I spent my whole life
Being kicked by the people I love
So when looking for someone new
I always settle
Not because I want to
But because I don't deserve to be with someone perfect
Because they do not belong in my chaos
Because I need love there and then
Even if it is utterly flawed
I spent my whole life
Being deemed imperfect
From my family
My friends
Even my violators
I was never good enough
Do not love me
Do not caress me
Do not tell me I am perfect in spite of my flaws
Do not get that close
I will fall in love
I will be broken again
Girls like me
Don't get perfection
I get what I get
No complaints
Appreciate what I have
Because in a instant
I will have nothing and no one again.

You are the black leather jacket left behind

Like the jacket
I have known you nearly 8 years
It has a rough surface
To protect itself from damage
But inside it's cushioned a bit
The color itself reminds me of your hair
And it's zipper represents the secrets you always kept
You left that jacket
Just like you left me

How could you let go of something
After holding onto it for 8 years

How could you not even care?

Her whole life has been a whirlwind of her own battles

To her mother her life is perfect

To her father she is nonexistent

To her brothers she is the forgotten

To her professors she's the failure

To her best friend she's a sweet girl and a fun time

To her cats she is caretaker and lover

But in the end all that matters is that...

To her she is flawed, she struggles, she's lost and confused, she lacks beauty, she is too big but doesn't wanna be small, she is fatherless, she is a **** survivor, hushed secrets, she is over sexualized, she is used, she is all too hopeful, she loves just too much, she is shattered, she struggles to hold on, she still fights the call of the blade, she is all flaws condensed into a single person, and she is starting to burst at the seams.

My ribs are cracking
Stabbing into me
As all the pain oozes out

My body is failing me
My soul is faltering
I am dying

I am in a war with myself
That those around me
Are too blinded to see

I will not be rescued this time

The question at hand is

Will I be strong enough to rescue myself?

My tears are so hot
They nearly burn my cheeks
As they roll down

I'm burying my face in a blanket
Wishing it was your chest

My soul is aching
I feel yours too

We are entwined

There seems no way
To break this bond.

Do you still hear my echo at night
The beating of my heart

Do you still feel me in bed
When I haven't been there

Do you feel my shadow lurking
Watching you heave your emptiness

Do you feel it
Placing a hand on your shoulder

Hoping one day you'll come to your senses

Can you feel me all around you
Swallowing me in the air you breathe.

He always tried to save me
Called himself my protector
He tried to purify me

It took me a long time
To realize he tried to fix me
Because he couldn't deal
With fixing himself

He could not be his own protector
He could not save himself
And for that he blamed me
For that he carved his name
Inside of my chest.

The cool chill
Of a dark depression
Blows into me
Fills me with sadness

I dream every night
Of you
I am haunted
By my loneliness

I wake up everyday
With a heart
Shattered from
My very own failures

The depression freezes me
Won't you come defrost me

Just a little?

You know what I find ironic?
The way you always left me
Dumped me
And still wanted me to be there
And when I did it once
Compared to your dozens
You abandoned me

I find it ironic that you didn't want
To be like your father
Who left you
Who hurt you
But you became him

And that's why you were always angry

You couldn't forgive me
Because you hadn't forgiven yourself

I find it ironic that you said you loved me
As you left me

That you made promises
And broke them all
Always fearing I'd break mine

I find you ironic

Your scar
Your eyes
Your very essence

I had loved you so completely
And love had blinded me to the flaws

Love blinded me from the irony

You must not have loved me
Because you poked and prodded
Every single one

Still I miss the irony
I miss your confusion

I miss your arms
Your scars
You

I see now

And I still don't care

I still forgive you

And yes

I do love you.

You left me
You stopped fighting
You don't get to judge me
You don't get to call me names
You lied and cheated
You broke my heart
You guilted me
You broke down every bit of me
You destroyed who I am
You abandoned me
You cannot expect me to be the woman
You wanted me to be when
You could not be the man
You claimed to be
You hypocrite
You are so bad for me
You still have a a hold on me
You will still be loved because unlike
You I keep my promises despite
You and despite what I do now
You will be loved
You were my first
You were suppose to be my last
You are now a ghost of us
You killed the future we saw
You killed the future I saw
You ripped them from my arms
You named them
You will never know them I won't either
You will never know my kiss again
You live in your dark shell
You will never leave it
You blamed me for the evil
You brought more of it with your anger
You brought more of it because
You could not forgive or trust
You

Why did I have to love such a beautiful monster?

We are nothing and everything.

I want to be in your arms
Having you hold me tight
As we say how we've missed each other
You'll kiss me for the second time
Not understanding how rare it is
For me to enjoy a kiss
Not understanding it's how I first knew
I had fallen in love with you
My dear friend with benefits
Whom I call baby cakes and honey bear
Who calls me princess and babe
Who shares I love you's and means them
As just as friends when I mean more
Who makes me call it love making
Who I believe and trust
You touch everywhere
Even the stretch marks
You want to see all of it
You call me beautiful and say how happy
That I always make you
We make love fast
And it is wondrous
My legs tremble
You love that they do
You ask if I'm okay
I'm timid and just nod furiously
You laugh and call me amazing
Telling me how tight I was
And I hold in tears
Because you're the only one to say it
We text after we part
Letting it all unfold
All the things we didn't do but wanted to
Repeating how amazing making love is
I smile and wish you knew how I felt
Wishing I could call you mine
But instead we talk about other suitors
And you tell me to be careful
You're so cautious and always worry
And I love it
You don't think I'm weird or crazy
Even though everyone else always has
You say I'm flawless and cute
You say I'm perfect
And I say you're perfect too
We are nothing and something
We are floating between
And I might love it.

I showed the pictures
Of the last sweet thing you did
You didn't remember

I still have them
They remind me
Why I kept holding on

One day
I hope I have the courage
To delete them

The way you deleted us.

"Oh me? I'm the best at loving all the right people at all the wrong times."

The truth of it is
That she still cries in the shower
Remembering you

She will love you
Forever and always
As she had always promised

She loved you throughout
So much pain

She loved you after lies
After cheating
After leaving

She loved you as infinitely as the stars

She misses you everyday too
But you're gone now

You stopped being the man she needed
And she stopped being the woman you wanted.

Whether I admit it or not
My heart is still a bit broken
And somehow with those pieces
Of a first love long lost
I have adventured
And begun the new story
Of me and another
Who whether realizing it or not
Has started to piece me back together
I may not be quite whole
But I'm much less broken without you.

I don't tell anyone
But I still miss you
Out of no where
I wish you were holding me
I miss you
More than my broken heart
Can ever fathom
I miss you
But you are gone
We are done
You have left me.

She finally found her anger
Buried deep beneath
A flawed love
She finally saw you
When another man
Showed her
Just how beautiful she was
And she wondered why
You could never
Make her feel as confident
As he makes her feel now
She wonders why you
Stayed for so long
When you were only loving
Her a little bit
He isn't even in love with her
And he looks at her
Like his whole world
Is displayed before him
He does not consume her body
But instead indulges
Takes every inch to cherish
To touch her everywhere
Even in places she hates
So she knows
Even the stretch marks
Are beautiful
Because she truly is
Inside and out
She is beautiful
And somewhere along the way
You stopped realizing that.