I feel so imperfect

Not because I don't
Like things about myself

But because I fear
You don't

To me you are more perfect
Than any words I could fathom

To me even things you call
Flaws
Are absolute perfection

So I'm scared

Because I know you don't
See me the same way

You see my flaws as flaws

And that makes me want to cry

It makes my heart clench

But then I remind myself

I still got to wake up in your bed
I still got to make love to you
I still got hugs and kisses
I still got you laying in my lap
I still have you in my life

And though your like for me
Greatly differs from my immense
And completely overwhelming love

Please know I appreciate every
Moment in your presence

But my mind
It's racing with fears

While my heart
It's ready to take a plunge
Take a chance
And just speak everything it feels.

I don't even get
An answer
You left me,
Left me with
Heartless words
And a broken heart
That's all I know

I was left with damp dreams
That disappear in my hands
All I have now are my tears
And cconstant reminders,
Each moment is agonizing.

He proposed

I said yes

And now

We're engaged.

Surrounded by better things,
Unable to touch,
Their happiness sitting there,
Mocking me,
I try to brighten my own world,
But the darkness always comes,
How can I make it fade?
My future seems bleak,
My heart is broken,
And I am alone,
No one loves me,
No one loves a complicated girl,
Especially one that likes black,
And actually has a brain,
Or at least that's how it seems,
I'm caving in,
I have my friends,
But they seem so distant even when their near,
I'm weak,
And I'm scared,
Thoughts flow in,
Bad ones mainly,
Ones about blood,
I miss it,
I miss the feeling of the cut healing,
But I've been strong for a while,
Am I ready to ruin it again?
Probably,
Darkness constantly envelops me,
And I'm just trying to break free.

I cried
Because I missed you
I cried because
My heart knew
Without even thinking
I cried because
Once analyzed
I remembered
Every part of you
That I've seen
And inspected
That I touched
I remembered
You and me
I remembered
Being in those arms
And I remembered
That this love
Will never fade
Because you will always
Set fireworks off inside of me.

My heart and body
Are being torn apart

Do I want love
Or love making

I cannot have both

Not from the one I love.

God
Has yet to
Teach me
His words
Or whether they be true
God as a child was
Not real
But I grew to need him
While alone in this cruel life
Yet he has not spoken to me
Only answered
Prayer after prayer
And for that I am thankful
But how am I to know
The kind of life he wants me to lead
If he does not allow
My soul to believe
The possible lies of his disciples
How am I suppose to make sure
I'm on the right track
When I already feel as though
I'm falling off before it begins.

Apart
A few minutes
Feels like hours
Hours like days
The day
Just one
Feels like months
Oh how our nine months apart
Felt like nine years
I simply cannot go on
The distance feels like
A never ending weight
You,Despite your efforts
Are the light that brightens my day
I need you
For I fear the life of darkness
I've lived it for too long
I can't return
So darling will you
Come be with me
Just stay here
I can't lose you.
I just can't.

Pain Was Easy,It Was Letting Go That Was Hard.

Let's just say
It's not only
My heart that
Misses you.

These chains
They hold me down
They're keeping me away
From you
Everything that
My life needs
Is out there
Away from these
Walls
That hold me back
I wait anxiously
For the metal to rust
And break
So I am freed
And my soul
Can once again feel alive.

Clouds cover the sky,
Rain pours down harder than I've ever seen,
I laugh,
Then I realize your not there,
You left me here,
I break a little more,
My heart has grown sore,
You don't care,
My love gave you a scare,
So you ran off and never looked back,
And eventually my whole world turned black,
I hid and I ran,
Life was one thing I couldn't stand,
My life was everything I hated,
I missed the days our love was clearly stated,
So until then I stayed alone,
Until I could go home,
Home to your heart the one I loved from the start.

As close as I
Am never feels
As close as I can get
I want to cuddle
Into you
And pour out
My soul
Like I always do
I want to cry
So happily
As I think about
Our marriage
And
Our child
Our life
Our eternity.

This isn't easy
But life simply isn't
But I fight
And I try
And I wish
That it counted
More than it does
But still
I venture on
Trying
Being as
Happy as I can
Even if
Often i'm not
And dreaming
Because who
Am I without
Hope

I've been waiting

To come home

And I'm delighted

To say

I'm almost there.

Walking In Hopes Low And Head High,
You won't be there,
You told me months ago you were leaving and never coming back,
That tore my world apart,
I hurt everyday since,
But Still I try to stay strong,
I tried to hide my agony with a smile,
But what was the point no one would notice anyway.

I Sit And Wait For Former Friends To Join Me,
Then I see you,
My heart felt as though it just exploded from joy,
Your smile,
Your essence,
It made my tears all worth while.

You Sat Across From Me,
I covered my mouth to hide the smile,
But it was so obvious,
And before I knew it I was crying again,
Only this time I was crying because I was happy,
I cried because I got back what I thought I had lost,
I got you,
My heart was full ,
My world felt complete once more,
And happiness seemed worldwide,
Even If For Only A Day.

That **** razor
Which I adored has
******* me over.

It's easier to sleep
With your words
Floating in my mind

It's easier to smile
Thinking of you
Your face
Your scar

It's easier to feel worthy
With you
With your love
And compliments

It's easier to live life
Knowing I'm yours

It's easier with every breath I take
Because I know
You'll be with me for most of them


My darling you and I
Have found a love
That will last a lifetime.

We met to kiss
And all we've done is talk
We're dancing around
The reason we're here
We're avoiding the
Awkwardness and
I don't quite know
What I love most
The anticipation
Of your wonderful kiss
Or the giddy thudding
In my chest that we're
*Talking.

My child
Future
Far future
Visits my dreams
Showing me
How absolutely
Ecstatic I will be
To be a mother
Because
I've always wanted to be.

Betrayal barrels
Down the halls
And AGAIN
I fall,
Defeated.

I won't conform to your ways,
I'm not straight,
I will stand tall and defend myself,
You may not understand,
But at least I know who I am,
And don't you worry your pretty little head,
I won't come onto you,
I know if you fear my kind,
I know if your uncomfortable,
But you have to accept us,
Our population is growing,
And now we can marry in some states,
Be parents,
And we can love,
And on the occasion we are not accepted
You'll see we're stronger than you,
Because of who we are we're put through hell,
But at least we can still live and still go to heaven,
At Least We're Strong And Ourselves.

He always tried to save me
Called himself my protector
He tried to purify me

It took me a long time
To realize he tried to fix me
Because he couldn't deal
With fixing himself

He could not be his own protector
He could not save himself
And for that he blamed me
For that he carved his name
Inside of my chest.

I'm going
To trust him
Even if
I didn't know
I'm not
Gonna care
About that
Because
I trust him.



I'm not that type of girl.



I don't get jealous.



I don't get angry over those type of things.



Nope,Not at all...

Where ever you are, I need you right now. I need you to find me already. I'm sitting here in a puddle of my own tears, and I could use a hug and kiss. You would know just what to do. You would break out a science fiction movie or series and sit me down with some nuts and berries. You would let me lay on your shoulder and look up at you with amazement. I don't know where you are but I believe in you. I believe you exist, and that you belong here with me, I think I need you more than words can say. My heart has so much love to give and no one wants it, no one will love me baby, so where are you to change that. You'll sing the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack, and love my cats, you'll play board games, and video games, and make sure to let me win every once in a while because you don't want me to get mad at you. You will let me teach you card games, and you'll kiss me passionately, we will always make love, and we'll always solve fights together. You will always let me be the little spoon, and play with your beard or your Adam's apple. You'll always tell me you love me. I know you're out there, and I miss you right now. You will never comment on my lifestyle choices and if you must you will refer to me only as fluffy. On my bad days, you'll hold me and let me cry into you, and I'll let you do the same on your bad days. We will both be a little crazy. You will be willing to go to my favorite towns as mini vacations. You will believe in marriage, and want to be a father one day, just as I hope to be a mother one day. You will always understand why I like superman more than batman, and you will never make fun of my belief of bigfoot or aliens. You will smile at me and I will smile back. Baby, I know you're out there, and I will find you. I love you already.

We
Pass by
And
We avoid
All eye contact
Hate lives
In one another
A hate
For each other
But I believe
Our eyes
If they meet
Will show
Weakness
And we'll
Realize
All that we lost

My sorrow
And apology
Rings true
My tears
Heavy but
Genuine
My love
More real
More honest
Than anything
I've ever known
Or have ever felt
Believe me
When I say
I want nothing
More than
To spend
The rest of my life
With you
Growing old
Creating an
Amazing story.

I've been drifting
Losing myself
These past years
I seem to be missing
More and more of myself
A new feeling grows
And it's hard to describe
Perhaps it's anger
Fear
Hope or
Sorrow
It whispers to me each night
"Your wrong"
Ah, we've figured it out
My impurities
It keeps me on the cliff
I'm a slipping hand
Try to hold on
But if no one pulls
I'm gonna fall
And I can't go
Not until I say
What's inside.
Whatever that is.

If I could
I'd spend every moment
With you
In your arms or
In silence
But sometimes
I have to remind myself
I have you forever
They only have you now.

I can't even return to my sanctuary
Because it reeks of memories of us.

My anticipation
Is quite
Exciting
Yet frightful
For
You never
Truly know
What the future holds.