I love that
Look
On your face
The way
Your eyes
Look desperate
For more
The way
You need me
Not just because you love me
But because you
Lust for me too.

My heart
Was always on my sleeve
You grabbed my hand
Brushed past my heart
And let it smash
You broke me
With your touch good-bye
You let me fall to pieces
I was your puppet
You pulled my strings
Made me fall in love
Made me smile when I cried
Made me happier than I thought I could be
And then again
You left me here
Without a word
Of sorrow or apologies
You just let my love hang there
Let my heart fall
And all I felt was it break
As all the good memories
Collided with the bad ones across the floor.

Flower me in your embrace,
breath sweet truths in my ear,
take your time dear,
I can wait,
for you I would wait an eternity,
please don't forget me,
your time is nearly up here,
and though I wish you'd stay
you too will walk away,
I too will be forgotten,
but darling let us lavish in now,
let me bathe in your arms,
and never let me forget this feeling,
this glorious feeling of knowing you,
of being yours,
hold on tight darling,
until you must go.

I don't even care,
My heart doesn't carry a spare,
What do I care if you break it you just wanted to take it,
You can't fake it,it's your fault you wanted to take it,
this isn't fair but you don't care.

You hold me close,
minute by minute,
I breathe in your scent,
You let go and wipe away my tears,
I tell you what's wrong,
And you tell me too,
But there is a secret I'm keeping from you,
Your perfect in my eyes,
But I tell you lies,
It's not them I desire,
Your the only one who lights my fire,
I burn for you,
But the truth is I'm trying not to,
Your unsure if your gay,
The hope that your bi can make my day,
I need you to see what everyone else sees,
Your made just right for me.

Years all spent in vain,
Your feelings were all lies,
You never did feel the same,
I hope you realize how my heart was slain,
Your broke my heart,
You've caused me pain,
You tore my world apart,
My tears now blend with the rain
With memories of how I loved you from the start,
Now my heart cannot breathe,
It cannot feel,
I was once my smiles you loved to steal,
Now you leave me cold
Similar to your heart as I was told,
All I did was love you,
And all you did washurt me,
One day I hope you see
All that we could've been is all that we still be,
If you'd just take a chance,
Take a chance on our romance.

I want you,to be by my side,
I want you,to hug me,
I want you,to kiss me,
I want you,touch me,
I want you,to love me,
I want you,to mean it,
I want you,Forever and Always...<3

They looked
At me
Like I was a monster
And I viciously
Look at them
With the
Fierce image
Of ripping out
Their throats
And standing atop
Their newly
Rotting corpses.

Never let me go
For I'll
Hold onto
You forever.

We've known each other
For nearly six years
And we have been together
Nearly two
And I find it's completely
Normal to draw a blank
When it comes to words
You see we're not average
Nor below or above
Just different
And in that difference
Silence may come
But no need to fear
For our *****
And randomness
Always helps soothe things
And so I find it's completely normal
To text you two hours later after
Going silent to tell you
About a chocolate heart
And I find it completely normal
That you made all the aching
Go away
For with you my heart
Is always at its best
Even if our minds get a little lost

I need you too
When your away
I crave you most
The undeniable urge
To lie my head
On your chest like
I once did on
That bus ride home
I miss you even now
I wish you were here
So I could fold my body
Into yours
Or lace our fingers
So that we are just a
Little closer
I wish I could fall
Asleep beside your
Beating heart warming mine
I Want you
To let me just be yours
Happily and forever.

If I could have you
All would be right
In this horrendous world
All would become brighter
The darkness fading
To know the feeling
Of your lips on mine
Would surely brighten
All the stars in the sky
If we were to entwine hands
The crops of this Earth
Would grow and prosper
Right beside us
If you were mine
And I was yours
The world would be
A much better place.

So wont you come back
Wont you be mine
Where have you been
Your eyes are dazed
And you seem miles away
You gave me a sad look
As though you didn't want to
But I need you
I miss you
My heart must heal
And together we must
Accomplish this obstacle
And get our happy ending
Wont you have faith
And keep holding on like I do
Please darling come back to me
You've stayed but you seem so distant
I need you
For my heart
Will forever be yours.

No, I don't always love myself,
No, I won't always,
Because I make mistakes
And I'm allowed to hate myself for them,
I'm allowed to forgive myself too,
I'm allowed to mourn for myself,
So no, I don't wake up everyday loving me,
I work really hard at it,
I tell myself to smile more days than not,
Because truth is, smiling is hard,
I may not always love myself,
But I still have the capacity to love,
To love with all of me,
Just because I struggle,
Does not mean I do not deserve happiness,
In fact I deserve it more because I struggle,
Maybe I'm not perfect,
Maybe I'm far from it,
But I have to remember,
Even if I don't feel beautiful,
Someone else out there
Might just think I am,
Someone out there might just think,
I am perfect.

Here I am
With weakness
Rotting the body
Tears streaming
Aching heart
Memories
Of all my mistakes
All the regrets
Piling on
The things I cannot have
Here I am
With nothing
But the failures
Surrounding what's left of me.

Somewhere between our love,
Grew hate,
You gave up on me,
On us and all that could have been,
I held on,
I believed in us,
Unlike you I had dreams,
Forever seemed definite,
Back then I wanted no one like I wanted you,
You quit when things got tough,
Even when you did I tried to pretend otherwise,
I stuck up for you,for me and for all that we were,
They put us down
And each day I fought to bring us up,
My love was stronger than anything I've ever known,
But that was then,
And now I'd rather be chopped into pieces
Than to see your face,
Hear your voice or name,
I'd rather be attacked by venomous spiders
Than spend another moment regretting what was.

Now someone else will "be"

This feeling
It lies
Somewhere in between
Filling me
Or is or just complete emptiness
It itches at me
While summons questions
It's hard to figure out the difference
Between reality and dreams
Or shall I refer to them as "nightmares"
Because each time I wake from them
My chest is heavy
And I feel the tears forming
People don't comprehend this
And nor do I
I can't tell if it's
The depression rising again
Or maybe it's the memories
That I burned
Coming back
Maybe it's me losing
Every bit of strength
I Thought I Had.

You
Were
Life
Altering
But
I
Don't
Regret
One
Moment
Of
Agony
Because
It
Brought
Me
Back
To
You
My
True
Love
We
Were
Mea­nt
To
Meet
And
Be
Forever
Changed.

You looked at me
Like you loved me
Like I was special
Held my hand tight
Made love to me
Hugged me
Told me how
Important
Those hugs were
How they made you
Feel good
You adventured
Somewhere new with me
You kissed my neck
And told me
That you loved me
You were here
With me,
Mine
Just yesterday
And today your gone
Leaving me
And it feels like my heart
Is bleeding
And as though its cut open
You were everything yesterday
And everything today
But I wasnt anything
Not today
Maybe not yesterday either.

There are moments
I still long to be in your arms

It's like drinking from a poisonous well

I could drink you all day

But in the end I was hurt

I would hate myself for wanting to go back

But the thirst just grows

And I have to decide

Would I rather hurt or die of thirst.

I felt
Embarrased
It would've been easier
To eat in front of you
Than that
But there's no
Taking it back
No time machine
To change the past
It's okay
I guess
Because
Things happen
And we just have to move forward.

In the night I am cold and alone,Lying awake in my bed wishing your warm body was next to mine to keep me company...

You changed me
Made a smile grow
Helped a heart learn love
Taught me how good a kiss could be
Showed me we could have a future

You changed me
Made laughter become cries
Helped a heart learn how to break
Taught me a kiss can end badly
Showed me I was just a memory.

I wish you'd stop
But it's not in your nature
You worry
And can't forget
Yes
You left me
And my aching soul reached out for you
When the call went unanswered
My body exploded
Couldn't turn away
For the pain was pleasure
And the pleasure
Complete agony
I changed
Yes
But I was altered
So that I could live
If I did not change
I would've committed suicide
Then I'd surely have gone to hell
You went away
And that's okay
Because your mine once again
And I hope for the rest of our days.

I only miss the old you
The one who gave me a chance
Led me to believe
That we could be something

I only miss your dimples
They were magic
Healed every ache you left

I only miss your lips
I wanted to feel their softness
But I always settled
For a smile

I only miss the boy
You use to be
The one who didn't care
But always showed the real him
The boy who saved me

I miss the boy that I loved
And I need him to know
Who he became
Is a boy who's heart
Is too cold for loving.

I am nineteen years young
And I don't know what career I want
When I grow up
But I do know
I want to be happy

I am so tired of paychecks
Forcing us into these holes
Saying you can't live without us
When they know **** well
We don't even wanna live with them
Because unhappiness is just as bad as poverty

You still don't want to move
Still cry yourself to sleep
If you sleep at all

You still have a hunger inside of you
Unfed and wild

No I don't think poverty and unhappiness
Are very different

One way you live to survive
The other you barely survive to live

There's a knife at my throat and it's labeled
Unhappy.

Kissing me
Tenderly
I melt
With joy
Cascading
All around.

I
Have
Only
Needed
You
To
Survive
Because
With
You
I
Am
Whole
And­
As
Long
As
Your
Holding
Me
My
Heart
Feels
Happier
And
So
Much
More
Completed.

Just stab me in the heart,
Take away the pain that's all to real,
Alone is how I feel,
Saying you love her instead,
You leaving me for dead,
What did I do to turn you away?
How can I make you stay?
I'm sick of being empty and alone,
If only you had a loving clone,
But since you don't I'm left in tears,
I remember when this reality was only fears,
Now look how how it had to end,
I guess even for me you couldn't play pretend,
So you went and broke me,
Still in my dreamland I think of what we could be,
I still love you and it's clear to see,
But maybe this wasn't our happily ever after,
I should've known by the lack of your laughter,
I just had so much hope,
Now me and my broken heart will have to learn how to cope,
Now it's over and I'm the one left in this hell,
The one you'll soon know well.

While
Home
Breaks
Me
You
Keep
Me
Complete
For
You
Are
The
Home
Fo­r
My
Soul.

I thought you wanted to wake up
Beside me one day to see my hair
All askew and laugh as I say
Well here's Medusa
I thought you wanted to
Live with me
And make love wildly
I thought you wanted to live
With our cats
And smile as we called each other
Mommy and daddy
I thought we were gonna sign papers
Saying we were legally wed
Me in a white dress with red petals and flowers
And you in your casual tuxedo
I thought one day I'd get to see you actually
Wear a tuxedo
I thought that's what you wanted
I thought you wanted me
My craziness
My love
My laughter and smile
My passion
I know I wanted you,
Your laugh and smile
Your happiness
You in your infinitely silly self
I accepted you
Craziness and all
And I thought one day
My love would triumph
And you'd accept me
But the world comes crashing
And I suppose you let your dreams slip away
While I sit incomplete wishing still,
For them all to come true.

The problem with him is
He's not you

The problem is
I don't love him
The way I love you,
Or at all for that matter

The problem is
I don't want to
Hug him or kiss him
The way I want to
Hug and kiss you

The problem is
He knows
I'm in love with you
That no matter what
I can't erase how I feel

The problem is
That he doesn't
Match me
Or move me to tears
With his presence
And he doesn't inspire me

The problem with him
And with every man
I will ever meet
Is that *They're not you

I still wonder
How did it look from the outside in?
Am I depicted as a ***** or a victim?
I pushed away your body
Said "No" between a lot of kisses
Left the room half a dozen times
Yet with each return seemed your pleasure didn't suffer
You did this and that
And I realized you weren't leaving
So was my submission my ending?
I lied down in that bed
And continued with
What was my final regret
That day
All I needed
Was my bed back
My sanctuary
When I invited you over
I thought we'd play games
But the only one playing was you
Your girl never talked to me again
At least I told her the truth
Even if I never could explain
The hate that I felt the whole time
I never blamed you
So even now
A year or so later
I still wonder
Who Did They See When They Knew?

A shadow
Of someone
A silent walker
Movements
Seen from below
Body and soul
Strectched out
Breaking apart
Yet remaining whole
No longer human
Not able to contain
Emotions
Or any mental capacity
So empty
Incomplete
Always mssing
It's true inhabitor,
It's true self.

I wish
He understood
Just how much
I love him
How much he means
I wish he didn't
Feel distance
In my love
Because that's
As close
As we can be for now
I wish he could
Comprehend
That he
Is my everything.

I won't apologize
For standing my ground
For the first time all these years
I will say I'm sorry I expected more
That I assumed you would
Actually fight for me
We were suppose to marry
And we were suppose to hold
Little spence or serenity
Suppose to argue over
Santa and the tooth fairy
Somehow we lost it all
All that's left is the duffle bag
In what was our room
In the end
I missed you
Because you had checked out
6 months prior to leaving
Slowly we died
Our dreams melted away
And I stood in the puddle of it
You stopped calling me beautiful
Started insulting the way I dressed
You stopped kissing me
And got angry when I asked
You stopped making love
And wondered why I cried
You stared at the television
As you thrusted into me
Emotionaless
Did you love me then?
Do you now?
Because even though
I hate what happened
What we became
I still remember
The day we ditched school
With no money
And explored
And I was freezing
So you offered me your leather jacket
That was always too small for me
I remember kissing in snow
Rain
And sunshine
I remember the way you wanted me
The hunger in your eyes all consuming
I remember the way
You held me
The way you laughed
And dreamed of fatherhood
I remember us in love
And I wonder
How could something
We fought so long for
Suddenly not work
How could you hold me
That night
Only to wake up
And leave me
How could you leave me
When all my life
I have asked for you to stay.

I will admit
Here and now
That his touch
It leaves me
On cloud nine
My body sore
From such pleasure
Yet that is not all
Not all that I love
Believe me please
I love him
For that fumble
That happens
When he says he loves me
I love him
For the way he makes me smile
The way he makes me laugh
The way I can read him
And he can see everything
Beneath my surface
I love him
For the light kisses
And the rough ones
I love him
For his kindness
His care
I love him
Because I always knew I would
My heart
It's been his
Since the day he
First looked me in the eyes.

I always wish
That I knew
That the last day
Was the last day.

So I could've hugged you
Just a little tighter

Kissed you a little harder

Said I loved you a little more

And held on just a little longer.

I was engaged at fifteen
and believed I would live my life
Happier than my wildest dreams
I am now nineteen
He left me
I am not happy
I am alone
I have nothing going
I have to remind myself
How much changes in time
I may be broken now
But maybe one day
I can be as happy as I was
At fifteen
With a ring around my neck and hand in mine
As we skipped school
To celebrate a love
We believed was forever.

In the beginning
I believed in you
I thought you were kind
Caring and so secure
But to know now that you
Are just like the rest breaks me
You were so inspired by my eyes
And I was lit up by yours
Our laughter once was endless
Now our glares don't even last
You once warmed me heart with your smile
Now I feel as though your mocking me
You began so bright and good
But along the way
Darkness grew in you
And your indivuality
The thing I loved
It dissapeared
And you let the dark fill you
So this is over
The love I had is through
And I swear to only think bad thoughts
About this new you.

I hate
Our time
Away
And I
Can't wait
For the day
When you
And I
Can come home
And find the other.

I love him
Want to marry him
Live with him
Make love with him
Have a child
Get a cat
Raise that little kid
The kitty too
I want to show him
A good time
In this ****** up world
I want to fall asleep
Each night
With him
And wake up to his smile
I want to grow old with him
We must change
Change comes with age
But at least this time
If we're lucky
We'll change together.

Today
I'll admit
That my pride
Was swept aside
For a moment
As I read my
Old thoughts of you
The tears nearly
Spilling over
I thought about you
How we lost a friendship
In its first stages
I thought about your dimples
And how I almost
Miss you
But we cannot fix these wounds
And forever we lost
Something
A something that
For you meant so little
You and your shameful shame
Yes hushboy this is about you
And how you changed
All for the worse
At least this time when I fell
I finally had someone to catch me
So thank you
For helping me give
Someone else a chance
I guess even a hatred
Can bring something loving
And good into someones life
Hate helps us find comfort in
The arms of our true loved ones.