person
Beautiful
And yet
When you look at me
You need not think
Only speak the word
And that's how I feel loved
On darker days
With that word
That makes me feel special
And happy
With a simple word
That contains as many
Syllables as my first name
You wrap me into your arms
And complete me with your love
And I actually believe you
When you say it
Because that sparkle
In those sweet eyes
Tell me
You truly believe I am.

My anticipation
Is quite
Exciting
Yet frightful
For
You never
Truly know
What the future holds.

The first time you hugged me

I thought I could tell you anything

But now I know

I can never tell you

Those five little words

I can never tell you

I'm in love with you.

It's harder
To write
About the dark
When your in love
And finally
Living in the light.

I don't want this
But when I close my eyes
I'm holding your hand
I smile looking into
Your beautiful eyes
And I kiss your lips lightly
Feeling more bliss
Running through me
In that instance
Than ever before
And when I open my eyes
I realize
Your Just My Friend.

Looking back
I just
Always knew
From that moment
Our eyes met
Something
Grew
My heart learned
Love is real
It discovered
Our love is the truest of the true.

Often I'm insecure
Because I will never measure up
To your idea of perfection
I will never be perfect
I worry I'm not enough
That I never will be
But to me, you always will be
And I don't know how to make myself enough  
I just hope you see that no matter what
I will always love you
I hope you see my efforts
I hope you realize
For me
Time doesn't change what's in my heart.

I'm cutting
The chains
And setting
Myself free
I'm sick
Of being
A caged
Beast.

Someone always seems
To ask me
How do I know everything
Will happen the way I hope?

And I simply respond
**Because when he loses faith
And when nothing seems right
I look to the sky
And I whisper my dreams
And the faith rushes back into me
I'm suddenly reassured
That everything will go the way I hope
And everyday I awake with faith in my heart
For I know with faith and determination
I can succeed.