We are in-fact
Meant to be
God has surely
Whispered that to me
But behind our
Ignorance and fear
I believe
He may be saying
It's not time yet.

I love you
And it still seems
So fresh
So new
No matter how
Well it
Has aged
I will always
Have fears
Because with us
There will
Always
Be a first
Our first kiss
Hug
Our first time together
Our first misery apart
We've embarked upon so many
Adventures together
And sometimes
A new one comes along and scares me
But I know it's okay
Because no matter what
You'll be there
Right beside me
In whatever first may come.

These words will not resonate within your soul
The way they have for me all these years,
When I was born, I knew little of love,
I was a baby, practically fatherless,
I struggled as a child, because something wasn't right,
I wasn't all right, you see somewhere deep down
That little girl that was me, she knew all along what she wanted,
It was a forever, as a child she believed she wanted a forever family,
As she grew up and learned what romance and love was,
She knew she was wrong before,
The cause of my great dissatisfaction in life, was simply,
I had not met the man I was suppose to be with,
This great discovery was at the age of 8,
When I knew only of puppy love,
I grew angry that life could have failed me,
Because I knew the feeling,
The constant tugging in my chest wouldn't stop,
So when I turned 11,
I believed I had found love,
And when I lost it only a year later,
My soul collapsed in on itself,
Not because I lost the person I loved,
But because I knew it would never be the same,
I knew, I had my one chance and lost it then,
When he later returned to my life,
The love boiled in my soul,
Comforting me,
Allowing me to enjoy life for small moments,
I had something real once upon a time,
He torched it all though,
Shattered my hopes at love,
Left me feeling so empty and so full all at once,
Love is my life,
It has always been,
I started looking for a partner at 3,
Here I am 15 years later,
Still looking, my journey never ending,
For no man has yet to hold me within their souls,
As I have placed others,
I cannot be loved,
And I wonder sometimes if God cursed me
Or if it was the devil,
How can a girl have such a large capacity to love,
And never be loved,
I have wondered all my life,
Why is it so easy to leave me,
To call me amazing or beautiful,
But to never love me,
To cheat my heart,
To break my soul,
Can't anyone see,
My life is nothing without someone to love,
I was born to love,
I was born out of lust and mistake,
But in the end, it created a big hearted woman,
Love has kept my skin from tearing open,
Without it, I am nothing,
My body does not deserve to live if my soul cannot be happy,
Will I ever find the one,
Most likely not,
But I will love all the wrong ones along the way.

Even when
Things weren't
Easy between
You and me
I stayed
Because
You never
Give up
One someone
That you love.

Your everywhere I look,
The essence you give off it's been with me since the day you left,
And now It's like your the invisible man,
I hear you calling my name,
But I turn to look and your nowhere in site,
I think my heart is making me go insane,
Life without you how can it be real,
How have I possibly survived this cruel world without you,
I need you,
Need you in my life,
So my sanity may return,
So I can feel whole again.

You put up your battle shield
Pretended nothing hurt
But I could see the pain in your eyes
Why'd you bother getting high for me?
Did I sever something I thought did not exist?
Our war is a unsettled love
And even when we keep apart
They see
Some pair us
Because they see
The way I look at you
And the way you look at me
A deep pain we avoid
We could have been something
Should have been everything
Would have been perfect
But you were silent of your hearts yearning
And I was too afraid
And I ran
Now all we seem to be are strangers
But we know
The world knows
Even the imbeciles of this Earth can see it
Our eyes scream love and heart break
Even if we speak of hate and ignorance.

I like to
Play
Games
With my head
I like to ask
Questions
Like
What if
Destiny
brought us together
What if it was God
Could it both
Was it?
I get so lost
In this mind
Asking unanswerable
Questions.

They say love can be poison,
I'd die for it.

I'm a gambler at heart

When i was little
I cared with great capacity
For my mother's spending
And cared too little about mine
I saved up and to get the snack
I was craving
And i spent fast
I grew up on all
Card games
Waging candy
And pennies
And nail polish colors
That i never wore
I like to put something important
On the line and be doubted
So that when i win
Im twice as victorious
I find i believe in myself more
Have more motivation
More faith in myself
So i like to play virtual poker
And play with friends
Whenever i can
But the real excitement comes
In the anticipation
Of it all
Im a gambler
Even though im too young
For the casino
And have never even seen one
And yes
I gamble in life too
But sometimes
You have to prove to yourself
How much your capable of
And how if you truly
Want something
All you have to do is try your hardest
And hope you come out okay
Even if your not always a winner.

You didn't understand
I loved you
Hell I still do
Not that I'd ever admit it
If I just pretend maybe It'll go away
But I feel it
Everytime you walk into a room
When ever our eyes accidently meet
And each time I hear your voice
I've said good-bye
And I've written it to
But My Heart Still Says Hello.

There he was
Awakening her soul
A soul that had taken
Hit after hit
That had been so damaged
She couldn't believe
The way it lurched forward for him
She touched her face
Just to make sure her smile was real
And to her surprise it was
Was he real
Oh his touch was
Where had this man been
All those lonely nights
Her dreams she figured
And somehow once again
She has found hope
Hope in a forever
Oh she feared he'd leave
Like everyone before him
But she needed those smiles
So she held on
And maybe
Just maybe
She's found her forever.

Today
I thought
About our future
Together
With our apartment
And my cat
I thought
About sharing a bed
And how little
I would care
About that dream wedding
Most girls want
Because I'm not most girls
And my love is all I need
To say "I do"
I thought about our past
Making us stronger
And all that we have
To look forward to
I found myself
Tearing up and
Smiling go gleefully
I found myself feeling
Whole.

Escape,

I have to break free of these chains,

Urges,

They override me periodically,

Need,

Just need a kiss,lips to smash against mine,

Want,

I want love even though it never wants me,

Forget,

I desire love so I can forget,

Forget the pain,
Forget the lonely days,
Forget everything.

Your dicatated everyday
They tell you what to do
What to believe
What not to believe
They tell you how to act
And they tell you who
You can see
Or speak to and whom
You may not
You never had that with me
I tried to make you free
To open your eyes to new possibilities
I hope one day
You'll be free
Without them guiding you
I hope one day
Your eyes will open
And instead of being molded
To suit them you'll mold yourself
Into who you want to be
And I hope you see
That I loved you
For the person you were
Not someone I wanted you to be.

Sleep would be
Sweet

But to sleep beside you
Sweeter.

I wish
I could
Save you
Because
You deserve
To be
Happy.

I wonder what others see when they look at you
Anytime my eyes meet yours
I feel the pitter patter of my heart
My lips burst into a smile
I can't stop it in time
You tell me to stop staring
But how can I stop staring at perfection
And I know no one is perfect
I know in the past you've hurt me
But when I look into those eyes
It all melts away
And my heart is home
I am home
You are perfect to me
Even though you're crazy
Even though you're complicated
Even if you are not mine
I can't stop staring
Because I can't accept how lucky
I got the day you walked into my life
I love you inside and out
Always and forever
Nothing and no one has been able to change it.

My heart is confused it doesn't know who to choose it wants a little part of each of them but it simply must decide to whom it belongs but it wants a little part of each of them to hold onto forever and always but what it doesn't see is that one day they'll all give up on wanting it and one day my heart will be alone all over again just like it was before they came along.

I think of you each moment I breath, I think of you every time you leave,
I think of you when I cry, I think of you when I lie, I think of you
when I'm alone, I try to postpone the tears, Because I know it leads to
fears, I think of you each night, Despite the pain you ignite, I see you
in my dreams, It's you in which my heart screams for, Your someone I
can never ignore...Your all I live for...♥

When she lost you
Once and for all
She somehow lost her future

She's digging in the ruins
Of a once bright future

She doesn't have any dreams now
And her only aspiration
Could never support her

When she lost you
Her whole world started to change
As it always did at your absence

She aches and she cannot express it
She internalizes the pain

She cries in the car
So no one sees

She cries in the shower
So no one hears

She is nothing
Not because she has lost you
But because she cannot stop
Missing you

She has no one to hold her
No one to love her

She is a ghost of who she once was
The shadow that never got filled in.

No longer
Will the moon
Bare my name
Only Victory.

Hidden deep
In the wounds
That have now
Healed over and scarred
Are the deepest truths a person may know
There lie the deepest parts of me
That I may never show again
For my wounds are no longer
Bleeding the crimson red truth ooze
I am now a healed person
Scarred for all of the life that I will live
But no longer leaking
No longer letting the past
The hidden life I've lived seep out
I have remained
And I will not return
That wound is healed
It's healed
And it shall not be reopened
I will keep the monsters in me caged
The truth
The history of me
Will remain inside
Locked away
For the rest of my days
But the fear of it's release stays
For you never know when
Your gonna get cut
You never know
When your gonna be attacked.

Even if it's yourself attacking.

It wasn't  because
I found you attractive
It wasn't  because I found
You mentally desirable
Or because I found you
Sexually Wonderous
Its not due to the fact
That your kind and funny
I didn't know any of that at first
I loved you
Because the first time
You looked me in the eyes
My heart skipped a beat
And I just knew
You were the one
I'd spend the rest of my life with.

You are the black leather jacket left behind

Like the jacket
I have known you nearly 8 years
It has a rough surface
To protect itself from damage
But inside it's cushioned a bit
The color itself reminds me of your hair
And it's zipper represents the secrets you always kept
You left that jacket
Just like you left me

How could you let go of something
After holding onto it for 8 years

How could you not even care?

If I let myself realize it I know I'll BREAK.

Winter is hard
Because I see you in the sunrise,
I see you in the sunset,
And in the snow,
I feel you when I put my hoodie on
When I walk in snow
To nowhere special
I miss you when the bed gets cold
And I can hear you
Telling me to turn off the heat
I can feel you coming to hold my hand
Because I'm cold
And you never are
I taste you in the coffee you made me like
I taste you in the tears I shed
I hate Winter
Because you're not here for it.

I love how my eyes
Simply did not  see you.

I'm ashamed to say
That when I dream
And on the rare
Occasion
That I see
My dream self
I see what I wish to be
Thin and beautiful
Living up to the worlds standards
It sickens me
Because that person will never be me
I don't want to want to be her
And yet in dreams
I tend to become her anyway.

I know I'll be okay,
As long as your **Mine

I knew
This Christmas
Would be missing
Something
Once all
The gifts
Unwrapped
Spewed
All over
I realized
The usual
Excitement
From previous years
Didn't exist
Because all
Those Christmas
Mornings
I had gifts
To make
Me happy
Its what I needed
For they temporarily
Filled the void in me
But this year
My void goes unfilled
Because you
Are not here
And you
Are the strength to go on
Usually you keep
My weak soul
Hanging on
I hope I see you soon
This void of mine
Misses you
I miss you.

Someone asked if I miss you
I said no

Then cried my eyes out

Because I do miss you

Because even when we were crashing

Crashing down like

Falling stars

You would hold me

And tell me

Even though

You were leaving me

You loved me

Because somehow

You were always able

To break my heart

And kiss it better all at once.

Nothing in my life is alright,
I still cry at night,
I'm scared with such fright,
This doesn't feel right...Lying here without you tonight

Know right here
And right now
I would
NEVER
Risk all we have
I wouldn't
Put our love
Our future
Our life
On the line
For a friend
With a pesky crush.

I feel so imperfect

Not because I don't
Like things about myself

But because I fear
You don't

To me you are more perfect
Than any words I could fathom

To me even things you call
Flaws
Are absolute perfection

So I'm scared

Because I know you don't
See me the same way

You see my flaws as flaws

And that makes me want to cry

It makes my heart clench

But then I remind myself

I still got to wake up in your bed
I still got to make love to you
I still got hugs and kisses
I still got you laying in my lap
I still have you in my life

And though your like for me
Greatly differs from my immense
And completely overwhelming love

Please know I appreciate every
Moment in your presence

But my mind
It's racing with fears

While my heart
It's ready to take a plunge
Take a chance
And just speak everything it feels.

I don't even get
An answer
You left me,
Left me with
Heartless words
And a broken heart
That's all I know

I was left with damp dreams
That disappear in my hands
All I have now are my tears
And cconstant reminders,
Each moment is agonizing.