"I love you"

Words that make me soar,

Though I know they aren't true

I respond untruthfully with an

"I love you too"

I hear it in the breathe they take,
Not sympathy for the tears I cry,
Only aggravation,
"My friends"
They grow angry with me,
As I watch their agitation grow I realize I might be loosing them,
I might be loosing the best thing I've had,
It's kind of sad,
Knowing friends is the greatest joy I can ever have,
But even they fade,
And the moment they do I'll be alone again,
I always seem to end up alone,
Everything seems so temporary,
And nothing I do can change that,
All good fades,
And it seems the bad over stays it's welcome,
But it stays,
It's there even through the good moments,
Waiting for the good to end and bad to begin,
But it's okay,
It's all just temporary.

My apologies my dearest love,
I know I am not the prettiest,
I know I am not the smartest,
I know I am not athletic,
Nor am I comical,
But my darling love,
You have to see,
I will give you love even if you give hate,
I will kiss you on demand,
I will hug you even as you turn away,
I will hold your hand when you are afraid,
But my apologies my darling heart breaker,
I am sorry that I have love to give that you do not want,
I am sorry things have changed and your feelings are not the same,
My dearest love,
My darling hearty breaker,
My apologies.


(For all that I feel and all that I give.)

Hope,
It makes people wish for the best,
But through my life hope has always failed me,
I Hoped the sick would heal,
But instead they died,
I Hoped friends would stay,
But instead they left,
I Hoped love survived,
But instead it completely died,
Hope leads me to pain,
It has since the day I was born,
Hope it'll get better,
Hope I can change,
But in the end,
Hope fails me,
But never have I failed hope,
I keep believing,
I keep hoping,
Because one day,
Something has to change,
Something good has to happen.

Doesn't it?

I trust you,You are one of the only people I trust*
Those words,
Sending chills down my spine,
Your lips moving as each word is being emitted,
I always trusted you,
But now I see,
I never should have,
I never should have let you in,
Because after all the time we spent "In Love"
I discover it was all a lie,
You broke the trust,
You broke my illusion,
I finally stopped believing,
And that's when you walked away,
Once again leaving.

Like some kind of metamorphosis,
You changed so rapidly,
Once you were quiet,
Yet so abrupt,
Then you didn't care what the world thought,
Once you laughed with me,
Once you chuckled lightly with a smile spread wide,
Once you'd hug me,
Even kiss me,
But once this metamorphosis hit,
You've become cold and unwelcoming,
So restrained,
You listen to their lies about me,
You let the world decide for you,
Now the laughter,the chuckles and giggles,They are gone,
The smiles have faded,
No hugs or kisses,
Barely a glance,
Only receiving ignorance,
Now,Because of this change,
This One evil metamorphosis,
We are like are like strangers in the street,
All we have are the memories,
The ones you say meant nothing,
The only proof we know one another,
Is the look on your face when you see me,
Near disgust,
You put up your hood and run the moment you spot me,
Those moments hurt,
But it is proof you knew me,
But that was all before your metamorphosis,
That was when our memories meant everything,
Now they mean nothing,
At least to the one who changed....

Bad days with some tears is the way to go,
Not with fear,
Not with a knife,
Because right now I just wanna live life,
And with my will to fight,
I'll live on even if the light isn't always shining bright,
I will try and even when I fail,
I'll have a new tale,
Of my new power,
My face may be sour,
But at least I know I'm strong,
Though I waited long,
It was worth it in the end,
This completion I can't pretend,
So this real,
This is really how good I feel...

I'll walk into the dark abyss,
Truly there is nothing I'll miss,
Expect maybe your kiss,
The one I never had,
That thought makes me kinda sad,
Your everything I want,
But all you do is taunt me,
Your name,it haunts me,
But as I walk into the darkness with you on my mind,
I'll know there is no better adventure to find,
Because the greatest adventure I'll ever know is being with your kind heart,
The one I liked from the start...

For her it was agony,
For him it was sweet and blissful,
He lied so well,
She never assumed him as and evil master-mine,
But oh,
He planned,
He played her so well,
He knew she always loved him,
And he made sure he kept her on a leash,
He would lie,
Tell her he loved her,
Tell her she was his world,
And soon enough it was her world that came crumbling down,
He began to deny her,
Deny he ever loved her,
Deny what they were,
He said their first kiss meant nothing,
He said anything they ever had was nothing,
He ignored her and their memories,
And in the process,
Destroyed the one girl who loved him,
the one girl that actually gave a ****.

I'm not over you,
But this feeling isn't for you,
My love isn't for your heart,
It's for our memories,
The memories you so gleefully deny,
But I made myself remember,
I thought we could've been forever,
But after all my hopping I'm left with only a broken heart,
I'm so confused
You said you loved me,
And now your saying you never did,
Did I do something wrong?
You kissed me,
and now you won't even hug me
Did I make a mistake?
You use to be my best friend,
and now your a stranger avoiding me in the street,
Why?!
I'm sorry if I did something wrong,
But I guess there is not use for pleading,
No use for wishing,
Because now everything that was is gone,
I spent so much time stuck on you,
And now you make me feel like it was all wasted,
I just wish you understood.
I Just Miss Who You Use To Be.

What is this?
The smile that illuminates your face seems to illuminate mine,
Each moment we spend chatting of silly things this feeling grows,
Your dimples are so hypnotic,
I watch so carefully as you speak,
Paying special attention to the motion of those amazingly full lips,
But of course in those instances when you laugh I see those dimples and can't help but smile,
Your telling me we're flirting,
I was so unaware,
I wish you liked me,
Because I know since the moment I saw you I had a little crush,
And now each day it seems to grow just a little more,
And I can't seem to get you out of my mind,
But it's okay for now,
Because it's still making me smile...<3

Memories,
Each one precisely burned into my mind and heart,
Days we spent together,
So many memories,
So much heartbreak,
So many perfect moments that end horribly,
You were the first to say those three words,
It's hard to believe that your the first to deny them,
We were each others first kiss,
Kissing in the rain those days,
You told me those were special moments,
Now you say they were meaningless,
Where did the love go?
Your heart can't be that cold,
Even if it is
I wouldn't mind snuggling next to it,to keep it warm,
I thought you could give me love,
I thought our love could survive anything,
It seemed to survive time and distance,
So where did the love go?
Why am I alone now,left with only the memories of what was?
You were my first love,
My first kiss,
My first eevrything,
My first heartbreak.
Where did the love go?
What happened to our hugs,
Our kisses,
Our laughter,
Our smiles?
This is the end,
And all I got
Are Memories That Haunt Me,Experiences,One Less Friend And A Broken Heart That Trusts No One.

I'm scared,
this crush,
it makes me smile as little more each day,
and I'm scared you'll never like a girl like me,
but honestly I'm feeling some mixed signals,
But all I'm sure about is that when you smile at me I melt,
I melt at the sight of your amazing lips that I crave to kiss,
and I melt at those amazing dimples that always keep me so entertained,
This crush keeps me exhilarated,
This crush keeps me on edge,
I love every moment we laugh together,
And better yet,
I'm Starting To Love This Crush...

They've destroyed the place we met,
That school that we made the home of our meeting,
The hallways where we walked by one another,
Waving like idiots,
The tables we sat at,
Perfectly positioned so we could stare at one another,
The desks we learned in,
The one that were in perfect view so we could laugh even from across the room,
The door we stood by,
Patiently waiting for them to let us in,
The doors that we stood in front of so awkwardly in silence,
That's all destroyed.

Now all I have left is the place we walked to,
Up the street,
Behind another building,
The place where we shared hundreds of laughs,
And thousands of smiles,
That place,
On that step by some random door,
The one where we first kissed,
I remember the rain,
It was always light and cold,
Always,
As in the two days we visited that place,
The two days we actually kissed.
I think about that place all the time,
I loved it,
It had a essence unlike any other place I've ever been,
But Maybe It was just because the memories made,
The ones that have not yet been destroyed,
And even if they do,
I'll have my mind,hopefully for many years to come,
But even when that too perishes I will have these words,
These Words Of Our Special Place.

Loneliness,
So cold,
A wide-spread silence,
It reminds me of Winters first snow fall,
Moments that can be beautiful and peaceful,
But still the silence grows eerie,
And the cold reminds you of warmer places,
The Warmth of being with someone,
That thought alone saddens me,
Because I am alone,
And I will be,
During Winter at first snow fall,
I will be alone,
During Spring when flowers bloom and love lingers,
I will be alone,
During Summer when kids go out and play,
I will be alone,
During Fall when leaves change and fall to the ground,
I will be alone.
I will be alone through the seasons,
And through the years,
I suppose I'm bad company,
Perhaps not friend material,
And perhaps not lovable enough.

You make me smile so easily
almost as easy as the breeze on a fall day,
Effortless,
Knowing it's the least you can expect.

You let me write doodles on you,
Words that usually hurt,
Words about my former heartbreak,
But with you it doesn't hurt.

You call me your friend,
And I try and explain I can't be your friend
I'll like you,
Oops,
Too late for that.

Every time you laugh I see your dimples,
Indented so deep into your face,
I love them,
They draw the perfect amount of attention to your face,
Those gorgeous dimples help me see your lush lips,
Perhaps they'd like to meet mine one day.

Your one of the few people that aren't afraid to be seen with me,
To be seen talking and laughing with me,
Apparently to some I'm shameful,
But you just continue on making jokes,
Making me laugh.

Each moment I spend with you
I like you a little more,
Liking you has grown easy,
Your the kind of person that can make me happy,
I think your the only one that can make this loneliness fade,
So you should do me a favor and just stay,
Stay and keep the loneliness away.

Go Ahead continue on your way,
Continue Breaking me,
Treating me like trash,
Making me feel miniscule,
Making me feel inhuman,
And unlovable,
But while you do all those things to hurt me,
I'll be there reminding you,
While you tear my world apart,
I'll be whispering sweet lullabies based solely on our story

I'm still thinking about you,
Obviously still writing about you,
But why?!
You broke my heart,
You told me you loved me,
Now your saying it was all a lie,
Your saying it all meant nothing,
But your wrong,
I thought it was real,
That's how you made it feel,
It meant everything to me,
Kissing you in the rain those days meant everything,
Our daily hugs meant everything,
Our laughs and smiles meant everything,
Our friendship meant everything,
And now I can't have you,
I can't have you as a friend or anything more,
Because you won't allow it anymore,
But why?!
Did others tell you to do this,
Because only weeks ago you told me you cared,
You said we could be friends,
And now all I'm hearing from you is ignorance,
You tell the world you never loved me,
You won't even look or speak to me,
What did I do wrong?
I still don't know,
We haven't spoke anytime recently so what could I have said
Or done to make you do this?
Why do you always haunt my every waking moment,
and destroy the moments of joy I actually have...

Lying awake night after night,
So many thoughts being processed,
I tend to my desires,
Thinking of all the possibilities and all the outcomes,
They seem to end in a disaster,
Ha,
Just like everything in my life,
My aching heart tries putting in a word or two,
I just remind it what happened the last time I listened to it,
It got broken,
And so I try to focus in on the thoughts,
Each one making no sense,
Yet complete sense,
The bad thoughts mix in so well with the good ones,
So everything in me is all jumbled up,
And I lie there for hours trying to figure it out,
Figure out the things that make me happy,
And I realize it's all the things that make me sad,
The Love I want always perishes,
The load of responsibilities that is sometimes my escape only grows,
My Friends all fade and leave me alone,
My Life grows dimmer,
And piece by piece I see myself loosing everything,
And I know happiness is only temporary,
But that temporary time has yet to come,
And before I sleep I ask,
Will It Ever?

Today I discovered the truth,
I learned that every word was a lie,
Every moment I spent with you was wasted,
Your telling them You never loved me,
Then why did you tell me that so many times,
You tell them we were never together,
But they know we were,
You tell them our kisses and our hugs meant nothing,
Then why did you write me,
Saying you still remembered the way I kiss,
And my beautiful face,
Why did you tell me you still cared,
When it's obvious now,
You don't,
And maybe you never did.

My heart has no spare,
But no longer do you care,
I still remember the way you'd stare,
Your glare,
Bright like the sun,
You were just trying to make me feel like number one,
But our love is done,
Now your heart begins to ignore
All that we stood for,
After all your lies,
After all my cries,
We're out of tries,
I guess we're not meant to be,
Now we're only you and me,
No longer a we,
No longer sharing history,
And it seems no matter how hard I dream,
No matter my schemes,
You and I weren't meant to be.

I was only 7,
So was she,
Her illness came,
A tumor in her brain,
Killing her,
Making her slightly demented,
That explains why she beat me up,
She was my best friend,
And at 7 that meant everything to me,
The doctors,
They tried saving her,
But in reality it seemed like they were killing her,
At 7,
I watched her go through it all,
They shaved her hair,
I remember the stitches on her head,
Or maybe I'm making that up,
Her memories are buried,
But I remember how she gained weight,
The skinny little girl
Became an overweight,immobilized child,
Slowly my best friend couldn't walk,
Couldn't feed herself,
Couldn't bathe herself,
I watched as she died,
I went to her wake,
Her lifeless body,purple and cold,
I placed a note in her coffin,
To this day I'm unsure what I wrote in it,
I hope something comforting,
I went to her funeral,
And I didn't cry,
I remember feeling bad about it,
But I was just remembering the good times,
When we ran around the hospital getting candy in the store,
So unaware,
When we dressed up for Halloween,
And when we shared a bed,
We are still best friends,
Best friends even in the grave.

I wish I could explain it,
But I'm so confused,
My heart it aches each and everyday,
I've let go,
At at least mostly,
But when I'm alone your face flashes by in my mind,
Then I remember it all,
Our friendship that became love,
I remember our story,
Our hugs,
Our kisses,
Our laughs,
Our smiles,
I start remembering how much you meant,
Remembering when you loved me,
I wish you never let go,
I wish you would hug me,
But these days,
Just a hello would do,
A hello I may never get.

I look into peering eyes,
They automatically look away,
I see who they are,
I see who they pretend to be,
They don't take the time out of their precious fake lives.

They don't  see me,
They don't Peer into my eyes and see
The Darkness that is harnessing in me,
They see a smiling,Or Plain girl,
Not attractive or Popular,
Just Plain,
They don't see how I'm dying inside,
They don't see the loneliness killing me.

This feels so wrong,
But I cannot control it,
I need new experiences perhaps,
This dream,
I have it every couple of weeks,
It use to be the faces of teen girls I did not know,
But now it is my friends,
I dream of kissing them,
and it seems the longer I put off this urge,
The more passionate the dreams get,
I can't get the images of kissing another girl off my mind,
The thought won't fade,
Maybe I'm just lonely,
But this urge has haunted me
even when life is busy,
Maybe this is real,
Maybe I'm not just into Men,
Maybe I'm into Women too.

The only love I've known
Is a love that to this day breaks my heart,
Loving him,
It was so cold,
Like a blizzard in the of middle winter,
Freezing yet beautiful,
He loved me,or did he?
I'm still not sure,
All I know is that he won't even look my way,
I sometimes see him even running away,
Not even a hello,
If your wondering what I did wrong I'll tell you,
I might've mentioned him to my friends,
I guess they asked if he knew me,
And he replied"No." ?!
Such a liar,
And I loved him!
I still do,
The only difference now
is I don't want to,
I would do anything to forget him,
All he did was hurt me,
I can't stand remembering,
Not anymore.

I remember when I would dream of you,
It use to make my heart ache,
If I dream of you now,
It probably still would,
Not because I want you,
But because the dreams remind me,
Remind me of all that we had,
Everything that has turned to dust,
All the words,
All lies!
They broke me so quickly,
They forced me to runaway,
Run to my dreamland,
I tried to make the pain fade,
But all it did was stay,
You will always be my heart-breaker,
I can't change it,
And maybe you can't either.

I know this crush can't be anything more,
But when I look at you I see you look at me,
It sends chills down my spine and all I can do Is smile.

I know this crush is kinda new,
But the moment I met you I thought about how cute you were,
and just today I thought about how nice your lips were,
I wondered how they'd feel against mine,
The thought made me smile and laugh,
It made me happy.

I know this crush has just grown
But when your sitting next to me my hands grow shaky,
The words I'm trying to write come out so sloppy,
Your copying my words down though,
I find it amazing you can read it,
I know I barely can.

I know I barely know you
But when I was having my own little freak out,
You tried to make it better,
We're not even real friends,
But you can still make me smile and still make me laugh,
All you have to do is be in the same room,
This crush,
If that's what I'm suppose to call it,
Why won't it go away,
It just stays,
And it scares me,
because my heart is aching less,
and my mind seems to have your name roaming wildly.

I guess it's okay you don't love me anymore,
I'll find someone else to kiss me,
I'll find someone else to be my best friend,
I'll find someone else to hug me,
I'll find someone else to love me.


But Inside I'll know,
They can't compare
To the way you kissed me,
To the way you were there for me,
To the way you hugged me,
Or to the way you loved me.

I was Naive,
Foolish,
So easily tricked into believing anything,
I didn't see the heartbreak waiting for me in the end,
But there is was,
And now all I can do
Is try to put my life back together again
It feels impossible but I want it so badly,
Maybe one day someone can come along
And fix what others decided to break.

Endless nights,
Remembering each torturous moment,
I remember when I loved each one,
That was before you tore my world apart
Repeatedly,
Was it fun?
While you sat and planned on the destruction of my heart
I sat and thought of our memories,
Meeting you I automatically knew how I'd love you,
You didn't care no matter how much I warned you,
I guess I needed the warning,
You were my best friend,
Now you're the lucky ******* who got to forget while sat and suffered remembering every moment,
You hugged me and for so long it made me scream,
Each part of me exhilarated while my hairs stood on edge,
Those memories once made me smile,
Once made me heart warm but now it only makes me ache
The first time we kissed
The rain drizzled around us,
I remember so clearly jumping back,
But what I remember even more is you moving closer to kiss me again,
You walked away soon after that day,
I remember how you called me a while after that,
Telling me you loved me,
What's changed?
Because this heart still feels the same,
You forgot?
I'll remind you,
You stopped loving me?
Then maybe you never did,
I'm still the girl you loved,
Your still the boy I loved,
So why ignore me,
Why run?
Your confusing me,
I'm regretting meeting you,
Even more I'm regretting loving you,
If I could I would take it back,
If only I could...

I'm hoping our memories will one day mean nothing to me,
But I know they already mean nothing to you,
I'm hoping one day I really won't love you anymore,
But I know you already stopped loving me,
I'm hoping one day I won't daydream about confiding in you,
I'm hoping one day the tears I cry won't be for you,
I'm hoping one day I can say I let go and actually mean it,
I hate loving you and I hope one day I won't.
Loving you is like loving Satan
Except I think it hurts more loving you.

"I don't care about you anymore,your free of me"
I care more than I want,I wish you'd tell me you loved me,Like you use to
"I've stopped loving you,Just like you stopped loving me"
I am in love with you as I was the day I met you,And I wish you loved me the same way
"Our memories are worthless now,You made that clear"
I can't help remembering each one,Remembering our kisses in the rain and our hugs,don't you remember."
"You don't have to look at me again,I can walk away right now and never look back"
If I walk away,I'd want you to chase me and if you didn't know I'd be crying myself to sleep because of you"
"You sicken me when you ignore me,I never did anything wrong"
No you don't sicken me when you ignore me,you break me"
"Can you see what we were you never want us to again be,"*
I wish you could see how I'm dying inside,I wish you understood how badly I need you,how I've always needed you

You never cared,
I was only your game,
Seems like you've won,
Was this your master plan
Tearing my world apart?!
You heartless *******,
I wish I never met you,
***** the good memories
They all lead to this disaster,
You've made me weak far too long,
No longer will I love you!
I can't continue to watch as my world falls apart,
Even if it's already begun,
and nearly impossible to stop,
I'll try,
I always try,
But so often do I fail,
I still try to put on my brave face and pretend it's all okay,
But isn't obvious how I'm dying inside?
My heart is now old and weary,
Useless for loving,
Impossible for being loved,
Are you proud?!
You ruined my life,
and if I am never happy again the only person I'll blame,
Is YOU.

This undesired love,
It lives for you,
Though I've grown to hate it,
I hate how our memories still roam my mind,
Making my heart still ache,
I don't want to want you,
But my heart still whispers your name while I sleep,
Still your face sends a nervous apocalypse running through my body,
But now I see my love for you has made me crazed,
And I might have been over excited,
And now you ignore me,
Ignore our history,
Ignore those sweet words you wrote to me only 2 months ago,
What happened?
You use to call me,
You would tell me you love me,
You use to hug me for minutes at a time,
The only days we kissed,
It rained,
So I'm sorry if my love has been driving you crazy,
I know I come on a little strong,
But even if you never want me like you use to,
Can at least have my best friend back?
Can't I say "Hi"
Please let me back in,
Because I'm falling to pieces all over again.

Temporarily giving up on love,
More like giving up on loving you,
Look at these scars all over my body,
They weren't there before I met you,
Now look at me,
Weak and lonely,
I just want to love and be loved,
But In this world,
For a girl like me,
It's never gonna happen,
So many liars,
So many cheaters,
So many scared of commitment,
So many people in this world,
And I guarantee not one was made for me.

Locked away,
Trapped,
Silently Hurting,
No Longer Dreaming,
Only Wanting,
But Never Receiving,
My Heart,
Empty And Hollow,
Hopeful And Doubtful,
My Heart,
Only Slightly Whole.