He claims to love me
But still holds hope
For me to morph
Part of who I am
He can't get it
Through his
Thick lovable skull
I believe in God
Not the Bible
I cannot commit
To being Christian
He can't face the fact
I'm bisexual
But still love him madly
And I know he's afraid
I will not go to heaven with him
I know he fears I'll leave him for
A woman
But I swear he's my one and only
I hope foolishly
He'll move past all this
But a part of me fears
This problem won't go
And he'll leave me because he
Is simply too afraid.

When we're in a room
even at a distance
I feel you

When I close my eyes
I hear your laughter
your perfect voice blessing the air

When I block out the noise
I see your smile
the dimples almost clear to see
Your long lashes
The lush lips that I want
your apperance that warms me

When I open my heart
I feel yours
the heart that hurt me
only when I hurt it
the heart I want
it's beating that soothes me
and takes away every bit of pain

When we're in the same room
I know I love you
and every other part of you

I can't help it,
My eyes don't shine bright,
I don't scream happy,
Yes I like the color black,
I think of a negative outcome for everything,
I say "I quit" before I try,
I think life is hard,
and love is harder.

But when the sun hits my eyes just right they shimmer,
I laugh daily about the silliest of things,
I own some color,
I hope for the best,
I try even when I think I'm doomed,
I live life no matter how tedious,
And I love more than any other.
I am full of contradictions,But maybe they aren't all bad.

Locked away,
Trapped,
Silently Hurting,
No Longer Dreaming,
Only Wanting,
But Never Receiving,
My Heart,
Empty And Hollow,
Hopeful And Doubtful,
My Heart,
Only Slightly Whole.

I witnessed death young
Dealt with a non-caring father
I held on tight to those who were friends
I watched them fade away and leave me
I fell in love young
With my best friend
And this love was an infatuation
When he too left me I broke
Scars now almost invisible
Constant urge to renew them
A never ending desire for love
For a permanent stay
For a moment of peace
I wish the darkness away
But with the memories come aching
Reflections on the things I wasn't good enough to keep
Memories of the mistakes
The innocence stolen
The hospital visits
The therapy
The unsaid truths
I see what's wrong
But nothing I do will fix it
I have to survive with these marks
These never ending moments of reflections
The memories of my failures
All the reasons no one will ever stay
The reasons no one could ever love me.

I miss us,the way we once were,together,happy for a while,then the world around us decided our time was up.I didn't want it to end,I cherished each moment with you,still you and I are no long and "us" or a "we" Now it's just you and me.

I want to hide because I'm afraid.I'm afraid to get close to someone.I'm afraid they'll leave me.I'm afraid of myself and I'm afraid to think of myself as anything but worthless because if I don't I'm afraid someone's just going to knock me down...

To tell your life story is like giving yourself away,
But truly you are just trying to be set free,
Your trying to have a handle on reality,
Life cascades around you,
Facts you wish were only dreams remain true,
Life is breaking you down,
Your swallowed whole by your own frown,
I reach for your hand but you let go,
And I watch as you hit your all time low,
Saving you is something I'm no longer capable of,
You refuse me and my love,
It's okay I'll stick around and listen,
I watch you tell your story and smile as your face has a certain glisten,
And I'll hope telling me the pain will make it okay,
I promise to stay,
I promise to hear each word,
I promise your story won't go unheard,
You'll soon be free,
I'll be happy to share some of my glee.

He was a broken man
Had been since the age of three

She was a flawed woman
She had been since she was four

They grew up way too fast
And all at once

They fell in love

They fell into chaos

The flawed loved the broken
And the broken saw no flaws

Until one day
They awoke to traded places

She was broken
And he was flawed

And they were both losing their minds

And their love was forgotten

For way too long

But they had real love

Even if it didn't have a happy ending.

Silence,
Tears dropping,
Heart clenching,
Mind Boggled,
This is what love does,
Rips you to shreds,
Makes you feel worthless,
Love,
The love that I have always known will **** it's once pure intentions,
Around others I put on this smile,
But can't they see how dead I am inside?
Love broke the bright and illuminating girl I was or could have been,
Now I am at constant war with myself,
Love is made up of so many good moments,
But so often does it end in terrible ones.

I hate
The distance
Feels
Like
We're worlds
Apart
And I can't
Find my way home
I miss you
And it hurts
I need you
I worry
When your not
Here to comfort me
I can't wait
To be in your arms again.

I play it off
Because I don't wanna seem
Weak
But you
And your little boy toy
Are horrible people
To trick me
To stick a knife in my
Barely healing wound
That deary can end the little friendship we had
And it did
I try to stay away
I cringe when you and him are near
I hate what he's made you
Hate what you've become
I live my life though
Knowing I told someone
Knowing I finally
Told the truth
And I smile knowing
You'll both burn in hell.

Your walls
Half collapsed
Unsure
To rebuild
Or let them fall.

My walls
I don't know
Do they exist?

Perhaps in my fear
Of your absence
They remain
Because leaving
Is always a worry.

Perhaps in my tears
My walls exist
Afraid that
Physicality
Will rein supreme.

But I have no doubt
Any longer
Of your love for me
You've proven it
And If anything
I can rest
Knowing
Your love
Is as real
As mine for you.

I fear falling in love because I fear the broken heart,
I fear the broken heart because I fear the pain,
And I fear the pain because I'm unsure if it'll ever fade

Our time has ended,
my love still burns,
I have to say good-bye,
this is my farewell my love,
for tomorrow I will not be here,
for tomorrow my love will die,
without my love I do not exsist,
so my dearest of loves,
my reason for life,
this is my good-bye.

*Good-bye

I'm stuck in this cycle
And no matter how well it ends
The bad comes back
Cascading around me
As though I was never happy
And I fight so hard
To hold on
But I'm toppled over
And everything
It just builds up and
I break
Little by little
And I fear that
All that will be left
Are the shards of me.

I love you
Please believe me
My love for you
Has always existed
It's always been true
It runs so deep in my veins
You will always be my first love
And hopefully my last as well
Understand no one has ever
Made me feel the you do
I love you through and through
I simply cannot imagine my life without you
Stay mine forever and always
And I swear to always be here
Always love you my darling,my dear.

Every part of me is cracking

And I just don't have enough cement to cover up the holes

I can feel myself breaking more each day and there is nothing that can mend me

Only memories that damage me more.

I've caused you
So much pain
Because of me
They laugh
Bother you
Insult us
Tears stream
Down our faces
And the ache
Internalizes
I wonder some times
If your life
Would've been better
Without me in it.

I miss it all
The hugs
The kisses
Our dreams
Of living together
Being married
Having a baby
Loving each other
Until the day we die
And the hope of our love
Surviving past that
I miss waking to your eyes
And watching you sleep
I miss cuddling on the couch
While you looked at me with love
I miss your love
I miss your hand in mine
I miss the way you laughed
I miss your scar
I miss having dreams
I miss you

Two years ago you and I shared our first kiss,
We were young,
we were shy and even fumbled a bit,
Laughter burned the air
followed by the aroma of flowers,
Though none existed I smelled them,
Not even your kiss could block out the smell,
but maybe it was you that smelled to good,
It could be why I never wanted the kiss to end,
I had loved you a long time then and even longer now,
Your kiss trapped,
It grabbed me and I grabbed back,
I never wanted to let go,
The rain slowed into a drizzle but I did not care,
I was too focused on those lips that for moments entertained mine,
I had never before that day experinced a feeling so sincere,
The love could be read in the way you kissed,
You cannot say otherwise because that day when we kissed sparks didn't just fly they SOARED.

Today I Kinda needed a friend
But instead I'll be yours
And give some advice


Be happy
Smile
Let me
Hug you
Because in the end
It all be okay
Never give up hope
Never stop fighting
And just keep looking towards the future
Keep looking toward the light
In the end everything will work out.

I love you
I do not say this lightly

I do not mean
As a friend

I mean I'm in love with you
With every little bit

But I distance myself
Because loving you

Loving you the way I do
Is gonna leave me broken

Because while you love me
While you care

You are not in love with me
You do not care for my heart

I'm in love with you
Your eyes gleam

Your smile stings my soul
I need you in every way

I want you in every way
Do not underestimate this

I am in love with you

That is the truth.

Sometimes I  wonder
About your love
And whether
Your hearts care
Is fading
Sometimes
Despite everything
It feels like our hopes
For our future together
No longer exists
Like you stole it from me
Locked it away
Along with the tenderness
Care and sense of romance
I worry if our flame has burned out
Or if my heart is still too wounded
To feel your love like before.

I really need you
But she
Needs you more
Go
And say goodbye
For me too.

You meant nothing and I remember us
Holding hands
Kissing
And being what others desired.

You meant everything and I tried to forget
Our hands entwined
Our lips matching with every second
The love that emitted from my every pore.

You made me happy and I wanted to create things
Moments of love
Hands that never let go
Lustful times
And A future.

The only common factor is me
And how I ended up broken.

Never had a daddy
To run to
When some boy
Broke my heart
Never had a father
To walk me down the aisle
Or to spoil me rotten
Never had a dad
To give a card to
On Fathers Day
Never had a dad to
Talk to
Or trust
Nevr had
A father
Who cared.

In your arms again
It was like my world set fire
But this fire did not burn nor demolish
Only illuminate
It brightened life for me
Gave me strife
Gave me a reason to fight
For both of our lives
I vowed I would always love you
And I have yet break that vow
My heart loves you more
Than yesterday
And more than two days ago
My love has grown
And has become a part of this fire
I feel your arms wrapped around me
I find it's much easier to see this way
Because the fire of love burning within our chest
They meet and together we burn as bright and beautiful
As the northern lights.

All I wanted was you
All I know is reality
And the reality is
I don't have you
And I feel like
I'm just dust
Being swept away
And the truth is
Too much is changing
Too much is wrong
But baby I'd do anything
To be yours again
Sweetie I'm trying
But that's not good enough
Nothing I do ever is
And I'm fighting here
All alone
Wishing that our love
Didn't keep me running
Around trying to prove myself
I wish I saw the monsters
So I can believe in them
So I can be motivated by them
So I can really fight
So I can yell at their faces
Instead of yelling at an empty room
I wish God answered my prayers
And saved me
I wish I knew if He listened
I wish I knew
If my prayers were answerable
Or that He'd show me
What to do
What's right
Oh sweetie
Why is life so hard
Why are you so worth
A million hard lifetimes to me
I just want the ache to settle
I want to be safe
Baby all I want is you
And this fight is insane
But I'd fight through
And do anything to be
Back with you
My dearest husband
I will find a way
And it will hurt
For all the days
All the months
All the years I'm unsafe
But I want to be back
In those arms
So I'll fight
I'll find a way
Because our love
Is too special
To give up on
So baby will you
Just take my hand in spirit
And guide me on the right path
And I promise to follow.

This love I cannot shake
T'was my heart you decided to take
You took me in
Now the things I want are considered sin
In your arms all seems right and fair
I truly believe you care
Please don't let me down
You have yet to make me frown
My love for you is growing
And I know I couldn't bare you going
You warm my heart
And I'm cold each moment we're apart
With your hand you rub my back what a magic arm
It slowly eases away any harm
I won't risk losing you
Love will keep me strong as long as it's true.

My heart will ache
Will twist up in pain
For everyday
I cannot hug you
For each kiss I cannot
Plant upon your lips
My heart will yearn
Only to be left
Unsatisfied
To be without you
Yet another miserable moment
For each second
Each moment
That you aren't with me
Know I love you
Know that no matter what I'm yours
Never give up
Because summer will end
And our love will be reignited.

I love that your
So polite and
Old fashioned
Always asking
Before you
Touch
From the start
Having respect
For my body
And even when
Its obvious I want you
You ask
The first time comicality
Surrounded by the beginning
Of true passion
Can I touch those?
As though
They were mutants
But that's how the
First touch goes
I love it when you ask
Because each time you do
I know I was suppose to be with you.

Hello my love
I have been searching
For you
For a long time
Are you the
One?
Can my journey end now?
I loved you
Even before this
I loved you the moment
My heart
As tiny as it was
Knew what feelings
Actually were
And once I found you
I just knew
The love of my life
Yes, You
I hope your always happy
Happy in life with me
For I promise to always be happy with you
I promise
To try my hardest
To make this work
I promise
My love will never die
Because no matter
How hard
People try to **** it
It will always live on
For my love for you is undying and true.

You
Open your
Eyes when you
Kiss me sometimes
And I sometimes
Think its strange
Or maybe even rude
But I catch myself
Taking a peek
Just to know
If your gonna
Be
looking back at me
So we can have
The most awkward
Staring contest.
Ever.

Would you hug me in front of everyone
Tongue kiss me like no ones watching
When everyone is
Would you wipe away the tears
Would you care if I cut
Would you pleasure me
And expect nothing in return
Would you understand me
When I'm sad
And emotionally gone
Would you comfort me when I'm stressed
Or try to make it all better
Would you accept me
My beliefs and morals
Would you write for me
Would you cry for me
Would you tell me your story
Even if it hurts
Would you be there to take away the pain
Would you care for me
Would love me at all
Would you love me enough
To plan our future together
Like he does
Or will you turn and run like you always do
Whatever you decide
I'm lucky he's still by my side.

Teetering between
I love you
And I will wait
And I will fight.

Tottering with
I need to leave
I have to stop this love
You'll never love me
You will never fight for us.

I will fall one way or the other
But the in between
Is just as scary
As imagining a life without you.

The rain struck harder than ever before,
It pelted her delicate skin but she wasn't focused on it much,
Though it was perfect to hide her tears,
It was perfect to mask her pain,
The tears trickled down her face blending with the raindrops,
She clenched her jaw,
For the pain she felt was too much,
She balled up her fists and walked away,
Anger and agony filling her completely,
Feeling more alone than ever before,
Knowing nothing could hurt more than the words she just heard,
The words that would forever be engraved in her now broken and distraught heart,
*"I Never Loved You"

Eyes appearing on the horizon
Coming towards me
Greeting me with sweet simplicity
A heart skipping a beat
Within my very chest
Words directed at me
By wonderful lips
All thought momentarily impaired
A response
Whisperedwith fright but certainity
My heart will be captured by you
And so it was fated
Those eyes would forever see me
See all of me
And those lips would forever
Spark a flame withing my soul.

You would now be mine for all of eternity
And I shall be yours.



*May the world learn from our undying love.