With a hug came an explosion of joy,
being in your arms for even seconds,
I could not shake the comfort from your embrace,
I had all I would ever need yet I yearned for more,
Just the gentlest of kisses,
Just the smallest of forbidden touches,
Love will help me pursue my desires,
Love is strong and fights,
My broken heart tries to walk away,
It is weak and sad,
Eventually I will break through,
Eventually I will be with you.

The wind blows and I hear it whisper lightly in my ear...I can't make out the words...But as it blows I imagine a field and I seem to be in the center the wind blowing sweet memories into my mind,It's so siren yet I feel the danger for the bad memories approach...And still I listen as the good memories turn bad...

You cherished your zombie games,
you loved grabbing your virtual shotgun,
now let me take a turn at your game,
let me take that gun,
I will aim it at your heart
I will shoot,
my broken heart will be avenged,
one bullet seems fair,
then be my zombie
so I can shoot away the pain you caused.


I May Never Stop Shooting.

It's not that
I have nothing
Flowing through my mind
It is simply that
I have too many thoughts
Ideas and images
And I currently seem
Incapable of sorting them out
Into anything worth
Expressing poetically
It's hard to write
When conflicted
And bombarded
By endless emotions
That are always changing
With new information
There is plenty I can say
I simply fear
The emotions and words
Will be to jumbled to
Enjoy
Or to successfully
Express how I'm feeling.

My heart
Is like a
Large dog
Trapped
In A small
Cage
It barks
It cries
Pleas
For
Freedom
A new
Owner
But
No one
Rescues it
Just leaves it
Lets it rot
And die
It gave up
And let go
Because hoping
And holding on
Was too hard.

The world,This world,is cruel,unkind and unjust.
All I hear is their laughter,the mocking,so old now.
I've heard it my whole life.
They seem to forget they are  not perfect either.
I realize my own hideousness.
They don't see theirs,so they laugh but they don't know.
The Pain.
I know I appear hideous.
I know I am not worthy of your attention.
But please before you judge me.
Judge yourself.

How can you be the boy I fell for?
You've grown angrier,
You've grown grizzly and cruel,
Your heart seems to be buried deep,
Your smile has become non-exsistent,
Your laughter has become complete silence,
You don't even glance my way,
Sorrow fills me when I go over how you've changed,
You were once a kind,caring and gentle boy,
Once you were heartfelt and your smile was worn playfully and proudly,
Your laughter once filled the air to no end,
You once stared for minutes at a time,
It's hard to believe it's still you,
But still I can tell by the gleam in your eyes,
Your dark brown hair similar to my own,
Your lips silently waiting,
I can tell it's still you,
But only because my heart still cares enough to realize it,
No matter how you change
Old feelings may always stay the same.

Do you remember
When you confessed
About the strange woman
Do you remember
How you cried and begged
For my forgiveness
Thats how I feel
Every single day
Guilty shameful
Sorry and regretful
Do you remember that feeling
Like your heart was broken
Because you hurt me
Thats what its like now
I'm broken because
My past can't be erased
And I hurt you
And I feel that shame
That heartache
Everyday
I feel like
My mistakes
Shouldn't hold us back
But its all they do
They bubble to the top
Of your unforgetting mind
And can't be washed away
Or stirred in
For the time we were together
I buried those painful memories
Because I had something new
Something real and wonderful
And now you released the memories
Like they werent three years ago
But just last week
And I stew in my shame
And I wonder
Why it feels like this
Because I was faithful
And yet that fact is so insignificant
Im sorry for my sins
Im sorry that i was lonely
And nothing and wanted
To be wanted
Im sorry I laid there instead of fought
Im sorry they never asked me
If its what I wanted
And just took
But you should know something
I made a promise to God
That I would never again
Lay there and take what I didn't want
That I'd try to be stronger
And I've kept that promise
And I plan to for the rest of my life
I told God I was sorry
And that im not who i use to be
And that I was thankful
Because I changed only when you saved me
And he started answering my prayers again
Because the reason I didnt believe in him
Once upon a time
Wasnt because I doubted him
But because I fear He saw me
And ignored me by not bringing you back
Because at first I prayed for you
And then I stopped
Because I lost faith not in Him but myself
I degraded myself into nothing
And I feared that He couldnt help
Or wouldn't after what I did
So I turned my back
And I've asked for forgiveness
And He gives it every time i breathe
And He gave me forgiveness
And showed me He was there
Because He gave me what I wanted all
Those lonely years
He gave me time with you
And I know that this wont change anything
Because nothing will
You want fairness
Even if it ruins everything
Your willing to feel that shame
Willing to commit that sin
With a soul you dont love
To take revenge
On what God forgave me for
To take revenge on a girl
That has long since been dead
And I understand
I really do
But that doesnt mean
It doesn't **** me inside
Not because what your gonna do
But because what your gonna feel
Your gonna feel that shame that I do
Every time you think about it
Or whenever its brought up
And I just dont want you to be unhappier
Because you thought it could fix things
Because I dont think thats how it'll be fixed
I think WE need to work on it
Remind each other that
We have so much together
Too many memories and dreams to just ****
I think we can fix things
Not with other people
But with each other
And with God.

I heard somwhere that first loves never die,
But if that is so what were we?
Once upon a time I loved you,
I thought you loved me too,
But you were playing with my heart,
You left me defenseless and alone,
You can't destroy someone,
You can't change a person
and still expect them to be okay with "friends?"

My heart has no spare,
But no longer do you care,
I still remember the way you'd stare,
Your glare,
Bright like the sun,
You were just trying to make me feel like number one,
But our love is done,
Now your heart begins to ignore
All that we stood for,
After all your lies,
After all my cries,
We're out of tries,
I guess we're not meant to be,
Now we're only you and me,
No longer a we,
No longer sharing history,
And it seems no matter how hard I dream,
No matter my schemes,
You and I weren't meant to be.

Please
Let me go
The chains
You've placed
Are heavy
And I'm tired

Please
Leave me be
No more
Please no more
I'll let the
Chains stay
If you just go
My past
My pain

Leave me alone
I don't need you
I don't want you
Please go
Your no longer safe
And all I'm searching for is safety

So leave me be
You aren't being fair to me.

You're the story my heart
Never wants to end.

Somehow we've ended up
As friends again

But friends can't be lovers too

But I see the way you look at me

And it feels like something

I've been wrong before

Is it my love blinding me
Or could our spark still exist?

You hold me so close
I laugh

Wiggle away
And rub your back
The way you love
And it feels right
Why do I always feel so
Complete with you.

I think of you
Your smiling face
And the feelings
That inhabited me
In your presence
It was as though
You re-lit a candle in me
That burned out years before
It warmed me
And lit me up
I never wanted it to end
But when I thought it did
I realized it was a trick candle
And thoughts of you
Kept it lit
My fire won't burn out
Because no matter how hard you blow
The fire remains.

You gave me this infection,this heart breaking recollection,you were my only selection...

Just hold me tight and pretend everything will be alright...


Tell me your sweet lies just promise me no more good-byes...

I tried but I just cried and it felt as if my heart died...

My heart once felt like gold now it's cold...

I cried when my heart died and I no longer tried...

I scream and shout and you continue to doubt....

I want to cry,I can't try so I think I'll die...

She covered herself
In white silk
It irritated her skin
But made her beautiful

Someone had to see
Everyone has to see
She danced in the wind
Silk flowing all around

She smiled and laughed
The people watched
Like she was a show
Little did they know
The silk that made her
So **** beautiful
Was slowly killing her.

One Crack,
One seem and everything crumbles,
Behind the crack everything has fallen,
Pieces are collapsing,
Soon something sturdy will be dust,
Something that kept you safe will hurt you,
Things fall apart,
Life leaves only the dust,
Reminders of the losses are everywhere,
The world won't let you forget,
You must carry the pain,
And you must let strength find you,
One day after the cracks have crumbled
And the safety has faded
You will find strength

Or it will find you.

I never gave up on you
I refused to give up on us
We created memories
and I loved making them
Even if now I hate remembering them

I never gave up on you
Even when my broken heart knew
You had already given up on me.

I think
Last night
I dreamed
Of the dark
Corner of my mind
No light was there
And I snuck in
With some unknown
And never before seen
Imaginary guy
And after paying off
The random thugs
With a crumpled five
He and I reversed into a corner
Knowing the things that'll go on
Knowing **** well
What a man and woman do together
In a dark abandoned space
And just before I woke
Just before I witnessed their sin
I hear the maniacal laughter
Of the evil part of me
Invading even my dreams.

Millions of words
Cannot express it
My words
The sweet
And passionate ones
They are nothing
Compared
To the feeling
In my chest
When you tell me
You love me
Nothing
Can ever truly
Express my happiness
With you
Oh my love
Each time you
And I talk
About our life
Together
I know we
Really were made
For each other.

Her life had been built
Purely to love
To love with everything she is

But her greatest fault
Was that no one
Could ever love her back

So she took the smiles
The friendship
The closeness

Always knowing
No man
Would hold her

Love her

Give her what she has given him
Courage to be themseleves
The ability to feel special

She cannot be loved
But that cannot stop her
From loving.

There's
A good chance
That tonight
As I take
A shower
I'll be thinking
Of you
My love.

If only words came easy when I'm sitting beside you.
Then maybe I'd be less blue.
Let's review our past.
Come on let's guess how long we'll last.
Maybe not forever,
But whenever that day comes I'll know we've come to an end.
So don't bother to pretend.
So now if I begin to tear know it's because I start to fear,
I fear that,that day is near.
Because to me it's so clear.
We are just a mere part of each others history,the rest of our life is still a mystery.
Yet to be discovered,One day it'll all be uncovered.
But Until then Know That I love you now,
No matter what you allow.
Through and through I'll always remember you.
You saved me from my haunted past,
I never even asked you to,But that's simply what you do.
You rescued me from the dark abyss and gave me an amazing kiss.
One that I'm sure to miss and that will make me reminisce.
But all bliss must die.
And if I begin to cry don't bother to lie,It's a pointless try.
Leave me be if you never wish to see me.
Just look at the pain I foresee,how can it be?
You seem so right for me,But I know I'll eventually have to let you go...

I'm so scared,scared I truly love you.
I never fought so hard for someone.
I want you forever and always.
I'm scared of being hurt.
The last time I fell in love he destroyed me.
This is different though I just want you.
You healed what everyone else broke.
I didn't realize it but you fixed my broken heart.
I never even asked you just got up and put the piece back together again.

I can't
Sleep
Tonight
So I
Wish
You were
Here
Because
You never
Seem to
Sleep
And it'd
Be nice
To try
To sleep
With you.

I just
WISH
For once
Things could
Solve themselves
But life isn't that easy
No matter how we wish.

I use to want to be a butterfly so I could fly away but where would I fly to...I would be alone but I am alone now so what is the difference...Being a butterfly give me the ability to explore this cruel world perhaps I'll see some good in people...Maybe being a butterfly would make me realize that I just want to be me...

I was empty handed,
And yet my heart full,
They didn't see,
They we're blinded,
To consumed,
To distracted,
They came first,
I came last,
They wore masks,
I just hid,
We were impostors,
But they played,
And they won,
I always lost,
They we're fools,
Their vision
Non-exsistent,
As was I
On days I cried,
They never
Stopped me,
They let me hurt,
Let me injure myself,
And before long
I was just scars,
Proof of how
Little the world cared,
Before I died
They didn't know,
They didn't know me,
Or my pain,
Or my tears,
Or even my scars,
They knew the impostor.

You broke me
I came begging for you back

You broke me
I came begging for you back

Over and over again
The cycle never ending

We had a solid year
Without shattering

So that final blow
When you packed your stuff
And broke my heart

Ended it all
All the years I spent on my knees
Begging for you to love me

It stopped
I had fallen out of love

Stopped believing you were my soul mate
Because the metal rope
That bound you to me
Had finally been severed

I gathered my broken bits
And told myself

I don't need a man
Who cheats because he doesn't trust me
I don't need a man who gave up on kisses
Gave up on making love
Gave up on respecting my choices

And maybe starting over is hard
And maybe I won't find another man

Who looks at me the same way you use to
Or that kisses me like you use to
Or that even calls me beautiful the way you use to do

Maybe I'll be alone

But that's better than being with a man
Who can't truly love me
Than being with a man who chooses to leave
Chooses to break me

Maybe I won't always be happy

But I'll be strong
I am a woman
And I will be strong.

Comfort Is what I find in being with you...
Because being blue with you,is near impossible...
With you if I dare begin to tear...
It is only because I start to fear...
Fear the day when you'll leave me forever...
Whenever that may be I never want it to come...
I know I'll be glum,once more...
I look at you and see what I fell for,
Everything you are I adore...
Now we can never go back to before...
You know,before you tore a part of me...
Now with you I feel complete...
Lying next to you hearing your heart rhythmically beat...
Why must you be so ****** sweet?
You helped me forget the past...
So please let us last...
I never even asked,But you still said you loved me...
So let's see what we could be...
Your my only nominee...
So let's go crazy on a love spree...
Come on it'll just be you and me...
Forever right baby?

I guess I should continue with my lies,
I've been lying to you so long,
but this time I know the truth,
I tell you I stopped loving you,
LIE,
I tell you I'm fine,
LIE,
Can't you see it,
Look into my eyes,
Don't you see my make-up smeared from my cries,
Can't you see all my lies,

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm not perfect

I'm sorry I argue

I'm sorry I say the wrong things


*But I love you

Tears pouring from her red eyes,
Her heart beaten to a pulp,
No part of her is whole,
Emptiness consumes her every breath,
Love changed her,
Hopes turned evil,
No longer alive inside,
She slips under,
Her numbness keeps her hidden,
She is unlovable,
She is no one,
She Is Me.

The water
Over flowing the shore
Crashing over
Destroying
The castle
We made
And no matter
How strong
We made it
Or how long
It took to make it
It crumbles
And our home
Our stability is gone
And like the shore
We will retreat
Losing each other
The ocean
Has become sabtoge.

Every New Years Eve
Since that first one
Where I admitted
To myself that I loved you
Has been invaded
By my own misery
My own tears
For you always were away
Never mine
And though you are now
Your there in your prison
And here I stay in my jail cell
Locked away
Still aching for you
At least this year
My resolution doesn't
Have to be to stop loving you
But to keep loving you
Well...
As long as you love me
This New Years Eve
I'll be sulking
But only because
The memories always invade
And at midnight if I am awake
I'll be wishing for your kiss
Because I've never been kissed on New Years.

Sweet sweet hummingbird

Who suckles sweet nectar

Please stop pecking at my head.

My therapist once told me
Take deep breaths,
It sends more oxygen to the brain
And releases more chemicals to make you feel better.

I always tried to follow the advice but
Breath after breath never solved a thing
It was when I held in the oxygen and
Closed my eyes I felt better.

He's seen me cry,He's seen me cut
He's seen me at my worst and stuck around to see me at my best
because he's my love,my best friend,and the only reason I'm alive...

We blended together so perfectly.I thought we were invincible,I felt so strong with you.My heart finally started to heal.Each day with you made it easier to forget the past.But now I can only regret it's over.I didn't even put up a fight though I wish I did.That is my regret.That is my only regret I simply cannot forget.

I feel like
A kid
Who just got
Everything they
Wanted for
Christmas
I feel like
A child who lost
A tooth
And awoke to find
A simple dollar under its pillow
I didn't loose anything though
I gained
Achieved
Attained
I have
You
For
Well
For forever

For her it was agony,
For him it was sweet and blissful,
He lied so well,
She never assumed him as and evil master-mine,
But oh,
He planned,
He played her so well,
He knew she always loved him,
And he made sure he kept her on a leash,
He would lie,
Tell her he loved her,
Tell her she was his world,
And soon enough it was her world that came crumbling down,
He began to deny her,
Deny he ever loved her,
Deny what they were,
He said their first kiss meant nothing,
He said anything they ever had was nothing,
He ignored her and their memories,
And in the process,
Destroyed the one girl who loved him,
the one girl that actually gave a ****.