It is the dreams that wake me in the middle of the night.
Then I begin to cry and perhaps you wonder why.
It is due to my dream.
He was there as he always is.
But sometimes What I believe is a dream really turns out to be a nightmare in disguise.
For a while it's like memories being relived in my dreams and I love it.
The memories of how we fell in love,How we laughed,how we hugged,how kissed,
But then I realized if I were to relive the memories in my dreams then he'd be leaving right after he kissed me.
I dreaded ending the kiss.
But it ended  and I woke up alone and I realized I couldn't even live in my Dream world without him.Maybe That is why I awoke.
In tears because I was alone and he was nowhere near me...

I walked away,
A smile spread wide across my face,
Still I was unaware,
That,that day would be the last day I saw your face,
When my heart finally allowed the truth in,
It broke in an instance,
because back then I was loosing the one thing that mattered,
The one thing that I finally had,
I lost,
Again,
My heart drowned itself in tears,
Until it went numb,
It took so long to feel again,
and when I did,
There you were,
Waiting,
To wound me once more.

Thinking about what we were,
Our memories,
Now all a blur,
I wish you meant your sweet lies,
All your "I love you's"
Once my life now the reason for my cries,
Was it really all pretend,
I don't want this to end,
I knew,
Since the moment I met you,
That I'd be madly in love with you,
And I can't believe I have to let go,
This is a love I may never outgrow,
I'm sorry if that makes me insane,
But my heart can't refrain,
I know you think it's plain,
But my heart,
It loved you even when you tore it apart.

You're in my head
You're in my heart

Soon you'll be in my bed

I'm falling
Falling hard and fast
And nothing can catch me

I'm scared to go
And scared to stay

My love is a tsunami
It'll drown you

I'm trying to hold back
Trying to prevent the first waves
From crashing down
On these freshly paved moments

But the water's coming in too fast
There's no draining this flood.

Sometimes
The darkness invades
And the blade
Calls my name
And I
Am so
Tempted
To answer.

Our love is  like the titanic
We built it up
Watched as it grew
To a huge size
And then
We watched
As it broke
And crumbled
And all its innards
Came out
In what is a miserable massacre

They whisper with stares
I answer with my tears
My heart is racing
Hands trembling
I am the fool in the crowd
Yet I'm part of the out crowd only
I'm the ghost girl wisping by
The nobody you see
So messed up
The complete opposite of right
Perhaps the devils daughter
Could aphrodite and hades mate?
They seem to have made me
A darkness so full and complete
A never ending love filled to the brim
She is some new creature
I am
A mistake by the gods
The Queen
The Goddess of Heart break.

Even after all this time
When I feel broken and alone
I tell myself I need you


You started my brokenness
I don't need you

Or maybe I always will.

Do you remember
When you confessed
About the strange woman
Do you remember
How you cried and begged
For my forgiveness
Thats how I feel
Every single day
Guilty shameful
Sorry and regretful
Do you remember that feeling
Like your heart was broken
Because you hurt me
Thats what its like now
I'm broken because
My past can't be erased
And I hurt you
And I feel that shame
That heartache
Everyday
I feel like
My mistakes
Shouldn't hold us back
But its all they do
They bubble to the top
Of your unforgetting mind
And can't be washed away
Or stirred in
For the time we were together
I buried those painful memories
Because I had something new
Something real and wonderful
And now you released the memories
Like they werent three years ago
But just last week
And I stew in my shame
And I wonder
Why it feels like this
Because I was faithful
And yet that fact is so insignificant
Im sorry for my sins
Im sorry that i was lonely
And nothing and wanted
To be wanted
Im sorry I laid there instead of fought
Im sorry they never asked me
If its what I wanted
And just took
But you should know something
I made a promise to God
That I would never again
Lay there and take what I didn't want
That I'd try to be stronger
And I've kept that promise
And I plan to for the rest of my life
I told God I was sorry
And that im not who i use to be
And that I was thankful
Because I changed only when you saved me
And he started answering my prayers again
Because the reason I didnt believe in him
Once upon a time
Wasnt because I doubted him
But because I fear He saw me
And ignored me by not bringing you back
Because at first I prayed for you
And then I stopped
Because I lost faith not in Him but myself
I degraded myself into nothing
And I feared that He couldnt help
Or wouldn't after what I did
So I turned my back
And I've asked for forgiveness
And He gives it every time i breathe
And He gave me forgiveness
And showed me He was there
Because He gave me what I wanted all
Those lonely years
He gave me time with you
And I know that this wont change anything
Because nothing will
You want fairness
Even if it ruins everything
Your willing to feel that shame
Willing to commit that sin
With a soul you dont love
To take revenge
On what God forgave me for
To take revenge on a girl
That has long since been dead
And I understand
I really do
But that doesnt mean
It doesn't **** me inside
Not because what your gonna do
But because what your gonna feel
Your gonna feel that shame that I do
Every time you think about it
Or whenever its brought up
And I just dont want you to be unhappier
Because you thought it could fix things
Because I dont think thats how it'll be fixed
I think WE need to work on it
Remind each other that
We have so much together
Too many memories and dreams to just ****
I think we can fix things
Not with other people
But with each other
And with God.

There we were,
Standing outside,
While raindrops drizzled all around us,
You asked if I wanted to kiss,
And before I knew it,
Your lips were pressed against mine,
Instant Intoxication,
The taste of your mouth on mine,
It had settled months worth of my desires.

I've been waiting,
Waiting for you to walk back into my life,
Even when your so close,
I have yet to see you,
I have yet to see the eyes that I adored,
I continue my waiting until I have you,
Until your staring me in the eyes again,
My waiting will go on forever,
It breaks my heart knowing how we've changed,
But a part of us will always be the same,
I will wait until the end of this life if I must,
And if I cannot see you in life I will meet you in the next one,
I will find you,
And If I cannot then I will keep waiting.

I use to want to be a butterfly so I could fly away but where would I fly to...I would be alone but I am alone now so what is the difference...Being a butterfly give me the ability to explore this cruel world perhaps I'll see some good in people...Maybe being a butterfly would make me realize that I just want to be me...

I never Imagined...Someone loving me besides him...
I never imagined...I'd love anyone besides him...
I never imagined....I could be happy with any other guy...
I never imagined how much my heart would fight.
I never imagined... my heart wanting another guy while loving him...
I never imagined... blushing as this new person explains he loves me...
I never imagined...Letting him go...But maybe it's a sign that it's time...

I wish you saw what I saw.
The lies in your eyes,
They never went away day after day they would stay,
Now I must say good-bye with a sigh,to all of your lies...

You and your **** smirk
Your aloofness
I was in search of a friend
And came across you
An evil
Fake, lying entity
Your eyes
Your look is that of
Satan's spawn
Your too complex
Your not bright
Your not kind
Your heart is colder than the artic
I want you to go
Leave for good
Don't come here now
You've already thrown yourself away
Now leave
No one cares
You wouldn't let them
So now your all alone
And I hate you
For fooling me
I hate that I once thought you were better
Than the absolute monster that you are.

I was empty handed,
And yet my heart full,
They didn't see,
They we're blinded,
To consumed,
To distracted,
They came first,
I came last,
They wore masks,
I just hid,
We were impostors,
But they played,
And they won,
I always lost,
They we're fools,
Their vision
Non-exsistent,
As was I
On days I cried,
They never
Stopped me,
They let me hurt,
Let me injure myself,
And before long
I was just scars,
Proof of how
Little the world cared,
Before I died
They didn't know,
They didn't know me,
Or my pain,
Or my tears,
Or even my scars,
They knew the impostor.

This undesired love,
It lives for you,
Though I've grown to hate it,
I hate how our memories still roam my mind,
Making my heart still ache,
I don't want to want you,
But my heart still whispers your name while I sleep,
Still your face sends a nervous apocalypse running through my body,
But now I see my love for you has made me crazed,
And I might have been over excited,
And now you ignore me,
Ignore our history,
Ignore those sweet words you wrote to me only 2 months ago,
What happened?
You use to call me,
You would tell me you love me,
You use to hug me for minutes at a time,
The only days we kissed,
It rained,
So I'm sorry if my love has been driving you crazy,
I know I come on a little strong,
But even if you never want me like you use to,
Can at least have my best friend back?
Can't I say "Hi"
Please let me back in,
Because I'm falling to pieces all over again.

They say
Don't look back
Forget the past
But it's so deep
Haunting memories
Of wounds
That won't heal
Tears that
We're always shed
Times of weakness
When you should've
Spoken up but
Stayed silent
Telling the world
Of my misery with
A mocking demeanor
For I fear weakness
But with every word
I smile
Act as though I'm proud
I hate it
I'm broken
But I won't let anyone fix it
I'm too untrusting
I've been hurt too much
I will not let it happen
Not Again.

Comfort Is what I find in being with you...
Because being blue with you,is near impossible...
With you if I dare begin to tear...
It is only because I start to fear...
Fear the day when you'll leave me forever...
Whenever that may be I never want it to come...
I know I'll be glum,once more...
I look at you and see what I fell for,
Everything you are I adore...
Now we can never go back to before...
You know,before you tore a part of me...
Now with you I feel complete...
Lying next to you hearing your heart rhythmically beat...
Why must you be so ****** sweet?
You helped me forget the past...
So please let us last...
I never even asked,But you still said you loved me...
So let's see what we could be...
Your my only nominee...
So let's go crazy on a love spree...
Come on it'll just be you and me...
Forever right baby?

I never gave up on you
I refused to give up on us
We created memories
and I loved making them
Even if now I hate remembering them

I never gave up on you
Even when my broken heart knew
You had already given up on me.

My mind is at war with my heart I listen to both sides...Both make valid points but which do I listen to...Their voices are too loud to know who is saying what...
My mind is at war with my heart...I wonder the outcome...I wonder who will be victorious...Maybe no one...Maybe someone...But in the end...something is going to change....Something will be altered and all I can do Is let it happen...

One Crack,
One seem and everything crumbles,
Behind the crack everything has fallen,
Pieces are collapsing,
Soon something sturdy will be dust,
Something that kept you safe will hurt you,
Things fall apart,
Life leaves only the dust,
Reminders of the losses are everywhere,
The world won't let you forget,
You must carry the pain,
And you must let strength find you,
One day after the cracks have crumbled
And the safety has faded
You will find strength

Or it will find you.

Memories vague

A kiss on the cheek

A young girl

With a crush

Could it have been more

Less

You still don't know

English and I

Still do not know Spanish

So there's no need

To hit on me.

I heard somwhere that first loves never die,
But if that is so what were we?
Once upon a time I loved you,
I thought you loved me too,
But you were playing with my heart,
You left me defenseless and alone,
You can't destroy someone,
You can't change a person
and still expect them to be okay with "friends?"

I trust you,You are one of the only people I trust*
Those words,
Sending chills down my spine,
Your lips moving as each word is being emitted,
I always trusted you,
But now I see,
I never should have,
I never should have let you in,
Because after all the time we spent "In Love"
I discover it was all a lie,
You broke the trust,
You broke my illusion,
I finally stopped believing,
And that's when you walked away,
Once again leaving.

How can this be
Your the boy who saved me
Yet now you lie
Say your rejection
Made me cry
But I never even made an offer
Never asked you to be mine
I just fell in love
Only hoped for
Friendship
Even when it
Never came
Yet you spread
*******
Like I'm nothing
You once took
Away tears
And brought me joy
Now your just
A silly boy
To high to
Function
To cruel
To be loved
even
By me.


Sorry.

Each time you tell me
You love me
Its like a symphony
Went off in my chest
When you kiss me
A flame rages through
My body
All I feel is the collision
Our bodies close
But guarded by clothes
Desperate to be close
Trying to merge
Our souls
Mated at birth
And destined
To again join together
One day.

I made mistakes
But you must've too
I know you love me
But my love is so much more
It's the truest of trues
We've made such a history
And we can't forget
We can't let it all go
This is our final try
And we're giving it our all
I want it all to be okay
I want you
For as long as you'll have me
Let's make new memories
And wash away every painful one
Let's be
Just You
And Just Me.

I lie my head
Atop your words
And fall into a sweet sleep
For your words find their way
Into my soul
They barrel their way into my mind
And play over and over
Filling me with sweetness
Your words lull me to sleep
As they bring joy to my dreams.

As they bring you to my dreams.

Stop using and abusing,
Look around you now
Don't you see it?

Governments rising above
Their massive wealth,
The rate of homelessness increasing
But more than enough empty houses

Can't you see the materialism
That has ****** the world to suffer

Money is key

It makes the world go round

But brings chaos
Hate and war
Enemies within a nation

Drop down the battle swords
Put away the weaponry

Bring forth complete and total equality

No more racism
No more wealth and poor

Just say
" I am here, I am human"

Reach down into your soul and escape

No more nonsense

Break free of your chains and see the world

For what it is and what you want it to be.

Thank you for making me stronger.
I know it took longer than expected.
But I was so disconnected.
My heart was so protective.
At the time it was very selective.
But your methods were always so affective.
I never understood your objective.
I hope some things never change.
But I have a strange feeling.
I hate dealing with the past.
I just wanted it to last.
But that bridge has been long passed.
I wish things could stay the same.
But what we became is part shame and part tame.the flame in  our heart died soon after start,still it's tearing me apart.
I wanna restart but I am no longer smart.
my heart chart went from 10 to 1.Then I was done but the sun shun in my eyes and The next thing I heard were my cries and I remember all of my tries.How I'd fail.My heart was always frail and coated in a dark veil.My heart felt me wail with each inhale.If only life were a fairy tale.

Friends start off simple,
A hello can make all the difference in the world.

A friend listens,
They talk,
They help wipe away any tears or marks of pain,
Friends want to keep you safe,
Want to keep you in their lives.

It is not the friend that changes but the emotions going through them,
And because of that a friend says good-bye,
They ignore your words,
Become distant and no longer whisper secrets in your ears,
The help they supplied is gone and instead of fixing the pain their causing it,
It's then friends become enemies and when nothing is truly fair or right in the world.

Loneliness,
So cold,
A wide-spread silence,
It reminds me of Winters first snow fall,
Moments that can be beautiful and peaceful,
But still the silence grows eerie,
And the cold reminds you of warmer places,
The Warmth of being with someone,
That thought alone saddens me,
Because I am alone,
And I will be,
During Winter at first snow fall,
I will be alone,
During Spring when flowers bloom and love lingers,
I will be alone,
During Summer when kids go out and play,
I will be alone,
During Fall when leaves change and fall to the ground,
I will be alone.
I will be alone through the seasons,
And through the years,
I suppose I'm bad company,
Perhaps not friend material,
And perhaps not lovable enough.

I guess
I just haven't
Made it clear yet
I'm completely
Insecure
And absolutely
Hideous in my own eyes
It doesn't change
It never has
It never will
No matter
What you
Or anyone else says
The truth is
I'm just
Not
Happy with
Myself.