This undesired love,
It lives for you,
Though I've grown to hate it,
I hate how our memories still roam my mind,
Making my heart still ache,
I don't want to want you,
But my heart still whispers your name while I sleep,
Still your face sends a nervous apocalypse running through my body,
But now I see my love for you has made me crazed,
And I might have been over excited,
And now you ignore me,
Ignore our history,
Ignore those sweet words you wrote to me only 2 months ago,
What happened?
You use to call me,
You would tell me you love me,
You use to hug me for minutes at a time,
The only days we kissed,
It rained,
So I'm sorry if my love has been driving you crazy,
I know I come on a little strong,
But even if you never want me like you use to,
Can at least have my best friend back?
Can't I say "Hi"
Please let me back in,
Because I'm falling to pieces all over again.

I wish you saw what I saw.
The lies in your eyes,
They never went away day after day they would stay,
Now I must say good-bye with a sigh,to all of your lies...

Memories vague

A kiss on the cheek

A young girl

With a crush

Could it have been more

Less

You still don't know

English and I

Still do not know Spanish

So there's no need

To hit on me.

My mind is at war with my heart I listen to both sides...Both make valid points but which do I listen to...Their voices are too loud to know who is saying what...
My mind is at war with my heart...I wonder the outcome...I wonder who will be victorious...Maybe no one...Maybe someone...But in the end...something is going to change....Something will be altered and all I can do Is let it happen...

Will you love me
Years from now
When conversation
Runs low
And there's
Just the daily us
Mocking your attention
Will you love me
If our child is grown and gone
And we're once again left
To twiddle our thumbs
Will you love me in old age
When its unlikely we're able to move
Nonetheless make love
Will you love unto your grave
Even if I should pass first
And your left alone for some time
Will you love me
As I swear
To always love you.

I love you still,
Can't you see it,
I know your hearts gone cold,
But my heart is full of warmth,
Let my heart unfreeze yours,
Let me in,
Let me love you,
I want you to love me like you use to,
You didn't tell me until it was too late,
I wish you told me sooner,
So many things would be different,
But One thing is always constantly true,
I'm still in love with you.

I awaken
Somehow already
my thoughts drift to you
and I'm thinking
Of our kisses and our bodies close
My mind
Is erupting with thoughts
I toss and turn
Moaning
Whispering your sweet name
Because all I can think
Is how much I love your touch
and how badly I need it
Everywhere
oh how much I wish our bodies
Could collide.

In case you haven't noticed
You get whatever you want
Those two melons you carry
They get you any guy you want
And you stupidly fall into every trap
But can't you see the games they play
They want your body
They want what I use to give
*** and a good time to forget about later on
But darling when you had my heart
I used think you were brave and strong
You used to have my head and heart spinning
And now you look at me
And smile because you once again have what you want
All I have are the memories of my past longings
And how because I'm me they've gone unfilled
And since your you all your dreams come true.

Happiness baby
Remember that

Laughing
And tickling
Making love
And being adventurous
Always pushing the envelope
And falling even more madly in love
Remember baby
How I'd give my play-doh hearts
And you'd smile knowing it was somehow
Another piece of me
Remember holding my hand
And pushing my fingers down
And me biting on your finger after
And you licking mine
Remember your hugs
Tight without warning
And remember
The way I bit your neck
And you'd kiss mine
And I'd laugh because your stubble
It tickled me
And remember our dreams baby
Finishing school
Working and me going to college
Sharing a little apartment happily
Because we get to fall asleep in each others arms
And remember our marriage
And our dreams of having a child
And raising them
And how you taught me
That if I have your child
Your blood will be in me
Won't you just remember all the things that make
Us happy
Because that's what we were
And I just want that back baby
I love you
Always and forever
And I'd never hurt you intentionally
So please believe me
Believe my tears and just remember
That together we can be happy
Please let us be happy again.

I trust you,You are one of the only people I trust*
Those words,
Sending chills down my spine,
Your lips moving as each word is being emitted,
I always trusted you,
But now I see,
I never should have,
I never should have let you in,
Because after all the time we spent "In Love"
I discover it was all a lie,
You broke the trust,
You broke my illusion,
I finally stopped believing,
And that's when you walked away,
Once again leaving.

If I don't think about it
I can't hurt
If I block it out
I won't be reminded
That I poured my everything into you
And in the end lost it all
I've opened my eyes
Learned to build more walls
Now it's clear
I loved only who you use to be
The boy
Who didn't care what the world thought
Who laughed away the aching
Brought endless smiles
I miss him
That guy I met
He warmed my heart
Rescued me endlessly
He put a stop to so many tears
I'm sad
That he had to go
Because I saw the caring in his eyes
And this new you
He's rude
Hurtful
Also
As of today my heart-breaker
I just hope one day
Someone can bring back the boy I loved
Even if it's not me.

Her whole life all she wanted was love,
That day she met him,
Her wildest dreams came true,
Little did she know that her worst nightmares would soon too,
They had been together a while,
They had a fight like any other couple,
Over something stupid and petty,
he screams at her threatening to hit her
She thinks he's kidding and screams"DO IT I DARE YOU"
smack
In that instance her world came crumbling down,
The smack was like a ripple effect leading to her heart and breaking into millions of pieces,
She should have left him that day,
But he groveled and she gave in,
Eventually forgiving him each time,
But each time it broke her a little more,
Killed a little part of her soul,
She had to become a hermit,
Hiding from her once friends and family,
It went on for so long,
Then one day he lost control,
She ended up in the hospital,
And finally he went to prison for some time,
But she will never be the same,
Never be the same bright and hopeful person,
He broke a part of her she will never get back.

Thank you for making me stronger.
I know it took longer than expected.
But I was so disconnected.
My heart was so protective.
At the time it was very selective.
But your methods were always so affective.
I never understood your objective.
I hope some things never change.
But I have a strange feeling.
I hate dealing with the past.
I just wanted it to last.
But that bridge has been long passed.
I wish things could stay the same.
But what we became is part shame and part tame.the flame in  our heart died soon after start,still it's tearing me apart.
I wanna restart but I am no longer smart.
my heart chart went from 10 to 1.Then I was done but the sun shun in my eyes and The next thing I heard were my cries and I remember all of my tries.How I'd fail.My heart was always frail and coated in a dark veil.My heart felt me wail with each inhale.If only life were a fairy tale.

I began
My unruly desire
For love at three
Already lost
And hopeless
Searching for love
Each and every day
Always sensing it
Was close
And at
Eleven I met you
And our journey began
Just as ******* up
As it is beautiful
Because here we are
Four years later
Dreaming of our future
Knowing now
That young love
Does exist
And can survive
I've been looking for love
Since I was three years old
And I found it eight years later
With someone whom I love
And you may doubt it
Our love
Our story
My search
But it's all true
I swear that to you.

Friends start off simple,
A hello can make all the difference in the world.

A friend listens,
They talk,
They help wipe away any tears or marks of pain,
Friends want to keep you safe,
Want to keep you in their lives.

It is not the friend that changes but the emotions going through them,
And because of that a friend says good-bye,
They ignore your words,
Become distant and no longer whisper secrets in your ears,
The help they supplied is gone and instead of fixing the pain their causing it,
It's then friends become enemies and when nothing is truly fair or right in the world.

I don't want to love you
But my heart doesn't understand

I can't have you
The love we once had is gone

When I look in your eyes I almost feel it but then you turn it off without a second thought

I however cannot turn off my emotions or my love

And I hate myself for the weight of my love

And I hate myself for being jealous over what's probably nothing

You're not mine
I cannot get jealous

I need to find someone who loves me but I just can't seem to find anyone but you that I can love

My heart is stupid
My mind is screaming
But I'll still turn up in your bed
Still dream of another life
One where maybe
All my dreams come true.

Sometimes
I can see it
In your eyes
The way you love me
Sometimes I can feel it
The way you touch my face
Or just kiss me
So lightly yet full of passion
Sometimes our love
Needs no words
Because with us
It's all about what's in our hearts.

Forever is a lie,
Love is A secret,
Death is a gift,
Life is a curse,
and happily ever afters are for fairy tales

I guess
I just haven't
Made it clear yet
I'm completely
Insecure
And absolutely
Hideous in my own eyes
It doesn't change
It never has
It never will
No matter
What you
Or anyone else says
The truth is
I'm just
Not
Happy with
Myself.

Stop using and abusing,
Look around you now
Don't you see it?

Governments rising above
Their massive wealth,
The rate of homelessness increasing
But more than enough empty houses

Can't you see the materialism
That has ****** the world to suffer

Money is key

It makes the world go round

But brings chaos
Hate and war
Enemies within a nation

Drop down the battle swords
Put away the weaponry

Bring forth complete and total equality

No more racism
No more wealth and poor

Just say
" I am here, I am human"

Reach down into your soul and escape

No more nonsense

Break free of your chains and see the world

For what it is and what you want it to be.

Your shirtless today
All day
And
I
Can't
Help
But
Smile
In
Complete
Disbelief.

I always go back to that thought,
Those pins are in my bag,
"Out of sight,out of mind"
What Lies,
I think about them,
Think about how it hurts to see them rigidly run across my skin,
Occasionally making me bleed,
But the release,
It's the only thing that makes me feel less alone,
Because right now,
I have no one to depend on,
I'm on my own,
Yet not at all,
Still trapped at home,
Still thinking about that past,
Thinking about all the good that leads me to the bad,
and just wanting those pins across my skin,
But just wanting with everything I am to hold on and stay strong,
But I'm scared I don't have it in me.

My love for you
Is infinite
I could not
Bare it
If you left
Me
I could
Not bare it
If you left
My heart
Is so
Desperate
For the future we've created.

Loneliness,
So cold,
A wide-spread silence,
It reminds me of Winters first snow fall,
Moments that can be beautiful and peaceful,
But still the silence grows eerie,
And the cold reminds you of warmer places,
The Warmth of being with someone,
That thought alone saddens me,
Because I am alone,
And I will be,
During Winter at first snow fall,
I will be alone,
During Spring when flowers bloom and love lingers,
I will be alone,
During Summer when kids go out and play,
I will be alone,
During Fall when leaves change and fall to the ground,
I will be alone.
I will be alone through the seasons,
And through the years,
I suppose I'm bad company,
Perhaps not friend material,
And perhaps not lovable enough.

I'll never
Want anything
More
Because wanting
Leads to hurting
The healing process
Is me just
Ignoring the
Tug in my chest
The process
Ensures I
Act carelessly
Toward you
Never Look
Into your
Browns eyes
And
Always
Tell myself
I hate you
Even through
The whispers
Of love that
My heart
Sends to
my ears.

I Hate You


*I Love You.

You
Asked me
What I want
For my birthday
And I say nothing
But what I really
Want desperately
Is for you
To propose
I know we
Can't get
Married now
But I want proof
Your dedicated
I want evidence
That you love me
And that you believe
You always will

Your somewhere out there in the abyss even in the darkness I can tell by your kiss...I can't help but reminisce,of our memories so sweet,how quickly you once made my heart beat...With you I was complete...with you there was no deceit...Now without you I'm incomplete...Hidden in my own discreet ways...You left me in a haze...Leaving me alone for more than just mere days...</3

When you look my way my heart skips an beat,
Talking to you makes my cheeks blush,
I feel the heat,
It's rising and I'm falling,
Still I fear the day you'll leave me bawling,
I trust you but you'll break me,
So all I can do is dream of what we could be.

I want you more than you know
But I fear the day you will go,
I'm just sick of being a tool,
I try my hardest not to come off a foll,
But you see the truth you see reality
Do you see us do you see our unity?

I'm scared you'll break my heart,
But I can't ignore the facts,
I've loved you fromn the start.

I have to say good-bye,
I have to let go,
It hurts more and more the longer I hold on,
But the want over powers me,
I am suffocating in a pool of desires,
I can only try to drag myself out,
But I have a hard time letting go,
I need to break this spell,
I need to stop loving you,
My desires have me abandoning ship,
They have me on edge and I'm ready to fall,
I have to say good-bye,
Farewell,
See ya later,
Or not.

Always

Try

To

Make

Me

Wanna

Stay

                       I Can't Do It Alone.

Lay with me dear
Hold me
Not for mere comfort
But to show you love me
Let me sleep in your arms
Let me remember us
The pure sweetness of our shared laughter
I just want you
Let me be close
And try to ignore my tossing and turning
Smile
For it brightens my soul
And with you near
I feel good
I love you
And I hope you never again doubt it
I love you dear
I love you
For you have always held the key to my heart.

Your soul
Has been
Calling out
To mine
Since I first
Could retain
Any memory

My heart
Has been
Calling out
To yours
Since that
Day we
First met.

Our bodies
Have been
Calling out
Since that
Day
When we
Shared
Our first kiss.

I woke from my nap
And I stretched back
And made a weird noise
And I thought
If you were here
You'd find it adorable
While every other man
Would probably
Be taken aback
And look at me
With digust or
Unappealment.

I thought about you
And how you made me feel
So special.

As children the nights are filled with dreams filled to capacity,
As children we play with our toys,
As children we fall and scrap our knees,
As children we have no responsibilities,
As children we feel free,
As we grow dreams fade,
Our toys turn into work,
Our scrapped knees become broken hearts
Our lives piled high with responsibilities,
Our freedom is lost,
And that's when we become a grown-up

I stare out into the distance,
Hoping it's you I see,
The lust has been growing,
And it's you I need,
Please I beg of you,
Satisfy my wants and desires,
I yearn for the love you give,
Any others would be sub-par,
You,
Looking at you,
I see everything I want,
It's right there,
Looking me in the face,
Teasing me,
But still,
I cannot touch,
I cannot have you,
Though every part of my body aches for you,
I cannot have you even if it aches for you and only you.

Used up
Again
And again
So I push away
From the only kiss
To make me weak
Because I fear
The love has dissipated
And all that remains
Is carnal lust.

He claims to love me
But still holds hope
For me to morph
Part of who I am
He can't get it
Through his
Thick lovable skull
I believe in God
Not the Bible
I cannot commit
To being Christian
He can't face the fact
I'm bisexual
But still love him madly
And I know he's afraid
I will not go to heaven with him
I know he fears I'll leave him for
A woman
But I swear he's my one and only
I hope foolishly
He'll move past all this
But a part of me fears
This problem won't go
And he'll leave me because he
Is simply too afraid.

Her whole life has been a whirlwind of her own battles

To her mother her life is perfect

To her father she is nonexistent

To her brothers she is the forgotten

To her professors she's the failure

To her best friend she's a sweet girl and a fun time

To her cats she is caretaker and lover

But in the end all that matters is that...

To her she is flawed, she struggles, she's lost and confused, she lacks beauty, she is too big but doesn't wanna be small, she is fatherless, she is a **** survivor, hushed secrets, she is over sexualized, she is used, she is all too hopeful, she loves just too much, she is shattered, she struggles to hold on, she still fights the call of the blade, she is all flaws condensed into a single person, and she is starting to burst at the seams.