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528 · Feb 2013
Reflection
I guess
I just haven't
Made it clear yet
I'm completely
Insecure
And absolutely
Hideous in my own eyes
It doesn't change
It never has
It never will
No matter
What you
Or anyone else says
The truth is
I'm just
Not
Happy with
Myself.
The shame covers my face
Regret building in my chest
I'm feeling weak
Tears race down my face
I try to close my eyes
Pretend I was dreaming
But this is reality
A fighting
That never ends
I try so hard
Everyday to ensure
That I don't make the mistakes I've made
And when I show weakness
I hurt
Not from the shame the world gives
From the amounting shame in my chest
Because I let myself down
For one smile
One moment of freedom
And it simply feels
Like with each wrong
I'm starting all over
With yet another missing piece of myself.
In case you haven't noticed
You get whatever you want
Those two melons you carry
They get you any guy you want
And you stupidly fall into every trap
But can't you see the games they play
They want your body
They want what I use to give
*** and a good time to forget about later on
But darling when you had my heart
I used think you were brave and strong
You used to have my head and heart spinning
And now you look at me
And smile because you once again have what you want
All I have are the memories of my past longings
And how because I'm me they've gone unfilled
And since your you all your dreams come true.
You
Asked me
What I want
For my birthday
And I say nothing
But what I really
Want desperately
Is for you
To propose
I know we
Can't get
Married now
But I want proof
Your dedicated
I want evidence
That you love me
And that you believe
You always will
526 · Jul 2013
A Plea
Please.
I need you
So stay strong
I love you
So don't cry
Just let yourself
Be forever mine.
526 · May 2014
Smile
I know it's hard for you to be happy
I know things feel like crap baby
But in the midst of your ache
I promise I am always here
Always fighting to get back
All we lost recently

I get by my lonely days
By saying your name
And thinking of all we'll have one day
I survive because of my faith
Because of my endless hope
You know sweetie pie
You're the one who taught me
How to be strong
It's because of you
My scars have long faded
And my skin is woundless
You helped me cherish life
And you helped me be more vibrant
You helped me look in the mirror and smile
Instead of crying
Baby look into the mirror
And just try to see the wonderful man
I have always seen
See that face looking back at you
Yeah, that one
I love it so much
And I love everything your heart
Has given me
Look into the mirror and see
Our future together
And watch yourself smile,
Smile for me baby

Oh how I love that smile.
NOMNOMNOM :')
If I don't think about it
I can't hurt
If I block it out
I won't be reminded
That I poured my everything into you
And in the end lost it all
I've opened my eyes
Learned to build more walls
Now it's clear
I loved only who you use to be
The boy
Who didn't care what the world thought
Who laughed away the aching
Brought endless smiles
I miss him
That guy I met
He warmed my heart
Rescued me endlessly
He put a stop to so many tears
I'm sad
That he had to go
Because I saw the caring in his eyes
And this new you
He's rude
Hurtful
Also
As of today my heart-breaker
I just hope one day
Someone can bring back the boy I loved
Even if it's not me.
525 · Jan 2013
Questions For Our Life
Will you love me
Years from now
When conversation
Runs low
And there's
Just the daily us
Mocking your attention
Will you love me
If our child is grown and gone
And we're once again left
To twiddle our thumbs
Will you love me in old age
When its unlikely we're able to move
Nonetheless make love
Will you love unto your grave
Even if I should pass first
And your left alone for some time
Will you love me
As I swear
To always love you.
525 · Sep 2017
Change me
I always want the wrong people
Always want someone who doesn't want me
How do I constantly do this
Why am I never the one to be loved

How do I change everything about myself because I feel it's my only choice.
Sad today. Feel really unwanted.
524 · Apr 2011
Truth
Forever is a lie,
Love is A secret,
Death is a gift,
Life is a curse,
and happily ever afters are for fairy tales
522 · Feb 2011
The Ocean...
We swam out into the Ocean together,He pulled me along because I feared drowning...He pulled me as far as he could go but then he let go and I began drowning in a ocean full of my own tears...
522 · Apr 2013
Holder
Lay with me dear
Hold me
Not for mere comfort
But to show you love me
Let me sleep in your arms
Let me remember us
The pure sweetness of our shared laughter
I just want you
Let me be close
And try to ignore my tossing and turning
Smile
For it brightens my soul
And with you near
I feel good
I love you
And I hope you never again doubt it
I love you dear
I love you
For you have always held the key to my heart.
Sometimes
I can see it
In your eyes
The way you love me
Sometimes I can feel it
The way you touch my face
Or just kiss me
So lightly yet full of passion
Sometimes our love
Needs no words
Because with us
It's all about what's in our hearts.
520 · Oct 2011
Contradictions...
I can't help it,
My eyes don't shine bright,
I don't scream happy,
Yes I like the color black,
I think of a negative outcome for everything,
I say "I quit" before I try,
I think life is hard,
and love is harder.

But when the sun hits my eyes just right they shimmer,
I laugh daily about the silliest of things,
I own some color,
I hope for the best,
I try even when I think I'm doomed,
I live life no matter how tedious,
And I love more than any other.
I am full of contradictions,But maybe they aren't all bad.
520 · Oct 2013
From Honeybun
I miss you

I love you

And I will never

Never stop fighting for you
520 · Nov 2013
Star Crossed Lovers
Where are you
For you are not in my arms
And that is where I need you most.
520 · Jun 2013
And I Love You Too
You
Even love my flaws,
My stupid
Horrid
Stretch marks
That I despise
You love,
Because you love me.
519 · Dec 2012
Calling Out
Your soul
Has been
Calling out
To mine
Since I first
Could retain
Any memory

My heart
Has been
Calling out
To yours
Since that
Day we
First met.

Our bodies
Have been
Calling out
Since that
Day
When we
Shared
Our first kiss.
519 · Sep 2011
My Heart
Locked away,
Trapped,
Silently Hurting,
No Longer Dreaming,
Only Wanting,
But Never Receiving,
My Heart,
Empty And Hollow,
Hopeful And Doubtful,
My Heart,
Only Slightly Whole.
519 · Feb 2012
"Pool Of Desires"
I have to say good-bye,
I have to let go,
It hurts more and more the longer I hold on,
But the want over powers me,
I am suffocating in a pool of desires,
I can only try to drag myself out,
But I have a hard time letting go,
I need to break this spell,
I need to stop loving you,
My desires have me abandoning ship,
They have me on edge and I'm ready to fall,
I have to say good-bye,
Farewell,
See ya later,
Or not.
Trying to let go is harder than you know....
519 · Sep 2013
Oddball
My therapist once told me
Take deep breaths,
It sends more oxygen to the brain
And releases more chemicals to make you feel better.


I always tried to follow the advice but
Breath after breath never solved a thing
It was when I held in the oxygen and
Closed my eyes I felt better.
Looking back that therapist was not the greatest.
He claims to love me
But still holds hope
For me to morph
Part of who I am
He can't get it
Through his
Thick lovable skull
I believe in God
Not the Bible
I cannot commit
To being Christian
He can't face the fact
I'm bisexual
But still love him madly
And I know he's afraid
I will not go to heaven with him
I know he fears I'll leave him for
A woman
But I swear he's my one and only
I hope foolishly
He'll move past all this
But a part of me fears
This problem won't go
And he'll leave me because he
Is simply too afraid.
Your walls
Half collapsed
Unsure
To rebuild
Or let them fall.

My walls
I don't know
Do they exist?

Perhaps in my fear
Of your absence
They remain
Because leaving
Is always a worry.

Perhaps in my tears
My walls exist
Afraid that
Physicality
Will rein supreme.

But I have no doubt
Any longer
Of your love for me
You've proven it
And If anything
I can rest
Knowing
Your love
Is as real
As mine for you.
517 · Dec 2015
Sweet Stranger
I've known you
Such a short time
And you already know
The contours of my soul.
517 · Apr 2013
Enemy (#3&4)
I play it off
Because I don't wanna seem
Weak
But you
And your little boy toy
Are horrible people
To trick me
To stick a knife in my
Barely healing wound
That deary can end the little friendship we had
And it did
I try to stay away
I cringe when you and him are near
I hate what he's made you
Hate what you've become
I live my life though
Knowing I told someone
Knowing I finally
Told the truth
And I smile knowing
You'll both burn in hell.
517 · Mar 2013
Sleepy Eyes
To simply
                 F
                   A
                      L
                         L

Asleep

In your arms

Could make

My

Life



Worth

L i v i n g.
517 · Jan 2013
A Toys World
Used up
Again
And again
So I push away
From the only kiss
To make me weak
Because I fear
The love has dissipated
And all that remains
Is carnal lust.
517 · Dec 2012
Playdoh Heart Goodbye
I broke your
Heart today
Smashed it
Hard onto
The cement
And watched
As it broke
Into pieces
My relief
Was grand
And that was it
That was goodbye.

For good this time.
It was a playdoh heart I broke today with my fiancee.
516 · Aug 2011
As children (Grown-up)
As children the nights are filled with dreams filled to capacity,
As children we play with our toys,
As children we fall and scrap our knees,
As children we have no responsibilities,
As children we feel free,
As we grow dreams fade,
Our toys turn into work,
Our scrapped knees become broken hearts
Our lives piled high with responsibilities,
Our freedom is lost,
And that's when we become a grown-up
516 · Apr 2011
I'm afraid
I want to hide because I'm afraid.I'm afraid to get close to someone.I'm afraid they'll leave me.I'm afraid of myself and I'm afraid to think of myself as anything but worthless because if I don't I'm afraid someone's just going to knock me down...
515 · Feb 2012
"Still Burns"
Our time has ended,
my love still burns,
I have to say good-bye,
this is my farewell my love,
for tomorrow I will not be here,
for tomorrow my love will die,
without my love I do not exsist,
so my dearest of loves,
my reason for life,
this is my good-bye.

*Good-bye
I wasn't gonna write this but i kinda had too...?
515 · Oct 2011
This Is What Love Does...
Silence,
Tears dropping,
Heart clenching,
Mind Boggled,
This is what love does,
Rips you to shreds,
Makes you feel worthless,
Love,
The love that I have always known will **** it's once pure intentions,
Around others I put on this smile,
But can't they see how dead I am inside?
Love broke the bright and illuminating girl I was or could have been,
Now I am at constant war with myself,
Love is made up of so many good moments,
But so often does it end in terrible ones.
515 · Jul 2014
Lip Lash
Looking at your smile
I knew
You'd always
Be worth
Fighting for.
514 · Feb 2013
Impatient Love
I hate
The distance
Feels
Like
We're worlds
Apart
And I can't
Find my way home
I miss you
And it hurts
I need you
I worry
When your not
Here to comfort me
I can't wait
To be in your arms again.
514 · May 2012
A Hell Of My Own
I Need Escape
This place has me trapped
Hate evolved
It's beyond containment
These walls are collapsing
And all evil is being set free
I'm itching
To run away
Get out
Never come back
These minor inconviences
Have become unlivable circumstances
I Will Find A Way Out
I Will Escape This Hell.
514 · Dec 2015
Fill me up
My heart is tangled in you
I think I have fallen
I fought it so hard
But it just sinks in
And I hate it

You will never love me
You will never wake up beside me

I will never feel your lips on mine

I am a hallow shell

Waiting for someone to fill me

Fill me with love
I beg of you.
512 · Mar 2013
Fight For Love
Always

Try

To

Make

Me

Wanna

Stay

                       I Can't Do It Alone.
512 · Nov 2013
It's true
I miss it all
The hugs
The kisses
Our dreams
Of living together
Being married
Having a baby
Loving each other
Until the day we die
And the hope of our love
Surviving past that
I miss waking to your eyes
And watching you sleep
I miss cuddling on the couch
While you looked at me with love
I miss your love
I miss your hand in mine
I miss the way you laughed
I miss your scar
I miss having dreams
I miss you
511 · May 2013
Fire Of Love
In your arms again
It was like my world set fire
But this fire did not burn nor demolish
Only illuminate
It brightened life for me
Gave me strife
Gave me a reason to fight
For both of our lives
I vowed I would always love you
And I have yet break that vow
My heart loves you more
Than yesterday
And more than two days ago
My love has grown
And has become a part of this fire
I feel your arms wrapped around me
I find it's much easier to see this way
Because the fire of love burning within our chest
They meet and together we burn as bright and beautiful
As the northern lights.
I don't like it. I forced it and I feel like it needs a last line.
511 · Nov 2013
I Need Your Hug
I'm stuck in this cycle
And no matter how well it ends
The bad comes back
Cascading around me
As though I was never happy
And I fight so hard
To hold on
But I'm toppled over
And everything
It just builds up and
I break
Little by little
And I fear that
All that will be left
Are the shards of me.
510 · Feb 2016
To Her
Her whole life has been a whirlwind of her own battles

To her mother her life is perfect

To her father she is nonexistent

To her brothers she is the forgotten

To her professors she's the failure

To her best friend she's a sweet girl and a fun time

To her cats she is caretaker and lover

But in the end all that matters is that...

To her she is flawed, she struggles, she's lost and confused, she lacks beauty, she is too big but doesn't wanna be small, she is fatherless, she is a **** survivor, hushed secrets, she is over sexualized, she is used, she is all too hopeful, she loves just too much, she is shattered, she struggles to hold on, she still fights the call of the blade, she is all flaws condensed into a single person, and she is starting to burst at the seams.
510 · Apr 2012
Poem,Maybe.
I witnessed death young
Dealt with a non-caring father
I held on tight to those who were friends
I watched them fade away and leave me
I fell in love young
With my best friend
And this love was an infatuation
When he too left me I broke
Scars now almost invisible
Constant urge to renew them
A never ending desire for love
For a permanent stay
For a moment of peace
I wish the darkness away
But with the memories come aching
Reflections on the things I wasn't good enough to keep
Memories of the mistakes
The innocence stolen
The hospital visits
The therapy
The unsaid truths
I see what's wrong
But nothing I do will fix it
I have to survive with these marks
These never ending moments of reflections
The memories of my failures
All the reasons no one will ever stay
The reasons no one could ever love me.
509 · Sep 2011
Walk away
You got to walk away,
Each time wordless,
Each time leaving me confused,
Leaving me so unsure,
And this time,
I got to walk away,
Wordless,
Confusing you why I was there,
Hopefully leaving you unsure,
Hopefully leaving you to realize how perfect
We were and Can be together.
508 · Sep 2011
A Growing Desire
I stare out into the distance,
Hoping it's you I see,
The lust has been growing,
And it's you I need,
Please I beg of you,
Satisfy my wants and desires,
I yearn for the love you give,
Any others would be sub-par,
You,
Looking at you,
I see everything I want,
It's right there,
Looking me in the face,
Teasing me,
But still,
I cannot touch,
I cannot have you,
Though every part of my body aches for you,
I cannot have you even if it aches for you and only you.
508 · Mar 2013
Gone With The Wind
I've caused you
So much pain
Because of me
They laugh
Bother you
Insult us
Tears stream
Down our faces
And the ache
Internalizes
I wonder some times
If your life
Would've been better
Without me in it.
507 · Jun 2013
Summer Away
My heart will ache
Will twist up in pain
For everyday
I cannot hug you
For each kiss I cannot
Plant upon your lips
My heart will yearn
Only to be left
Unsatisfied
To be without you
Yet another miserable moment
For each second
Each moment
That you aren't with me
Know I love you
Know that no matter what I'm yours
Never give up
Because summer will end
And our love will be reignited.
507 · Jan 2012
Loving you to no end.
When you look my way my heart skips an beat,
Talking to you makes my cheeks blush,
I feel the heat,
It's rising and I'm falling,
Still I fear the day you'll leave me bawling,
I trust you but you'll break me,
So all I can do is dream of what we could be.

I want you more than you know
But I fear the day you will go,
I'm just sick of being a tool,
I try my hardest not to come off a foll,
But you see the truth you see reality
Do you see us do you see our unity?

I'm scared you'll break my heart,
But I can't ignore the facts,
I've loved you fromn the start.
507 · Jan 2013
Journey Of My Life
I began
My unruly desire
For love at three
Already lost
And hopeless
Searching for love
Each and every day
Always sensing it
Was close
And at
Eleven I met you
And our journey began
Just as ******* up
As it is beautiful
Because here we are
Four years later
Dreaming of our future
Knowing now
That young love
Does exist
And can survive
I've been looking for love
Since I was three years old
And I found it eight years later
With someone whom I love
And you may doubt it
Our love
Our story
My search
But it's all true
I swear that to you.
In preschool I began my journey.
507 · Sep 2011
Reoccurring thoughts.
I always go back to that thought,
Those pins are in my bag,
"Out of sight,out of mind"
What Lies,
I think about them,
Think about how it hurts to see them rigidly run across my skin,
Occasionally making me bleed,
But the release,
It's the only thing that makes me feel less alone,
Because right now,
I have no one to depend on,
I'm on my own,
Yet not at all,
Still trapped at home,
Still thinking about that past,
Thinking about all the good that leads me to the bad,
and just wanting those pins across my skin,
But just wanting with everything I am to hold on and stay strong,
But I'm scared I don't have it in me.
507 · Aug 2011
A Hated Love Is Still Love.
I love you,
My heart is rejecting it,
I hate this love,
All you've done is lead me on,
Then you pretend we never said anything meaningful,
But Those words are still there,
I saved them,
I will never erase them,
Because it shows me,
Your love was once pure,
Your love once actually existed,
My heart hates what you've done,
For so long
You've pulled it along
Partially Being honest,
Telling me all we were,was friends,
Then hugging me and saying you care,
You fooled me,
Now I see,
You were more confused than me,
But it does not give you the right to ignore me,
Love still exist between us,
I feel it,
I know you do too,
But our hearts,
They've blocked us from allowing the truth in,
And the truth is,
Even after all the crap we've not only been through but put each other through,
We're still in love,
In some way,
We still love one another,
Our hearts might fight it,
But we know it's there.
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