My mother said
It's not a real proposal
Unless he gets down on one knee
I rolled my eyes
And thought
**All that matters
Is that the look in his eyes
When he asks
And seeing
It's not fear but hope
And believing
You see joy instead of sorrow
Trying to look past his eyes
And looking into that beautiful soul
And if your lucky
Seeing how much he loves you.

Our eyes meet
And yours
Pierce my heart
And for one moment
I lack air
My heart stops
And I'm lost
Somewhere
Deep in those brown eyes
I need your help
To find a way out
And then
When before I ask
For the escape route
You break the look
And leave me
Both breathless
And with
An increase heart rate
This heart
Also knows now
That I love you
Brown eyed boy
I can sleep now
Knowing you
And your
Sparkling eyes
Exist.

I was three
When I first felt the pull
And I know it seems impossible
But I know my heart
And it gave this tug
Telling me this was the beginning
Of my search

I was seven
When it pulled again
Telling me I hadn't
Looked long enough

I was nine
When I figured out
That friendship
Led to crushes and the tug
Told me it could lead
To more
So I couldn't give up
Not yet
I continued my search

At ten
The tug snapped
My mind out of a crush
And back into reality

Then at 11
The feeling that tug
In my chest
Faded and instead
I felt flipping there
Brown eyes pierced my soul
And my chest flipped wildly

At 12
My brown eyed boy left
And the tugging started again
Reminding me of him
Everyday
And how his eyes
Made my heart flip

At 15
I was reunited
With my brown eyed boy

Finally at 16
We've settled
And every time
I look at that boy
Who is now a man
His eyes still seeing
Every bit of the real me
I smile
Knowing my search is finally
Over.

I'm wearing a skirt on purpose
I lift my legs to rest on a pole
So that it rides up
And you touch me
You do that so well
The switch was turned on
And for me there is no off
Only completion
You rub me
Your turned on too
I can tell
My hand slips back and grazes
The graze becomes a rub
And before we know it we are bare
Our souls shown in the vulnerablity of this nudeness
Our bodies collide
I'm louder than I have been
The pounding is what I needed after all the riding I've done
I just can't help but moan
You say you love me
I love you too
I try to scratch because you like it
And I can't help myself
Eventually
We're done
And I feel closer to my soul mate than ever.

Still your
Kiss feels like
No others
It makes
My whole
Body warm
I melt into you
My body
Trembles
As your lips
Are pressed against
Mine
My body
Whispers
"I want more,
Give me more"
I submiss
Getting deeper
Into the motions
And farther
And farther
Away from
The real
World that's
Still going
On around us.

Someone asked me "So what happens when you know everything about him and get bored?"And I told them **"It's not going to happen, I've known him 5 years and not only am I learning new things still but being re-told old things and I love it, with him there's no getting bored."

You see the way I look
At someone else
But you can't see
The way I look at you
The hunger that's rising
The urges that I can't control
My desire
To just press your lips
Right against mine
To hold you and not let go
I would risk it all
To keep you
Have you whisper "I'm yours"
I wanna lie in bed
Curled up next to you
And tell you
How amazing you truly are
And no matter what anyone says
You don't need to change
Not for me darling
And not for anyone else.

Like some kind of metamorphosis,
You changed so rapidly,
Once you were quiet,
Yet so abrupt,
Then you didn't care what the world thought,
Once you laughed with me,
Once you chuckled lightly with a smile spread wide,
Once you'd hug me,
Even kiss me,
But once this metamorphosis hit,
You've become cold and unwelcoming,
So restrained,
You listen to their lies about me,
You let the world decide for you,
Now the laughter,the chuckles and giggles,They are gone,
The smiles have faded,
No hugs or kisses,
Barely a glance,
Only receiving ignorance,
Now,Because of this change,
This One evil metamorphosis,
We are like are like strangers in the street,
All we have are the memories,
The ones you say meant nothing,
The only proof we know one another,
Is the look on your face when you see me,
Near disgust,
You put up your hood and run the moment you spot me,
Those moments hurt,
But it is proof you knew me,
But that was all before your metamorphosis,
That was when our memories meant everything,
Now they mean nothing,
At least to the one who changed....

I will fight for you,
For me you are worth all the stars in the sky plus some,
Your smile reminds me of the sun,
Because for me it lights up not just the room but the day.

I would be lying if I said it was easy,
You are not mine unless you believe in dreams,
But I'd do anything to be in your arms,
Just to feel your warmth next to me.

I won't give up because my heart wills me to love you,
Your laughter fills me with joy,
I want nothing more than your love,
You keep me far but I want to be close,
Just know that I'll never stop fighting.

There Is Failure all around us.

      Failure to hope.

Failure to dream.

      Failure to believe.

There is failure in education.

       Failure in love.

And there is failing with yourself.

The demon in me
It feeds on
******* rituals
*******
****** day-dreams
It searches
For prey
Finds
Sappy men
Who can't aquire
Someone their age
The demon pounces and recieves
It flaunts it's
Power
It's pride in the
Wrongness
And when
The real me
Returns
She is
A little
Less alive
And a little
More evil.

For many years
You have been
A part of my life
Inhabited it
In some way or another
But you
Have always been
Deep within me
My soul
My spirit always
Reaching for yours
And once I looked into your eyes
I knew no other
Would ever
Could ever
Steal my heart like you did
In that very moment we met.

You make me smile so easily
almost as easy as the breeze on a fall day,
Effortless,
Knowing it's the least you can expect.

You let me write doodles on you,
Words that usually hurt,
Words about my former heartbreak,
But with you it doesn't hurt.

You call me your friend,
And I try and explain I can't be your friend
I'll like you,
Oops,
Too late for that.

Every time you laugh I see your dimples,
Indented so deep into your face,
I love them,
They draw the perfect amount of attention to your face,
Those gorgeous dimples help me see your lush lips,
Perhaps they'd like to meet mine one day.

Your one of the few people that aren't afraid to be seen with me,
To be seen talking and laughing with me,
Apparently to some I'm shameful,
But you just continue on making jokes,
Making me laugh.

Each moment I spend with you
I like you a little more,
Liking you has grown easy,
Your the kind of person that can make me happy,
I think your the only one that can make this loneliness fade,
So you should do me a favor and just stay,
Stay and keep the loneliness away.

I think Hades has erupted from the depths of Hell and is controlling everyone around me everyone is turning on me the only cause I can see is the devil himself.The famous Hades himself must have a hatred for me that runs deep in his veins.Why he hates me I will never know but I know he is truly evil.

I love black and white photos
And I think it's because
They seems to catch the moment
So perfectly that you don't need color

All you need is a smiling face
A shimmer in someone's eyes
A laughing face
As though you can still hear it
All you need is one perfect snap
To have a perfect picture

I like black and white pictures
Because whenever I imagine
A simple black and white photo
I think of you
And your smile
I think of me in your arms
Leaning back to kiss you
I think of an abandoned path
One I once journeyed on

I love black and white photos.

Words
They're all I know
They've kept me from
Suicide
Kept me from
Emotionally exploding
They helped me
Understand me

I feel sorry for the illiterate people
Because our capability
To write
Helps make us human
To see our flaws
And correct them
To tell our story
Our fantasies
Our dreams and
Our imagination is
Clearly expressed through words
Spoken and written

I love words
Love the big ones
And the small
I love compund words
Or words with prefixes and suffixes
I love words
Because I feel as though
They will never leave me
They are here until my sanity is gone,if ever
And I can smile each day knowing
That even if life isn't going great
There is a story
About a girl
Who's life is finally starting to get better.

You repeat
Yourself
"Your the only one I've given a second chance to"
I know
I know all my sins
All my mistakes
Because for months
I crawled into my bed
Crying
Trying to forget
But know here and now
I've given you another chance as well
And this is far more than your
Second
Please babe
You've hurt me before
If it happens again
I simply cannot turn back to you
No more hypocrisy
Just love me
Just let me love you
**** the **** past
It ******* us both over
The past got us so ******* up
It's hard for us to appreciate what we have
And all we can have
Please try
Try to forget
Forget with me.

Just as we become so strong,
I feel it fading away,
I feel the laughter fading,
The jokes and smiles lessen each day,
I feel the hug fading,
They've become so emotionless compared to before,
I feel our kisses fading,
The passion has it all faded too?
I feel your love for me dying,
But is my love fading as well?
I can't seem to understand,
This feeling is so strong,
Every time we are "we"
The love fades away,
But every time it's just you and I,
The love is so strong,
How could our love be fading?
Will it return from the darkness?
I need this love,
I need you,
Please stop the fading
If there is anything you can do...

If life were a fairy tale you'd be my prince charming and I'd be your damsel in distress.
If life were a fairy tale you'd rescue me and we'd fall madly in love.
If life were a fairy tale there would be birds singing and animals cleaning.
If life were a fairy tale our wedding would accustom a whole village.
If life were a fairy tale my heart would never be broken.
If life were a fairy tale our love would never die.
If life were a fairy tale we'd have a happily ever after.
But...your not prince charming,you have not fallen madly in love with me birds do not sing and animals do not clean,we won't have a wedding or invite the village,my heart will be broken,our love can't die because it never began and we won't have a happily ever after.....

We live a life of secrecy,
It is not our choice,
Society makes us outcasts,
Some do not accept us,
Others judge us,
We are true to ourselves,
We were born this way,
We are gay,
Lesbians,
Bisexuals,
Transgender,
*******,
We are drag queens,
We are weird,
Different,
Original,
We are true,
No one can change that,
Whether they judge,
Scream.
Yell,complain,
Or refuse us,
We will stand tall,
And we will be strong.

I wish you
Were here
To cuddle
Close to
So I can
Smile
As I
Look
Into your
Amazing eyes.

I hate honesty
And I hate that no one likes my poems
And I hate that no one will understand this
But writing for me is like setting my heart free

I hate being away from him
Because at night after a long miserable day
I need him close
I just went on vacation
But it was only fun in between
The yelling
And swelling
And the pain
And today I imagined my arms
Cut up
And I hate those thoughts
And I hate feeling weak
I don't wanna watch this kid anymore
He's not mine
I don't wanna hurt
I wanna be with him
Whenever I want
And I want them to stop doubting us
I wanna feel free
To work toward my goals without
These things weighing me to the ground
I want him and school and my dreams
I want to work and be normal
At least a little
I want to breathe and not feel like a monster
I don't wanna be fat
But I don't wanna eat meat and eggs and salads
I want fruit and yogurt and nuts
And I want to smile
I want to smile
With hope all these things will come true
When in reality I'd settle for one
Just one.

We need to talk

But I need answers

That I don't want to hear

Her soul is tainted in a dark mystifying mist.
While her body is lightened and beautified by a warm cooling mist

You look at me
When no one else sees
But when your
"Friends"
Are around
You make
Those annoying
***** noises
Like nothing exsisted
Like we never
Smiled
Or laughed together
Like we didn't flirt
Or have something
Your ashamed
Everything got ******* up
And that's okay
Because I know you
Almost asked me out once
I know
You use to want me
It's okay
I found someone
Not ashamed.

I don't know quite what to say
But I'll start with the basics.

I love you
And I want to be forever yours

I love thinking about us
Our future

I love imagining the smile on the face
Of our future child

I miss you at night
When I'm all alone in bed

And I dream of a day
Where I can kiss you good-night

When I first lost you
I wanted the ability to fly

So I could scour the Earth for you
But now I don't wanna fly

But sometimes I want telepathy
So I can read your mind

And well I love you
And I love what you think

Especially when you look at me
With that shimmer in your eye.

And darling
I love you

For everything that you are
Everything that your not
And all the wonderfulness you make me feel.

I bury the memories
Tell myself
The love faded long ago
Fight the shaking
Deny the flutter in my chest
And make sure
To Ignore the thoughts
But memories
Break through the cracks
My hands still tremble
My heart still skips a beat
And the thoughts emerge again
And I'm left
With a false hope
To go back and
Fix the things that went wrong
My shattered heart
Thinks it wants you
But I can't do it
This game is over
Even if we're not
Done playing
I can't forget
But I need
A replacement
For you.

All the
jerks
And users
Who know
They have
no true
Emotions
for me
Are jealous
If you
Of how
You had
me trapped
So in love
It was all I could see
Their jealous
because each time
I refer to you
Feel my body shift
They know
You'll always
mean something
even if your
Not everything
They're just
Jealous.

I slept
Horribly

Ironically
The two nights

I couldn't
Hear your voice

My tossing
My turning

Keeps me up
Because my soul

Feels alone
Without you

And not even
I can sleep

Not even me
Who sleeps endlessly

Can sleep even a night
Without hearing your
Sweet words
And whispered nothings.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry my waist is wide,
I'm sorry My hair is naturally curly and messy,
I'm sorry That my eyes are brown as mud,
I'm sorry I don't like the same styles as everyone else,
I'm sorry that my favorite Color is black,not pink,
I'm sorry I am taller than most my age,
I'm sorry my cheeks are chubby and rosy,
I'm sorry my laugh isn't as beautiful as some,
I'm sorry my smile doesn't spread like an infectious disease,going from person to person,
I'm sorry I'm not perfect and I could never be,
If you can't accept that please walk away before you scar what's left of my dignity.

I need a hug
And not just any hug

One of those tight
Concerned hugs
That say
It will be okay

One of those hugs
That make you feel
Like you can let all the tears
Just fall.

The last few days
Have been strange
I haven't been eating
My emotions
And I always have

I am NOT
A thin girl
Nor medium sized
And I can't help that
But this is odd

Nausea replacing my
Urge to eat away
The stress or sorrow
A rumbling in my stomach
Screaming
Please no food

I'm a eater
My mother and father too
So why have I not been hungry

I've been thinking about
Dieting soon
Could this be my
Subconscious saying
You don't have to
I'll take care of that for you

I'm mystified
Usually I drink endlessly
Always thirsty
And always drinking more
Than anyone else
And yet I felt less thrist
In these last days
Completely ignored the full cup
Even when my mouth was dry
A sip would satisfy

Somethings wrong
But I'm not gonna ask
It's okay not to eat
At least not like I use to

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise
I just hope everything turns out okay.