Scattered thoughts,
Incomplete sentences,
Partial ideas,
Broken words,
Unable to explain,
All that comes to mind clearly is frustration,
And I continue with it,
My mind is flustered,
So many thoughts,
So many wants,
Needs,
Desires,
So many impartial moments.

Not even language can keep love apart,not for long.

Love took my life,
It made me this weak nothing,
Trust left a broken heart,
I have become the darkness,
Light has been killed,
His dark aura ****** everything out of me,
Apologies did no good,
Memories launched into never ending action,
Something whole is now incomplete,
Something human became monsterous

We live a life of secrecy,
It is not our choice,
Society makes us outcasts,
Some do not accept us,
Others judge us,
We are true to ourselves,
We were born this way,
We are gay,
Lesbians,
Bisexuals,
Transgender,
*******,
We are drag queens,
We are weird,
Different,
Original,
We are true,
No one can change that,
Whether they judge,
Scream.
Yell,complain,
Or refuse us,
We will stand tall,
And we will be strong.

Perfect Strangers in the street,
Admiring the other with passionate eyes.

Shot with words,
Enemies to a stranger,
How dare that wicked girl be his,
I love him and now I am left,
I'm abandoned by his desire,
Pain is all consuming,
Darkness covers the light,
And at times I hate him,
But love and hate are too similar,
One strong feeling towards another,
I love him,
I hate him,
It's all about him,
Not me,
Not the unlovable girl waitingin the dark.

Tears pouring from her red eyes,
Her heart beaten to a pulp,
No part of her is whole,
Emptiness consumes her every breath,
Love changed her,
Hopes turned evil,
No longer alive inside,
She slips under,
Her numbness keeps her hidden,
She is unlovable,
She is no one,
She Is Me.

One Crack,
One seem and everything crumbles,
Behind the crack everything has fallen,
Pieces are collapsing,
Soon something sturdy will be dust,
Something that kept you safe will hurt you,
Things fall apart,
Life leaves only the dust,
Reminders of the losses are everywhere,
The world won't let you forget,
You must carry the pain,
And you must let strength find you,
One day after the cracks have crumbled
And the safety has faded
You will find strength

Or it will find you.

A Look Can Ignite The Flame,
Embers become fires with only words,
This fire is losing control,
A hug,
A kiss,
A touch,
And three words,
And I might just start a forest fire,
The heat that radiates off me may be the end of us all,
In your presence the world will not have a cold day,
With you near I will never need warmth,
I will always need one thing,
You,
So you can warm the cold
And bring light to the darkness,
I Just Need You,
No Matter What The Flames May Do.

He's nice,
Funny,
Cute,
Kind,
And Caring,
But He's Gay.

You asked me to draw a heart on your face,
But for me it is a sign of my love,
That would mean close contact,
While that excites me it makes me nervous too,
The truth is no matter what I still dream of you,
You have magical powers to lighten up my day,
Feelings though may not be returned,
You have another girl to caress,
To hold close,
To kiss,
To love,
And I don't really matter,
I'm just some girl who is hoplessly in love,
I'm just a girl,
Nothing special,
But she must be,
Because she has you.

I thought about you today,

About us,

The kisses shared,

The hand held,

The friend I had,

Today I thought about you,

About you and her,

The kisses shared,

The hugs,

The friendship,

Today I thought about you,

About what changed,

About how I messed up,

Today I thought about
             me
             and
             you
             and
             her,

And how lucky she is,

And how sorry I am.

I sit outside of the circle typing my words,
Thinking of my best friend and the love of my life,
Together,
I think of the person who can make it better,
But won't,
I think of the loneliness,
and I think of the agony building up in me,
And I am about ready to EXPLODE.

"I'm happy for you"
(But I'm not happy)
"Congrats"
(On having what I lost)
"He's a good kisser"
(I would know)
"I always knew you'd be with him"
(My heart and fear told me so)
"I can't believe you haven't kissed yet"
(But I'm glad you haven't)
"I'm okay with it"
(But I'm not,I'm just dealing with it.)

Put on a smile and pretend that it's all okay.

The wind is blowing secrets,
There is a history only my heart knows,
I am unsure if this is jealousy,
Or can it be that it is only hate,
My heart has bubbled up with this agony,
At any moment I may explode,
The true feelings may escape,
They can destroy everything,
They can make fear become horror,
And it can turn care into hate,
I must keep these feeling locked up,
My hurt and betrayl will go unspoken,
The Truth Will Only Be Know In My Heart.

Everyone has walked away,
They turned their back on me,
At my darkest time the world left me,
I was a wandering soul with no one,
Love betrayed me,
It took away my friends,
My joy and hope too,
I have been abandoned,
The truth has cursed me and outcast,
I am nothing now,
I am only the unlovable,
The invisible and the lonely dreamer,
to the world I am a girl,
the world knows I am weak,
One day when my heart has healed I'll show them,
They'll see love is evil,
they will see I too can find light in the dark.

Does it matter who we love?
Does it matter who we think of?
We should be free to choose,
To love and learn to lose,
Equal rights for all,
Our group isn't so small,
We are just like you,
Our love can be true too,
We will not change,
Don't cut our lives back a page,
We are people,
Let us marry on the same steeple.
We won't give up our fight,
Not until the law says our love is right.

There was a time when silence was ruler,
when hearts dictated everything,
this day I declare hearts weak,
they put on a facade,
in reality they are nothing,
they can be broken hurt and can't always heal,
hearts were once powerful,
but they were foolish and allowed love entrance,
love decided to work against them,
slowly love broke them each apart,
now hearts are weaklings and love is key,
love cannot die,
it is strong even when not returned,
love will live,
even when hearts break.

With a hug came an explosion of joy,
being in your arms for even seconds,
I could not shake the comfort from your embrace,
I had all I would ever need yet I yearned for more,
Just the gentlest of kisses,
Just the smallest of forbidden touches,
Love will help me pursue my desires,
Love is strong and fights,
My broken heart tries to walk away,
It is weak and sad,
Eventually I will break through,
Eventually I will be with you.

Whisper a sweet symphony of secrets,
I will capture the words and keep them close,
Your caressing words will get me through the night,
My dearest of loves tell me ,
Tell me of our future,
Give me hope of all we can be,
I will not give you up for all the money in the world,
My love is not a childish feeling,
This is real and my heart erupts at the sight of you,
I desire your touch and warmth,
Tell me you'll stay,
My love of all loves I promise to keep the sorrow away.

In the pit of me I knew it would end.

You cherished your zombie games,
you loved grabbing your virtual shotgun,
now let me take a turn at your game,
let me take that gun,
I will aim it at your heart
I will shoot,
my broken heart will be avenged,
one bullet seems fair,
then be my zombie
so I can shoot away the pain you caused.


I May Never Stop Shooting.

Silence in the mist of love,
catostrophic moments surround us,
flirting becomes meaningless,
glorious stares become painful moments,
she is yours,
one fact and I'm left in the dirt,
agony cascading thoughts of you,
love cannot be killed so easily,
the green eyed monster rules,
A charcoled and severed heart,
a what if becomes a if only,
an ending without a conclusion,
a love that doesn't die
and a broken heart yet to heal.

The worst story ever told
Is the story of your first love,
And how he ended up with your best friend.

Dear Heart,
I will **** you,
You have fallen for only fools,
I will strike in silence,
I declare only hatred for the pain you've caused,
How dare you,
You ****** abyss of nothing,
You are the worhtlessness in me,
You are the center of pity inside of me,
With each beat my hate only grows,
Dear heart,
Your death will come,
And it will hurt.

Ancient loves killed,
New ones go uncreated,
Trapped by the abyss of lonliness,
There is no freedom here,
This is a judgemental place,
Love is not free,
There is always a darkness we don't see.

Everything falls to pieces,
These pieces no longer fit,
They no longer wish to belong,
Love is the evil running through me,
Hate is in each breath and beating of my heart,
I will be forgotten,
These stories will be abandoned,
There will be no end.

Your the only guy I've ever told the truth to,
The only guy where I put myself out there,
I love you,
And your the only one that I would take risks for,
I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
You may never want me,
But I'm here,
You can hold me close or keep me far
But love is love and I love you,
I don't usually ask for a kiss,
But I did,
I blame it on the warmth radiating from your skin,
I blame it on your lips,eyes,dimples and your heart,
I fell for it all,
And I'll keep taking these risks
Because your worth any consequences,
The truth though is it hurts loving you,
Loving you was a risk and the pain was the consequence,
It's too late now and I'm not letting go,
I don't have much of a choice,
Just know I love you,
Always.

Our time has ended,
my love still burns,
I have to say good-bye,
this is my farewell my love,
for tomorrow I will not be here,
for tomorrow my love will die,
without my love I do not exsist,
so my dearest of loves,
my reason for life,
this is my good-bye.

*Good-bye

Weakness posses you,
Overcomes the darkness within and all life is ****** out of you,
Joy can occur but still there is a force holding you down,
And you seem to be drowning,
Reaching for help where none can be given.
How sad can a happy life get?
Behind the curtain lies a sccared and traumatized person,
Her wounds will not heal for internal wounds have branded her,
Every breath she took reminded her of the past,
Of all the pain,
The let downs,
The wrong choices and the words unspoken.
To believe I am this girl,
I am you breaks me,
For what am I but a fool,
I can't see all the good because I'm blinded by the sorrow,
I am weak and there is no mercy for me,
I fall to pieces by the simplest of acts,
I am nothing in the world of somethings,
To be worthless in the whirlpool of worthy lives.
Can no one feel my pain?
Am I truly that alone?
Truly I am,I am.

They say love can be poison,
I'd die for it.

I have seen the want in your eyes and then I watched it dissapate,
I denied you entrance,
But granted you permission straight into my heart,
You left the girl who wanted you,
I thought you would be the kinder type,
I figured you would be there once I spoke honestly,
But like every other guy who wants one thing
You left when you couldn't have it.

I have to say good-bye,
I have to let go,
It hurts more and more the longer I hold on,
But the want over powers me,
I am suffocating in a pool of desires,
I can only try to drag myself out,
But I have a hard time letting go,
I need to break this spell,
I need to stop loving you,
My desires have me abandoning ship,
They have me on edge and I'm ready to fall,
I have to say good-bye,
Farewell,
See ya later,
Or not.

As children we watch the world changing,
We see all the things the elders are exchanging,
But as a child we watch so many leave,
We loose our faith and our ability to believe,
We search for one pair of hands that won't let go,
The faith is lost and we hit our low,
We search for someone to just stay,
Someone to love us and not walk away,
The bright creatures we are turn to sorrow,
We can barely hope for a better tomorrow,
Sick of being hurt,
Sick of being treated like dirt,
We try to break free,
Try to have our own special personality,
We try to grow up fast,
And just forget our lonely past.

You try to make it okay,
Try to make me laugh,
Try to make me smile
But all you have to do is wipe away the tears.
Give me an **** hug
And put your hand in mine.
I want you,
I need your raw skin to match mine,
I have such a desire to feel your warmth,
Please come closer,
Just stay,
Just be the only person not to walk away.

To tell your life story is like giving yourself away,
But truly you are just trying to be set free,
Your trying to have a handle on reality,
Life cascades around you,
Facts you wish were only dreams remain true,
Life is breaking you down,
Your swallowed whole by your own frown,
I reach for your hand but you let go,
And I watch as you hit your all time low,
Saving you is something I'm no longer capable of,
You refuse me and my love,
It's okay I'll stick around and listen,
I watch you tell your story and smile as your face has a certain glisten,
And I'll hope telling me the pain will make it okay,
I promise to stay,
I promise to hear each word,
I promise your story won't go unheard,
You'll soon be free,
I'll be happy to share some of my glee.

You always make everything okay,So please promise you'll stay.

Loving you was once precious and the light it gave once let me bask in the glow,
Now I realize how you've destroyed all the possible sucess I could've acheived,
You are not an angel like I once claimed you were,
Now in my eyes you are only one of Satans spawns,
You try to repair it all but you only make it worse,
You think I don't know the truth,
Like I'm some sort of ****** fool?!
I know better than to play by your rules,
This time when you try to "fix things"
I'll say "***** YOU" and walk away,
And when I go don't expect me to come back,
Not for you,
Hell no.

I heard somwhere that first loves never die,
But if that is so what were we?
Once upon a time I loved you,
I thought you loved me too,
But you were playing with my heart,
You left me defenseless and alone,
You can't destroy someone,
You can't change a person
and still expect them to be okay with "friends?"

Fear riding me,
Nerves on edge,
Excitement waiting in hopes of this,
Patience is ending,
Hope is beginning,
I need the words to be true,
I need my love to only be you,
I want you to love me too.
Is this all a game?
Was it all a lie?
I guess I just have to try,
I have to hold onto love,
Hold onto hope.
And promise not to let go.

Pain Was Easy,It Was Letting Go That Was Hard.

Love Was Always For Suckers,You Made Me A Sucker.

You,
Me,
Together?
I demand more,
****** me,
Make me yours,
Take control,
Don't let me go,
Don't walk away,
Just stay,
Just keep your smile so I can keep mine,
Never forget our tender moments,
Never regret our time

I won't.

Tick Tock*

The clock ticks on by but I'm running,
Running out of time.
Love was started and I watch it ending.
Why does all die in time?

I try to let all go as planned,
To let fate take it's palce,
But I need things to change,
Even more I need to escape,
I pry at the clock,
It freezes,
And for a moment I can let go,
I can forget and in a moment I am free,
No longer trapped by time,
No longer trapped by the horrible fate that would've come if time didn't freeze.

The warmth you give off circulates the room,
It covers me in satisfaction
And that's just what you do,
You satisfy,
The simplest of touches sending me soaring,
Truly you are the master of love,
But truly the master of my heart.

Your essence fills me and I don't want it to go,
I need you to be close,
I need you because you supply me with goodness,
I go to you for warmth and protection,
You keep me happy and feeling good.

I won't let go,
Not now,
And maybe if I hope hard enough dreams with come true,
Maybe then I would have you,
Maybe then you would love me,
Just once,
If only for a moment.

Flirtatous laughter,
A giggle in reply,
A relationship in the making,
But truly dreams are only dream,
So for enjoyment I live in dreamland now.

So caught up in the creativity of my mind,
I can dream of the boy that will never leave me,
I can't have him reality but here he's mine.

We can fall in love,
Then we can make love,
Comfort is always found in his presence,
Real or not he makes me complete,
And though dreams are only dreams it's as close as I could ever get to him.

One day I'll have to leave dreamland,
One day dreams won't satisfy me.
Until then I will ravish in the sweet dreams of he and I,
With sorrow hidden with the knowledge of all that will never be real.